Today, I'm very ill. My throat and glands are so swollen that whenever I fall asleep, I relax too much and cut off my own air. The doctor said it's a viral infection and there's nothing they can give me, so I can choose between trying to kill myself by sleeping or staying awake for the next few days. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I had a horrible case of the flu. I have a fever of 102 degrees and I can't breathe through my nose. Choosing to sleep it off turns out to be enough for my mom to call me a lazy fuck and scream at me for doing nothing all day. FML
Today, I have an acute URI and acute bronchitis. The cough syrup works amazingly well to stop the coughing, but if I take the cough syrup it gives me insomnia. So I get to choose: do I want to spend all night coughing, or spend all night tossing and turning? FML
Today, I woke up at 5 a.m. because my throat was swelling up. I called 911 and they determined that I would live, so I took two Benadryl and slept all day. Then I went to urgent care for my scheduled appointment time and tested positive for Covid. FML
Today, my daughter has an ear infection and hasn’t slept more than 15 minutes a night for the last three days. Well tonight she was finally asleep, but I needed to take my own tablets. I had a violent coughing fit while choking on them, and woke her up. FML
Today, after having my tonsils removed, I coughed so hard in my sleep that I woke up spitting blood. Turned out I'd ripped my throat. They had to put me to sleep and cauterize the damaged area. Now I'm in even worse pain than before. FML
Today, I've been sick with both a chest cold and a sore throat. As a result, I've also been dehydrated, causing me to have a headache. Whenever I cough, I feel like my throat is being ripped apart and my head is about to explode. FML
Today, I'm trying to sleep off a cold as my roommate plays video games in his adjacent room. He doesn't rage or get excited often, and he can control it even more if he really needs to, but it's still enough to keep me painfully awake, along with my cold. Every minute feels like an eternity. FML
Today, I've been bedridden for 2 weeks. My mother, a very busy woman who lives 30 minutes away, took me to the doctor's office, which is barely 2 minutes across town. Turns out I have strep, and a bad ear infection. My loving boyfriend of 6 years, who lives with me, just told me to take a hot shower and I'd feel better. FML
Today, I have to sleep in another room, with the door closed, because if I don't, my girlfriend's snoring will keep me awake. I was diagnosed with chronic insomnia because of this. FML
Today, I'd finally had enough of feeling awful and went to urgent care. As it turns out, the reason my throat was sore was because I have a sinus infection. The doctor explained my nose is producing pus, and that's what I'm swallowing and coughing up. Yuck. I also have pink eye on top of that. FML
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Top comments
MyEpicDemise 7
I feel you should've consulted another doctor for a different opinion. Still, FYL.
lemon_phat 11
Just go to sleep, the second your throat closes, you will automatically wake up. And if this were truly life or death, you'd be in a hospital, lol.
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Comments (137)
BlacOpsMaximus 5
You may want to stay up for a day or too,, unless you wanna wing it and hope for the best but I wouldn't tho. FYL !
lemon_phat 11
That's truly some fantastic advice! I wonder if OP had the exact same idea.....
BlacOpsMaximus 5
naw I'm almost 100% sure that I'm the first to suggest this x)
effarve 2
fall asleep if you like, theres 7 billion of us.
starwind3438 9
Aw gee, don't be an ass hole or anything. /sarcasm
lemon_phat 11
We also need less assholes on this planet, feel free to go choke.
starwind3438 9
Lol
SirSquishyPants 1
Don't visit me anytime soon :D FYL :(
lemon_phat 11
Just go to sleep, the second your throat closes, you will automatically wake up. And if this were truly life or death, you'd be in a hospital, lol.
xgetxbentx 13
That isn't true... Look up sleep apnea, you don't always wake up.
edgestr 2
#19. I was wondering when someone was gonna bring that to light.
Jimboom 12
Nurse. We need a Tracheotomy. STAT! Either that or I got something you can shove down your throat to help open up the airways. Only a short term fix as the airways will block up again.. but if I shove it in when you breath out... out when you breath in.. in out.. in out... And then a soothing cream will be applied after a short while. ;-)
Bajee 10
What an asshole!!!!
alvarny 17
Actually this works. It is for people with crushed wind pipes. The breathing method is for people undergoing endoscopy.
lemon_phat 11
T 62- he's talking about shoving his dick in their throat....Either way... Bad joke, not funny...
Jimboom 12
Who said it was a joke? BJ's are DEADLY serious! Anyway, bad FML's breed bad jokes. I can only work with what I am given.
Torva_fml 16
93- feel free to simply not post then. There are many funny/good comments above... they know how to do it ;)
Toowoo 3
Wow 62 how did u not catch that bj joke lol
XenaWP 6
I think you're a complainer. Suck it up! Or go on a ventilator. They will stick a tube down your throat so you can breathe while you sleep.
ShakeMeDown 12
OP's doctors are wrong. Classic case of Mono.
DeathBunny218 37
This is definitely one of the worst FML's i've ever seen. I can't even imagine how horrible that would be :( Get well soon OP
SteveTheJanitor 6
I would choose staying awake, but overall it is your decision so choose at what you will....
boyd30 2
Don't be so dramatic