Today, I spotted my girlfriend in a store. She didn't notice me, so I went behind her, put my hands over her eyes, and said "Guess who." I got an elbow to the groin and mace to the face. While I was rolling on the ground in pain, she simply said, "Serves you right" and walked away. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, my girlfriend snuck up behind me to cover my eyes and play "guess who." The second her hands touched my face, I grabbed her, twisted her wrists, and kneed her to the floor out of instinct. FML
Today, My girlfriend came from behind me and put her hand in my back pockets. I though it was someone trying to take my wallet, I elbowed her in the nose and broke it. FML
Today, my girlfriend came over to my place unannounced. She slapped me in the face, said, "You son of a bitch." and stormed off. I have no idea what that was for. FML
Today, I wanted to prank my girlfriend by giving her a jump scare. Right before I tried to scare her in an empty parking lot, she turned towards me, pepper-sprayed me in the eyes and kicked me in the balls. When she realized it was me, she called me an asshole and dumped on the spot and drove away. FML
Today, my girlfriend totally emasculated me and made me a laughing stock when we got mugged and, instead of just handing over her purse like the guy said, she took out a stun gun and used it on him while I freaked out and cried. Now all my friends are laughing at me. FML
Today, I went to the mall with my girlfriend to buy some new clothes, and I turned around to give her a quick kiss. My lips were half-way to "her" face when I saw instead the face of another lady. She slapped me. My girlfriend was standing next to me, very pissed off. FML
Today, I was in school when I spotted my girlfriend in the hallway. I wanted to be all romantic and grab her like guys do in movies. I grabbed her wrist forcefully and pulled her out of the crowd. As I quickly leaned in to kiss her, I broke her nose. FML
Today, my girlfriend's ex punched me so hard in the face, I couldn't see straight. But I got up anyway. I lunged at him, and nailed him in the jaw. Turns out I'd in fact just knocked out my girlfriend the on-looker. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I got into a heated argument at a house party. To avoid a huge scene, I pulled her into another room, during which I managed to trip over my feet and faceplant the floor. She shouted, "Hah! That's what you get!" Now everyone thinks she beat the shit out of me. FML
Today, I tickled my girlfriend, and her first reflex was to swing her elbow back and break my nose. FML
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Top comments
TAHK 11
I wonder if she knows you're her boyfriend
Iamnotmyself 17
*Her lawyer pops out of nowhere* "Anything my client says in the next 72 hours is not legally binding."
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Comments (166)
BeatlesObsessed 12
I can imagine the security camera man cracking up.
Monkeyone 0
Fail
igotfirst 0
I can see them breaking up. And that wouldn't end well for him either, judging by what she does to people.
lilwaynerockz_fml 12
are you an idiot?
magaliwoodrock 19
girl power
_Sophia_ 14
Seems a bit extreme, maybe you pissed her off earlier?
GayBaconStrip 0
... Why does your girlfriend carry mace?
mattsan1992 0
she was raped as a child
xxsarahfxx 6
they might just live in a bad town.
Molly_Amanda 11
that was just stupid, YDI.
Jirekianu2 19
so if you tried to do that to your boyfriend and he turned around and slugged you or did a martial arts throw and said "you deserved that" and walked off with no sympathy it would be okay?
sourgirl101 29
I guess she can't recognize your voice. I can understand pulling away fast to see who you were but a nut hit and mace? She must really hate people invading her personal space!
fthku 13
Just because it was OP's "fault", doesn't mean he particularly deserves it. He was just trying to surprise his girlfriend. I understand it can get scary, but this FML just ridiculously outlines the double standards of some people here. She elbowed him, maced his face, AND after realising it's him did nothing but walk away and say "serves you right"? not even concerned about him? That is very extreme- and it would still be so even if it wasn't her boyfriend.
horrorfreak79nj 2
You should separate from her while you have the chance. Afterwards, continue reminding her how unstable she is & how no one will ever love her.
mandaboo 8
Hahahahaha, loved this
horrorfreak79nj 2
Thanks ! Sometimes a lil' tough love & a tender kick to some whacked-out drama queen's head is all that's needed. I can only hope the OP took my advice ...