Today, while working at a nursing home, I was alone in the station... - FML

By aragmir - 18/12/2016 06:10 - Sweden - Stockholm

Today, while working at a nursing home, I was alone in the station and figured I could sneak one out. It wound up being very loud, and I could hear the faint snickering of a patient in the next room. Every time he saw me for the rest of the day he would burst out laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5638

You deserved it

2801

Tweet

Share

Understandable

Proactive

Spread the news

By tkr - 6/2/2012 03:14 - United Kingdom

Today, I jokingly told my boyfriend that he should sing that song that goes 'I'm too sexy for my shirt' when we have sex. Now, every time that we have sex, that song is going to be stuck in my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9896

You deserved it

39760

Tweet

Share

By superman21 - 28/9/2014 22:55 - Ireland

Today, I'm on the last day of my honeymoon in Ireland. My wife and I have an amazing hotel room and a huge bed. She's passed out drunk and if I even touch her, she needs the bucket next to our bed. So much for finishing our week on a "fun" note. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34196

You deserved it

6527

Tweet

Share

By fuckel4 - 1/7/2016 20:12 - United States - El Dorado

Today, while updating my résumé, I noticed that in my list of achievements it said "Torturing middle school students". I meant "tutoring", but I guess this explains why I'm still unemployed a year after I started looking for a job. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13441

You deserved it

5195

Tweet

Share

By Violet - 5/4/2014 01:57 - United States - Exeter

Today, my boyfriend wanted me to get a shirt saying "I'm a girl," just so people won't think he's gay. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42022

You deserved it

5931

Tweet

Share

By GiveADogABone - 15/10/2015 22:47 - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I were trying to get it on on the bed. As soon as things were starting to get heated, I turned over and saw that my dog had not only jumped up on the bed, but had been watching and started to hump the pillow next to our heads. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27867

You deserved it

3465

Tweet

Share

By Cottagecheeseha - 20/8/2012 04:03 - United States - Monterey Park

Today, I pulled out a book and my bookmark fell out. My crush picked it up and a weird look came across his face. I then realized I had used toilet paper. Now I'm the girl who reads while taking dumps. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22566

You deserved it

6734

Tweet

Share

By bluesox4 - 6/2/2012 05:50 - United States

Today, I found out that the only thing worse than a psycho, overbearing, controlling girlfriend is a psycho, overbearing and controlling ex-girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35145

You deserved it

4103

Tweet

Share

By ferrarismyname - 9/4/2009 06:40 - United States

Today, I was sitting shotgun in the car. A huge bug came inside, and everyone began to freak out so naturally I began to swat at it. I got the fly, but I also cracked the windshield. I paid $229 to kill a bug. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38477

You deserved it

23413

Tweet

Share

By anon - 18/1/2016 18:53

Today, I had RA training and we were doing mock situations. During one of these, I had a seizure. Everyone thought it was fake, until I started violently throwing up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24218

You deserved it

1435

Tweet

Share

By Anonymus - 31/1/2020 20:00 - Canada - Warkworth

Money first

Today, my "boyfriend" told me that he loves money more than me and would date it if he could. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1784

You deserved it

298

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 13/9/2012 22:29 - United States

Today, I stumbled across "Here Comes Honey Boo Boo" on TV and realized that these awful freaks are going to make more money than I ever will. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30177

You deserved it

3123

Tweet

Share

By BOOMerang - 24/9/2009 21:39 - United States

Today, I played with a boomerang my first time. I didn't believe that when you threw it, it comes right back to you. It flew back all right. And broke my nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13385

You deserved it

45331

Tweet

Share

By moodyreallyrocks - 1/11/2011 16:18 - United States

Today, my friend took me and a bunch of other guys out to a nice dinner. This was his way to say thank you for helping him move to a new apartment. He got the cheque, excused himself to go to the restroom and never came back to pay. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33129

You deserved it

2864

Tweet

Share

By nottananny - 21/7/2009 08:49 - United States

Today, I realized why I was hired to be a nanny. Apparently the husband had eyes for the last nanny. According to the wife I am not attractive enough to be a threat. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51554

You deserved it

3506

Tweet

Share

By CrazyBitch - 4/4/2013 08:20 - United States - Palo Alto

Today, my girlfriend said that while she was playing volleyball, her whole life flashed before her eyes. According to her grandmother, my girlfriend is now psychic. She completely believes it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34137

You deserved it

3472

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 13/10/2011 08:17 - United States

Today, somebody ordered pizza and sent it to the house across the street from them, so they could shoot at the pizza guy with an air-soft gun from the upstairs of their house. I was that delivery guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35446

You deserved it

2248

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 27/7/2012 14:10 - United States - Gainesville

Today, I asked my husband if he knew what day it was. His answer was, "garbage day?" It's our six-year anniversary. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26881

You deserved it

3525

Tweet

Share

By sickofthisshit - 2/7/2016 16:43 - United States - Oceanside

Today, I nearly got written up for "publicly humiliating" a coworker. All because I left a note in the restroom asking whoever keeps peeing all over the floor to please be considerate of other people. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14117

You deserved it

1006

Tweet

Share

By wellthanks - 10/6/2013 17:04 - United States

Today, in class, we were discussing stereotypes. We were asked about common ones about nearby cities. A guy said, "Well, they say Lumberton has the prettiest girls." My teacher asked if any of us were from Lumberton, so I raised my hand. The guy quickly said, "Nevermind." FML

I agree, your life sucks

60310

You deserved it

5839

Tweet

Share

By Loveless - 20/7/2009 01:06 - United States

Today, I found out that just because your boyfriend asks you to marry him doesn't mean that he will show up at the wedding. FML

I agree, your life sucks

246918

You deserved it

15334

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 6/1/2010 05:06 - United States

Today, I drove my new car with a manual transmission for the first time by myself. I was at a stoplight and saw a cute guy in the car next to me. He looked my way and gave me "the nod". The light turned green and I tried to go but I stalled out, lurching my car forward right into the car next to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8275

You deserved it

26634

Tweet

Share

By unsatisfying - 28/10/2010 05:05 - Australia

Countdown

Today, my wife checked the time while we were having sex. Twice. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26376

You deserved it

15496

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 7/4/2019 16:00

Today, it's my birthday, I received two cards, one from my mum and one from my son, that my mum gave to him to give to me. My entire family said they couldn't be bothered going out for dinner for my birthday. My two 'friends' didn't even send a card, never mind a gift or want to meet up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2008

You deserved it

207

Tweet

Share

By Speedy - 20/7/2010 13:33 - United Kingdom

Today, I took my driving test for the first time. The instructor stopped it after less than ten minutes, and insisted she drive back to the test centre "in the interest of public safety." FML

I agree, your life sucks

13600

You deserved it

40911

Tweet

Share

By Geckosrock99 - 20/7/2016 05:58

Today, my iguana tried to eat my hand. Taking that as a sign of being hungry, I gave him a bowl of fruits and veggies. After he finished the bowl, he tried to eat my hand again. My iguana's an asshole. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13193

You deserved it

1769

Tweet

Share

By collegegrad - 15/10/2013 15:51 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, I read an article about the top 10 worst jobs this year. This list includes my degree and three of my main skills and interests. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47624

You deserved it

5560

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 19/11/2010 07:47

Today, I was putting my 2 year old to bed, and I began to sing to her. She reached up, put her finger over my lips, and said, "Shhh, Mommy." FML

I agree, your life sucks

42270

You deserved it

13703

Tweet

Share

By NickDrakeFan - 29/10/2013 01:57 - United States

Today, I overcame my stage fright and got up in front of a café audience with my acoustic guitar to sing a few of my songs. Some asshat kept yelling stuff like "NEEDS MORE COWBELL!" and "FREEBIRD!", which made me lose my nerve and flee. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42573

You deserved it

4526

Tweet

Share

By emancipate me - 15/5/2016 19:59 - United States - Knoxville

Today, my mom was in a really bad mood, so I stayed in my room to avoid her. It didn't take long before she barged in and started bitching about my dog, who'd pissed her off by acting too happy. Yes, she's actually that insane, and I have to deal with it on a daily basis. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14099

Phew, glad it wasn't me

1458

Tweet

Share

By unlucky - 21/10/2010 13:55 - United Kingdom

Today, I failed my driving test. The examiner insisted I that didn't check a junction before pulling out. I did, he just didn't notice because he was too busy staring at my chest. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36079

You deserved it

5221

Tweet

Share

By Sparks - 13/3/2011 07:39 - United States

Today, after a few beers, I was exiting the bathroom of a loud house party when the door jammed. I had to climb out through the shower window. It was fool proof until my foot got stuck. I hung outside the house upside down in the dark yelling for an hour before someone figured out where I was. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28640

You deserved it

14926

Tweet

Share

By hkbaer - 27/9/2019 22:00 - United States

Nice try

Today, my dad tried to charge me $3000 for a car that my dead grandma, his mother, left to me in her will. I have to live with this asshole. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1962

You deserved it

103

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 30/5/2014 21:04 - United Kingdom - London

Today, for the first time in my life, my dad said he was proud of me. It meant a lot to me, and I started tearing up. Noticing my emotion, he looked at me pityingly, said "Aaaaand it's gone." and walked out of the room. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45376

You deserved it

6784

Tweet

Share

By ouchiee - 7/4/2011 04:17 - United States

Today, I sprained my sternum in my rugby match. I now can't yell, laugh, cough, inhale or exhale fully, or sneeze without a sharp pain shooting through my chest. I have a pollen allergy, and sneeze every 5 or 10 minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42460

You deserved it

4113

Tweet

Share

By chill - 17/12/2009 22:08 - United States

Today, my grandpa sent me a letter apologizing for not congratulating me about my graduation last spring. Too bad I don't graduate until May. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25524

You deserved it

4262

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 15/10/2010 17:15 - Nepal

Today, I texted my ex boyfriend that I still loved him. He texted back asking if this was some sort of booty call. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12524

You deserved it

33551

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 25/3/2016 16:05 - United States

Today, in an attempt to be more healthy, I made myself a large fruit smoothie. I didn't think it could or would cause me to practically shart my rectum out my ass for the rest of the afternoon. The more you know. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18011

You deserved it

2701

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 20/2/2010 13:59 - United States

Today, my boyfriend proposed. Three hours later, he called me to tell me he was kidding. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43125

You deserved it

2559

Tweet

Share

By alejita - 2/3/2009 05:52 - United States

Today, I overheard my daughter compliment my mother by saying "My mom is way flabbier than you, Grandma." When I told her later that she hurt my feelings, she told me to "man up." She's seven. FML

I agree, your life sucks

56014

You deserved it

9799

Tweet

Share

By FuglyBetty - 24/2/2016 22:48 - Norway - Arendal

Today, while doing the grocery shopping with my boyfriend we came across another woman also out shopping, who looked shockingly like me despite her being another race, hair color and the like. The second he saw her, he blurted out, ''Oh, it's a pretty version of you!'' FML

I agree, your life sucks

21936

You deserved it

1701

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By Sarah K. Oller | 2

#7416572 - Sunday 26 February 2017 1:34

they're not patients in a nursing home, they're residents

By Tripartita | 44

#6726486 - Friday 23 December 2016 9:13

"Today, I realized I'm so deprived of human interaction and quality comedy that simply seeing somebody whom I earlier witnessed farting is enough to send me into uncontrollable laughter. Please help. FML"

COMMENTS

By foolest | 7

#6726482 - Friday 23 December 2016 9:02

that must have stank

By SargeRho | 6

#6726483 - Friday 23 December 2016 9:03

Think about it this way: You made someone laugh. That's worth something :P

By wheresmymary | 22

#6726484 - Friday 23 December 2016 9:04

At least you probably made someone day

Reply

Tripartita | 44

#6726496 - Friday 23 December 2016 9:31

And if they wanted to be night, well, that's too bad for them.

By Tripartita | 44

#6726486 - Friday 23 December 2016 9:13

"Today, I realized I'm so deprived of human interaction and quality comedy that simply seeing somebody whom I earlier witnessed farting is enough to send me into uncontrollable laughter. Please help. FML"

By Phxlife602 | 8

#6726502 - Friday 23 December 2016 10:05

Lol that's pretty awesome that was probably one of the best days that guy had in awhile making him laugh. Consider it a good deed you did! Maybe you should just keep as inside joke between you and him.

By zaidthunder1 | 27

#6726508 - Friday 23 December 2016 10:40

Tell him that he's being weird.

By LyricaSilvan | 29

#6726512 - Friday 23 December 2016 10:45

Hey, man, shit happens; so do farts. If nothing else, you know that you gave someone a chuckle, and maybe if you relax and accept that it's part of being human, you'll be able to laugh about it, too! Chin up.

By maritime1992 | 5

#6726517 - Friday 23 December 2016 10:52

My mind went to masturbation instead of farting until I read the comments.

Reply

BLDYRBBT | 16

#6726530 - Friday 23 December 2016 11:58

Don't feel bad. That's exactly where mine went too.

Reply

Migole | 36

#6726548 - Friday 23 December 2016 13:18

Same here >.<

Reply

XxfrenchyyXx | 12

#6726573 - Friday 23 December 2016 14:26

Me too and I voted YDI for it and then I realized the mistake I did. I'M SORRY OP

Reply

Lalala579121 | 27

#6726582 - Friday 23 December 2016 15:04

At least now I now I'm not the only one with such a dirty mind.

Reply

Catdragon | 40

#6726629 - Friday 23 December 2016 17:37

I did not realize this was about farting until I read your comment

Reply

Tripartita | 44

#6726687 - Friday 23 December 2016 19:56

I didn't even consider masturbation because I'm apparently too optimistic hope that nobody would masturbate /loudly/ in an area where the walls are thin enough that you can hear snickering in their rooms.

After reading these comments… I might be investing in earplugs.

Reply

mystam4 | 17

#6728546 - Tuesday 27 December 2016 6:36

same!

By zahidnasir | 22

#6726533 - Friday 23 December 2016 12:08

Stinky situation

By ACCOUNTKILLER | 18

#6726550 - Friday 23 December 2016 13:21

You're not true friends with someone until you fart in front of them