Work: Today, I realized I'm too short to use the urinals at work. FML - FML

By littleman - 06/04/2012 11:32 - United States

Today, I realized I'm too short to use the urinals at work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 375

You deserved it 2 972

The old switcheroo

CIA-level batshittery

Sweet, my ass

Red flags

By Anonymous - 24/09/2020 23:03 - Canada

Today, I met my boyfriend's family for the first time. I was really excited to meet his brother, since his brother is his best friend. One of the first questions his brother asked me was, "He did tell you he isn't the handsome brother, right?" Followed by, "You aren't a feminist are you?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 137

You deserved it 201

By Bonnie and Clyde - 08/05/2015 02:18 - United States - Humble

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I got busted by a cop for having sex in his car. When the cop sent us on our way, we went home and the garage was open, so we called the cops thinking someone was in the home. No one was in the house, and we got the same cop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 770

You deserved it 9 198

By Anonymous - 07/09/2009 06:05 - United States

Today, I took a look at my boyfriend's videocamera. On it were several videos of me on the toilet. My boyfriend has been hiding the videocamera in the bathroom airvent, and taping me taking dumps for the past three months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 77 563

You deserved it 4 722

By ghgfd - 06/03/2013 14:53 - Canada - Barrie

Today, I went to the store to pick up some feminine products. As I was paying, the male cashier looked at me sympathetically and asked if it was my girlfriend's time of the month. I'm a girl and was buying them for myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 793

You deserved it 4 411

By pierced. - 25/06/2014 04:29 - United States - Reno

Today, I went to a seamstress to be fitted for my wedding dress and left with a pierced nipple. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 785

You deserved it 6 105

By hahahano - 24/12/2010 22:32 - United States

Today, I was running late and rushing to a waiting bus. I made it to the doors just as they closed. I knocked desperately, hoping the driver would let me in. He hovered his hand over the button for a few seconds, then flipped me off and drove away laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 886

You deserved it 3 820

By holliefall - 02/06/2009 08:42 - United States

Today, I called Tech Support because the computer program wouldn't let me open files for my online classes. After an hour, and being walked through the downloading process multiple times. There was a pause and he said "You're a F*ing idiot." and hung up. It still won't work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 427

You deserved it 22 707

By danielle887 - 07/07/2011 05:53 - United States

Today, I decided to pay a surprise visit to my family after I got some work leave. I drove over and knocked on the door, and a young couple answered. Apparently, my entire family decided to move to Texas, and didn't bother to tell me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 909

You deserved it 3 369

By Anonymous - 14/05/2018 05:00

Today, I went to a guy's dorm for the first time. He told me to wait outside for a minute because he had to "clean something up" first. When I told him I'm 420 friendly, he said, "Nah I just came on my desk earlier and didn't feel like wiping it up." FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 742

You deserved it 682

By kaitlynn - 01/02/2010 20:56 - France

Today, at four in the morning, I was asleep with my boyfriend beside me. I started yelling at him in my sleep and broke up with him. When I woke up, he was gone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 803

You deserved it 10 216

By death bed - 13/02/2013 17:20 - United States - Schaumburg

Today, I finished my shift at the nursing home. There was too much snow on the roads, so most of us had to stay overnight. Not only did I not get to go home, I also got stuck sleeping in the same bed that a resident had died in the night before. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 248

You deserved it 2 465

By "sanza666" - 26/04/2019 00:00

Today, I shattered a coffee pot at work and ended up with a piece of glass in my eye. Now I have to look like a pirate until its healed, and it's nowhere near Halloween. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 828

You deserved it 201

Slicey slicey

By tas2013kid - 01/12/2020 17:03 - Taiwan

Today, I found out I had three strands of pubic hair beside my nipple, so I decided to cut it off with a scissor since I'm going swimming tomorrow. In an attempt to cut off my third strand, I instead excised the cap of my left nipple. FML

I agree, your life sucks 370

You deserved it 1 064

Oh, hai Mark!

By Erika - 05/05/2019 14:00

Today, I ran into my ex-boyfriend on campus. Upset, I decided to go to McDonald's to eat my painful memories away. While in the drive-thru line, I realized my ex was right in front of me. It looked like I'd followed him all the way from campus. He thinks I'm a stalker now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 965

You deserved it 399

By Shone - 15/04/2012 23:39 - Canada - Grand Forks

Today, I had to get stitches on my foot and was then forced to wear a plastic bag on my foot while showering. The plastic bag made me slip in the shower and had to go back and get stitches in my forehead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 653

You deserved it 3 829

By beckzx58 - 06/08/2009 23:16 - United States

Today, I was pretending to use the force to operate the elevator at my hotel, getting really into it. Someone was waiting to get on at my floor and saw me. Not to mention the staff now brings it up every time I'm around. Apparently they have cameras in their elevators. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 312

You deserved it 43 616

By Lisa - 09/11/2018 07:00 - United States - Sedalia

Today, I developed a roll of film I'd had sitting around for years. It was all images my ex had taken of him scrubbing his ass and toilet with my electric toothbrush, which I'd used for at least a month after our breakup. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 072

You deserved it 311

By Anonymous - 16/11/2013 21:40 - United States - Blain

Today, my mom baked a cake for the whole family. One spent EpiPen later, I found out there were nuts in it, which I'm severely allergic to. My mom's defense was that she thought I'd have "gotten over" my allergy by now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 300

You deserved it 3 102

By Skittles - 13/08/2017 20:00

Today, while my husband and I were having sex, we were trying this strawberry flavored lube which had a very strong candy smell. My husband starts laughing mid-performance, looks me in the eye, and exclaims "F*CK THE RAINBOW, TASTE THE RAINBOW!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 731

You deserved it 1 248

By George Saunders - 21/03/2012 04:06 - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, I accused my son of faking being sick. He then blew chunks all over me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 065

You deserved it 53 353

By adalia - 19/07/2009 17:11 - United Kingdom

Today, I was telling my dad about plans to go out late for a few drinks next week. My dad started his usual "YOU COULD GET RAPED!" lecture, before my brother sprang to my defence, "It's not like she's what they're after, is she?" Apparently, rapists are out of my league. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 132

You deserved it 4 918

Worth a shot

By Anonymous - 29/03/2020 17:00

Today, I told the guy I've been in love with for a year how I felt. He replied, "There will never be an us, but you can send nudes if you like." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 873

You deserved it 229

Thanks for being so compassionate

By Anonymous - 17/01/2021 01:59 - Jamaica - Kingston

Today, and for the past year, I've been struggling with depression because of family life. I've been talking to my mom for the past weeks, telling her things that happen when she isn't home as a way to build trust. I finally told her I have depression and have had had it for a long time. She laughed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 927

You deserved it 61

Give Out But Don't Give Up

By Anonymous - 10/03/2020 12:00

Today, my wife told me that I was a 5 on the scale of how well I flirted and romanced her, and that the guy before me was a 9. This was at the kitchen table in front of our kids. They thought it was hilarious, and told me I shouldn’t bother anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 613

You deserved it 175

By Buggy - 12/12/2017 18:30 - United States - Atmore

Today, my brother robbed someone. The victim spoke with me and said that if his $1500 was paid back, he wouldn’t press charges. After I gave him the money, I questioned my brother until he admitted doing it. He only took $200. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 137

You deserved it 5 043

By darianvilla - 22/07/2016 23:35 - United States - College Park

Today, I was happy because my co-worker was almost about to get fired due to his lazy habits. It was all going so well. Then I accidentally put my biggest sale yet under his name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 944

You deserved it 16 723

Creepypasta

By QuinnyZebrass - 02/04/2013 04:11 - United States - Laveen

Spicy

Today, my creepy co-worker walked up and said, "You know, I was having sex with this girl last night, and I almost said your name." FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 724

You deserved it 3 407

Run Away

By dman92 - 09/04/2017 14:24

Today, while babysitting, the power went off. My little cousin pointed into the dark kitchen behind me and asked, "Who's that man standing there?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 691

You deserved it 374

By Nursr187 - 21/01/2018 15:00

Today, my wife asked me to back up all the photos and videos from our desktop computer so I synced it with my Google account. Every graphic picture and video my wife and I have ever exchanged was sent to all 3 of our children's tablets. My daughter cried all night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 027

You deserved it 5 996

By catlover - 20/05/2009 09:07 - Australia

Today, my cat kept sneezing all morning so I took her to the vet. $150 later and the vet says she's fine. I get home and the noise starts up again. My automatic air freshener spray sounds just like my cat sneezing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 490

You deserved it 52 431

By Ryan - 11/06/2011 14:24 - United States

Spicy

Today, I dreamed that I was making out with a cute girl. Just as I was about to take it to the next level, she suddenly burst into tears and said, "I'm sorry, I can't do this." I can't even get laid in my dreams. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 184

You deserved it 7 443

By thatguythere858 - 13/08/2011 19:04 - United States

Today, I woke up with a foul stench forcing its way up my nostrils. It turns out our septic tank broke, and is now leaking into our backyard, and sadly, our basement. I live in the basement. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 354

You deserved it 2 769

By fatguyinalittlecoat - 08/12/2009 19:09 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was on a stationary bike at the gym. I got into a conversation with a very attractive female gym-friend. I felt something cool "down below". I looked down and saw one of my testicles had sneaked out of a hole in my shorts, I quickly looked up only to see her staring at the same thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 785

You deserved it 5 219

By Anonymous - 04/02/2014 21:42 - United Kingdom - Bristol

Today, I was ringing an elderly gentleman up at work. As I went to package up the buns he ordered, he held up a hand and told me to wait. He then looked me in the eyes, started squeezing them, then winked and told me to go ahead. I've never felt so violated. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 256

You deserved it 4 460

Laying eggs!

By Anonymous - 27/12/2019 01:00 - United States

Today, I've has a constant feeling like something is moving in my ear. I'm a severe arachnaphobic, and my dad is trying to convince me a spider is in my ear laying eggs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 739

You deserved it 203

By I Like My Cat - 21/12/2012 10:02 - Netherlands - Utrecht

Today, I found out that the tinsel on my Christmas tree is worth a couple of hundred euros per strand. Well, that's how much the two that were surgically removed from my cat have cost me. At least the cat's going to be fine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 926

You deserved it 13 309

By WhenRumoursAreBetterThanReality - 26/06/2014 11:35 - Australia - Belconnen

Today, I got a call from a friend asking why I didn't tell him I was engaged. I'm not, but I wish I was. Rumours about my life seem to be better than the reality. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 057

You deserved it 4 580

By Anonymous - 28/08/2013 00:32 - United States - Omaha

Today, I came into the kitchen to see how dinner was coming along. My mother was milling the meat around the skillet with the cat's poop scooper as a spatula. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 573

You deserved it 2 912

By Michelle - 15/08/2011 08:15 - United States

Today, my parents heard me leaving my room at 2 am, and freaked out because they thought I was sneaking out. I was too embarrassed to tell them that I was getting food instead of having a social life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 169

You deserved it 23 120

By Anonymous - 24/08/2011 08:03 - United States

Today, my aunt and uncle stole $584 from me, since I'm moving out. Their reasoning? I stole things. When I asked what I'd stolen, my aunt looked me straight in the eye and said "Milk Duds." FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 342

You deserved it 3 282

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Top comments

Icejza_DaChilla 7

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Friday 6 April 2012 16:09

Perfect username. Just get a foot stool! Problem solved littleman :3

Cad6 24

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Friday 6 April 2012 16:14

Urine quite a situation there. I would just piss it off and use the toilet.

Comments

Icejza_DaChilla 7

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Friday 6 April 2012 16:09

Perfect username. Just get a foot stool! Problem solved littleman :3

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Friday 6 April 2012 16:24

I used to be puny too. Just try the stalls. I always did that

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Friday 6 April 2012 16:32

Thats just a small problem, its not a big deal.

allthatandmore 0

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Friday 6 April 2012 16:33

Stilts!

Marcella1016 31

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Friday 6 April 2012 16:49

You should be ok...don't they always say "aim high" in your career?

allthatandmore 0

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Friday 6 April 2012 17:05

Made my day

SW500 13

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Friday 6 April 2012 17:34

I feel your pain OP. I'm only 5'2 so you can imagine how it was before I was this height.

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Friday 6 April 2012 18:15

So what? Perfect height for going down on someone ;) You don't have to sit. Just trying to be positive here

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Friday 6 April 2012 18:25

so... are u a midget?

xXxIracebethxXx 14

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Friday 6 April 2012 18:57

Exactly how high are the urinals...? Anyway, OP, don't feel too bad about it. Everyone loves a short little guy... Height-wise, of course :D

peachesncreem 21

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Friday 6 April 2012 18:57

They make platform shoes for men that look like regular shoes. I know someone who wore them at his wedding because his wife wanted to wear heels. She would have been taller than him if he didn't wear them.

TurnpikeTwister 0

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Sunday 8 April 2012 1:13

Just pinch the tip, build up the pressure, and arc it in. Maybe a little post drip but nothing you can't wipe away with a paper towel, problem solved!

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Friday 6 April 2012 16:11

Short mans disease! Lol it's okay i feel your pain

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Friday 6 April 2012 16:32

Transgendered... Mother of God...the Transgendered are everywhere.

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Friday 6 April 2012 16:40

Transgendered or not, I'd tap that.

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Friday 6 April 2012 17:24

She's hot she can whatever she wants

nofearjenshere 12

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Friday 6 April 2012 17:48

^ I'm trying to figure out what word you missed in there. "Do"? "Say"? Either way, not true. :b

nofearjenshere 12

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Friday 6 April 2012 17:52

The comment I was replying to is not there anymore. So just ignoring my idiotic looking comment.

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Friday 6 April 2012 20:27

It still is.

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Saturday 7 April 2012 2:38

No I am a girl..but I am 4 foot 11 so I finda feel his pain about being short

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Saturday 7 April 2012 6:51

93, why do you have new pictures of different girls practically everyday..?

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Saturday 7 April 2012 16:09

No man I'm 100% real, ya creepy asshole

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Saturday 7 April 2012 16:11

Yeah thats why you look completely different in your pic today then yesterday

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Saturday 7 April 2012 16:21

Call her the creepy asshole, but still, you watch her picture everyday...

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Friday 6 April 2012 16:11

Use the toilets or get a stepping stool?

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Friday 6 April 2012 18:35

fml admin why r u deleting my comments. what did i do? i wish to know please.

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Friday 6 April 2012 16:13

That doesn't sound like a very big problem to me.

ClassyCommando 13

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Friday 6 April 2012 17:46

He could probably manage to arc the stream into the urinal. In fact, he could use an erection to get that extra height he needs. Creativity will yield results.

Hidur 10

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Friday 6 April 2012 19:27

A handstand even? It's like some weird shower.. and he's the shower head. Style!

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Friday 6 April 2012 16:13

I'm to tall for the stalls in the school bathroom ... People think I'm peeping.

Jannettecooks 1

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Friday 6 April 2012 16:22

I can see it now, "Dude! Stop creeping on me!" "I'm not, I'm just tall!" "oh, sorry man." "No problem, by the way, nice spider man underoos."

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Friday 6 April 2012 17:38

" fuck man, I thought you said you weren't creepin'! Fucking queer, queer in the whole fucking history of queering, hey go peep at someone else you fucking queerdo." damn I gotta stop this 'the departed' thing

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Friday 6 April 2012 19:36

this happens to me a lot, except most guys start having a hissy fit instead of taking it in stride (which is understandable).

Cad6 24

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Friday 6 April 2012 16:14

Urine quite a situation there. I would just piss it off and use the toilet.

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Friday 6 April 2012 16:14

Well there's always a 2nd option for u... Go n use the toilet to do your business..

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Friday 6 April 2012 16:14

Aww, I'm sorry. I genuinely feel for you.

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Friday 6 April 2012 16:17

FYL. Use The Toilets

allthatandmore 0

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Saturday 7 April 2012 20:09

That's what I was thinking! Maybe it's because we are girls and that's what we are used to.

ADuckOnQuack_fml 0

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Friday 6 April 2012 16:17

Not even the little one that they put in?

False_Stupidity 41

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Saturday 7 April 2012 7:47

I don't think they would normally install those child sized urinals at a place of work.. unless it was a daycare or a primary school

Nearly

Today, it has been 7 years of me submitting FML’s. I don’t know what worse, that I’ve submitted so many of that none have never been featured. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5

You deserved it 5

Today, I spent my 25th birthday crying alone in my room with my baby, because no else seemed to care it was my birthday. My partner and I had a fight the night before and we haven’t spoken or seen each other since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49

You deserved it 12

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I found out I’m going to be a father, twice over, with two different women. Sisters, in fact. Only one of those sisters is my wife. Should I flee abroad, or walk calmly towards the firing squad straight away? FML

I agree, your life sucks 62

You deserved it 1 231

Today, my boyfriend finally told me after over two years together that the reason we only have sex once a month is because my stomach is, “off-putting”. FML

I agree, your life sucks 809

You deserved it 177