Today, I was watching The Omen with my father. A little bit into... - FML

By Anonymous - 20/9/2009 19:20 - United States

Today, I was watching The Omen with my father. A little bit into the movie my dad turned to me and said, "Wow, you really looked like that Damien kid when you were little." Apparently I strangely resemble the anti-christ, and I am a teenage girl. Thanks Dad. FML

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Drinking is bad for you, most of the time

Alexa, play "Hey! Student" by The Fall

The student becomes the master

By lilshoobydoo14 - 15/10/2010 04:18 - United States

Today, I met a guy that I liked. We really hit it off, that is until his parents walked by and he started begging them, down on his hands and knees, to buy him a new video game. FML

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By crinitis - 28/1/2016 16:05 - Canada - Ancaster

Today, I found out my parents only had me in an attempt to fix their relationship. It didn't work. FML

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By CivE - 25/1/2010 13:32 - United States

Today, I started work as the head engineer for a big civil engineering project. I met the rest of my team, in particular the environmental engineer who I'll need to get along with the most. As it turns out, I took her virginity when we were freshmen in college. She still thinks I'm an asshole. FML

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By irwingiggles - 8/2/2015 10:26 - Netherlands

Today, I figured out how my birth control works. If you're on your period for four months straight you can't have sex, so you won't be pregnant. FML

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By SwordFish8 - 4/7/2009 21:56 - United States

Today, while on a run, I thought I'd run into a flock of geese in a field. Doing so, I learned that when you do this alone, the birds don't fly away, they attack. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/12/2010 19:58 - United Kingdom

Today, I participated in a charity auction at my university where the boys are "sold" to the highest bidder to be a slave for a day. My girlfriend and ex were bidding against each other. My ex won. FML

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By Anonymous - 3/1/2011 01:22 - United Kingdom

Today, I realised it takes me longer to take a dump than it does to have sex with my boyfriend. I also realised taking a dump is more satisfying. FML

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By :) - 22/4/2010 17:37 - Greece

Today, I was getting my portrait done. The artist told me to smile. He looked at me, then said, "Oh, don't smile." FML

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By leah_kascar - 22/8/2016 01:45 - United States - Hialeah

Today, in the class I'm teaching, I assigned my students an essay to complete for homework. One student asked me if I was deducting points for bad spelling. I teach English. FML

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By Anonymous - 5/2/2011 06:07 - United States

Today, I found out my dad ate my pet rabbit two years ago. He said he ran away. FML

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By sad face - 7/3/2012 19:25 - Canada

Today, my history teacher confiscated my iPhone. She dropped it on the way back to her desk, and I now have a shattered iPhone screen to fix. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/2/2017 01:00 - Spain - Las Palmas

Today, I went with my girlfriend to the airport for some much needed vacation time. We arrived on time but were stopped at the gate when they told me I didn't have the right passport. The plane left without me. My girlfriend did too. FML

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By Anonymous - 4/7/2012 16:40 - Canada - Charlottetown

Today, I walked in on my boyfriend and sister fooling around in the shower together. Supposedly, she was sleepwalking, and he was trying to wake her up. FML

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By Crowded House - 12/7/2019 12:28

Today, my newborn son is only four days old. My in-laws have been over five times already. FML

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By AloneAgainNaturally - 9/9/2016 21:03 - United States - Charlottesville

Today, I found nudes on my boyfriend's phone. We've been together 14 years. They weren't of me. FML

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By ohhaithur - 26/7/2019 02:00

Today, my mom accused me of stealing $350 from her. She didn't accuse my unemployed brother, who just bought a brand new iPhone. Even after he confessed to her, she thought he was covering for me. My brother has a criminal record for theft. FML

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By Anonymous - 14/5/2011 00:17 - United States

Today, I realized my mom cares more about Kurt's bullying problem on Glee than she does for mine. FML

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By Fag_Hag - 6/2/2009 01:30 - United States

Today, while my 4 year old nephew was hugging me, he stepped back and declared, "Auntie, my Pee-do is hard, but it will go away." FML

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By RePete - 4/11/2016 01:44

Today, thanks to downsizing and corporate restructuring, I was "promoted" to the entry level position I had 10 years ago. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/5/2019 22:00

Today, I drove my truck into the garage for a couple of minor repairs. It was returned on a flatbed with a blown engine. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/8/2010 13:24 - United States

Today, I went to the drive-through and ordered 5 cheeseburgers. I told the cashier that some of them were for my girlfriend. I don't have a girlfriend, and I ate all of them by myself. FML

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By jordeshting - 22/6/2011 15:28 - United Kingdom

Today, I complimented a girl on her stockings pattern. Turns out she wasn't wearing stockings. FML

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By facingit - 8/11/2010 10:32 - Australia

Today, I was told that I look like a cross between Roger Federer and Neil Patrick Harris. Apparently I have a big forehead and a squished face. FML

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By sausages - 17/1/2014 20:56 - Macedonia - Skopje

Today, I went to get my first tattoo. Before we started, the tattooist told me to just relax and embrace the pain. I guess I did that too well; I kept getting an erection throughout. FML

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By Anonymous - 31/10/2015 05:10

Today, I finally got a promotion at work. Today I also found out that no matter how long I work, no matter how much effort and unpaid overtime I put in for 6 years, my coworkers will be convinced I only got promoted because I'm the CFO's son. FML

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By Anonymoose - 8/9/2015 19:12 - United States - West Long Branch

Today, I found out I wasn't cool enough to be invited to a college party that happened last night. The one in charge of inviting people was my girlfriend of two years. FML

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By LynnJ - 6/2/2010 02:18 - Canada

Today, I walked past a group of men at the mall and one of them mooed at me. FML

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By Muscle - 6/3/2009 21:07 - Canada

Today, I flew home early from a two month trip to Europe to surprise my boyfriend on his birthday. When I got to his house with a home baked cake from scratch and a quilt with slik-screened pictures from my trip, his roommate answered the door and said "Oh sorry, he's out with his girlfriend." FML

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By - 10/2/2019 02:00

Today, a guest at my restaurant asked me what a tip was. I had to awkwardly explain to him that servers don't make hourly wages, and we rely on tips from customers to make money. After I finished, he laughed at me, called me a sucker, and stiffed me on a $120 tab. FML

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By drew - 7/9/2010 17:06 - United States

Today, I accidentally walked in on my girlfriend changing. She responded by screaming, throwing herself on the ground to avoid me seeing her, and crawling into the bathroom. We've been living together for 2 months. FML

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By Anonymous - 14/11/2019 03:00

She missed everything

Today, my girlfriend fell asleep 3 min into the 25 min TV show sex that we waited all week to watch together. FML.

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By Anonymous - 19/5/2012 23:20 - Sri Lanka - Piliyandala

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. He said it was because my mom's lazy eye creeps him out, and that my dad hates him. She doesn't have a lazy eye, he's never met my dad, never seen my mom, and now according to his friends, he's been cheating on me for the past two weeks. FML

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By FckMyLife - 24/3/2011 14:46 - United States

Today, while at the mall I opened a bathroom stall thinking nobody was in there. The door just didn't close properly. I hit an elderly woman in the head. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/2/2011 18:40 - United States

Today, I went in to the doctor's thinking I had a bladder infection. I walked out knowing I'm pregnant. FML

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By Still No Phone - 21/5/2017 12:00 - United States - Philadelphia

Today, I checked for the third time this week if my package that 'arrived' five days ago had been found. Not only was it a different employee at the concierge desk, meaning I had to explain everything again, but they told me the same bullshit about how it's "not their fault". The package is my new phone. FML

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By LizzyJones - 20/8/2013 17:38 - United Kingdom - Derby

Today, my husband bought me a present for our three year anniversary. It was a pack of 20 cigarettes. I don't smoke. He does. FML

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By graham - 11/1/2020 14:00

Very mean

Today, my first time meeting my girlfriend's dad ended with him chasing me from his house and trying to hit me with a baseball bat. FML

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By anon - 31/7/2015 20:28 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my boyfriend and I got intimate. It was his first time, which I guess explains him sticking his hand down my panties and practically bitch-slapping my vagina for the next 20 or 30 seconds. I stupidly faked an orgasm just to get him to stop. Now he thinks he's some kind of sex god. FML

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By Anonymous - 26/10/2019 00:01

He's still got it

Today, my dad got drunk at a party and flashed me and my friends. FML

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By yosmurf - 13/8/2018 23:31

Smooth.

Today, I finished taking a huge dump at the public restroom at the mall. When I got up to wipe, my wrist clipped my butt and knocked my brand new Apple Watch into the toilet. FML

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Top comments

By DrAwesome | 6

#577055 - Sunday 20 September 2009 23:10

You should stand over him while he sleeps and speak in tongues, then have a seizure on the floor. He'll never make that mistake again.

By sjks | 0

#577065 - Sunday 20 September 2009 23:16

key phrase 'when you were little' I'm pretty sure if you still looked like the anti-christ he would have said so or not said anything at all

Comments

By Arcterion | 0

#577053 - Sunday 20 September 2009 23:10

Sucks to be you.

Reply

spiffles | 0

#577202 - Monday 21 September 2009 0:59

Uh not really. Her dad said WHEN SHE WAS LITTLE (aka when she was not the teenage human that she would appear to be now).

Not an fml, antichrist-teen.

Reply

MsTs1 | 0

#577423 - Monday 21 September 2009 3:04

I'd love to look like the anti christ, or better yet, be the anti christ

Reply

DameGreyWulf | 0

#577665 - Monday 21 September 2009 5:53

I agree with this thread.

Reply

Crickets | 0

#578375 - Monday 21 September 2009 17:12

who moderates this shit. this isnt even a good fml..

Reply

Moo_Horse | 0

#1592665 - Sunday 24 October 2010 3:51

dude u scared the shit outta me...... weird pic but anywho. agreed

By Zombierella | 2

#577054 - Sunday 20 September 2009 23:10

Thats like the nice way of saying you look like a guy =P
fix ittt or don't bitch about it

By DrAwesome | 6

#577055 - Sunday 20 September 2009 23:10

You should stand over him while he sleeps and speak in tongues, then have a seizure on the floor. He'll never make that mistake again.

Reply

Spaz_Tastic | 0

#577057 - Sunday 20 September 2009 23:12

LMAO! Seconded!

Reply

Zhombie | 0

#579997 - Tuesday 22 September 2009 9:25

Win!

By Bigmac87 | 0

#577058 - Sunday 20 September 2009 23:12

FYL

Reply

awesomeamandas | 37

#6040620 - Sunday 17 August 2014 20:06

the button, use it.

By spongebobrocks | 0

#577061 - Sunday 20 September 2009 23:14

That's fucking hilarious. BTW, I'm a cunt.

Reply

switchblade711 | 0

#4997564 - Wednesday 3 October 2012 0:53

Why would you say that

By bballer32 | 0

#577063 - Sunday 20 September 2009 23:15

Ouch

Reply

the_stereotype | 0

#577120 - Sunday 20 September 2009 23:54

agreed. OP, get over it. it's not an FML. do you think that if someone says you look like your dad you suddenly look male and possess all of his characteristics?

Reply

sucktobeyou | 0

#577607 - Monday 21 September 2009 5:02

bellaellaella I was tempted to check out you profile pic for an oxy beaver.....too bad I can't find one :(

btw......I personally think that damien kid was cute and lovely

By sjks | 0

#577065 - Sunday 20 September 2009 23:16

key phrase 'when you were little' I'm pretty sure if you still looked like the anti-christ he would have said so or not said anything at all

By f0rg3t_m3_n0t | 0

#577067 - Sunday 20 September 2009 23:16

He did say WHEN YOU WERE LITTLE. So what?
No one was completely adorable all throughout their childhood. Get over it.

By bballer32 | 0

#577068 - Sunday 20 September 2009 23:17

that's a loving dad right there

By f_alltheirlives | 3

#577070 - Sunday 20 September 2009 23:18

Look at me, Anonymous (woman)! It's all for you.
[jumps off a roof, hanging myself]

Reply

redbluegreen | 40

#577226 - Monday 21 September 2009 1:15

Do you need a celebration cupcake?

Reply

Syn_fml | 0

#578223 - Monday 21 September 2009 16:07

To all those who moderated this: how could you let this through and not click "No"? This post is stupid.

Reply

spazz666 | 18

#3771359 - Thursday 22 December 2011 14:16

This comment made me smile. (:
and to the people who are going to be all "OMG WTF BLAH BLAH BLAH" it's from the movie.

And to 71, comments don't get moderated dumbass.