By Anonymous - 15/9/2018 06:00

W.T.F.

Today, while getting dressed, I discovered that when my brother and his friends got drunk last night one of them wanked into a pair of my panties and put them back in my wardrobe. The crusty mess pressed right into my groin. I had to clean dry spunk out of my pubic hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5791

You deserved it

557

Tweet

Share

Everyone's an expert

Business savvy

Creepy

By Anonymous - 21/11/2010 18:44 - United States

Today, while working as a carhop at Sonic, my roller skates ran over some gravel and I fell, causing me to drop a tray of food. I found out later that one of the customers had deliberately done that to see if I would trip. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35244

You deserved it

2786

Tweet

Share

By screwed - 22/12/2010 17:56 - Canada

Today, I accidentally walked in on my roommate while she was changing clothes. She insisted on telling her boyfriend what had happened, because, "It wouldn't feel right" if she didn't. Her boyfriend is a MMA fighter/bodybuilder and has major jealousy issues. I'm screwed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45149

You deserved it

4215

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 24/9/2019 18:00

Chewbacca goes surfing

Today, my wax appointment cancelled on me, we’re supposed to be going to Hawaii in the morning and now I can’t wear a bikini because my stomach and back are hairier than my husband's. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1365

You deserved it

401

Tweet

Share

By AdoKitty - 11/6/2015 03:04 - United States - Redlands

Today, the 4-year-old I was babysitting came up to me all happy, saying she went to the bathroom like a "big girl". Knowing she was just potty trained, I asked if she'd remembered to flush. Looking at me confused, she said, "But it's in my room." FML

I agree, your life sucks

28906

You deserved it

2240

Tweet

Share

By bam.93 - 14/4/2020 17:00

Creepy

Today, my supervisor asked me to help him for some modifications on an Excel sheet. I helped him for some stuff, but couldn't help him completely. He said to me, " Try to learn more about Excel, I want someone to satisfy my needs." FML

I agree, your life sucks

1357

You deserved it

165

Tweet

Share

By madisonnkelly - 6/7/2015 03:18 - United States - Dallas

Today, I was laying in bed facing my dad. In the middle of our conversation, I noticed he became interested in something behind me. I turn around to the sight of my mom lifting up her shirt, flashing her boobs. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28278

You deserved it

3044

Tweet

Share

By Hipnog - 7/11/2015 14:33 - Czech Republic

Today, I realised how damn creepy I am because I get nervous and smile when someone looks at me, and no it's not one of those smiles you'd love looking at, it's a smile straight out of a horror movie. I made a bunch of children run away. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22380

You deserved it

2667

Tweet

Share

By scarred - 17/9/2018 15:30

Today, I saw a naked woman for the first time. Too bad it was my 73-year-old grandmother, who was doing gymnastics in the nude. I can’t unsee this. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3333

You deserved it

353

Tweet

Share

By screwthewilderness - 4/10/2010 06:46 - United States

Today, I visited my vacation cabin. I've been planning to sell it, and it was in perfect condition when I last visited about 6 months ago. I walked in the door to find the floor covered in muddy pawprints and bloody remainders of meals. It appears some bears moved in during my absence. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30838

You deserved it

3614

Tweet

Share

By 14YearOld - 25/11/2011 17:17 - United Kingdom

Today, I found out my parents have a list of everything I have ever Googled. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39759

You deserved it

7962

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 29/11/2010 04:05 - United States

Today, I realized I've been driving for almost two years and still get excited when I park between the lines on my first try. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22296

You deserved it

20827

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 12/7/2019 00:01 - Poland - Warsaw

Today, yet again, I got into an argument with my dad. I have a PhD in the subject. But he's "entitled to his opinion", for, as he said, he's read a summary of the history of the country in a tourist guidebook, and the general view doesn't have to be based on more detailed information. He also corrects me when I speak the language, which he doesn't know. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1766

You deserved it

162

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 16/2/2014 19:21 - United States - Glasgow

Today, I walked in on my dad singing along to a song on Sesame Street. He tried to divert attention from what I'd just witnessed by angrily grilling me over "just barging in" and not respecting people's privacy. Apparently he forgot that we were in the living room. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40071

You deserved it

3803

Tweet

Share

By Oops - 23/5/2010 09:21 - Australia

Today, while out with my boyfriend I accidentally let out a rather large fart. I was in such shock the only sentence I could make was "I farted." Clearly he was in shock too because the only words he could utter were "I know." FML

I agree, your life sucks

21133

You deserved it

29834

Tweet

Share

By sucks - 12/3/2009 17:53 - United States

Today, I decided to tell my mom about my choice to wait to have sex until after marriage. Coming from a very christian family I thought she would be proud. Instead she laughed and said, "is that your excuse for not being able to get laid?" and walked out of the room. FML

I agree, your life sucks

294248

You deserved it

53805

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 9/3/2010 07:47 - United States

Today, I was driving back home after hanging out with some friends. I drove pass a woman standing next to a broken down car. I felt bad, so went back and offered her a ride home. Turns out it wasn't her car and she was a hooker. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26213

You deserved it

4572

Tweet

Share

By Alex White - 2/5/2016 16:50 - Canada - Westerose

Today, my husband was using the microwave when we suddenly hear a huge 'POP'. The good news is we found our daughter's missing hamster. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22348

Phew, glad it wasn't me

4718

Tweet

Share

By annoyed - 24/9/2017 01:30

Today, I received an email from my insurance company about a claim that happened over a month ago when I hit someone from behind. I was very apologetic and stated it was my fault, and now they're trying to claim replacement vehicle costs. I was going under 10mph and their car only had a scratch. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3565

You deserved it

468

Tweet

Share

By Mmm - 25/7/2015 10:10 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my girlfriend asked me to get her a pregnancy test. After using it, we couldn't find how to tell if she was or wasn't pregnant. After about 10 minutes of waiting, Google searching, and tension, I realized I had bought an ovulation test. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13320

You deserved it

22959

Tweet

Share

By oldmama728 - 28/4/2011 11:07

Today, I once again told my son he needed a job and a girlfriend because I simply could not keep him in my house anymore. He yelled, "No, I can do whatever I want!" Then went back to playing video games. He's 38. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33257

You deserved it

46107

Tweet

Share

By phonesage - 13/12/2010 20:29 - United States

Today, I went to meet the girl I'd been talking to online for a while, and fallen in love with. When I arrived at her house, my brother answered the door and took a picture of my shocked face. He and his girlfriend had planned the entire thing because I'm apparently the most gullible member of the family. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45171

You deserved it

10378

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 6/9/2014 22:19 - United States - Cottonwood

Today, my boyfriend canceled his plans to attend my father's wake, not even 10 minutes after he found out there won't be any alcohol on offer. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37880

You deserved it

4063

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 9/9/2015 00:03

Today, I caught two kids passing notes to each other in my class, so I told them to see me afterwards. When one of the kids eventually came up, I noticed he was crying. He looked up at me and sobbed out, "I was trying to make my first friend!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

28292

You deserved it

7591

Tweet

Share

By JN5SLK - 8/11/2013 22:29 - United States - Salt Lake City

Today, I walked into my dorm room, only to witness my roommate shaving her vag over my trashcan. FML

I agree, your life sucks

55864

You deserved it

4602

Tweet

Share

By dust - 27/1/2012 06:54 - Japan

Today, I found out that due to the fact that I got divorced, the insurance for my car is going up. A year after she took everything, she is still costing me money. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28871

You deserved it

3303

Tweet

Share

By Milk Dispenser - 12/3/2019 05:00 - United States - Herriman

Today, breastfeeding my infant has become so automatic that when my dog nuzzled up against me while I was sleeping, I lifted up my shirt and unhooked my nursing bra. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1881

You deserved it

326

Tweet

Share

By lingling - 16/12/2012 00:57 - United States - Germantown

Today, some beefed-up guy wearing a wife-beater sat in my restaurant, took out a big sack of coins, and played My Little Pony songs on the jukebox for 4 hours straight. I couldn't summon the courage to tell him to leave. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27980

You deserved it

5935

Tweet

Share

By brokeasscollegelife - 20/11/2015 21:25 - United States - Tallahassee

Today, I biked to the store to buy a new lock, since biking is my only form of transportation. I left my bike unattended for the last time, only to come back with a new chain, but no bike. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22493

You deserved it

3409

Tweet

Share

By wideman - 28/2/2009 07:59 - United States

Today, I was at church and saw a blind teenager who obviously felt lost. Feeling like I should help I went over and asked if he needed anything. He said, "I can't find my caretaker." I asked, "What does she look like?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

18438

You deserved it

65338

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 15/10/2012 07:54 - South Africa

Today, my fiancé spent three hours arguing with his mom about how Scientology is a cult followed by simple-minded asshats; she shouted at him saying Xenu will come and fuck his shit up for not believing. This woman is going to be my children's grandmother. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24987

You deserved it

2503

Tweet

Share

By ELLI - 2/10/2017 04:30

Today, all of my friends showed up an hour late for my 18th birthday party because they decided to go get dinner without me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4221

You deserved it

253

Tweet

Share

By anon - 22/11/2015 06:40 - United States - Costa Mesa

Today, I told my dad that scientists discovered a new sea creature. He said it was all b.s and that scientists just make things up to cover conspiracies. I'm a biological sciences major. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22256

You deserved it

1660

Tweet

Share

By Tang - 27/2/2017 08:00 - United States - Fort Lauderdale

Today, I asked my boyfriend why he wasn't on Facebook for the last two days. It turned out his father found out we were talking, and banned him from logging on. He's 19. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5746

You deserved it

536

Tweet

Share

By okseñoryoucrazy - 2/2/2015 00:43 - United States - Tacoma

Today, I found out that my 2-year-old brother is afraid of his own penis. Whenever he doesn't have a diaper on, he screams, cries and yells, "Ew". FML

I agree, your life sucks

33914

You deserved it

2925

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 4/8/2015 01:28 - United States - Anchorage

Today, I met my wife's mistress, at the maternity ward in the hospital, after she gave birth to our second child. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25618

You deserved it

2118

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 28/10/2010 04:44 - Canada

Today, my little cousin is going to be staying at our house for a year or so, because of financial problems. It wouldn't be so bad if it weren't for the fact that every single night he creeps up on me while I'm sleeping, and shouts "GO F YOURSELF!" directly into my ear. Only another 11 months to go. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32143

You deserved it

3461

Tweet

Share

By littleman - 6/4/2012 11:32 - United States

Today, I realized I'm too short to use the urinals at work. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31321

You deserved it

2966

Tweet

Share

By diva467 - 3/10/2009 18:41 - United States

Today, I was on a date with a guy having a great time. I went up to go to the ladies' room, but as I walked back to the table, I heard some giggles. I looked and found out why. My skirt was tucked into my underwear. I was wearing my lucky Star Wars-themed panties. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37670

You deserved it

15072

Tweet

Share

By iloveretail - 8/8/2016 19:14 - United Kingdom - Nottingham

Today, a woman threatened to stab my eyes out because I wouldn't let her into the shop I closed and locked up half an hour ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14734

You deserved it

795

Tweet

Share

By SkinsCastSelection - 17/1/2011 20:13 - Belgium

Today, in high school, we had a presentation about sex, condoms, etc. After a while, the lady explained that we should get to know our sexual organs better. "For example, my daughter looks at her vagina in front of a mirror to check it out." I’m her daughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks

66283

You deserved it

6814

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By BurnInDemonFire | 30

#7672735 - Tuesday 7 August 2018 15:45

Let's hope it wasn't your brother's jizz.

By RichardPencil | 28

#7693730 - Saturday 15 September 2018 6:11

Hope you don’t get pregnant, or an STI!

Comments

By interesting33 | 36

#7672492 - Tuesday 7 August 2018 3:37

ahem.... EWWWWWWWWWW!

By BurnInDemonFire | 30

#7672735 - Tuesday 7 August 2018 15:45

Let's hope it wasn't your brother's jizz.

Reply

nubs | 22

#7693761 - Saturday 15 September 2018 8:24

That thought added a whole new level of ewwwwww to this ...

By real life problems | 26

#7693729 - Saturday 15 September 2018 6:07

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

Reply

raven_of_azarath | 32

#7693744 - Saturday 15 September 2018 7:17

It’s totally not the pubic hair’s fault. And also, humans have pubic hair for a reason. We didn’t just grow hair there just for fun.

Reply

saberjpg | 6

#7693882 - Saturday 15 September 2018 15:37

And what would that reason be?

Reply

ThatGuy9679 | 13

#7694093 - Sunday 16 September 2018 2:19

why don't you take a seat over there?

Reply

Xavia91 | 4

#7707930 - Friday 12 October 2018 22:16

all those people who can't take a joke <.<

By RichardPencil | 28

#7693730 - Saturday 15 September 2018 6:11

Hope you don’t get pregnant, or an STI!

Reply

real life problems | 26

#7693731 - Saturday 15 September 2018 6:14

I have an STi too, except mine is all wheel drive and has 305hp 😂

Reply

Marta Perlicka | 13

#7693774 - Saturday 15 September 2018 8:57

Since op said that it was “crusty” I don’t think that she can get pregnant off of dry semen, but I still would suggest going to get tested for STI.

By Nikki K | 10

#7693732 - Saturday 15 September 2018 6:14

this has all sorts of "amateur porn" written on it .

Reply

nubs | 22

#7693766 - Saturday 15 September 2018 8:36

How so? 👀

By pinksox | 9

#7693733 - Saturday 15 September 2018 6:20

What’s pubic hair?

Reply

real life problems | 26

#7693735 - Saturday 15 September 2018 6:27

You'll experience it in a few years

Reply

NostalgiaFreak9 | 40

#7693736 - Saturday 15 September 2018 6:51

You're too young for this app.

Reply

emh86 | 14

#7693741 - Saturday 15 September 2018 7:12

You’ll find out. And you’ll grow to hate it

Reply

pinksox | 9

#7693742 - Saturday 15 September 2018 7:12

Geez I didn’t know everyone was gonna take this seriously

By NostalgiaFreak9 | 40

#7693737 - Saturday 15 September 2018 6:53

Did you enjoy bathing in bleach after that experience?

By blightsight | 10

#7693745 - Saturday 15 September 2018 7:27

Too bad you can't create your own spunk, girly

By PenguinPal3017 | 19

#7693768 - Saturday 15 September 2018 8:39

Calm down, it's just a prank, bro!

By poururheartout | 17

#7693822 - Saturday 15 September 2018 11:56

I don’t think there has ever been a better time for someone to get a bikini wax