Today, I spotted my girlfriend in a store. She didn't notice me, so I went behind her, put my hands over her eyes, and said "Guess who." I got an elbow to the groin and mace to the face. While I was rolling on the ground in pain, she simply said, "Serves you right" and walked away. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, my girlfriend snuck up behind me to cover my eyes and play "guess who." The second her hands touched my face, I grabbed her, twisted her wrists, and kneed her to the floor out of instinct. FML
Today, My girlfriend came from behind me and put her hand in my back pockets. I though it was someone trying to take my wallet, I elbowed her in the nose and broke it. FML
Today, my girlfriend came over to my place unannounced. She slapped me in the face, said, "You son of a bitch." and stormed off. I have no idea what that was for. FML
Today, I wanted to prank my girlfriend by giving her a jump scare. Right before I tried to scare her in an empty parking lot, she turned towards me, pepper-sprayed me in the eyes and kicked me in the balls. When she realized it was me, she called me an asshole and dumped on the spot and drove away. FML
Today, my girlfriend totally emasculated me and made me a laughing stock when we got mugged and, instead of just handing over her purse like the guy said, she took out a stun gun and used it on him while I freaked out and cried. Now all my friends are laughing at me. FML
Today, I went to the mall with my girlfriend to buy some new clothes, and I turned around to give her a quick kiss. My lips were half-way to "her" face when I saw instead the face of another lady. She slapped me. My girlfriend was standing next to me, very pissed off. FML
Today, I was in school when I spotted my girlfriend in the hallway. I wanted to be all romantic and grab her like guys do in movies. I grabbed her wrist forcefully and pulled her out of the crowd. As I quickly leaned in to kiss her, I broke her nose. FML
Today, my girlfriend's ex punched me so hard in the face, I couldn't see straight. But I got up anyway. I lunged at him, and nailed him in the jaw. Turns out I'd in fact just knocked out my girlfriend the on-looker. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I got into a heated argument at a house party. To avoid a huge scene, I pulled her into another room, during which I managed to trip over my feet and faceplant the floor. She shouted, "Hah! That's what you get!" Now everyone thinks she beat the shit out of me. FML
Today, I tickled my girlfriend, and her first reflex was to swing her elbow back and break my nose. FML
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Top comments
TAHK 11
I wonder if she knows you're her boyfriend
Iamnotmyself 17
*Her lawyer pops out of nowhere* "Anything my client says in the next 72 hours is not legally binding."
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Comments (166)
dansco 25
You can do that in houses but in a store?! Serves you right idiot! Good job it was her or you'd be in jail...
fashionbug9880 22
Hell, I would've hit you too! NEVER do that to someone! I would hit you but I wouldn't just walk off, I would help you up and ask if you're okay.
Goodlife918975 6
that would suck
skyorpia101 4
I think she was trying to say u two are through
larryshere 4
woah, god help u in bed with her!
deadbabyjesus 2
what a **** to not check on you afterwards!
Koolgirl15 0
Wtf? Break up with the bitch!
emmet88 3
what a bitch, dump the poxy trollop
aback 5
Wait...you *want* a girlfriend who lets strangers touch her?
mrfuzzywiggles 11
YDI for dating a bitch