Today, I kissed my iced over window to know what kissing Edward Cullen would be like. My neighbor saw. My first reaction was to come up with a cover story. I licked the window and wiped my sleeve over it to look like I was cleaning it. My neighbor came over later and gave me an early Christmas gift. Windex. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I thought I was waving at my neighbor, who was also waving enthusiastically back. After smiling and gesturing, I realized she was actually cleaning her windows. I was flirting with Windex. FML
Today, I had my first kiss standing in front of my front door. It was really cute, the way you normally think about first kisses. When I got inside, I realized my mom had been watching out of her second story bedroom window, taking pictures. She put them on Facebook captioned, "My baby's first kiss!" FML
Today, I was cleaning the windows at work and a guy walked in so I opened the door for him. After I opened the door, he stood there with his eyes closed and his arms open. I thought he wanted a hug so I hugged him. Apparently he wanted me to spray him with Windex. FML
Today, the window cleaner did his rounds at my house. I sat at my mirror applying makeup and doing my hair. When he came to my window, he yelled rather loudly, "Stop putting on a show for me, you dirty slut!" FML
Today, I was home alone, so for fun I put red lipstick on. A few minutes later, my doorbell rang. I managed to get it off before I got the door. I saw my neighbor, and had a long conversation with him. After which, I came inside and realized I had lipstick all over my teeth. FML
Today, I woke up and looked in the mirror and noticed that my face was covered in glitter. I asked my wife about it and she said she put it on me while I was sleeping so that I would sparkle like Edward from Twilight when I'm in the sunlight. FML
Today, I have my bedroom window covered in tinfoil, since there is an insanely bright streetlight right outside my window and nothing else works to block it so when I brought a girl back to my place and she opened the blinds, she saw the tinfoil and stared in horror. I tried to explain but she just stared and stared. FML
Today, I got my first kiss. He had an allergic reaction to my chapstick, and broke out in hives. FML
Today, I did the "suck your finger" trick in the car to prevent my lipstick from getting on my teeth and halfway locked eyes with a random dude outside. FML
Today, I went out for coffee with a guy I really like. We met up at the local café, and decided to sit at a counter in front of the window. We talked and flirted for a while. Then he kissed me, and while he was kissing me someone banged on the window. It was my parents. They didn't know I'm gay. FML
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Top comments
staymonkey 1
thats pretty pathetic.
rexmaxus 0
some people just need to be punched in the face. you are among them.
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Comments (458)
caligal14 0
Marrajane is the most rational person on here. Seriously. I agree with you ~ while I admitedly read it and enjoyed them just as everyone else on this planet did, I am not going to sit here and fling myself in front of a bus because I have no chance with Edward. Because I know and accept the fact that he is NOT REAL and a FICTIONAL CHARACTER. Some people are just sick, pathetic people (ie; OP)
capthavoc123 0
Um, no. Not everyone on the planet enjoyed the books. Stupid people enjoyed the books. People who have an idea of what real literature is recognized that they were just as crappy as The Da Vinci Code.
marrajane 0
Thanks for that. =] #262, I respect the fact you didn't like the books, that's your prerogative. I don't think they're the epitome of literature, however, I do find them to be a guilty pleasure of sorts. I tend to read a lot of different works from a lot of authors. If you were to look on my bookshelves, you'd find Emily Brontë, Shakespeare, Charles Dickens, J.R.R Tolkein, C.S Lewis, Anna Sewell, George Orwell, James Baldwin, J.G. Ballard, Truman Capote, Agatha Christie, Jonathon Swift, Jane Austen, Albert Camus, H.G. Wells, Arthur Conan Doyle, Jules Verne, William James, Aldous Huxley, William Burroughs, Edmund White, Isaac Asimov, Mark Twain, Ray Bradbury, Fyodor Dostoevsky, Leo Tolstoy, James Joyce, Edgar Allen Poe, Proust and a large number of others, yes, including Stephanie Meyer. Just keep that in mind next time you label all Twilight readers as stupid. I doubt you'd recognize a lot of the names on my shelves.
Six_and_the_Moon 3
You + Cliff - Balance = Me + :D
JohnnyOnTheSpot 0
. "to see what kissing edward cullen would be like"?????? f.u. .
ziqi92 0
i think #259 just nailed how the rest of us feel about ur ridiculous behavior OP
Twin_Uzis 0
I HOPE this is fake. If not, you need to die. This is beyond pathetic.
auds23 0
Not every single person who likes twilight is a pathetic and obsessive little fangirl- I happen to like twilight but I don't obsess over it AT ALL and I make fun of it too, because the concept is pretty ridiculous. but kissing a frozen window??? that is beyond obsessive, that is deranged and quite frightening as well. Edward is not real, neither are any of the other characters. don't waste your time on a creepy fictional vampire who sparkles.
jazzberry 0
HAHAHAHA....You suck but twilights awesome
tballer33 0
i love twilight...but come on....LOSER!!
TheOfficial 0
Why? Just...why?
ericalew_xo 0
I love the Twilight saga, I'll admit it. However, it's people like the OP who make us all look bad! Get your head out of your ass and wake up to reality! Edward isn't real. Even if he was real, he probably wouldn't kiss you because you're creepy. Please get a life.