Today, I learned the only job that actually wants me is as a peanut butter factory worker. I've been unemployed for 9 months. I'm also allergic to nuts. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, I had an asthma attack. I grabbed my inhaler and found peanut butter on it. I'm extremely allergic to peanuts. FML
Today, I finally decided to try an alternative to peanut butter, since I found out I was allergic a while back. Two hours later I had to be sent home because the allegedly allergen-free SunButter caused my lips and throat to swell and patches of rashes to form all over my body. FML
Today, at work a customer bitched me out for not explicitly telling her that our peanut butter pancakes contain real peanut butter. She's threatening to sue because she's allergic to peanuts. FML
Today, as I was walking home from work, I became the victim of a drive-by peanutting. Yes, apparently I'm only worth a bag of nuts. FML
Today, I found out that my wife purposely eats peanut butter and jelly sandwiches to get out of kissing me. I'm deathly allergic to peanuts. FML
Today, I grabbed a box of my favorite granola bars, the only flavor the brand makes without nuts, which I'm severely allergic to. A visit to the ER after my throat closed up told me that I'd missed the notice on the shelf, warning that they're now making them with peanuts. FML
Today, my friend took our prank war too far when he secretly added peanuts to my food. I have a peanut allergy. FML
Today, I had a serious allergic reaction to the food I ate at a Chinese restaurant that supposedly didn't contain peanuts. According to my waitress, peanut oil "doesn't count". FML
Today, I was diagnosed with severe nut allergies. My dad decided to buy jars of Nutella, write "You know you want this" on them, and stick them around the house. FML
Today, after years of battling mental health and unemployment, I was rejected from a job packing tomatoes. Apparently I'm unsuitable for even the most basic work. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
marinus_fml 20
Why the **** did you apply there then?
tcox1 0
They are legumes, not nuts. Try looking it up before you act so sure of yourself. Just because it has nut in the word does not make it a nut. i.e a starfish is not a fish.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (129)
ihearthuggybears 0
You could always go Amish. They always have work to do.
HomeAl0ne 20
You should be good at detecting peanut contamination then. Your workmates can just rub you against surfaces and see if you break out in a rash.
wheresmymug 1
You deserve it for applying to a job in a peanut factory.. When your allergic to nuts. Karma sucks.
jSOPURE 3
Mary Kate and Ashley have something to say about this.
someone3225 2
Just because they offered you a job at the factory does not necessarily mean you will work with the peanuts. However, I do not know the severity of your allergies.
hannahbanana76 0
Go get some super high powered alergy shots and get to makin that peanut butter!
lovingmylife84 0
ya, but peanuts are not technically nuts. the allergies to nuts are different from allergies to peanuts.
Slythrr 0
well you can become premanet unemployed. idk haha
JenL_fml 7
peanuts aren't nuts, though. they're legumes, meaning that they come in a pod.
cetlawizard 15
shell , not pod...they're not peas in a pod...lol
JenL_fml 7
They probably call them peanuts because their pod covering is hard like a shell, but it's basically still a pod, like peas. Thus the name PEAnut. (I suppose)
Arkedion 0
peanuts aren't nuts... just sayin