Today, I realized my sister has a yeast infection. How, you ask?...

By Anonymous - 6/10/2015 21:57 - United States - Fort Worth

Today, I realized my sister has a yeast infection. How, you ask? Her tube of yeast infection cream and my tube of toothpaste look remarkably similar. I'm still trying to get the taste out of my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24654

You deserved it

3175

Favorite

Miscellaneous

Gordon Ramsey called, you're an idiot sandwich

Noise

Ambien conversations are the worst

By yeshehaspornaddiction - 2/7/2013 04:37 - United Kingdom - Derby

Today, my boyfriend told me to completely shave off all of my already-groomed pubic area because, "It looks so unnatural." Ignoring the obvious lack of logic, I asked him why he keeps his totally ungroomed. Turns out "Men having hair is okay. Women aren't supposed to, though." FML

I agree, your life sucks

56768

You deserved it

13337

Favorite

By Anonymous - 26/7/2013 03:15 - United States - Kannapolis

Today, I was in a training about the newest changes in CPR. The trainer was discussing chest compression techniques and said she prefers "good, fast, hard pumping." I was the only one who snickered out loud, drawing several annoyed looks from the other trainees. I'm a 45-year-old doctor. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42699

You deserved it

20419

Favorite

By nerd_man01 - 10/7/2009 19:20 - United States

Today, my younger brother, who is 15, had to show me the quickest way to take off a woman's bra. I'm 12 years older than he is. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50303

You deserved it

13725

Favorite

By spekledworf - 5/8/2014 23:46 - United States - Plymouth

Today, as I wandered through the streets of an unfamiliar city, I spotted a cop and darted across the street to ask for assistance. He kindly gave me directions as he wrote me out a citation for jaywalking. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41039

You deserved it

10092

Favorite

By Anonymous - 30/12/2011 19:23 - United Kingdom

Today, I met my father for the first time since I was a baby. The first comment out of his mouth was, "I bet all the boys love those motherfucking bazongas, don't they?" Hi, Dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48494

You deserved it

3750

Favorite

By jada - 4/1/2012 23:29 - United States

Today, I called my boyfriend over and over again and he never answered. His mom just called me and asked how I was holding up. I asked her what she meant and she had to tell me he checked himself into rehab because he was addicted to heroin. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37225

You deserved it

3625

Favorite

By Anonymous - 18/3/2015 07:06 - United States

Today, my dad spent 30 minutes incorrectly correcting me about our legal system. He thinks he knows more than me because he's been divorced twice. I'm a lawyer. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35016

You deserved it

2419

Favorite

By 0ros - 12/9/2009 22:13 - United States

Today, my wife and I were doing it when the phone rang. She answered it, and rode me while carrying on a more than a five minute conversation with her father. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29575

You deserved it

4339

Favorite

By Anonymous - 12/1/2012 11:54 - Sweden

Today, I've had chairs thrown at me, kicks have hit me in the nuts and I've heard "I'm gonna fucking kill you, bitch" several times. I work at a kindergarten. And this is a good day compared to what I'm used to. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43805

You deserved it

3810

Favorite

By Noname - 11/3/2009 07:37 - United States

Today, while showering in my dorm, a hand reaches through the curtain and grabs my ass. I hit the person on the other side of the curtain. He opened the curtain thinking that I was his girlfriend. He apologized and he had sex with his girlfriend in the shower stall next to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

75570

You deserved it

3585

Favorite

By russty - 17/1/2010 17:45 - United States

Today, I walked to my car to find a window smashed in. Lucky for me, nothing was stolen. It did, however, rain all morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28074

You deserved it

2349

Favorite

By stopinthenameoflove - 19/6/2014 14:37 - Ireland - Dublin

Today, my girlfriend thought it'd be witty to buy a miniature stop sign, and hold it up when she gets bored during sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks

54956

You deserved it

15355

Favorite

By one cock too many - 4/8/2020 05:02

Who's been a naughty girl?

Today, I found out I’m the guy whose wife made adult films in college. Although embarrassed, I thought I may be able to get past it. Except for the fact that we dated in college, and she insisted we wait until after we were married to have sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2282

You deserved it

235

Favorite

By ishweta56 - 17/1/2009 22:57 - United States

Today, me and my friend are sitting here on fmylife.com while our boyfriends are out clubbing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14480

You deserved it

26320

Favorite

By Mills - 18/1/2010 11:49 - United States

Today, my estranged, alcoholic father decided to tell me I have a sister. After 30 mins of him describing how beautiful she is and how much we look alike and how she has lived one town away from me her entire life, I was excited to the point of tears. Too bad she died a year ago. Thanks dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46098

You deserved it

2318

Favorite

By jakethed0g - 10/8/2011 21:37 - United Kingdom

Today, I was camping with my family, and had to share a tent with my 13 year old brother. During the night he had to pee, but instead of going outside to use the bathroom, he zipped open a section of the tent, stuck his knob through it, and peed all over my shoes that were drying outside. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33214

You deserved it

3046

Favorite

By McChunky =( - 9/3/2009 08:25 - United States

Today, I was with my family at a buffet getting dessert. As I had my chocolate cake in hand, I grabbed an extra slice of cheesecake for my mom because I knew she would like a slice. Upon returning to my table, a couple walking behind me commented, "See, that's why Americans are so obese." FML

I agree, your life sucks

52865

You deserved it

9119

Favorite

By -_- - 7/10/2015 11:29 - United States - San Francisco

Today, at a soccer game held by my girlfriend's family, some idiot went to kick the ball, missed by a mile, and hit the ground hard. So I started a slow, sarcastic clap. I got a load of angry looks, followed by verbal abuse when we found out he'd split his head open on the ground. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12935

You deserved it

32244

Favorite

By Anonymous - 27/8/2019 22:00 - Australia - Perth

Today, I desperately needed a mental health day, so I took the day off work and got some junk food and wine. A few hours later, I'm in hospital with gallstones and pancreatitis, needing an emergency surgery. My mental health day turned into multiple weeks off work, and a lot of pain. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1437

You deserved it

171

Favorite

By theboy6494 - 10/8/2009 20:47 - United States

Today, I came home early from business trip in Paris, I bought an engagement ring. I was going to take my girlfriend of 2 years out and propose to her. I sneak into my house as a surprise and she's having it off with another man. Now I have a ring that I can only return in France. FML

I agree, your life sucks

63119

You deserved it

4136

Favorite

By Anonymous - 19/1/2011 03:08 - Singapore

Today, my sister used my mobile phone to call her boyfriend who is married with children. His wife found my number on his phone and thinks that I am my sister. Since then, she has been calling me non-stop, calling me a 'prostitute' each time. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32961

You deserved it

5398

Favorite

By Anonymous - 9/10/2018 16:00 - United States - Portsmouth

Today, my wife asked me to come talk to her in the bedroom. Thinking she wanted to have a quickie while her sister was spending time with our son, I rushed into the room. She didn't want a quickie, she wanted a divorce. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4755

You deserved it

425

Favorite

By Anonymous - 28/11/2012 06:32 - United States - Madison

Today, my husband quit his job as a university professor and picked up the graveyard shift at a rat farm so he could have more time during the day to play World of Warcraft. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36561

You deserved it

3370

Favorite

By Anonymous - 12/6/2011 06:37 - United States

Today, my apartment burned to the ground. I was packed and ready to move out tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks

59531

You deserved it

3328

Favorite

By Anonymous - 10/4/2012 20:57 - United States - Muskegon

Today, my boyfriend decided that he didn't need a real job. He wants to sell pot for a living. Or hang drywall. He can't decide. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31223

You deserved it

6692

Favorite

By Tibblesthepengwin - 14/2/2010 17:43 - United Kingdom

Today, I went to the store to buy a new lego set, only to find there weren't any left in stock. I started crying before I could make it out of the store. Oh, and I'm eighteen. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11498

You deserved it

46322

Favorite

By ygma - 1/12/2015 16:39 - United States - Mansfield

Today, my extremely religious grandmother disowned me for watching Supernatural. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26337

You deserved it

2746

Favorite

By wlisy - 30/9/2019 18:00

Drugged?

Today, I went to spend time with friends. The next thing I knew, I was waking up in my bed with several blocked contacts and text messages, saying that what I did was unacceptable. No drugs or alcohol were involved, and I have no memory of this. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1558

You deserved it

212

Favorite

By anonymous - 4/11/2014 12:03 - Canada - North Vancouver

Today, I was giving my boyfriend a blowjob. I was laying in between his legs because it's just more comfortable. I looked down, and he had pieces of toilet paper sticking out of his butt cheeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks

53037

You deserved it

8437

Favorite

By cutiekenz21 - 31/7/2011 00:45 - United States

Today, my boyfriend's mother walked in on us having sex. He started crying and ran into the bathroom where my clothes were located, leaving me to deal with his mother. Naked. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45589

You deserved it

8327

Favorite

By me - 6/5/2013 00:56 - United States - Floresville

Today, my 6-year-old daughter walked into the bathroom where I was grumbling about my weight. Seeing how upset I was, she took my hand and said, "Mom, you're not fat. You just look fat." FML

I agree, your life sucks

52415

You deserved it

6911

Favorite

By SCARRED - 29/8/2014 20:15 - United States - Kansas City

Today, I walked in on my dad giving my mom a striptease. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50597

You deserved it

7537

Favorite

By Anonymous - 3/12/2010 03:42 - United States

Today, my annoying and disrespectful roommate discovered Pandora. She also discovered that she can play Christmas music on Pandora. Only 23 more days until Christmas. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26364

You deserved it

4209

Favorite

By isuckatparking. seriously. - 16/1/2019 02:00

Today, I was in a hurry to get to my exams. I’m a new driver so my parking was a little crooked but I didn’t have time to fix it. I was expecting to come back to a note on my car. I wasn’t expecting three of my tires to be slashed and the words “I Suck At Parking” to be keyed into my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2744

You deserved it

991

Favorite

By Anonymous - 20/6/2020 14:02

Smash capitalism

Today, I was basically treated to, "Hey, you're laid off by the end of the month. Oh, and would you mind training your replacement? We have budget cuts, and he works for less." FML

I agree, your life sucks

1507

You deserved it

Favorite

By Crazy Cat-less Lady - 31/10/2016 04:38

Today, my mom asked me if I was a lesbian because I haven't brought a guy home in over 7 years. Nope. I'm just a crazy cat lady, minus the cats. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9684

You deserved it

1144

Favorite

By JustSom - 5/5/2015 02:03 - United States - Falls Church

Today, I finally got my 14-year-old son to aim while using the bathroom. If only I could get my husband to do the same. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29333

You deserved it

3027

Favorite

By Anonymous - 12/9/2020 08:02

That's that, then

Today, I walked in on my brother having sex. With my boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2032

You deserved it

159

Favorite

By Eleanor - 6/5/2019 08:00 - United States - North Grafton

Today, my freshman students got in a fist fight over a chair. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1545

You deserved it

108

Favorite

By Unhappymothersday - 17/5/2012 20:41 - United States - Raleigh

Today, I woke up to the sound of my car being stolen. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28403

You deserved it

2147

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By Emmamazing | 26

#6428863 - Wednesday 7 October 2015 11:47

Well hopefully she doesn't use the toothpaste instead.

By gosh_mate | 30

#6428866 - Wednesday 7 October 2015 11:48

That's pretty gross... Maybe you should ask her to keep those sorts of things separated.
Then just brush your teeth a few more times with a new toothbrush!

COMMENTS

By Emmamazing | 26

#6428863 - Wednesday 7 October 2015 11:47

Well hopefully she doesn't use the toothpaste instead.

Emmaray | 16

#6428909 - Wednesday 7 October 2015 13:08

"Didn't realize I got the mint option. Oh wait.. there wasn't a mint option.." :-|

kaed | 16

#6428926 - Wednesday 7 October 2015 13:40

That's another FML just waiting to happen...

By Cads1 | 24

#6428864 - Wednesday 7 October 2015 11:47

Are your eyes painted on?

princeofgirl | 18

#6429269 - Wednesday 7 October 2015 23:11

What sense did that make?

Mandybruin | 15

#6429673 - Thursday 8 October 2015 8:11

Actually that was kind of funny. I LOL'd. ;-)

weswheatley | 14

#6430425 - Friday 9 October 2015 4:31

I assume OP was just tired, like you are when you brush your teeth

By gosh_mate | 30

#6428866 - Wednesday 7 October 2015 11:48

That's pretty gross... Maybe you should ask her to keep those sorts of things separated.
Then just brush your teeth a few more times with a new toothbrush!