Health: Today, my girlfriend referred to her yeast infection as "making...

By themuffinman - 27/12/2011 15:15 - Japan

Today, my girlfriend referred to her yeast infection as "making bread." I can never look at bread the same way. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 660

You deserved it 3 213

Health

Good kid

Stop talking!

Taking the piss

By mild banana - 16/06/2016 16:55 - United States - Cedar Hill

Today, I was kicking my soccer ball with my father. My mom pulled out in the car without checking and ran into to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 899

You deserved it 1 206

By pooraf - 04/08/2016 14:42 - United States - Urbana

Today, I got mugged. I almost felt sorry for him: he got a $15 cell phone, a frozen debit card, a credit card with only $50 of credit left on it, and no cash. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 305

You deserved it 1 586

By meens42 - 30/09/2013 08:04 - United States

Today, my dad asked me to stop calling him "dad" because it’s too weird for his girlfriend’s kids to hear, because they call him dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 146

You deserved it 2 821

By Cody - 30/04/2011 06:13 - United States

Today, I got pulled by a cop because I forgot to put my registration sticker on. I get nervous around authority and have nervous shakes. I ripped the registration sticker 3 times trying to put it on. The cop then gave me a ticket for "Improper Equipment". FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 657

You deserved it 7 023

By Noname - 11/03/2009 07:37 - United States

Today, while showering in my dorm, a hand reaches through the curtain and grabs my ass. I hit the person on the other side of the curtain. He opened the curtain thinking that I was his girlfriend. He apologized and he had sex with his girlfriend in the shower stall next to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 75 648

You deserved it 3 593

By AlexaSt2611 - 25/08/2010 00:08 - Paraguay

Today, I was enjoying a nice shower in the morning. While I was massaging the shampoo out of my hair, I saw the gardener walking past my bathroom window, yelling "Good morning" and waving in my direction. My left boob politely waved back at him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 500

You deserved it 28 303

By Rowansgonnarow - 05/07/2014 20:19

Today, a girl I recently slept with messaged me, explaining through a rendition of "Call Me Maybe" that she'd given me chlamydia. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 350

You deserved it 15 925

By Noname - 28/01/2009 11:03 - United States

Today, I gathered the courage to participate in a class discussion. My professor laughed at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 702

You deserved it 2 619

By Kate - 23/12/2012 08:24 - United States - Kansas City

Today, my boyfriend is seriously mad at me for telling his cat what he got it for Christmas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 886

You deserved it 8 945

Cujo 2: Electric Boogaloo

By Anonymous - 07/10/2019 22:00

Today, I was mauled by my own dog. I own a Chihuahua. FML

I agree, your life sucks 962

You deserved it 1 153

By Anonymous - 16/08/2018 23:37

Today, I had a CT scan done after hitting my head, for fear of a concussion. Good news: no concussion. Bad news: the tumor they "accidentally" found. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 734

You deserved it 216

By Elizabeth Ann - 10/05/2019 23:00

Today, at work, I fainted and hit my head. When I told my boyfriend, he said, “Why does it matter?” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 807

You deserved it 211

By Dexter_39476 - 24/01/2016 05:40 - Denmark - Copenhagen

Today, I found out my family refers to my room as "the virgin cave". FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 396

You deserved it 2 810

Dweebs

By XxtentaculonxX - 08/12/2012 22:52 - United Kingdom - Oban

Today, I was chatting to a friend on Facebook about girls, and why we're single. We somehow ended up admitting to one another that we'd never get girlfriends, finding out that we both like hentai porn, and trading info on Japanese sex toys. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 779

You deserved it 32 395

By bigmouth - 14/03/2009 08:43 - United States

Today, I met a really nice couple at a bar. We talked and the conversation eventually drifted towards online dating. I casually commented that hooking up through the internet was sad and pathetic. Turns out they met on Myspace. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 840

You deserved it 67 771

By issy - 21/09/2009 05:31 - United States

Today, while taking a shower in the dorm bathroom, my roommate thought it would be funny to steal my towel, robe, and key. I spent over an hour waiting for someone to come into the bathroom so I could ask them to bring me something to cover up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 636

You deserved it 3 620

By Anonymous - 27/07/2012 09:25 - United States - Toledo

Today, while working as a manager at a restaurant, the "All employees must wash hands" sign in the bathroom was stolen. Now my employees won't wash their hands because they "don't have to." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 055

You deserved it 2 583

By fml - 02/11/2016 08:45 - Singapore - Singapore

Today, the mall I work at started playing Christmas songs on repeat. It's the beginning of November. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 104

You deserved it 1 241

By BigPurplePresent - 28/07/2009 13:34 - South Africa

Today, I was really upset after work, and tearily asked my boyfriend to bring something over to cheer me up when he visited later. An hour or so later he arrived, having bought me a brand new large purple dildo to "brighten my mood". FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 941

You deserved it 18 054

By CandyMachine - 16/02/2011 23:58 - United States

Today, I went to the vending machine, put in a dollar, and reached down to grab my snack. The slot door wouldn't open, so I pushed it harder. I got my hand in, but the door got stuck again, this time with my hand inside. I tried to push with my other hand. It got stuck too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 771

You deserved it 9 814

By Anonymous - 07/06/2009 00:38 - Canada

Today, my cousin and I found out that when a girl puts a flower in the right side of her hair, it means she's available. The bigger the flower, the more available she is. My eleven year old boy cousin told me to cut down a palm tree and put it in my hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 72 210

You deserved it 7 321

By vomitgirl - 28/04/2015 05:24 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, during my shift at work, I started to feel really sick and started throwing up. While I had my head in a bag, I had several customers ask me for directions and another customer abuse me for my lack of service. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 046

You deserved it 2 435

By fail - 05/12/2010 06:35 - United States

Today, my boyfriend of two years called me on Skype while he was taking a crap. Think it's a sign that maybe we've been dating for too long. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 201

You deserved it 5 830

Ghost

By Braden - 28/10/2021 17:00

Today, I texted the guy I went out with last night. He'd told me he’d text me when he got home, but he never did. Cracking a joke, I asked him if he was homeless or something, since he broke his word. He replied, “No, I’m just not that into you. Have a nice life.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 849

You deserved it 414

By Diet_Water - 14/02/2016 05:01 - United States - Moreno Valley

Today, I wore my boyfriend's favorite shirt to surprise him and show him how sexy I look. He made me take it off and pay the bill for dry cleaner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 838

You deserved it 4 675

Doesn't add up

By Anonymous - 17/12/2021 05:02

Today, my coworker asked me to add her on Facebook. She has a common name, so I picked the one I thought was her. After no response for a while, I asked for the right spelling. She saw the one I thought was her and said, “I can’t believe you thought I was that ugly.” She wasn't joking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 647

You deserved it 187

By gdog10122 - 12/01/2013 09:52 - United States

Today, I found out that my dad, thinking it was an advertisement, threw away a letter from the college I applied to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 138

You deserved it 2 660

By IbetIgotAIDS - 12/09/2011 16:15 - United States

Today, I realized that the place that my brothers and I would find soggy balloons and blow them up when we were younger is where the prostitutes take their clients. We were blowing up used condoms for a good part of our childhood. FML

I agree, your life sucks 95 563

You deserved it 15 198

By snathans - 13/04/2009 18:42 - United States

Today, I took one of those IQ tests on the internet. I cheated and still got a 70. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 241

You deserved it 79 367

By Oraashi - 26/06/2012 17:18 - United Kingdom - Stoke-on-trent

Today, I confessed my feelings to the girl I've been in love with for three years. Her response was to well up, start crying, and ask me why I had to have chosen her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 188

You deserved it 2 867

By Anonymous - 18/11/2014 23:43 - Canada - Mississauga

Today, my self-esteem hit rock bottom when I was intimidated by a 10-year-old. I'm 23. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 704

You deserved it 6 738

By Anonymous - 19/09/2011 08:35 - Malaysia

Today, while in heavy traffic on the highway, a motorcyclist managed to t-bone my car. He picked himself up, glanced at the side of my car, and quickly drove off, all in the space of a few seconds. I just got an expensive paint job on this thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 762

You deserved it 3 014

By NeedALittleRoomToBreathe - 20/05/2017 02:00

Today, after having set up a date with a wonderful guy who seems to really like me, I caught a cold. I have also lost most of my voice because of it, so I now sound like an angry, deranged goose when I talk. This will be the first time he meets me in person. So much for a good first impression. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 603

You deserved it 352

By Anonymous - 16/02/2012 01:54 - United States

Today, I started speaking gibberish in the middle of the conversation with my mom to see if she would notice. She didn't. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 031

You deserved it 3 097

By tantanpanda - 24/06/2015 12:44 - United States

Today, I was swimming my routine laps at the gym's pool and a man came in and swam in the adjacent lane. While swimming freestyle, I smelled a really nasty fart. Not a minute later, he hurriedly left. I didn't realize what he had done until I saw "floating particles" in the water. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 416

You deserved it 1 930

Love is hell

By singlepringle - 07/04/2021 01:57 - United States

Today, I was having a chuckle at the girl who used to torment me since she’s on her fourth marriage. Then I realized she’s gotten four handsome, rich men to marry her, while I’m still hopelessly single and haven’t had a boyfriend since high school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 850

You deserved it 317

Don't catch you slippin' now

By Anonymous - 28/12/2021 17:01

Today, I somehow miscounted the steps on the staircase I've used multiple times a day for 20 years, then fell all the way to the bottom. Doctors say I fractured my coccyx, which is basically the ass bone at the bottom of my spine. I can neither sit or lie on my back for at least 6 weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 937

You deserved it 117

By WaxOnWaxOff - 06/09/2012 21:50 - United States - Denver

Today, I realized that my boyfriend really does have a problem with my upper-lip hair. I woke up this morning to him ripping a wax strip off of my face. All he could say after I stopped shrieking was that he had hoped it wouldn't wake me up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 377

You deserved it 9 642

By chew toy - 25/05/2017 11:00 - United Kingdom - Newcastle Upon Tyne

Today, I went to see my sister and took a couple of dog biscuits for her dog. I forgot about them until later when I realised I had a hole in my pocket, near my crotch. The dog pointed this out by chomping my balls to get to the biscuits. My attempts to remove him resulted in more vigorous chewing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 123

You deserved it 772

By Anonymous - 03/02/2010 20:04 - United States

Today, I walked outside, slipped, busted my head, and had to get 7 stitches. Turns out my son thought it would be funny to spray the sidewalk with water last night so it would freeze. He got a laugh, and I spent over $100 on the stitches. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 367

You deserved it 2 901

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Top comments

thatgirlinoregon 21

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Tuesday 27 December 2011 18:53

At least she didn't compare it to brewing beer!

derpster 7

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Tuesday 27 December 2011 19:04

Your picture is making me ill. I don't care about your comment, the picture alone deserves a thumbs-down.

supersmeg12345 10

Tuesday 27 December 2011 18:53

That's just nassssty. Probably sour dough bread too

omfg_creepers 8

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Tuesday 27 December 2011 18:57

Almost as nasty as your profile picture ;)

derpster 7

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Tuesday 27 December 2011 19:04

Your picture is making me ill. I don't care about your comment, the picture alone deserves a thumbs-down.

Liimitless 6

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Tuesday 27 December 2011 19:06

I concur

48Connor 10

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Tuesday 27 December 2011 19:12

What do you call an anorexic girl with a yeast infection? A quarter pounder with cheese! That was awful. Just awful.

FarSide 22

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Tuesday 27 December 2011 19:16

When she can serve up a stack of blue waffles, message me.

Damn_Hippster 11

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Tuesday 27 December 2011 20:15

I was eating a sandwich on whole wheat bread when I read this, excuse me while I throw up now...

changesinme 0

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Tuesday 27 December 2011 20:38

Great, when does her bakery open?

enonymous 8

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Tuesday 27 December 2011 21:51

I'm brewing up a bad case of crab and clam chowder in my pants. Your gf and I should get together and make lunch

graham11 14

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Wednesday 28 December 2011 0:12

No, it was a vanilla cupcake ;)

CapnAwesome 11

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Wednesday 28 December 2011 2:03

Can you(1) please change your fucking picture?? Thats really disgusting!!!!!

ohmandapants 16

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Wednesday 28 December 2011 7:18

^ I don't think he really gives a shit. I mean it's nasty, but whatever.

Alexunited1212 2

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Wednesday 28 December 2011 18:29

23- Cedar Rapids :)

thatgirlinoregon 21

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Tuesday 27 December 2011 18:53

At least she didn't compare it to brewing beer!

Savra_fml 17

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Tuesday 27 December 2011 19:09

Did you really have to bring beer into this?

thisisafunnyname 12

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Tuesday 27 December 2011 22:53

I guess it's good ol vodka from now on

OnlyOnFML 0

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Tuesday 27 December 2011 18:54

Mmmmmm. Bread.

AlaskanEskimo34 0

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Wednesday 28 December 2011 6:28

Check out OP's name.... that's legit

WaSiSimiLang 8

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Wednesday 28 December 2011 18:03

It's a great excuse to eat her now! Sexually I mean. Bad pun is intended

xoxokelsey11 5

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Tuesday 27 December 2011 18:57

yummy bread.

PaulB123 11

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Tuesday 27 December 2011 18:59

What type of bread does she eat!?!

PaulB123 11

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Tuesday 27 December 2011 20:03

10-4

Sarah_moustache 9

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Tuesday 27 December 2011 18:59

At least it isn't a different type of pastry. .... Blue waffle D:

Liimitless 6

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Tuesday 27 December 2011 19:07

Yumm

EddiE_CN 8

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Tuesday 27 December 2011 19:19

I really need to stop reading FMLs while eating.

Zeppelin1969 5

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Tuesday 27 December 2011 21:29

^^ I agree ^^

trippythehippy 6

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Wednesday 28 December 2011 2:43

Twat muffins?

mynameisminho 0

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Wednesday 28 December 2011 7:59

i agree.. D:

twogingers1fire 7

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Tuesday 27 December 2011 19:01

Oh you didn't know? That's how all bread is made.

InvaderAmi 4

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Thursday 29 December 2011 2:23

OH GOD, I CAN NEVER EAT BREAD AGAIN

EllyMo 15

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Tuesday 27 December 2011 19:03

Did you put a bun in the oven? I'd check your baguette.

Liimitless 6

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Tuesday 27 December 2011 19:04

Hopefully there's no piss in the oven haha

lrgenesis 19

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Tuesday 27 December 2011 22:06

Hahaha 13… just be sure to butter the bread after it's toasted and more firm instead of when it's not toasted and all floppy.

jobsman99 0

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Tuesday 27 December 2011 19:03

You get to inject the special ingredients.

CataracsFan 10

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Tuesday 27 December 2011 19:04

Does it taste like bread....?

trippythehippy 6

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Wednesday 28 December 2011 2:47

Cheesy bread?

Nearly

Today I ripped my lovely £50 coat on barbed wire, what I only worn a hand full of times, ended up having to spend £10 to get it repaired, have to wait till Friday to pick it up, it’s only Tuesday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 4

Today, a tech came to repair my cracked phone screen. He told me to remove my case and took it to his van in my driveway to fix it. Thirty minutes later, he rings my doorbell and hands me my phone back. He says he fixed the screen but tripped and dropped it walking back to my house, and completely shattered the back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61

You deserved it 4

Spicy

Today, I spent all day waiting for an unlikely follow up text from the girl from Tinder I let peg me on the first date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 268

You deserved it 716

Today, I swear I'm off men for good after my latest dud date wanted me to pee on his chest to turn him on, and we were only 20 minutes into the first date. The entire male gender are disgusting pigs, no matter how nice they pretend to be. FML

I agree, your life sucks 642

You deserved it 815

Cujo 2: Electric Boogaloo

Dweebs

Ghost

Doesn't add up

Love is hell

Don't catch you slippin' now

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