Geek: Today, I spent 20 minutes arguing with the class dipshit, trying... - FML

By Donutsarelife - 19/11/2014 15:09 - United States

Today, I spent 20 minutes arguing with the class dipshit, trying to convince her that wifi hot-spots are not in fact saunas powered by wifi. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 015

You deserved it 3 944

Hiding from the drama

Dementia or hate? You decide

Triage

By kaycie_lynn - 19/02/2010 01:11 - United States

Today, I chuckled at a "no smoking" sign as I lit my cigarette. I bent my head down to light it and somehow managed to light my hair on fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 755

You deserved it 71 455

By Marcela - 18/03/2009 13:47 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was taking a shower with my new boyfriend for the first time. Last night was the first night we spent together. As I was washing my hair, I looked down at my feet and noticed yellow water. Some of the warm water I felt on my feet was not from the shower head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 107 006

You deserved it 19 610

By hatemyjob - 23/06/2011 18:13 - United States

Today, I discovered that even though I now have a key to get into the office, I don't know the code to shut off the alarm system. I showed up early. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 675

You deserved it 4 030

By varsity soccer player - 19/08/2011 21:08 - United States

Today, I had my first day of soccer tryouts. We began with a two mile run. Trying to be honest for once, I didn't lie about my time. Everyone else did. I thus got the worst score, and had to run it again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 189

You deserved it 4 533

By sausages - 17/01/2014 20:56 - Macedonia - Skopje

Today, I went to get my first tattoo. Before we started, the tattooist told me to just relax and embrace the pain. I guess I did that too well; I kept getting an erection throughout. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 009

You deserved it 8 380

By maddyUnderstood - 31/05/2019 00:00

Today, I went into a job interview for Quizno's. The boss there talked to me for an hour and half about everything on God's green earth. She noticed I was a certified swim instructor. I left Quizno's with no job, but with an appointment to teach the boss how to swim tomorrow at 9 a.m. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 720

You deserved it 161

By Anonymous - 03/11/2009 19:49 - United States

Today, while I was driving out of the student parking lot I saw people laughing. Then the old security lady yelled for me to stop. She told me my books were on the top of my car but one had already fallen off. I looked in my rearview mirror and saw all of my school papers flying everywhere. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 971

You deserved it 31 219

By Lady - 04/11/2018 14:00

Today, I found out that my mother has been telling everyone that my fiancé and I are having a "shotgun wedding" because we plan to get married quickly. She didn't realize that means that the bride is pregnant, which I'm not. I have no idea what to do with the baby gifts I'm receiving. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 390

You deserved it 217

By mike - 04/09/2011 17:05 - United States

Today, I was digging in the backyard when my mom came out, nodded her head approvingly, and with a straight face told me it was good practice for when I inevitably go to prison. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 090

You deserved it 4 507

By dmlk - 10/12/2008 11:09 - France

Today, and for the third time this week, my bank manager called me to tell me that my account is still overdrawn. He doesn't seem to understand that my wages always get paid at the end of the month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 964

You deserved it 5 102

By theonlychildd1 - 02/08/2011 23:46 - United States

Today, a friend from work threw a party. We each had to dress up as a deceased celebrity. I thought it'd be a perfect time to dress up as Marilyn Monroe. When I arrived to the party, my boss said, "But... Rosie O'Donnell isn't dead." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 359

You deserved it 6 638

By hahahah111 - 25/05/2009 07:43 - United States

Today, my mom was driving me somewhere. As we were driving she got mad at a motorcycle driver telling to "get the fuck off the road." In response, the driver decided to spit into my open window. His spit landed on my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 675

You deserved it 4 249

By BannedfromFriend - 20/05/2015 23:21 - United States

Today, I was at my best friend's house, listening to him complain about his mother remembering all the bad stuff he did when he was in high school. I jokingly said, "An elephant never forgets." Guess who was behind me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 784

You deserved it 10 877

By Anonymous - 24/11/2016 13:17 - United States - New York

Today, on Thanksgiving, I asked my kid what she is thankful for. "My tablet." I had just told her I was thankful for her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 683

You deserved it 2 239

Judgmental people are the worst

By samantha - 09/03/2021 16:59

Today, I was called a horrible excuse for a mother just for buying formula for my baby. I just don’t produce any milk of my own. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 267

You deserved it 71

By Anonymous - 30/06/2014 11:40 - Australia - Applecross

Today, my daughter asked me how long she had to put her 2-minute noodles in the microwave for. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 293

You deserved it 7 743

By fishingforubies2 - 24/07/2015 14:02 - Aruba - Oranjestad

Today, it was my first day working at a library. I expected it to be fun and peaceful, not to end up having to call the cops on a guy who started jerking off into a book. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 906

You deserved it 1 831

By guest - 19/06/2014 01:14 - United States - Agoura Hills

Today, I became the town racist for saying "black" instead of "African-American". I'm black. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 675

You deserved it 5 545

By porkeater - 16/07/2009 15:02 - United States

Today, we went up for visitor's day for my son's Jewish summer camp. We don't keep kosher, but most of his fellow campers do. When we went around in the circle saying our favorite foods, he said, "my mom makes the best pork chops." We got dirty looks for the rest of the day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 277

You deserved it 13 595

By ActuallyDoneFor - 10/11/2018 10:30 - Canada - Saint Albert

Today, my boyfriend and I had a friend over. This friend was talking about how 2 girls were trying to get with him. My boyfriend says "I wouldn't ever fuck the blonde one, but I would do the other one in a heartbeat." Then, realizing what he said, he hesitantly added "...if I was single." FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 234

You deserved it 397

By Amber - 28/05/2013 23:42 - United States - Oroville

Today, I had to make a poster for social studies. I decided to write "Nice ass" in hieroglyphics. Turns out my teacher can read hieroglyphics. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 625

You deserved it 52 335

By Anonymous - 15/05/2018 01:30

Today, I really had to pee at work and rushed to the urinal. I unzipped but couldn't find the hole in the front of my boxers and ended up pissing my pants. I had put my boxers on backwards. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 414

You deserved it 3 625

By Anonymous - 23/09/2011 10:41 - United States

Spicy

Today, desperate for my boyfriend to notice me for once, I started noisily masturbating while he was playing World of Warcraft. His response was to put his headphones on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 260

You deserved it 12 979

By rr - 15/08/2011 15:55 - Canada

Today, I started my job as an assistant to a beekeeper. I forgot to put gloves on, and got stung like crazy. My hands swelled up to the size of baseball gloves. Turns out, I'm allergic to bees. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 633

You deserved it 37 654

By Anonymous - 16/02/2012 02:03 - United States

Today, Target asked me if I would do the closing announcement. I've only been working there a little while, so excited I agreed. I told people, "The store is now closing, thank you for shopping at Walmart." FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 763

You deserved it 34 131

These jugs don't belong here...

By Busty - 21/11/2017 06:00

Spicy

Today, Walmart was out of quart milk jugs except for one. When I went to grab it, I had to practically climb into the fridge. My boobs got stuck on the shelf on the way out, and it took a solid two minutes to wiggle my way free. I had an audience. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 568

You deserved it 965

By brit - 11/02/2010 05:13 - United States

Today, I was listening to my favorite radio station outta Detroit. A commercial came on for a program that was giving federal grants to people who were going into a trade, like me. Right as I was getting excited I heard the words "brought to you by the government of Canada." FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 777

You deserved it 5 601

By Anonymous - 06/10/2011 04:23 - United States

Today, a customer handed me the ankle-length hosiery she had just used to try on some shoes, and as I sat there feeling the warm dampness of them in the palm of my hand, she said "You should throw those away, I have a toe fungus." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 940

You deserved it 2 923

By Anonymous - 06/07/2019 16:00

Today, I was hit with a sudden urge to shit. I knew it was going to be a bad one, so I ran out of the meeting. I made it to the toilet in time, but I forgot to lift the lid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 511

You deserved it 592

Lies

By Anonymous - 17/07/2009 00:14 - United States

Today, at work, as a camp counselor, I was discussing how stupid the idea of Santa is to a coworker, and how every parent should tell their kids the truthLies. The intercom microphone was on. I single-handedly told a group of 100 six year-olds that Santa isn't real. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 755

You deserved it 72 658

By heck - 12/08/2016 13:57

Today, I took a drug test. Not only did I fail the drug test, but I mostly missed the sample cup and got urine all over my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 131

You deserved it 18 407

By Anonymous - 11/03/2013 21:52 - United States - Lake Dallas

Spicy

Today, thinking my girlfriend had left her little black thong in the dryer to tease me, I sent her a picture of me seductively posing with it. She didn't text back, but a few hours later my 16 year old daughter asked if she'd left anything in the dryer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 476

You deserved it 53 097

By Anonymous - 29/04/2009 23:12 - Canada

Today, I came home from work and went to open the door. I Iooked in the window and saw a man in my house. Terrified, I called the police. They came, searched the house, and found nothing missing. I went back inside and looked through the window and saw him again. It was my reflection. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 492

You deserved it 79 229

By This Guy - 26/09/2011 17:18 - United States

Today, I went to Walmart to pick up some groceries. When I came out, the front end of my car was crushed in. On the window was a note only saying "Sorry I bumped into your car." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 354

You deserved it 2 520

By 1gullible_bugger - 08/07/2019 20:00

Today, I was assaulted by a crazy drunk woman. Why? Six years ago, her kids were put into foster care because she was unfit. Somehow, this was my fault. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 752

You deserved it 114

By Anonymous - 16/09/2009 04:24 - United States

Today, I was having an after work-out dinner with my ex-girlfriend and we were having a great time, catching up, eating good food, all the good things. Then when I got home, I realized I just talked to my ex-girlfriend for an hour and a half about how much better her new boyfriend is than me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 858

You deserved it 39 941

By Anonymous - 29/07/2012 04:25 - Denmark - Frederiksberg

Today, while getting ready to go to bed, I told my boyfriend that I feel depressed due to the lack of intimacy in our relationship. His response was to roll over, fall asleep, and send a deadly fart my way. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 091

You deserved it 3 829

By malcolmXXX - 14/10/2015 02:01 - United States - Savannah

Today, a girl I've liked for the longest time kept asking me to reveal my "deepest secret" in exchange for hers. Thinking this was flirting, I told her my secret was that I liked her. Her secret was that she was a "lesbian and just had to tell somebody." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 272

You deserved it 2 340

Drive

By Anonymous - 20/11/2021 16:59 - United States

Today, it was my birthday. Two of my best friends forgot it, and so did my grandparents. All of my friends were busy, so I spent it alone in my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 994

You deserved it 94

By Peta2nNoMore - 04/07/2009 10:42 - United Kingdom

Today, I came home and found a few of my faux fur coats completely butchered. On my way to interrogate my boys, the only ones home, I found our husky dog, who was recently shaved for an operation, covered in the fur that once belonged to my coat. My boys said 'he was cold'. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 509

You deserved it 10 371

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Wednesday 19 November 2014 20:39

I'm sorry OP someyimes you just can't cure stupidity

ShadowlessSpear 21

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Wednesday 19 November 2014 20:39

Can't fix stupid.

Comments

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Wednesday 19 November 2014 20:39

I'm sorry OP someyimes you just can't cure stupidity

JOEBOBARNOLD 15

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Wednesday 19 November 2014 20:42

Fire works sometimes

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Wednesday 19 November 2014 20:54

Only because they're so stupid they forget stop, drop, & roll.

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Wednesday 19 November 2014 20:57

Oh, apparently we can't use ampersands. Now I look stupid. At least I remember stop, drop, and roll.

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Wednesday 19 November 2014 21:13

Someyimes you don't notice your typos either and don't have enough time to fix it :(

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Wednesday 19 November 2014 22:24

You get two minutes. Some people just don't notice.

cadillacgal79 32

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Thursday 20 November 2014 0:55

Imagine the internet if it can power a sauna :D

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Thursday 20 November 2014 12:20

Or maybe autocorrect changes it to the wrong ducking thing

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Thursday 20 November 2014 23:08

i actually did fix it, not sure where the comment went though. oh well, i'll just have to live with looking dumb myself. ampersands do not work here for future reference!

ShadowlessSpear 21

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Wednesday 19 November 2014 20:39

Can't fix stupid.

RainEliseWolf 16

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Wednesday 19 November 2014 21:10

Yea. I wouldn't even be trying to explain what it really is to her. Not worth the time!

19990231 29

Thursday 20 November 2014 0:16

She brought him down to her own level of idiocy.

ItsJustMe1616 26

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Friday 21 November 2014 6:50

Arguing with an idiot will never work out in your favor. They will drag you down to their level of stupidity and then beat you with experience.

truckers_wife 23

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Wednesday 19 November 2014 20:40

nobody was there to back you up?

ShadowlessSpear 21

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Wednesday 19 November 2014 20:41

I don't think it would matter. That tit slip sounds like the kind of person that doesn't change their mind, no matter what.

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Wednesday 19 November 2014 23:05

they were probably recording it hahaha

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Wednesday 19 November 2014 20:40

Don't waste yourself on their stupidity OP!

niallo 23

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Thursday 20 November 2014 3:43

Actually I think you should have sent her to look for a wifi sauna. The two benefits would be you prove your point. Next, she's not near you.

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Wednesday 19 November 2014 20:41

Some people should really lose breeding rights.... This is beyond normal stupidity. I feel bad you had to try and explain this.

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Wednesday 19 November 2014 22:54

This isn't your average stupid... This is... ADVANCED STUPID.

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Thursday 20 November 2014 0:30

Exactly you have to take stupidity 101 first before you can be this dumb.

scottyboy417 19

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Wednesday 19 November 2014 20:43

That is one of those situations where it'd be easier to talk to a brick wall.

cp399 14

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Thursday 20 November 2014 0:12

YDI for talking to someone that stupid for that long

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Wednesday 19 November 2014 20:43

don't argue Show her, seeing is believing

isabellasimone 18

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Wednesday 19 November 2014 20:43

How does someone even think of that?

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Wednesday 19 November 2014 20:44

Did you at least make some progress after those 20 minutes?

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Wednesday 19 November 2014 20:45

technology is gonna be the Bain of some people seriously

Nearly

Today, I spent my 25th birthday crying alone in my room with my baby, because no else seemed to care it was my birthday. My partner and I had a fight the night before and we haven’t spoken or seen each other since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43

You deserved it 11

Today, I live in Turkey and the dollar has risen to 13 lira. Just turks understand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40

You deserved it 11

Spicy

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend finally told me after over two years together that the reason we only have sex once a month is because my stomach is, “off-putting”. FML

I agree, your life sucks 749

You deserved it 168

Today, my wife announced she wants to incorporate a saddle into our lovemaking. This might be fine, except she wants me to wear an actual 30-pound saddle, and I have bad knees. FML

I agree, your life sucks 779

You deserved it 94