Miscellaneous: Today, I realized my sister has a yeast infection. How, you ask?...

By Anonymous - United States - Fort Worth

Today, I realized my sister has a yeast infection. How, you ask? Her tube of yeast infection cream and my tube of toothpaste look remarkably similar. I'm still trying to get the taste out of my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24667

You deserved it

3178

Favorite

Miscellaneous

F*** my overweight life

Trans women are women

Near the knuckle

By alliwantisabandaid

Today, I cut my finger deep on an envelope at work and started bleeding profusely. When I asked my co-worker for a band-aid, she told me to get back to work and stop making up excuses to try and hit on her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34068

You deserved it

3958

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Pleasanton

Today, I told my parents I was pregnant. They yelled at me until I started crying. I'm 31, married, and I have a good paying job. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30764

You deserved it

1929

Favorite

By rejected - United States

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because he has "commitment issues". He said he "cared" for me but didn't "love" me. He did this 30 minutes after we'd hooked up and said we loved each other. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21569

You deserved it

4925

Favorite

By Anonymous - Germany - Wuppertal

Today, my coworker keeps loudly saying things like, "Oh, now THIS!" If I don't ask, "What?" she pouts. If I do ask, she tells me, at length and with very bad grammar, how every one of our colleagues and partners is either stupid, rude or out to get her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1509

You deserved it

159

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I nervously introduced my mother to my new boyfriend. I had to sit and watch her flirt with him for an hour. When I took her in the other room and confronted her about it, she said, "Don't you dare ruin this for me!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

46551

You deserved it

3345

Favorite

By ugly - United States

Today, I was volunteering at a school. There's this really bratty boy there and he was being rude, so I joked, "How are you ever gonna get a girlfriend when you're so mean?" He responds, "I think the better question is how are you ever gonna get a boyfriend when you're so ugly." He's 7. FML

I agree, your life sucks

76365

You deserved it

19534

Favorite

By prisym

Today, I found the $3,200 engagement ring I dropped in my yard. I ran over it with my lawnmower. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3301

You deserved it

753

Favorite

By Jaymail - 17/5/2020 17:00

You snooze, you lose

Today, I saw some really nice dining room chairs sitting out on the curb waiting for the garbage man. I went to the door to ask the owners why they were throwing them out. They told me it was because they had just bought new furniture. While I was talking to the owner, somebody else picked them up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1538

You deserved it

466

Favorite

By gatorhead - United States

Today, while eating lunch, one of my friends told a joke that made everyone at the table laugh. Apparently, the guy standing behind me overheard and was laughing too. So much in fact that he spewed the red Gatorade he was drinking all over the back of my white shirt and hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30372

You deserved it

2477

Favorite

By first time at McDonald's in months... - United States

Today, I was at McDonald's. As I left the counter with the food, I heard the cashier mutter, "Fat ass." I turned around and demanded to see the manager. Once he came and heard the situation, he looked at me and said, "Well, it's not like he's wrong, right?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

43122

You deserved it

19247

Favorite

By starrybrooke - United States

Today, while working the dinner rush at my job, every single computer, credit card machine, and printer froze for an hour and a half. The reason behind this issue was a large wire ripped from the mainframe, the same wire I tripped over 20 seconds before while my boss watched. FML

I agree, your life sucks

55432

You deserved it

9896

Favorite

By tiredmom - United States - Phoenix

Today, my son found a cockroach in his bed. I had to kill the thing and wash all his sheets and stuffed animals before he'd finally agree to go back to bed, three hours later. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11256

You deserved it

1545

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was getting a pedicure and the woman sitting next to me asked the lady if she could take the skin she had scraped off my feet home to her birds because they love skin. She then describes for 20 minutes how her birds love to sit on her when her sunburn is peeling and eat her skin. FML

I agree, your life sucks

89162

You deserved it

4360

Favorite

By Anonymous - Canada - York

Today, I asked my best friend if he would do me the honour of becoming my son's godfather. He replied, "Um, that's just rude. You know I'm an atheist." Huh? FML

I agree, your life sucks

27125

You deserved it

8424

Favorite

By Anonymous - 28/12/2020 05:01

Tasty

Today, despite having the choice of several bowls of clean water in the house, as well as puddles and ponds outside, my cat was drinking out of a pot I was soaking in the sink. She doesn’t seem to mind the taste of dish soap. FML

I agree, your life sucks

607

You deserved it

Favorite

By Anonymous

Man vs Boy

Today, it was my first day at a new gym, which cost a fortune. Some skinny teen who had clearly never lifted in his life dropped a weight while I was stretching and broke my ankle. Money down the drain. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4863

You deserved it

279

Favorite

By tingleballs - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I put some of my wife's eucalyptus oil in my bath to make it relaxing. I soon found out the amount I used was about 100 times more than you're supposed to use. It took an hour of burning agony to find out the only way to get even a hint of relief was to cover my nuts in yoghurt. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14747

You deserved it

5202

Favorite

By poopedon - Canada

Today, I was at the beach and fell asleep in the sun. When I woke up, there was a blob of sunscreen on my leg. Thinking it was my boyfriend who was sweet enough to squeeze sunscreen for me, I rubbed it into my leg. After smelling my hands, I discovered it was bird poop. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49849

You deserved it

18061

Favorite

By eMmA01 - United States

Today, I was walking into class when the guy i like walked in and said "Gross it smells like grandma in here. What, did someone bathe in their perfume today?" I was the only girl in the room and I just bought new perfume. I thought I smelled good, apparently I didn't. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46302

You deserved it

13595

Favorite

By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, at a nightclub, a cute girl started hitting on me. I got into it and we danced. Just as she started getting frisky with me, a guy shoved me off, smacked me to the floor with a right-hook, and shouted, "That's what you get for touching my woman." FML

I agree, your life sucks

32733

You deserved it

4710

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Gorham

Today, my grandmother saw me for the first time in years. "Not all your clothes have to be as tight as condoms, you tramp," is probably the nicest greeting she's ever given me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33139

You deserved it

9061

Favorite

By Anonymous

Today, I was T-boned at an intersection. In an ambulance. On the way to the hospital after being T-boned at an intersection. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42523

You deserved it

2055

Favorite

By Anonymous - Philippines - Philippine

Today, I found out the fund-raiser my uncle ran to raise money for his cancer treatment was all a sham, that he doesn't even have cancer, and that the money was to fund a coke habit nobody knew he even had. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34730

You deserved it

2369

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was at a baseball game. I was eating my nachos when all of the sudden I woke up in the hospital, with my dad sitting next to the bed. Apparently, I was hit with a foul ball. He kept the ball for himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38602

You deserved it

3174

Favorite

By - United States - Rockville Centre

Today, my girlfriend of 3 months broke up with me via text and said she was keeping the cat. I've had the cat since for seven years since she was a kitten. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3234

You deserved it

204

Favorite

By ReallyUniverse??

Today, at work as a dog groomer, two dogs gave me bloody bites, completely unprompted. I went home in tears, so my family got Chinese takeout to cheer me up. My fortune cookie read, "It is not the size of the dog in the fight, but the size of the fight in the dog that counts." FML

I agree, your life sucks

4704

You deserved it

452

Favorite

By moxy

Today, I got into a car accident. Why? I was distracted by a floating spec of dust and was pretending I was in space. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9637

You deserved it

65609

Favorite

By Anonymous

Make it easy on yourself

Today, I had depressive feelings, so I decided to write about it to find out what was bothering me, and let go of the negative thoughts. While doing so, I had a panic attack. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1470

You deserved it

187

Favorite

By raven_of_azarath

Today, I found out my 15-year-old cat is having gas problems when she farted in my face. My mouth was open. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1451

You deserved it

285

Favorite

By drinkdrankdrunk - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I woke up from a night of heavy drinking to find my girlfriend dumped me. Apparently I drunk-called her last night and told her that someone as beautiful as her could be with someone way better than me. She agreed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44102

You deserved it

17798

Favorite

By Stinky - United States

Today, at 2am, I heard a strange sound coming from the hallway. I walked over, only to discover my drunk boyfriend pissing in the closet. On my favorite shoes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35082

You deserved it

4877

Favorite

By bad luck Bianca - United States - Houston

Today, I saw a stick in my car and picked it up to throw it out the window. The "stick" turned out to have eyes. It was a dead lizard. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26760

You deserved it

10170

Favorite

By Anonymous - Germany - Felsberg

Today, I heard my boyfriend telling a female friend that his ex was so gorgeous and out of his league that it made him feel inadequate, and so he now only dates within reach. She told him he's hot enough to have anyone he wants. 30 seconds later they were tongue-deep in each other's throat. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28258

You deserved it

1940

Favorite

By E-fail - 7/10/2020 08:53 - Canada - Bathurst

On yer bike

Today, I received my new e-bike. I could barely afford it but I desperately needed a method of transportation. On my second ride, I splashed through a fresh sidewalk. There was sidewalk in the chain, in the brakes, everywhere. There goes my brand new bike. FML

I agree, your life sucks

522

You deserved it

1192

Favorite

By cdubb27 - United States

Today, while at the gym, I noticed a foul smell while on elliptical machine. I figured it was the little old lady on the machine next to me. It was so bad I had to leave. When I got in my truck, I realized the smell had followed me. It was me. My cat had pissed on my workout clothes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28985

You deserved it

8961

Favorite

By dontbadouche - Senegal

Today, I heard the sound of footsteps in the basement. Thinking it was burglars I grabbed a baseball bat and hurried down the stairs. I then tripped on the stairs, fell down them and smacked my head on the bat. The sound of footsteps I heard? It was my cat playing in some cardboard boxes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26633

You deserved it

7208

Favorite

By level6 - United States

Today, after constantly checking my email for a week, I finally got a letter saying that I was accepted to take a test for a job position. The only problem is I was scheduled to test today, eight hours ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29286

You deserved it

3456

Favorite

By emih - United States

Today, my boyfriend came to my workplace and presented me with a lock of his hair. His pubic hair that he'd just cut. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25427

You deserved it

3115

Favorite

By Shrekkk

Today, I accidentally connected my phone to my mum's headphones while watching porn. FML

I agree, your life sucks

770

You deserved it

2359

Favorite

By Lonely, I am so lonely - United Kingdom - Sheffield

Today, a friend posted a photo on Facebook of a meal with all of our other friends. The same meal they'd told me just yesterday had been cancelled. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13959

You deserved it

878

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By Emmamazing | 26

#6428863 - Wednesday 7 October 2015 11:47

Well hopefully she doesn't use the toothpaste instead.

By gosh_mate | 30

#6428866 - Wednesday 7 October 2015 11:48

That's pretty gross... Maybe you should ask her to keep those sorts of things separated.
Then just brush your teeth a few more times with a new toothbrush!

COMMENTS

By Emmamazing | 26

#6428863 - Wednesday 7 October 2015 11:47

Well hopefully she doesn't use the toothpaste instead.

Emmaray | 16

#6428909 - Wednesday 7 October 2015 13:08

"Didn't realize I got the mint option. Oh wait.. there wasn't a mint option.." :-|

kaed | 16

#6428926 - Wednesday 7 October 2015 13:40

That's another FML just waiting to happen...

By Cads1 | 24

#6428864 - Wednesday 7 October 2015 11:47

Are your eyes painted on?

princeofgirl | 18

#6429269 - Wednesday 7 October 2015 23:11

What sense did that make?

Mandybruin | 15

#6429673 - Thursday 8 October 2015 8:11

Actually that was kind of funny. I LOL'd. ;-)

weswheatley | 14

#6430425 - Friday 9 October 2015 4:31

I assume OP was just tired, like you are when you brush your teeth

By gosh_mate | 30

#6428866 - Wednesday 7 October 2015 11:48

That's pretty gross... Maybe you should ask her to keep those sorts of things separated.
Then just brush your teeth a few more times with a new toothbrush!