By Anonymous - 15/9/2018 06:00

W.T.F.

Today, while getting dressed, I discovered that when my brother and his friends got drunk last night one of them wanked into a pair of my panties and put them back in my wardrobe. The crusty mess pressed right into my groin. I had to clean dry spunk out of my pubic hair. FML

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The end of the road

Overbearing much?

Bustin' my ass

By radiating - 9/3/2012 04:53

Today, my hay-fever started. I'm five months pregnant, and every time I cough, sneeze or blow my nose I either fart or wet myself. FML

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By anonymous - 20/11/2011 11:31 - United States

Today, I caught my husband once again looking at half naked pictures of a friend of mine on Facebook. When I asked why he did it, he said "I was checking to see if they were still there." FML

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By Anonymous - 26/12/2009 19:46 - United States

Today, the painting I worked on for three weeks was rejected from an art contest because the rules prohibit fan art. It wasn't fan art. They mistook it for Twilight fan art. FML

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By NeverLookingAgain - 30/12/2016 04:16 - United States

Today, I faced my fears. I've always had a weird fear of looking out of windows at night, afraid a face would suddenly appear. When I heard a strange noise outside, I looked out the window. Sure enough, the face of a man suddenly appeared. FML

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By starving_freelancer_forever - 18/9/2017 16:00

Today, I found out the works council won't let the company offer me the job for which I was the only applicant because the council requires 3 years experience with the company. I've only been here for 2 years, 10 months, and 26 days. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/11/2010 05:21 - Canada

Today, while eating dinner with my family, I found out my boyfriend recorded me screaming while having sex with him on my phone, and set it as my ring tone on high volume. FML

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By heshay - 28/10/2010 04:27 - United States

Today, my boyfriend was seated in my section at work. As he sees me his face drops... he's on a date. He had forgotten I work there. I had to serve him and his date, and they didn't leave a tip. FML

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By imaginationdarling - 13/5/2014 23:42 - United States - Phoenix

Today, I was at my retail job and we had to change the mannequin's outfit. I had to hold her while my manager grabbed the new outfit. I rested my head on her naked plastic chest, and it was the closest I've got to affection in years. FML

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By no low five - 30/11/2011 11:17 - United States

Today, my fiancé insists that instead of kissing at the crucial moment of our wedding ceremony, we should give each other a high five. FML

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By Anonymous - 17/4/2015 19:50 - Argentina

Today, my boss showed me a two-page letter from a customer, complaining about me because I couldn't honor a coupon that expired in 2009. He agreed that I did the right thing by refusing it, but said it would be a black mark on my record anyway due to the complaint. FML

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By fastfoodslave - 6/9/2014 06:11 - United States - Northampton

Today, while working at McDonald's, a woman returned to the drive thru because her fries weren't hot enough. She was so angry about coming back that she threw her cold fries at me through the window and told me to "choke on them." FML

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By thanksdad - 16/3/2014 19:28 - Ireland - Dublin

Today, I found out what it feels like to be slapped in the face with a potted cactus. FML

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By Anonymous - 8/4/2011 15:30 - United States

Today, I finally found a reason to quit smoking. I threw my cigarette butt out the window and it blew back in, went down the back of my pants, and burnt my butt in 3 different places. FML

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By Oh Cock - 10/10/2015 15:15 - United Kingdom - Watford

Today, I realised just how much my favourite pornstar looks like my sister. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/8/2013 14:54 - France

Today, I asked out a guy at work that I really like. He just stared at me and said, "Honestly? I'd rather smash my balls with a mallet. No offense." FML

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By Anonymous - 24/9/2020 20:03 - Australia

FML every way you look at it

Today, I had an enjoyable Tinder date, but I wasn't feeling any physical attraction because of her short hair. I let her know, to which she replied, "I don't like it either but growing it after chemo is a slow process." FML

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By Anonymous - 4/12/2009 17:36 - United States

Today, it was my first day with new contacts, but I found out they make my eyes red and itchy. Today was also the day I had a very important meeting. They think I showed up stoned. FML

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By hopeless - 8/7/2009 01:12 - United States

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me and refused to give me back the condoms I'd just bought. Why? Because she wants to use them with the guys she's been cheating on me with. FML

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By therealducktape - 20/8/2010 22:03 - France

Today, I got back from a two week holiday only to discover my dog missing. After looking for him at animal shelters and putting up missing pet signs, my room mate admitted he lost him in a game of drunk poker. FML

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By TheRoad42 - 20/8/2013 12:54 - United States - Baton Rouge

Today, when I got back to my dorm, I found a trail of ants trying to shove a dead roach into a power outlet. The front desk insists that there is no pest problem. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/8/2010 02:21 - United States

Today, while at work at a new job, my brother comes and takes my car. Along with all my money, my phone, and whatever else I had in my purse. His message to me through one of my co-workers was "walk home." FML

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By Grace - 20/6/2010 00:40 - United States

Today, a close friend pointed out to me how ironic it is that I make the Sim version of myself work out to lose weight, while I sit on my fat ass playing video games. FML

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By Sam - 28/11/2008 08:50 - France

Today, my dad surprised me by moving my bed (involving disassembling and reassembling it) in my new room, because I couldn't find how I wanted to set it up. He also took care of putting back my vibrator between the mattress and the base, where it was hidden. FML

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By badsinger - 4/6/2010 09:38 - New Zealand

Today, my fiancée told me she was having a bad day while we were lying in bed. Just as she was about to fall asleep I thought it would be sweet if I sang her a song that her Mom sang to her when she was a child. Instead, I was told to shut the fuck up and that I sucked. FML

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By rhcpgurl - 23/7/2015 15:07 - United States - San Jose

Today, after 2 months of searching, I finally found a good, stable job. How does the universe reward me upon waking up on my very first day? With a burning yeast infection. FML

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By Anonymous - 16/11/2010 08:07 - Canada

Today, a telemarketer found me so weird that he hung up on me. FML

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By Anonymous - 21/5/2020 05:00

TMI

Today, I was trying to teach my Aunt and Gran to use Google drive to share and upload pictures, when I scrolled past an image of my… yep. I didn't have a mirror when the pic was taken and I was concerned about a sore. Now they just think I'm a whore. FML

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By soonaked - 30/1/2010 00:02 - United States

Today, I was in the bathroom getting ready to take a shower. I took all of my clothes off, and stepped into the shower facing the knobs. When I turned around, I saw somebody standing in there with me. Apparently, my little brother and his friend were playing hide and seek, and I found his friend. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/12/2013 06:29 - Canada - Calgary

Today, at a restaurant, I happily watched as my boyfriend of three years got down on his knees and proposed to me. Before I could say yes and hug him, a girl flung herself at him, kissed him and shouted, "Yes!" With us still highly confused, she then ran away. FML

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By public pooper - 25/4/2013 00:16 - United States

Today, I was hanging out with a guy I really like. I let him use my phone, forgetting about the messages I'd sent about the consistency of my bowel movements. FML

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By macattack - 2/9/2011 02:29 - United States

Today, I was in my car with my window down at a red light. Outside, a sweet old lady was sitting on a bench with her dog sleeping next to her. I yelled out the window to tell her how cute her dog was. She replied, "He's dead" and cried. FML

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By -.- - 20/9/2013 23:58 - United States - Lakeside

Today, while riding the bus, the person next to me broke into a coughing fit. Fortunately, he covered his mouth. Unfortunately, he used my arm. FML

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By Alexander - 30/5/2010 16:53 - Russian Federation

Today, I found that my cats somehow managed to pull the plug of my fridge out of the socket. Several days ago. Now I have to get rid of a ton of stinking food and clean the stinking fridge. FML

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By wtf - 3/5/2014 16:50 - Germany - Ramstein

Today, I had a nightmare and woke up in a cold sweat. My girlfriend was in bed with me at the time, and swears I yelled out another girl's name. She considers this proof that I'm cheating on her, and now she won't even speak to me. FML

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By emegemerald - 4/7/2011 04:13 - United States

Today, I went to visit my great grandma. I saw that her dog had this red fluid on his ear, so I asked my grandma about it. She said she put red finger nail-polish in his ear so she could tell the difference between 'all' of her dogs. She only has one dog. FML

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By crier - 27/8/2013 18:34 - United States - Norfolk

Today, I realized the moans I make when masturbating sound like I'm crying. I realized this when my neighbor pounded on the door asking if I was okay. FML

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By shotdown - 2/12/2015 20:45 - United States - San Francisco

Today, after being sick all day with the flu, I asked my husband to wash the dishes after I went to bed. He said he couldn't because he had a large, important project for work that needed to get done. I woke up a couple of hours later to find him smoking weed on the couch and watching cartoons. FML

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By Maxie-Nathanial - 23/5/2010 09:10 - United States

Today, after having sex with my boyfriend, he played with and named my boobs. Complete with a full skit where "Maxie" killed "Nathanial." FML

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By confused_girl - 1/8/2013 05:10 - United States - Cedar Rapids

Today, I got the sex talk from my dad. It wouldn't have been so bad if he hadn't said "It's not the size of the stick, it's how you use it." I'm a girl. FML

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By Jack - 26/10/2009 06:32 - United States

Today, I was in minding my own business in bed in my dorm room. It was dark and my roommate came over, intending to slap my ass really hard. The problem is, I was lying face up. FML

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Top comments

By BurnInDemonFire | 30

#7672735 - Tuesday 7 August 2018 15:45

Let's hope it wasn't your brother's jizz.

By RichardPencil | 28

#7693730 - Saturday 15 September 2018 6:11

Hope you don’t get pregnant, or an STI!

COMMENTS

By interesting33 | 36

#7672492 - Tuesday 7 August 2018 3:37

ahem.... EWWWWWWWWWW!

By BurnInDemonFire | 30

#7672735 - Tuesday 7 August 2018 15:45

Let's hope it wasn't your brother's jizz.

Reply

nubs | 22

#7693761 - Saturday 15 September 2018 8:24

That thought added a whole new level of ewwwwww to this ...

By real life problems | 26

#7693729 - Saturday 15 September 2018 6:07

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

Reply

raven_of_azarath | 32

#7693744 - Saturday 15 September 2018 7:17

It’s totally not the pubic hair’s fault. And also, humans have pubic hair for a reason. We didn’t just grow hair there just for fun.

Reply

saberjpg | 6

#7693882 - Saturday 15 September 2018 15:37

And what would that reason be?

Reply

ThatGuy9679 | 13

#7694093 - Sunday 16 September 2018 2:19

why don't you take a seat over there?

Reply

Xavia91 | 4

#7707930 - Friday 12 October 2018 22:16

all those people who can't take a joke <.<

By RichardPencil | 28

#7693730 - Saturday 15 September 2018 6:11

Hope you don’t get pregnant, or an STI!

Reply

real life problems | 26

#7693731 - Saturday 15 September 2018 6:14

I have an STi too, except mine is all wheel drive and has 305hp 😂

Reply

Marta Perlicka | 13

#7693774 - Saturday 15 September 2018 8:57

Since op said that it was “crusty” I don’t think that she can get pregnant off of dry semen, but I still would suggest going to get tested for STI.

By Nikki K | 10

#7693732 - Saturday 15 September 2018 6:14

this has all sorts of "amateur porn" written on it .

Reply

nubs | 22

#7693766 - Saturday 15 September 2018 8:36

How so? 👀

By pinksox | 9

#7693733 - Saturday 15 September 2018 6:20

What’s pubic hair?

Reply

real life problems | 26

#7693735 - Saturday 15 September 2018 6:27

You'll experience it in a few years

Reply

NostalgiaFreak9 | 40

#7693736 - Saturday 15 September 2018 6:51

You're too young for this app.

Reply

emh86 | 14

#7693741 - Saturday 15 September 2018 7:12

You’ll find out. And you’ll grow to hate it

Reply

pinksox | 9

#7693742 - Saturday 15 September 2018 7:12

Geez I didn’t know everyone was gonna take this seriously

By NostalgiaFreak9 | 40

#7693737 - Saturday 15 September 2018 6:53

Did you enjoy bathing in bleach after that experience?

By blightsight | 10

#7693745 - Saturday 15 September 2018 7:27

Too bad you can't create your own spunk, girly

By PenguinPal3017 | 19

#7693768 - Saturday 15 September 2018 8:39

Calm down, it's just a prank, bro!

By poururheartout | 17

#7693822 - Saturday 15 September 2018 11:56

I don’t think there has ever been a better time for someone to get a bikini wax