Miscellaneous: Today, I'm looking forward to my orthodontist's appointment more...

By Ugh - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, I'm looking forward to my orthodontist's appointment more than I'm looking forward to my birthday. FML

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Miscellaneous

There's no helping some people

Race against the clock

Ideal first date

By Anonymous - United States - Margate City

Today, as I was leaving home for my mall kiosk job, my dad asked me where I was off to. When I said I was going to work, he tossed an empty beer bottle to the floor, belched, and said "Bah! Get a REAL job!" He's unemployed and living in my apartment. FML

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By M - United Kingdom - Clevedon

Today, during a work meeting, my boss leaned over to me and whispered, "I suggest we fuck". FML

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By WOCOACH - United States

Today, I woke up to my 8 month old son happy as can be. I could hear him laughing over the monitor. When I walked into the room, he had somehow got his diaper off and was holding onto his new found penis. He thought it was hysterical when it went off and shot urine everywhere. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out my grandma wears dentures when I had to fish them out of a cooler. She lost them bobbing for beer at a local bar. FML

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By urbantrashcan - United States

Today, my dentist and his hygienist were flirting while they worked on my mouth. I didn't really mind, however I definitely minded when the hygienist pierced my gum with her tool because she was laughing at one of his jokes. FML

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By milksquad

Today, my roommates adopted two kittens without consulting me. We're not allowed to have pets in our apartment and I'm severely allergic to cats. Oh well, it's not like I needed to be able to breathe this summer. FML

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By Rawr - Switzerland

Today, my grandmother told me she would pay for me to get a nose job. I never thought there was a problem with my nose. FML

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33548

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By Anonymous - United States - Nixa

Today, after having taken hormone tablets to try to increase my cup size, I realized that I've basically reversed my menopause. FML

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By Eeeek - Bulgaria

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex in a rarely used room at school. We got carried away and found ourselves locked in. We slept there overnight. We woke up when the cleaning lady found us the next morning and were greeted by worried parents and school staff. FML

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By Anonymous - Afghanistan - Kabul

Today, thinking we'd still be able to finish our project in time for tomorrow's deadline, my work group put off doing any work until today. When we logged into the website we have to use, we found it was down for maintenance all day. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I accidentally moaned my own name during sex. FML

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By Anonymous - Norway

Today, I decided to end things with my boyfriend, thinking it would be fine since things have never been at all serious between us. He cried for hours before having his grandmother text me to say how heartless I am. FML

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By himtopia19 - United States

Today, I was driving at night and saw a small animal run across the road. I slammed on my brakes and got rear-ended. The animal turned out to be a plastic grocery bag. FML

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By jswag2004 - United States - Elgin

Today, I finally got the guts to ask out my crush. She said yes and I was really happy. Then I woke up. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I start work in an office, with my mother. FML

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29471

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By hakuna matata - United States - Paso Robles

Today, I told my dad and brother that I want to take Zumba classes. My brother said, "Did you hear that? Pumbaa wants to Zumba!" Then he starting dancing and making pig noises. My dad high-fived him. When my mom heard, she high-fived him too. FML

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By Rick - United States - Spartanburg

Today, I didn't even bother to turn my cellphone off in a movie theater because I knew no one would text me or call. FML

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28974

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - London

Damian?

Today, while babysitting, I got stabbed by a 7 year-old with a mechanical pencil. FML

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1125

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By Anonymous - India - Chennai

Today, I've been calling my girlfriend by her nickname for so long, I had to reactivate my Facebook account to find her real name. FML

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By wils - United States

Today, after work, I peeled a parking ticket off my windshield. It was so hot that the ink from the ticket made a stamp on my windshield. Now I have a permanent reminder staring me in the face wherever I drive. FML

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28544

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By work hard - Canada - Petawawa

Today, I went into work, thinking it was my last day before I start my new job, as my 2-week notice said to the managers that I can't work after today. None of them believed that I was actually capable of getting a better job and thought my 2-week notice was a joke. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, my boyfriend looked so unhappy in a photo we took that I downloaded an editing app, and edited the photo to make it look like he was smiling before posting it. FML

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Today, my roommate served me with a two-week’s notice to vacate the apartment, the day before I leave for 10 days of working in a completely different city 150 miles away. FML

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1958

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By Unreciprocated - Canada - Hamilton

Today, I said "I love you" to my girlfriend for the first time. She responded with, "I'm just gonna pretend I never heard that." FML

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By Anonymous - 11/4/2020 05:00

Fixed

Today, my husband, who repairs appliances for a living, repaired our dryer. One lot of wet clothes later, it caught fire and ruined the laundry room. FML

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By Bob smith - Australia

Today, it was my first day working as a nightclub bartender. All through the evening, a really creepy bloke stood in a dark corner and leered at the girls on the dance floor. When I took the bouncer to one side to let him know, he told me the man was a coat stand. FML

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13833

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By disgusting - United States

Today, I walked past a girl in the cafeteria and she threw up. Naturally, a crowd was drawn. Her friend asked her what was wrong. She pointed at me and said, "Get him away from me!" I had never met this girl. FML

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By burgeee - United Kingdom

Today, the love of my life sent me a text saying "touch my pork". Somehow I don't think my feelings are mutual. FML

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By Howimetmybrother

Today, to repay my brother who's been hosting me, I took his laundry out to wash. Loading the machine, I gave a tug on the corner of a towel and the biggest dildo I've ever seen flew out of the basket and bounced to a stop in the middle of the floor. Every. One. Saw. FML

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By naas1201 - 28/11/2020 05:02 - China

Bigger cages! Longer chains!

Today, I'm working in China and I had to explain to my boss that no, it's not okay to not pay me for 3 months. FML

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801

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By jzappe - United States

Today, I learned that it takes about half an hour to get melted cheese out of your hair. FML

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23776

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By Unlucky. - United States

Today, I took my parking permit off my car to debate a ticket that I got for not having my permit displayed. Twenty minutes later, when I got back to my car, I had another ticket on my window for not having my parking permit displayed because I was using it to disprove the first ticket. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, the airport security guard told me to lift my fat rolls so he could finish patting me down. FML

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25589

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By NoPeeGiven - United States - Palatine

Today, I had to go to the clinic for a physical. The nurse asked me for a pee sample; however, I had no urine to give. After 20 minutes of standing at the stall I was able to squeeze half a cup of pee. As I approached the sink to cover the sample, I somehow managed to drop it all over myself. FML

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48785

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By jb100 - United States - Perryville

Today, as I was working at a bakery, a woman stormed in, cut in front of the line, and began yelling at me. She claimed I didn't give her a sandwich earlier and demanded a refund. She got the refund out of my paycheck, and as she was leaving she muttered, "Ha, works every time." FML

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31078

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By Kim - 17/7/2020 23:01

To the window, to the wall

Today, I saw my boyfriend using a washcloth to clean his cock and sweaty balls. He told me he's been doing this for quite some time now. Guess who's been using the same washcloth to clean her face. FML

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1463

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By anonymous - United States - Mundelein

Today, I went to a concert. One of my favorite bands was performing, and I'd had the ticket for seven months, with a great seat for the show. It was all going perfectly, that is until a guy twice my height sat in front of me. FML

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27151

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By crazyhair docare

Today, after a lifetime of weaves and extensions, I felt brave enough to wear my natural hair to work. As soon as I clocked in, my manager yelled, “Holy shit! What happened to you? Stick your finger in a socket or something?” I was then sent home for being, “Out of uniform.” FML

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2386

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By cherokeems - United States - Harriman

Today, my 8-month-old dog decided to decorate the living room by tearing apart a rented college textbook, the reference guide that went with it, and part of a color therapy book. FML

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By Anonymous - 29/9/2020 17:01

Damn squares!

Today, I went for a job interview and was rejected for having a 'visible' tattoo. It's white ink, so you can't see it unless you look super closely. The only reason they knew about it was because I was honest and mentioned it when asked if I had any tattoos. I guess honesty is not the best policy. FML

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Top comments

By brownapple | 22

#6628465 - Wednesday 15 June 2016 10:20

Are they that hot?

By Sandsh8rk | 36

#6628493 - Wednesday 15 June 2016 10:57

Reschedule your appointment for your birthday - win win situation!

COMMENTS

By whoredom | 21

#6628462 - Wednesday 15 June 2016 10:18

at least you'll have nice teeth for your birthday...maybe...hopefully

By brownapple | 22

#6628465 - Wednesday 15 June 2016 10:20

Are they that hot?

By renrioku | 15

#6628468 - Wednesday 15 June 2016 10:24

I am the same way, you just need to have a nice party.

By mrjiggles1992 | 18

#6628491 - Wednesday 15 June 2016 10:51

Yep, ages does that to you.

By Sandsh8rk | 36

#6628493 - Wednesday 15 June 2016 10:57

Reschedule your appointment for your birthday - win win situation!

By manuwish | 9

#6628516 - Wednesday 15 June 2016 12:00

well why not invite them to your birthday? haha

By ndts | 4

#6628528 - Wednesday 15 June 2016 12:09

woah are you me? My birthday is today and I have an orthodontist's appointment in 20 min :O

TeraBaap | 21

#6628614 - Wednesday 15 June 2016 15:06

Well, Happy Birthday!

By kakabalo | 17

#6628540 - Wednesday 15 June 2016 12:31

when is your birthday?

By aGMAELSTR0M | 10

#6628557 - Wednesday 15 June 2016 13:13

Your orthodontist is Jennifer Anniston, isn't it?

By sohigh10 | 34

#6628560 - Wednesday 15 June 2016 13:18

If you're getting your braces off, I understand OP, it was a moment I looked forward to since the second they put that contraption in my mouth