Today, I learned the only job that actually wants me is as a peanut butter factory worker. I've been unemployed for 9 months. I'm also allergic to nuts. FML
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Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I had an asthma attack. I grabbed my inhaler and found peanut butter on it. I'm extremely allergic to peanuts. FML
Today, I finally decided to try an alternative to peanut butter, since I found out I was allergic a while back. Two hours later I had to be sent home because the allegedly allergen-free SunButter caused my lips and throat to swell and patches of rashes to form all over my body. FML
Today, at work a customer bitched me out for not explicitly telling her that our peanut butter pancakes contain real peanut butter. She's threatening to sue because she's allergic to peanuts. FML
Today, as I was walking home from work, I became the victim of a drive-by peanutting. Yes, apparently I'm only worth a bag of nuts. FML
Today, I found out that my wife purposely eats peanut butter and jelly sandwiches to get out of kissing me. I'm deathly allergic to peanuts. FML
Today, I grabbed a box of my favorite granola bars, the only flavor the brand makes without nuts, which I'm severely allergic to. A visit to the ER after my throat closed up told me that I'd missed the notice on the shelf, warning that they're now making them with peanuts. FML
Today, my friend took our prank war too far when he secretly added peanuts to my food. I have a peanut allergy. FML
Today, I had a serious allergic reaction to the food I ate at a Chinese restaurant that supposedly didn't contain peanuts. According to my waitress, peanut oil "doesn't count". FML
Today, I was diagnosed with severe nut allergies. My dad decided to buy jars of Nutella, write "You know you want this" on them, and stick them around the house. FML
Today, after years of battling mental health and unemployment, I was rejected from a job packing tomatoes. Apparently I'm unsuitable for even the most basic work. FML
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Top comments
marinus_fml 20
Why the **** did you apply there then?
tcox1 0
They are legumes, not nuts. Try looking it up before you act so sure of yourself. Just because it has nut in the word does not make it a nut. i.e a starfish is not a fish.
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Comments (129)
im_awsome 2
thanks god im not allergic to nuts
WankersCramp 0
peanuts are legumes. are you allergic to those.
SnailJamsss 6
Hahaha. Who does that?
fona_bqueen 7
You sound like my brother but why on earth did you apply for that job... wish you the best anyway!
ChibiChibi_fml 28
He might not have applied for the job. Temp agencies and such will "suggest" whatever jobs they think you are qualified for. It's possible that the OP applied with an agency and the only job they could find him was this one.
j_cat187 20
ill take it but i live 2,000 miles away
Bcfrmkc816 17
u don't have to eat them dummy
Zombie65 0
yea what #1 said
RunAwayAndCry 3
Peanuts aren't technically nuts.
Mjcino 0
1, peanuts are legumes, not nuts. 2, some people are so allergic to peanuts that you can't even talk to them right after eating peanuts or their throats get itchy and start to swell. Then there're the peanut oils likely coating most surfaces...
Googoo27 12
awww nuts... oh well, hope you can find a job soon