Today, I kissed my iced over window to know what kissing Edward Cullen would be like. My neighbor saw. My first reaction was to come up with a cover story. I licked the window and wiped my sleeve over it to look like I was cleaning it. My neighbor came over later and gave me an early Christmas gift. Windex. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, I thought I was waving at my neighbor, who was also waving enthusiastically back. After smiling and gesturing, I realized she was actually cleaning her windows. I was flirting with Windex. FML
Today, I had my first kiss standing in front of my front door. It was really cute, the way you normally think about first kisses. When I got inside, I realized my mom had been watching out of her second story bedroom window, taking pictures. She put them on Facebook captioned, "My baby's first kiss!" FML
Today, I was cleaning the windows at work and a guy walked in so I opened the door for him. After I opened the door, he stood there with his eyes closed and his arms open. I thought he wanted a hug so I hugged him. Apparently he wanted me to spray him with Windex. FML
Today, the window cleaner did his rounds at my house. I sat at my mirror applying makeup and doing my hair. When he came to my window, he yelled rather loudly, "Stop putting on a show for me, you dirty slut!" FML
Today, I was home alone, so for fun I put red lipstick on. A few minutes later, my doorbell rang. I managed to get it off before I got the door. I saw my neighbor, and had a long conversation with him. After which, I came inside and realized I had lipstick all over my teeth. FML
Today, I woke up and looked in the mirror and noticed that my face was covered in glitter. I asked my wife about it and she said she put it on me while I was sleeping so that I would sparkle like Edward from Twilight when I'm in the sunlight. FML
Today, I have my bedroom window covered in tinfoil, since there is an insanely bright streetlight right outside my window and nothing else works to block it so when I brought a girl back to my place and she opened the blinds, she saw the tinfoil and stared in horror. I tried to explain but she just stared and stared. FML
Today, I got my first kiss. He had an allergic reaction to my chapstick, and broke out in hives. FML
Today, I did the "suck your finger" trick in the car to prevent my lipstick from getting on my teeth and halfway locked eyes with a random dude outside. FML
Today, I went out for coffee with a guy I really like. We met up at the local café, and decided to sit at a counter in front of the window. We talked and flirted for a while. Then he kissed me, and while he was kissing me someone banged on the window. It was my parents. They didn't know I'm gay. FML
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Top comments
staymonkey 1
thats pretty pathetic.
rexmaxus 0
some people just need to be punched in the face. you are among them.
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Comments (458)
magypsy 0
i have to say, i'm a huge fan of twilight saga, but not the movies, the books, the movies themselves are completely idiotic with very bad acting. as well, you need to get your head out of a fantasy world, its' not real, just becase you saw it on the tv
bottomwaffle 0
you SAD SAD SAD person!!! id beat you if i knew you
xxERINxx 0
you're a sad, pathetic loser and Robert Pattinson is NOT A ******* VAMPIRE
xnoitorax 0
How is kissing a cold window like kissing ******* Edward? Three things. Scott Speedman is hotter. You probably got your tongue stuck to the damn window. Thats how the people saw you. And finally...GET A FREAKING LIFE!!! Slim Shady all the way bitches!!
LilaBear 2
1) that was a pathetic thing to do 2) if you had to be that pathetic, why not just kiss the inside of the freezer door or something? Just as cold and more privacy.
Pablothe 0
Instantly hit the YDI button when my eyes read "Edward Cullen"
letthemxeatcake 0
You deserve it for being a Twihard fan.
Fabby_fml 2
For everyone's sake, I hope you're a troll. I really do.
IAmBridgette 0
Stupid Twitard...
remy_xi 0
YDI for liking that shitty book series.