Today, I realized that I am such a Grammar Nazi that when a porn... - FML

By BlueB - 6/7/2013 15:42 - United States

Today, I realized that I am such a Grammar Nazi that when a porn star says something grammatically-incorrect, I lose my boner. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51737

You deserved it

20816

Tweet

Share

Out of it

The end of the road

Non-baby fever

By donezo - 26/6/2009 05:43 - United States

Today, while working at a fast food restaurant, I stayed a little overtime to help my manager with dishes. A kid pooped in the slide in the playground area attached to the restaurant itself. I'm the smallest one there. I had to crawl UP the slide to find and clean the poop. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45298

You deserved it

3715

Tweet

Share

By fiercehawk - 18/2/2014 05:45 - United States - Fort Wayne

Today, I went on a blind date. At the end of the night, I told him I had a surprisingly great time. He replied, "Yeah, that was fun. You're really funny and smart. If you were pretty, I'd totally go out with you again." FML

I agree, your life sucks

60042

You deserved it

5305

Tweet

Share

By Not A Pervert - 4/11/2014 00:00 - United Kingdom - Peterborough

Today, while at work, I was shown CCTV footage of myself staring at the chest belonging to a teenager I was serving. I was accused of being a paedophile and nearly fired, all because I wanted to know what version of Spider-Man was on her T-shirt. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36881

You deserved it

5685

Tweet

Share

By GothicbunnyxC - 28/1/2012 23:31 - Canada

Today, I was going through airport security. Trying to get things over and done with quickly, I dropped my pants without a second thought. Turns out they just wanted me to remove my shoes and belt. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9634

You deserved it

35292

Tweet

Share

By babasheep - 20/6/2009 05:17 - Canada

Today, after dieting and working out for almost 3 months, I sit down on my chair to finish off some work. It broke. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43575

You deserved it

4718

Tweet

Share

By Tipless - 7/11/2009 05:36 - United States

Today, I was working as a Valet driver. After getting no customers for 5 hours in the pouring rain, a woman driving by stops and asks me for directions. Before leaving, she said, "I should probably tip you for that, since that's probably the only money you'd get all night." She didn't. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32827

You deserved it

2447

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 6/9/2016 18:54 - United States

Today, my boss threw a party for everyone in the office who has a birthday in September. Everyone got a cake with their names on it except me. My birthday is today. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15958

You deserved it

820

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 14/9/2012 14:50 - United States

Today, my boyfriend tried to spice things up by sneaking into the shower with me. Instead, he walked in on me pooping. I only had the shower running because I was afraid he would hear me taking a dump. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18213

You deserved it

30061

Tweet

Share

By cookiecrust - 7/12/2009 14:44 - Singapore

Today, I found out from my mom that the sweet smelling shampoo she bought recently belongs to Tammi. I've been using it for a week now. The chocolate drops I ate yesterday are also hers. Tammi is our pet Chihuahua. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25527

You deserved it

9020

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 31/3/2009 09:08 - Australia

Today, I accidentally pressed the panic button under the register at work. I didn't even know we had a panic button until the cops showed up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

55367

You deserved it

16109

Tweet

Share

By omnomnom - 5/2/2011 00:29 - Canada

Today, I bought a pretty blue parakeet to keep my parrot company, and named her Sky. I went to work a few hours later. When I came home that night, I found my parrot dead. There wasn't a huge mess to clean, though; Sky had already eaten half of his corpse. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35735

You deserved it

7886

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 24/12/2015 21:38 - United States - Hackensack

Today, I was taking my grandma shopping, when she pointed at a pair of thongs and told me if I don’t start wearing them I won’t get a man. I've been married for 4 years, gran. Thanks for paying attention. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21079

You deserved it

1567

Tweet

Share

By baybuh - 30/12/2010 17:26 - United States

Today, I realized that the cute freckle I noticed a few weeks ago is actually a giant blackhead. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12854

You deserved it

26340

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 1/3/2012 16:37 - New Zealand

Today, I missed an important phone call. It's been so long since someone has called me that I didn't recognize my own ringtone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27414

You deserved it

4363

Tweet

Share

By ProudMama - 8/1/2012 00:50 - United States

Today, I arrived home. I'd left for a business trip 5 days earlier, and trusted my husband with our young boys. As soon as I stepped in the door, I noticed my son had thinner hair than when I'd left. He then showed me an empty container of Nair. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27173

You deserved it

3226

Tweet

Share

By PlaneGuy - 25/2/2017 01:00 - Reunion - Saint-denis

Today, I was on a plane and a cute girl was getting ready to sit down beside me, but upon making eye contact, she asked to switch seats. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6121

You deserved it

707

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 4/12/2010 05:20 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I broke up, and he came by to get his things while I was at work. When I got home I saw that the only thing he had taken was my cat. I only dated him for 5 months, I've had that cat for 14 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39468

You deserved it

3744

Tweet

Share

By that'sokay - 12/5/2020 23:00

Deception

Today, I found out the guy I have been sleeping with didn't actually break up with his girlfriend. She just moved for a few weeks during quarantine. They are now living with each other, and I'm alone and confused. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1648

You deserved it

386

Tweet

Share

By Big Baby - 28/1/2017 00:00

Today, I was awoken by my wife patting my head and talking in her sleep, asking, "Who is this? Who am I touching?" She then rolled over and farted on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7352

You deserved it

779

Tweet

Share

By - 29/11/2019 20:00

Last act

Today, while making out with my boyfriend of a month, he started rubbing my boobs. He told me that he wanted to get some action before he broke up with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2948

You deserved it

224

Tweet

Share

By itssomething - 1/3/2016 20:15 - Netherlands - Utrecht

Today, my closest encounter to having sex in the last four months was getting chlamydia from Russell Brand. In a dream. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20468

You deserved it

2603

Tweet

Share

By Anon - 10/6/2012 04:19 - United States

Today, neither of my parents fought for my custody. FML

I agree, your life sucks

57737

You deserved it

3741

Tweet

Share

By coius - 6/5/2020 08:00

Rock, hard place

Today, after years of high blood pressure and 3 meds for it, a doctor informed me my blood pressure is going too low, and I'm passing out. I've been told to stop the meds. This followed an increase in my meds because it's killing my kidneys. So my choices are kidney failure, or passing out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1890

You deserved it

133

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 25/9/2012 22:35 - United States

Today, I asked my husband to watch our daughter while I ran a few errands. While he treated himself to a long nap, she decided our fish needed a bubble bath, and squeezed out an entire bottle of dish soap. I came home to bubbles all over the floor, five dead fish, and one sleeping husband. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28082

You deserved it

3021

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 9/11/2014 18:23

Today, I sat my son down for a talk about how he's been too lazy to brush his teeth lately. I said "Son, we need to have a chat about oral hygiene." He rolled his eyes, sighed, and said he already knew to clean "it" before a girl went down on him, and asked if he could go already. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42399

You deserved it

5480

Tweet

Share

By Tytonic - 20/1/2020 05:00 - United States - Havertown

First dates

Today, after my first dinner with my new girlfriend, I was using a toothpick when I fell, stabbing the roof of my mouth. She then laughed at me, as there was so much blood. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1759

You deserved it

374

Tweet

Share

By Christina - 5/12/2011 05:41 - Canada

Today, I noticed an old bell at the bar so I rang it. It turns out that when you ring the bell, you buy shots for the whole bar. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16726

You deserved it

49626

Tweet

Share

By Kelsie - 12/12/2009 15:41 - United States

Today, my mother thought it would be okay to take my camera and erase all of my pictures that included my graduation, party, and my sisters wedding. Her excuse? "We need more room for Katie's birthday." Katie is our pet cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38499

You deserved it

4044

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 7/9/2009 22:08 - United States

Today, my boyfriend of 4 years proposed to me. I said yes and he gave me an engagement ring. He immediately went to call his mom to tell her the happy news. After the phone call, he asked if he could return the ring because his mom needed money. FML

I agree, your life sucks

57349

You deserved it

3852

Tweet

Share

By Bwberry - 29/11/2017 19:00

Today, I spent hours hand-painting an awesome design on a gift for a friend. My husband was supposed to assemble it when I finished, but when I stepped back to admire my work, he informed me that the whole thing was sideways. He watched me paint it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3160

You deserved it

422

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 28/12/2010 12:08 - United States

Today, I came home from a year long backpacking trip in Europe. During my absence my parents divorced, dad took the house and most of the money, sister is seven months pregnant, brother was arrested for statutory rape, and my mom pawned all my stuff to buy booze to "cope." Oh, and my fish died. FML

I agree, your life sucks

95143

You deserved it

5461

Tweet

Share

By loser - 19/6/2011 08:44 - United States

Today, I got officially uninvited to a party. This is the third one this month. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33275

You deserved it

8295

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 31/1/2018 01:30

Today, while leaving a job site, I put a bundle of pipe on my bosses van, picked up a few tools, and left for the day. He called screaming 30 minutes later to inform me that I didn't strap the pipe to the rack. It slid off the van and hit the car in front of him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2016

You deserved it

4524

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 1/10/2010 13:47 - United Kingdom

Today, when I stopped at a light, I tossed a banana peel into a field along the side of the road. The man behind me got out of his car, picked up the banana peel and threw it back into my car at me. When I tried to tell him it was biodegradable, he told me to "stop making up words." FML

I agree, your life sucks

28714

You deserved it

33501

Tweet

Share

By thatsfine - 14/7/2013 22:52 - United Kingdom - Guildford

Today, my sister announced her pregnancy at my husband's funeral. FML

I agree, your life sucks

64524

You deserved it

3252

Tweet

Share

By Stargirl - 28/2/2017 07:00 - United States - Modesto

Today, in an attempt to support and encourage my efforts in getting a new job, my boyfriend said, "Imagine having triple what's in your bank account right now!" Triple what's in my bank account right now would be exactly $38.94. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5928

You deserved it

706

Tweet

Share

By Deadman - 2/4/2012 13:37 - United States

Today, my dad came home drunk at four in the morning. He walked into my room, screaming at me to wake up so he can kill zombies. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25786

You deserved it

2511

Tweet

Share

By Someone - 16/4/2014 00:20 - Canada - Windsor

Today, our family went to a water park. The park's mascot came up to greet us, and my daughter got scared. She then refused to go inside, so we had no choice but to leave. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38946

You deserved it

5786

Tweet

Share

By Christine - 24/12/2016 17:56

Today I woke up with an extremely bad flu and severe nausea. As I rolled around wanting to die I remembered that 4 days prior, I had hoped to get a cold to skip a compulsary carol service for my Catholic school. Now, on Christmas Eve, I just want to say, be careful what you wish for. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6243

You deserved it

1689

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 15/7/2009 02:17 - United States

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because I didn't call her in the last few days. I tried to explain to her that I was out at my grandfather's house in a remote place with no cell service to stand by him on his death bed. She thought I was making excuses and called me a lying bastard. FML

I agree, your life sucks

58723

You deserved it

4540

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By satanic_fml | 13

#5568437 - Saturday 6 July 2013 20:14

watch porn in a language you don't know

By Catkam623 | 27

#5568442 - Saturday 6 July 2013 20:15

Mute it, then sit back and fill the dialogue with complex grammer sentences. You'll be done in no time.

COMMENTS

By satanic_fml | 13

#5568437 - Saturday 6 July 2013 20:14

watch porn in a language you don't know

Reply

epicwaffles | 7

#5568452 - Saturday 6 July 2013 20:17

Don't read the comments OP.

Reply

epicwaffles | 7

#5568514 - Saturday 6 July 2013 20:45

Don't restate something someone else has already said OP.

Reply

greenmen | 12

#5568517 - Saturday 6 July 2013 20:47

Get off porn maybe do something else

Reply

challan | 19

#5568539 - Saturday 6 July 2013 20:58

What else is there on the internet besides FML and porn?!

Reply

MzZombicidal | 36

#5568546 - Saturday 6 July 2013 21:02

#32, Don't forget about those silly cat videos!

Reply

slooby_fml | 25

#5568604 - Saturday 6 July 2013 21:52

Fan fiction

Reply

Narutosuns2fan | 12

#5568650 - Saturday 6 July 2013 22:37

I think that in itself would be a turn off.

Reply

fsomelife | 26

#5568735 - Sunday 7 July 2013 0:42

#32 -- I was going to thumb your comment up, but you're at 69...

Reply

ThePK | 5

#5568820 - Sunday 7 July 2013 1:45

Foreign language...exotic stuff you might find ;)

Reply

shitsville | 13

#5569080 - Sunday 7 July 2013 6:45

Anime, here I cum! (pun intended)

Reply

Doritozilla | 20

#5569123 - Sunday 7 July 2013 8:24

#34 Sims has an option of watching two hours of cat videos on the internet. lol

Reply

haj_fml | 4

#5569325 - Sunday 7 July 2013 13:48

Well they're a Nazi - watch it in German..

Reply

MrBoredomioo | 18

#5669689 - Thursday 12 September 2013 5:33

no

By LordDoodle | 17

#5568439 - Saturday 6 July 2013 20:14

Just get up and walk away.

Reply

Damian95 | 16

#5568592 - Saturday 6 July 2013 21:44

Well that would completely ruin the situation...

Reply

bigtaytay | 13

#5568666 - Saturday 6 July 2013 22:44

I was gonna go with stop being a grammar fag

By capnbzarr | 43

#5568441 - Saturday 6 July 2013 20:15

You should learn to mind your own diction.

Reply

RobotSpaceWalrus | 5

#5568554 - Saturday 6 July 2013 21:09

That was pretty brilliant. Thank you.

By Catkam623 | 27

#5568442 - Saturday 6 July 2013 20:15

Mute it, then sit back and fill the dialogue with complex grammer sentences. You'll be done in no time.

Reply

catwho | 18

#5568613 - Saturday 6 July 2013 21:59

You mean people actually listen to what's being said in a porno?

Reply

shibeep | 12

#5568616 - Saturday 6 July 2013 22:02

Focus on the shitty music.

Reply

Catkam623 | 27

#5568618 - Saturday 6 July 2013 22:04

He [email protected]

Reply

Jjimen1654 | 9

#5568633 - Saturday 6 July 2013 22:16

#4 but then you can't hear the moans. :(

Reply

Lomus | 24

#5569940 - Sunday 7 July 2013 23:25

*grammar #4, please.

Reply

ermagherdaturdis | 26

#5572437 - Tuesday 9 July 2013 18:48

.

By MagicalOrphan | 6

#5568443 - Saturday 6 July 2013 20:16

You're the worst kind of person and you should feel bad

By mxij | 13

#5568448 - Saturday 6 July 2013 20:17

Watch one of the schoolgirl ones. I bet those are grammatically correct, it is a real school right?

Reply

TheBrochure | 22

#5568583 - Saturday 6 July 2013 21:40

Well, if she gets it wrong, she's sure to be "punished."

Reply

Corrupt_waffles | 13

#5573175 - Wednesday 10 July 2013 4:56

Dean, you are confusing real life with porn again.

By cuppycakeslove | 20

#5568453 - Saturday 6 July 2013 20:17

Life is going to be very difficult for you.

Reply

perdix | 29

#5568530 - Saturday 6 July 2013 20:56

Challenging, to be sure. He can always go to the library and find literate chicks to bang.

By PimpdaddyCJT | 13

#5568456 - Saturday 6 July 2013 20:18

That be a very hard situation.

Reply

ashieee143 | 18

#6354023 - Saturday 18 July 2015 19:58

Nah it's not that hard anymore xD

By littlem91 | 29

#5568463 - Saturday 6 July 2013 20:24

Do you have the same problem if a girl says grammatically incorrect phrases during sex?

Reply

xxGheTToGumbYxx | 16

#5568531 - Saturday 6 July 2013 20:56

Something tells me OP hasn't quite got there yet.

Reply

Ilovemisery | 6

#5568696 - Saturday 6 July 2013 23:17

You don't say full sentences during sex. The worst that could happen using moans wrong.

Reply

littlem91 | 29

#5568742 - Sunday 7 July 2013 1:07

Could say "Oh god you good". Instant turn off for a grammar nazi!

Reply

therealafroninga | 10

#5569545 - Sunday 7 July 2013 18:44

Or, she could say, "Oh god your good," instead of "Oh god *you're good."

By Wizardo | 33

#5568464 - Saturday 6 July 2013 20:24

Just listen to music over it, no biggie.