Intimacy and Health: W.T.F.

W.T.F.

By Anonymous - 15/09/2018 06:00

Today, while getting dressed, I discovered that when my brother and his friends got drunk last night one of them wanked into a pair of my panties and put them back in my wardrobe. The crusty mess pressed right into my groin. I had to clean dry spunk out of my pubic hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 931

You deserved it 578

Intimacy Health

Empathy lives

BO Central

Stay mad

04/02/2012 19:40 - United States

Today, my husband and I worked together on a very difficult yard project. Afterwards, I thanked him and offered him a special treat. He was disappointed to find I meant sex, not cookies. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 172

You deserved it 5 959

18/08/2019 02:00

Today, I found out why I haven't been getting my bank statements for the past couple of months. My parents have been hiding them from me, because they've been stealing from it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 107

You deserved it 131

19/10/2018 13:30

Today, as I was taking the garbage out, I tripped over my own feet, causing my knee to dislocate in such a way that it shattered the back of my kneecap and fractured my femur. I guess I won't be taking the garbage out again anytime soon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 861

You deserved it 191

02/10/2009 18:16 - United States

Today, I went to the doctor to try and get answers about the numbness and tingling in my right leg. The Dr told me I was too fat for my pants, and I pinched a nerve. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 557

You deserved it 40 485

Stuck in the middle with you

By Carrie - 28/03/2020 02:00

Today, I had to beg and argue with my boyfriend to get him to take a shower and brush his teeth. This has become a recurring argument now we're confined together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 593

You deserved it 259

16/07/2010 04:17 - France

Today, my wife, daughter, and I get to spend the next 4 hours in the ER. Why? Because we're all throwing up at the same time. At least it counts as a family activity. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 862

You deserved it 3 439

04/05/2009 04:40 - United States

Today, I donated blood for the first time, and all the nurses kept complimenting on how good my veins were. That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me in the past 2 months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 964

You deserved it 4 410

Deadbeat

By Anonymous - 19/08/2021 17:59

Today, I reached a year and a half of working from home by myself, while taking care of my baby, since my boyfriend left me when we got pregnant. Something he’d always pushed for. Guess in the end it was just me doing the pushing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 909

You deserved it 127

21/01/2011 00:10 - United States

Today, I called the college of my dreams to check the status of my application. Turns out they "never received" copies of my transcripts. They did however cash the $70 application fee that was mailed with them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 983

You deserved it 2 486

01/02/2012 08:19 - United States

Today, it was my first time having sex with this guy. After a few second he stops, sits in the corner of his room buff-naked, with his knees up and his hands on his face. He then pouts and claims it was his worst performance ever. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 556

You deserved it 4 122

11/09/2018 14:30

Today, I woke up to find out my cat pissed in my laundry from last night. This includes underwear, so I had to go commando. I grabbed an old T-shirt and pants at the bottom of a drawer and left for school. Turns out the pants had a hole in the crotch and my period was due. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 241

You deserved it 649

24/02/2012 01:54 - Canada

Today, I was so busy checking my phone for live bus arrival times I didn't notice the bus pull up, let the people beside me on and drive away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 349

You deserved it 43 082

16/05/2015 00:51 - Canada - Beamsville

Today, my overly-clean mum decided to drop by and surprise me by cleaning my house while I was out jogging. She used half a bottle of bleach, and now it hurts to blink, let alone breathe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 083

You deserved it 2 837

29/05/2011 18:22 - United States

Today, against my wishes, my family and I went swimming with sharks. While in the shark cage, a shark got within a few feet of us. My cowardly bowels objected and caused me to shit myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 889

You deserved it 11 691

10/12/2016 11:33

Today, I had environmental science class. My teacher doesn't believe humans are affecting climate change or that we should protect endangered species. He slants class discussions so now all my classmates agree with him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 095

You deserved it 1 097

14/09/2012 20:47 - New Zealand - Dunedin

Today, I learned that you can be so sleep deprived that you sleep through your alarm, a construction crew outside your house, and your bladder completely voiding itself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 045

You deserved it 2 772

14/04/2009 13:48 - United States

Today, during dress rehearsal before the show, I came in with crutches pretending I broke my leg as a joke. I then threw away the crutches, laughed and then fell down some stairs. I am now in crutches with a broken leg. I was the lead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 715

You deserved it 93 377

08/11/2013 23:50 - United Kingdom - Coventry

Today, I was watching some episodes of The Walking Dead with my boyfriend, after recently introducing him to the series. A scene involving Carl came on, and my boyfriend said, "God damn. You ever give me a kid that annoying, I'll shoot both of ya right in the head." FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 895

You deserved it 7 452

16/07/2010 19:38 - Netherlands

Today, it's my 18th birthday. I was telling my friends a story when my mom started talking. I simply said 'Mom...' so she'd realize she interrupted me. She gave me the finger and called me rude in front of all my friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 574

You deserved it 6 245

Too late

By Anonymous - 01/03/2015 13:31 - United Kingdom - Guildford

Today, while on the train heading to my new job, my coat caught between two seats. I didn't notice until my stop. I whacked myself in the face in front of everyone trying to get it free, and ended up missing my stop. When I finally got to work, I was told not to bother coming in again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 307

You deserved it 2 776

24/09/2009 16:16 - Canada

Today, I got flowers at work. I was excited until I saw they were from my good friend saying, "Sorry for sleeping with your boyfriend!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 669

You deserved it 2 847

30/10/2010 13:40 - France

Today, while my boyfriend and I were fighting in the car, I paused to take a bite of my burrito. Just at that moment, he slammed on the brakes, causing me to deepthroat my burrito. I threw up all over myself. He won the argument. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 737

You deserved it 8 862

05/01/2012 16:58 - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend dumped me, all because he's scared of my mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 728

You deserved it 5 699

29/10/2009 00:53 - Canada

Today, the guy I was seeing put candles all over his room to make things romantic. As we were getting it on, a plastic bag caught fire next to the bed. He had the brilliant idea to wave it around to put it out. Burning pieces of plastic landed on my arm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 233

You deserved it 3 301

06/02/2016 03:24 - United States - Franklin

Today, at my minimum wage job, we received a half-way decomposed dog found in a lake. It was my job to tear open the bag and try to identify the breed and color. It would've been easier if the body wasn't crawling with maggots. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 459

You deserved it 1 814

30/01/2015 04:53 - Germany - Greifswald

Today, I came back to my dormitory after a long shift at work. After using the toilet, I looked at myself in the mirror, only to find a huge piece of food stuck between my front teeth. I work at one of the fanciest restaurants in town; nobody bothered to tell me anything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 337

You deserved it 2 780

17/09/2011 00:25 - Canada

Today, my family came to see me in my first acting role in Romeo and Juliet. It all went reasonably well for the first half hour or so, after which my seemingly shitfaced aunt started heckling and saying "that's what she said" after every line, before eventually being thrown out by security. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 738

You deserved it 2 424

02/05/2013 15:59 - United States - Overland Park

Today, I learned my husband has what he calls "grumpy wife sex" specifically to cheer me up. I don't know if I'm more annoyed that he casually mentioned it after we've been together for 10 years, or that it actually works. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 563

You deserved it 14 746

28/12/2018 14:00

Today, my mother opened her birthday gift in front of my entire family. Two days ago, I ordered an essential oil diffuser and flesh light from Amazon. Guess which one she got? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 211

You deserved it 3 318

Rage Quit

By Redsnation - 08/08/2017 05:02

Today, my older brother said that if he beat me in a game of NBA 2k17, he would get to keep my PS4. I beat him so badly that he got angry and destroyed my PlayStation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 664

You deserved it 502

07/03/2011 09:19

Today, I was awoken by my neighbor pounding on my back door at 3 am, only to look outside and see my car engulfed in flames. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 025

You deserved it 3 054

He's a very naughty boy

By Anonymous - 26/09/2019 14:01

Today, I found out that my roommate is starting a religion in which he doesn't believe in humanly things, such as paying rent. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 467

You deserved it 132

25/02/2012 06:33 - United States

Today, I got asked out for the second time in my life. Since my first date didn't go so well I thought I might have better luck with a different guy. I had to end the date when he confessed it was his destiny to kill his father. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 898

You deserved it 2 789

It never rains…

By Anonymous - 25/04/2020 08:00

Today, I was at work when I got a call to say my grandad died. When I was walking out to my car, I realised someone had stolen all my hubcaps. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 686

You deserved it 82

23/03/2018 19:00

Today, I saw that my biological father took his 2 favorite daughters on a luxury cruise to celebrate his birthday. I didn't find out until the pictures were posted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 577

You deserved it 248

30/03/2015 10:30 - United States - Cincinnati

Today, my parents walked in on me, having sex. No, I wasn't having sex. They were. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 079

You deserved it 3 771

03/01/2011 19:50 - United States

Today, my boyfriend told me there was a tick on my shoulder and that he would remove it so I shouldn't worry. After about a half hour, lots of blood, and a ton of pain, he told me it was just a mole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 790

You deserved it 5 030

Insane parents, part 38765

By Anonymous - 31/12/2020 09:32 - Sri Lanka - Colombo

Today, my mum vented her anger on me by shattering my mouse on the floor, taking my keyboard and nearly ripping out my monitor. At least a spare mouse and the on screen keyboard are better than nothing. This hurts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 796

You deserved it 99

01/02/2012 01:11 - United States

Today, while driving to work in heavy traffic, I got so into the song I was listening to that I tapped my foot on the gas to the beat. I rear-ended the car in front of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 690

You deserved it 48 341

08/12/2016 17:23 - United States - Denver

Today, my car got stuck in a foot of snow. I tried desperately digging around my wheels to see if it would help. I was finally able to get out 10 minutes later only to realize that I had dropped my phone in the snow while I was digging and had run over it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 787

You deserved it 1 008

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Top comments

BurnInDemonFire 32

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Tuesday 7 August 2018 15:45

Let's hope it wasn't your brother's jizz.

RichardPencil 30

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Saturday 15 September 2018 6:11

Hope you don’t get pregnant, or an STI!

interesting33 36

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Tuesday 7 August 2018 3:37

ahem.... EWWWWWWWWWW!

BurnInDemonFire 32

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Tuesday 7 August 2018 15:45

Let's hope it wasn't your brother's jizz.

nubs 22

Saturday 15 September 2018 8:24

That thought added a whole new level of ewwwwww to this ...

real life problems 26

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Saturday 15 September 2018 6:07

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

Show it anyway

raven_of_azarath 34

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Saturday 15 September 2018 7:17

It’s totally not the pubic hair’s fault. And also, humans have pubic hair for a reason. We didn’t just grow hair there just for fun.

saberjpg 6

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Saturday 15 September 2018 15:37

And what would that reason be?

ThatGuy9679 13

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Sunday 16 September 2018 2:19

why don't you take a seat over there?

Xavia91 4

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Friday 12 October 2018 22:16

all those people who can't take a joke <.<

RichardPencil 30

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Saturday 15 September 2018 6:11

Hope you don’t get pregnant, or an STI!

real life problems 26

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Saturday 15 September 2018 6:14

I have an STi too, except mine is all wheel drive and has 305hp 😂

Marta Perlicka 13

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Saturday 15 September 2018 8:57

Since op said that it was “crusty” I don’t think that she can get pregnant off of dry semen, but I still would suggest going to get tested for STI.

Nikki K 10

Saturday 15 September 2018 6:14

this has all sorts of "amateur porn" written on it .

nubs 22

Saturday 15 September 2018 8:36

How so? 👀

pinksox 9

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Saturday 15 September 2018 6:20

What’s pubic hair?

real life problems 26

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Saturday 15 September 2018 6:27

You'll experience it in a few years

NostalgiaFreak9 40

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Saturday 15 September 2018 6:51

You're too young for this app.

emh86 14

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Saturday 15 September 2018 7:12

You’ll find out. And you’ll grow to hate it

pinksox 9

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Saturday 15 September 2018 7:12

Geez I didn’t know everyone was gonna take this seriously

NostalgiaFreak9 40

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Saturday 15 September 2018 6:53

Did you enjoy bathing in bleach after that experience?

blightsight 10

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Saturday 15 September 2018 7:27

Too bad you can't create your own spunk, girly

PenguinPal3017 19

Saturday 15 September 2018 8:39

Calm down, it's just a prank, bro!

poururheartout 17

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Saturday 15 September 2018 11:56

I don’t think there has ever been a better time for someone to get a bikini wax

Nearly

Today, I just had the best sex in all my life. After that, my ex-girlfriend dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52

You deserved it 6

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 114

You deserved it 8

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend came out as a polyamorous, and then immediately asked me if he could date another guy I thought was my friend. I’m such a pushover, I said yes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 81

You deserved it 264

Today, I have an internal defibrillator from trauma to my heart 12 years ago. I finally experienced for the first time what it's like when it shocks me. Nothing says I'm a keeper like getting kicked in the chest and smacked upside the back of the head with a baseball bat while clapping cheeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 594

You deserved it 69

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