Today, I'm very ill. My throat and glands are so swollen that whenever I fall asleep, I relax too much and cut off my own air. The doctor said it's a viral infection and there's nothing they can give me, so I can choose between trying to kill myself by sleeping or staying awake for the next few days. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I had a horrible case of the flu. I have a fever of 102 degrees and I can't breathe through my nose. Choosing to sleep it off turns out to be enough for my mom to call me a lazy fuck and scream at me for doing nothing all day. FML
Today, I have an acute URI and acute bronchitis. The cough syrup works amazingly well to stop the coughing, but if I take the cough syrup it gives me insomnia. So I get to choose: do I want to spend all night coughing, or spend all night tossing and turning? FML
Today, I woke up at 5 a.m. because my throat was swelling up. I called 911 and they determined that I would live, so I took two Benadryl and slept all day. Then I went to urgent care for my scheduled appointment time and tested positive for Covid. FML
Today, my daughter has an ear infection and hasn’t slept more than 15 minutes a night for the last three days. Well tonight she was finally asleep, but I needed to take my own tablets. I had a violent coughing fit while choking on them, and woke her up. FML
Today, after having my tonsils removed, I coughed so hard in my sleep that I woke up spitting blood. Turned out I'd ripped my throat. They had to put me to sleep and cauterize the damaged area. Now I'm in even worse pain than before. FML
Today, I've been sick with both a chest cold and a sore throat. As a result, I've also been dehydrated, causing me to have a headache. Whenever I cough, I feel like my throat is being ripped apart and my head is about to explode. FML
Today, I'm trying to sleep off a cold as my roommate plays video games in his adjacent room. He doesn't rage or get excited often, and he can control it even more if he really needs to, but it's still enough to keep me painfully awake, along with my cold. Every minute feels like an eternity. FML
Today, I've been bedridden for 2 weeks. My mother, a very busy woman who lives 30 minutes away, took me to the doctor's office, which is barely 2 minutes across town. Turns out I have strep, and a bad ear infection. My loving boyfriend of 6 years, who lives with me, just told me to take a hot shower and I'd feel better. FML
Today, I have to sleep in another room, with the door closed, because if I don't, my girlfriend's snoring will keep me awake. I was diagnosed with chronic insomnia because of this. FML
Today, I'd finally had enough of feeling awful and went to urgent care. As it turns out, the reason my throat was sore was because I have a sinus infection. The doctor explained my nose is producing pus, and that's what I'm swallowing and coughing up. Yuck. I also have pink eye on top of that. FML
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Top comments
MyEpicDemise 7
I feel you should've consulted another doctor for a different opinion. Still, FYL.
lemon_phat 11
Just go to sleep, the second your throat closes, you will automatically wake up. And if this were truly life or death, you'd be in a hospital, lol.
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Comments (137)
ThatLooksSticky 16
Or you could take an anti-inflammatory medication.
Liimitless 6
5 hour energy and a couple of red bulls should do the trick.
DocBastard 40
ShakeMeDown - I have bad news for you. Mono IS a viral infection. Go look it up, and when you're done you can apologise to OP's doctor for thinking you're smarter than he.
lexanianna 11
I've had the same thing. I called my doctor who told me to just take some painkillers and call again if it got worse. Uhm.. If it had gotten worse I would've died. I went to the hospital anyway where I got some penicillin from another doctor. Gotta love the health system...
bcalynd 0
Sleep sitting more up w couple pillows or in a recliner. Itll help
2amkid 0
jack and oj... The jack daniels will start to kill the infection so you can sleep at night and the oj will boot ur vitiumn c and antioxadents, the citrus will help kill the infection! Ive been there just a few weeks ago gl
AlexRen 21
Drink tea, gargle salt(:
johnnybuggs 0
They should be able to give you some oral steroids to help w/the inflammation
Sweet_Lemonade 4
Tell him what's going on and ask about a CPAP machine. It's normally for sleep apnea(you stop breathing during sleep), but could help you get a good night's sleep
Doski 11
cocaine time!
ThreeSheetsGone 12
Even with cocaine, the longest I've ever stayed awake was 48 hours. The problem with it is that it's a very expensive drug, and its effects wear off in a relatively short time, compared to other narcotics.
HomeAl0ne 20
I've done just under 96 hours straight. Terminal jock itch and a centipede bite between my toes helped, but it's hard to get a prescription for that nowadays. That's the end of my medical suggestions.