Miscellaneous: Today, I realized that I am such a Grammar Nazi that when a porn... - FML

By BlueB - United States

Today, I realized that I am such a Grammar Nazi that when a porn star says something grammatically-incorrect, I lose my boner. FML

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BO Central

Keep your enemies closer

Selfish tit

By LowOnGas

Today, I drove my toddler to a schoolmate’s birthday party at a chuck-e-Cheese an hour drive away, only to find out the party is tomorrow. FML

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By Jake - United States

Today, I was going to hang out with the girl I like, because she was leaving for the rest of the Summer. She had to cancel to go shopping with her grandma "all day." At 1 o'clock, she came online and told me how much fun she had with this guy I really don't like. She forgot that she lied to me. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I found out that one of my best mates had his backpack, clothes, and everything else in it stolen at an airport overseas. I was feeling sorry for him all day. It took me 9 hours to remember that I actually loaned him my backpack for his trip. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia - Brisbane

Today, my sister stopped by to visit me with her pet bird in tow. She asked me to hold the animal while she went to the toilet, and put it on my shoulder. It promptly shat on my only clean shirt and tore away a good deal of skin from my hand when I tried to get it off me. FML

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By sarah_sad - United States

Today, I went to the gym with two of my friends expecting to pay a guest fee but the cute guy working at the front desk let me in for free. On the way out after working out I started to flirt with him and he said "Don't flatter yourself, I just let you in because I'm lazy." FML

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By Acneface - France

Today, I got my hair done, eyebrows waxed, and a new expensive dress to impress my boyfriend. When I got home I asked him if he noticed anything different about me. He looked at me for one minute before asking, "Did you finally start using Proactive?" FML

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By f__k_it - United States

Today, I decided to jack it a few times because I haven't been laid in a while. After round 3 my ex called me up and said she wanted to 'talk.' When she came over she made it abundantly clear that she wanted to make whoopie. Couldn't get it up. FML

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By nice education you've got there - United States - Monroe

Today, my friends and I were exchanging stories with one another. I barely got a few sentences in before they started mocking and viciously insulting me for saying "swaggered", claiming it comes from the slang term "swag", and that they never thought I was a "dumbass hipster". Really now? FML

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By Jess - United States

Today, as I was running from the cops I jumped behind a bush to hide. Turns out it was a massive thorn bush. I later had the most painful shower I have ever experienced. FML

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By KieRendan - United States - Rio Rancho

Today, due to an unforeseen pipe-related incident, I had to shave my legs in my backyard fish pond, while a plumber assessed the damage to my war-zone of a bathroom. FML

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By ohhotdamn - United States

Today, for my mom's 50th birthday all she wanted was this gold bracelet. It was too much money for me to buy so I bought the same one in silver. Right before I gave it to her, my older sister gave her the gold bracelet which made her cry. When I gave her my present she just said "oh." FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I fell asleep with my luggage at a bus terminal. Upon waking up, I found that someone had opened my bags and stolen all my socks. FML

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By Username - United States

Today, I found out that the crazy old man that sleep walks naked around my neighborhood every night is my grandpa. And he's not sleepwalking. FML

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By Harejordan - United States

Today, I was driving and stopped behind a person at a stop sign. Their car didn't move for about 1 minute. I got out of my car yelling at the person. It was an old woman. She wasn't breathing. FML

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By Quicky5_ - United States - Jasper

Today, at work, my coworker's belongings went missing. Infuriated, she accused me of stealing, because I'm black and "stereotypes don't just make themselves." FML

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By ...... - United States

Today, I was in the hospital with rib injuries after being rear-ended by a truck. The doc said, "Well, you'll probably feel like you've been hit by a truck for a while." Everyone laughed, except me. When I said he was being insensitive, he replied, "Calm down, I'm just ribbing you." FML

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By ihatebadkids - United States - Hesperia

Today, I was uninvited from every family event henceforth, because I finally had it and told my sister that I can’t stand to be around her horribly misbehaved kids. They have screaming meltdown tantrums, throw and break things, start fights and steal. How am I the bad guy? FML

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By Anonymous

Thanks?

Today, I went out with a guy who, about 20 minutes into our dinner, said, "Wow, you don't sweat much for a fat chick." FML

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By SteamLass765

Today, a woman drove her car onto my closed worksite. Since it is hazardous for the general public, I told her to leave. Later, the police arrived and gave me hell. Apparently, I was reported for being "snippy". FML

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By Bleached_Eyes - United States - Pikesville

Close-Knit Family

Today, I finally met my girlfriend's family. When it was time for dinner, I was sent upstairs to get her brother. When I walked in, he was laid out on his bed getting a rimjob from his cousin. FML

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By yulis - United States - Hagerstown

Today, I got pulled over on the highway for going over the speed limit. The cop seemed nice, and I was sure he'd let me off with a warning, until my husband piped up with, "Didn't think you folks came out this far. What, the donut store got shut down or some shit?" I got the ticket. FML

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By TJFuentes - United States - Appleton

Today, someone walking my way started waving. I waved back until I realized he wasn't looking at me. To make things worse, while walking past he said, "Get a fucking friend." FML

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By bilol - United States

Today, I told my boyfriend that I'd be going on a trip to Europe. I assured him that I would never cheat on him with any European guys. He replied with, "Why would I be worried? You're not very pretty." FML

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By sausages - Macedonia - Skopje

Today, I went to get my first tattoo. Before we started, the tattooist told me to just relax and embrace the pain. I guess I did that too well; I kept getting an erection throughout. FML

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By taydean - United States

Today, my sister and I were eating at Wendy's. On the way out, I thought it would be funny to kick the door open and yell, "This is Sparta!" I lost my balance and fell flat on my butt. FML

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By rocks_hurt

Today, I rushed to catch my bus and arrived as it pulled up, but one of the tires threw a rock at my head and knocked me out. I missed my bus and the final that I am not allowed to retake. FML

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By LaRae17 - United States

Today, I went to an elementary school for volunteer work. I was asked to read to a group of kids during one of the classes. Before I started reading, a girl raised her hand and asked me if I had a boyfriend and if I was single. I asked her why and she said "My daddy wanted to know." I'm 16. FML

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By laptitesouris - France - Pertuis

Today, one of my 5-year-old son's teeth fell out, but he's quite scatterbrained and he lost it. He did however find my vibrating duck under my pillow, and is now crying because he thinks that I stole his tooth so that the tooth fairy would bring me a toy. FML

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By ravenskater

Today, I was at a grocery store with my 3 year old son. As I was picking a cereal out, an older man comes over and says, "You should have used condoms. What an ugly boy." FML

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By lolwut - United States

Today, I switched from pads to tampons. It took me several botched attempts trying insert one before I succeeded, and now I feel like I've just raped myself. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I went out for New Year's. When I got back, I found my house had been broken into. I found a note saying, "Happy New Year, sucker." FML

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By yeyt209 - United States - Bismarck

Today, I passed out in my car in a McDonald's parking lot. I got woken up by a cop. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, we had bingo. Three rounds into it a group behind me started to yell, "BINGO, BINGO!". I looked around and saw no one was coming to verify that they had a bingo, so I turned around and said "Stand up." The girl was a midget, she was standing up. FML

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By criminal tit offender - United States - Bessemer

Today, I went skinny-dipping with my friends. At one point, I jokingly pointed out how one of them had the smallest boobs of us all. She calmly got out of the pond, dried herself, scooped up our clothes and phones, and drove off in her car. The cops she called arrived soon after. FML

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By ToxicSiren - 6/2/2021 14:01

Judge and jury

Today, I posted a picture to Snapchat about being depressed. My close friend, who I share most things with, made fun of my post. That's the last time I share anything with her. FML

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By chapstick - United States - San Dimas

Today, my lips were dry and chapped, so I asked if I could use some of my friend's chapstick. She didn't mind, so I quickly put some on. Only later did I notice that my lips were sparkly. Turns out it was glitter balm. Now everyone calls me "princess." FML

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By Joe - United States

Today, I was taking an exam and I knew I was unprepared, so I wrote some cheat notes on my ankle. As I cross my legs to look at my notes, I realize I wore tall boots to class. I can't even cheat properly. FML

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By Anonymous - United Arab Emirates - Dubai

Today, I am on vacation in Dubai with my dad and a few of his friends. I thought we were going to travel and see some amazing things, but I'm confined to my hotel room while everyone drinks and watches Family Guy. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend had to give me an enema. FML

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By Wtf - United States - Peoria

Today, I was asked to babysit for a family that attends the daycare I work at. All of my coworkers warned me that they were rough kids but I shrugged it off. As soon as the parents left, the 7-year-old girl said, "Oh good now I can focus on death and my plans". FML

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Top comments

By satanic_fml | 13

#5568437 - Saturday 6 July 2013 20:14

watch porn in a language you don't know

By Catkam623 | 27

#5568442 - Saturday 6 July 2013 20:15

Mute it, then sit back and fill the dialogue with complex grammer sentences. You'll be done in no time.

COMMENTS

By satanic_fml | 13

#5568437 - Saturday 6 July 2013 20:14

watch porn in a language you don't know

Reply

epicwaffles | 7

#5568452 - Saturday 6 July 2013 20:17

Don't read the comments OP.

Reply

epicwaffles | 7

#5568514 - Saturday 6 July 2013 20:45

Don't restate something someone else has already said OP.

Reply

greenmen | 12

#5568517 - Saturday 6 July 2013 20:47

Get off porn maybe do something else

Reply

challan | 19

#5568539 - Saturday 6 July 2013 20:58

What else is there on the internet besides FML and porn?!

Reply

MzZombicidal | 36

#5568546 - Saturday 6 July 2013 21:02

#32, Don't forget about those silly cat videos!

Reply

slooby_fml | 25

#5568604 - Saturday 6 July 2013 21:52

Fan fiction

Reply

Narutosuns2fan | 12

#5568650 - Saturday 6 July 2013 22:37

I think that in itself would be a turn off.

Reply

fsomelife | 26

#5568735 - Sunday 7 July 2013 0:42

#32 -- I was going to thumb your comment up, but you're at 69...

Reply

ThePK | 5

#5568820 - Sunday 7 July 2013 1:45

Foreign language...exotic stuff you might find ;)

Reply

shitsville | 13

#5569080 - Sunday 7 July 2013 6:45

Anime, here I cum! (pun intended)

Reply

Doritozilla | 20

#5569123 - Sunday 7 July 2013 8:24

#34 Sims has an option of watching two hours of cat videos on the internet. lol

Reply

haj_fml | 4

#5569325 - Sunday 7 July 2013 13:48

Well they're a Nazi - watch it in German..

Reply

MrBoredomioo | 18

#5669689 - Thursday 12 September 2013 5:33

no

By LordDoodle | 17

#5568439 - Saturday 6 July 2013 20:14

Just get up and walk away.

Reply

Damian95 | 16

#5568592 - Saturday 6 July 2013 21:44

Well that would completely ruin the situation...

Reply

bigtaytay | 13

#5568666 - Saturday 6 July 2013 22:44

I was gonna go with stop being a grammar fag

By capnbzarr | 43

#5568441 - Saturday 6 July 2013 20:15

You should learn to mind your own diction.

Reply

RobotSpaceWalrus | 5

#5568554 - Saturday 6 July 2013 21:09

That was pretty brilliant. Thank you.

By Catkam623 | 27

#5568442 - Saturday 6 July 2013 20:15

Mute it, then sit back and fill the dialogue with complex grammer sentences. You'll be done in no time.

Reply

catwho | 18

#5568613 - Saturday 6 July 2013 21:59

You mean people actually listen to what's being said in a porno?

Reply

shibeep | 12

#5568616 - Saturday 6 July 2013 22:02

Focus on the shitty music.

Reply

Catkam623 | 27

#5568618 - Saturday 6 July 2013 22:04

He [email protected]

Reply

Jjimen1654 | 9

#5568633 - Saturday 6 July 2013 22:16

#4 but then you can't hear the moans. :(

Reply

Lomus | 24

#5569940 - Sunday 7 July 2013 23:25

*grammar #4, please.

Reply

ermagherdaturdis | 26

#5572437 - Tuesday 9 July 2013 18:48

.

By MagicalOrphan | 6

#5568443 - Saturday 6 July 2013 20:16

You're the worst kind of person and you should feel bad

By mxij | 13

#5568448 - Saturday 6 July 2013 20:17

Watch one of the schoolgirl ones. I bet those are grammatically correct, it is a real school right?

Reply

TheBrochure | 22

#5568583 - Saturday 6 July 2013 21:40

Well, if she gets it wrong, she's sure to be "punished."

Reply

Corrupt_waffles | 13

#5573175 - Wednesday 10 July 2013 4:56

Dean, you are confusing real life with porn again.

By cuppycakeslove | 20

#5568453 - Saturday 6 July 2013 20:17

Life is going to be very difficult for you.

Reply

perdix | 29

#5568530 - Saturday 6 July 2013 20:56

Challenging, to be sure. He can always go to the library and find literate chicks to bang.

By PimpdaddyCJT | 13

#5568456 - Saturday 6 July 2013 20:18

That be a very hard situation.

Reply

ashieee143 | 18

#6354023 - Saturday 18 July 2015 19:58

Nah it's not that hard anymore xD

By littlem91 | 29

#5568463 - Saturday 6 July 2013 20:24

Do you have the same problem if a girl says grammatically incorrect phrases during sex?

Reply

xxGheTToGumbYxx | 16

#5568531 - Saturday 6 July 2013 20:56

Something tells me OP hasn't quite got there yet.

Reply

Ilovemisery | 6

#5568696 - Saturday 6 July 2013 23:17

You don't say full sentences during sex. The worst that could happen using moans wrong.

Reply

littlem91 | 29

#5568742 - Sunday 7 July 2013 1:07

Could say "Oh god you good". Instant turn off for a grammar nazi!

Reply

therealafroninga | 10

#5569545 - Sunday 7 July 2013 18:44

Or, she could say, "Oh god your good," instead of "Oh god *you're good."

By Wizardo | 33

#5568464 - Saturday 6 July 2013 20:24

Just listen to music over it, no biggie.