Today, I learned the only job that actually wants me is as a peanut butter factory worker. I've been unemployed for 9 months. I'm also allergic to nuts. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I had an asthma attack. I grabbed my inhaler and found peanut butter on it. I'm extremely allergic to peanuts. FML
Today, I finally decided to try an alternative to peanut butter, since I found out I was allergic a while back. Two hours later I had to be sent home because the allegedly allergen-free SunButter caused my lips and throat to swell and patches of rashes to form all over my body. FML
Today, at work a customer bitched me out for not explicitly telling her that our peanut butter pancakes contain real peanut butter. She's threatening to sue because she's allergic to peanuts. FML
Today, as I was walking home from work, I became the victim of a drive-by peanutting. Yes, apparently I'm only worth a bag of nuts. FML
Today, I found out that my wife purposely eats peanut butter and jelly sandwiches to get out of kissing me. I'm deathly allergic to peanuts. FML
Today, I grabbed a box of my favorite granola bars, the only flavor the brand makes without nuts, which I'm severely allergic to. A visit to the ER after my throat closed up told me that I'd missed the notice on the shelf, warning that they're now making them with peanuts. FML
Today, my friend took our prank war too far when he secretly added peanuts to my food. I have a peanut allergy. FML
Today, I had a serious allergic reaction to the food I ate at a Chinese restaurant that supposedly didn't contain peanuts. According to my waitress, peanut oil "doesn't count". FML
Today, I was diagnosed with severe nut allergies. My dad decided to buy jars of Nutella, write "You know you want this" on them, and stick them around the house. FML
Today, after years of battling mental health and unemployment, I was rejected from a job packing tomatoes. Apparently I'm unsuitable for even the most basic work. FML
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Top comments
marinus_fml 20
Why the **** did you apply there then?
tcox1 0
They are legumes, not nuts. Try looking it up before you act so sure of yourself. Just because it has nut in the word does not make it a nut. i.e a starfish is not a fish.
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Comments (129)
LilMissVanity 2
YDI for applying to a place where you would handle something you are allergic to. Simple rule for applying for jobs if you can't do the job then don't apply.
noblemichaelj 0
Uh peanuts are nuts. That's why they're called peaNUTS. Not peagrapes. I know this because I have a severe peanut allergy.
tcox1 0
They are legumes, not nuts. Try looking it up before you act so sure of yourself. Just because it has nut in the word does not make it a nut. i.e a starfish is not a fish.
sailorzoe 14
win
HeavyMetalViking 0
Facepalm is not a palm.
usmcUSA 0
I think your beautiful. no lie
purplecowchik 5
You are retarded. They are called peanuts because they are in the pea family(legumes) and taste like nuts. My mother is severly allergic to nuts but she eats peanuts and peanut butter all the time. It is possible to be allergic to both but that would be a coinicidence.
usmcUSA 0
look me up on Facebook Eric Vincent I am the marine ask to be my friend I would like to talk to you
missy_lynn012 0
yeah cocoNUTS are nuts too. **face palm.
digit7631 0
yeah.... peanuts are legumes, not nuts. I have a nut allergy and I eat peanuts all the time. u have a peanut allergy then, and not a tree nut allergy. just trying to help ya out.
iliv2serv 0
How did you apply for a job there if u are that allergic? If you aren't that allergic, take the job and stop bitching.
OfficeNinja 5
that sucks. now the state can revoke your unemployment saying "you refused a job". but maybe there is an office type position there? one that does not involve working with peanuts? and even if you are working with them, for sanitary reasons you will be wearing gloves and stuff. food safety and all. maybe consult a doctor before throwing this job away.
DocBastard 40
I get the feeling that "peanut butter factory worker" is a thinly-veiled euphemism for "male **** star fluffer". And "allergic to nuts"...well, that's self-explanatory.
sailorzoe 14
hahaha
12345goochgobble 0
doc u always make me laugh!!
summerloolooloo 0
Allergic to nuts. Heh.
mintcar 10
YDI for not working at Willy Wonka's.
nerdsgetmehot 23
If you weren't allergic to nuts, I'd say "TAKE IT." In this economy, a job is a job. I've been trained in a different field than the one that I'm currently working in, but sometimes you just have to take whatever job you can get.
nutsackmuscle 0
tell me about it. all those hours I wasted studying and I'm still bagging groceries.
blackvyper 8
Stop complaining with your "so called" peanut allergy. Damn chump
Asstonia 1
yeah because anaphylactic shock is totally no big deal.
BellaGoBoom 6
First of all, he put the sarcastic quotes around the wrong part of his sentence so don't take him seriously. Second, who stole the No Feedz Teh Trolzz sign? Please return it.
momianajones 0
go ahead and take the job. peanuts are not nuts. or maybe you meant to say you're allergic to peanuts?
Asstonia 1
well I'm severally allergic to peanuts and nuts. most people with peanut allergies are too.
nellie36 0
50: actually..... no I dont think that's true