Today, I kissed my iced over window to know what kissing Edward Cullen would be like. My neighbor saw. My first reaction was to come up with a cover story. I licked the window and wiped my sleeve over it to look like I was cleaning it. My neighbor came over later and gave me an early Christmas gift. Windex. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, I thought I was waving at my neighbor, who was also waving enthusiastically back. After smiling and gesturing, I realized she was actually cleaning her windows. I was flirting with Windex. FML
Today, I had my first kiss standing in front of my front door. It was really cute, the way you normally think about first kisses. When I got inside, I realized my mom had been watching out of her second story bedroom window, taking pictures. She put them on Facebook captioned, "My baby's first kiss!" FML
Today, I was cleaning the windows at work and a guy walked in so I opened the door for him. After I opened the door, he stood there with his eyes closed and his arms open. I thought he wanted a hug so I hugged him. Apparently he wanted me to spray him with Windex. FML
Today, the window cleaner did his rounds at my house. I sat at my mirror applying makeup and doing my hair. When he came to my window, he yelled rather loudly, "Stop putting on a show for me, you dirty slut!" FML
Today, I was home alone, so for fun I put red lipstick on. A few minutes later, my doorbell rang. I managed to get it off before I got the door. I saw my neighbor, and had a long conversation with him. After which, I came inside and realized I had lipstick all over my teeth. FML
Today, I woke up and looked in the mirror and noticed that my face was covered in glitter. I asked my wife about it and she said she put it on me while I was sleeping so that I would sparkle like Edward from Twilight when I'm in the sunlight. FML
Today, I have my bedroom window covered in tinfoil, since there is an insanely bright streetlight right outside my window and nothing else works to block it so when I brought a girl back to my place and she opened the blinds, she saw the tinfoil and stared in horror. I tried to explain but she just stared and stared. FML
Today, I got my first kiss. He had an allergic reaction to my chapstick, and broke out in hives. FML
Today, I did the "suck your finger" trick in the car to prevent my lipstick from getting on my teeth and halfway locked eyes with a random dude outside. FML
Today, I went out for coffee with a guy I really like. We met up at the local café, and decided to sit at a counter in front of the window. We talked and flirted for a while. Then he kissed me, and while he was kissing me someone banged on the window. It was my parents. They didn't know I'm gay. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
staymonkey 1
thats pretty pathetic.
rexmaxus 0
some people just need to be punched in the face. you are among them.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (458)
fotc77 0
why would Edward Cullen be that cold?
blackwidowtaco 31
Because he's dead.
no1willknow88 0
YDI. what a loser.
Wolfie07 0
What a retard. Really? I don't get why all these stupid Twilight fans are that obsessed. Fine to love it, but really? Idiot.
Games4me 0
WHAT IS SO GREAT ABOUT EDWARD CULLEN?!?!?! He moves fast, sparkles, and doesn't kill. Vampire? Try fairy.
la_lol 0
No offense (and trust me I've been in your shoes), but first of all, Twilight is a good book, not reality. If you treat it like reality, you'll just make it look even more pathetic. Second of all, Edward Cullen is not real. You will never meet an icy, masochistic vampire, so its really useless to even try to pucker your lips at a window. And since there's over a billion guys in the world, I'm pretty sure you'll meet someone better than Edward Cullen (I know I have). Lastly, you never know what germs could be on a window, and you should really thank your neighbour for bringing you back to the real world, where windows aren't drop-dead-gorgeous guys.
Relentless113 0
@304... rofl!!!! dude u are awesome, that made my day.
Megantilby 0
SHUT UP IF U THINK EDWARD IS HORRIBLE HE IS A PERFECT GUY!!!!! AND I LOVE TAYLOR LAUTNER BUT EDWARD IS SO MUCH BETTER THAN ANY OF U COULD EVER BE!!!
The_Nothing 0
You forgot the part where he's not real. Enjoy your life as a bitter spinster.
jbird612 0
Good luck ever getting with a real man. Have fun masturbating to that piece of shit you call a book for the rest of your life.
eMo_gurll200 0
plus, he sparkles. so lets review. A. he's not real. B. he sparkles. anything else you'd like to go over?
BlackButlerFan 20
:)
BlackButlerFan 20
Oooh, Burn!
LetxGoxOfxMe 0
I liked Twilight up until people started freaking out about it. I'm reeaally burnt out on it. Your best bet is to stop obsessing over a book and fictional characters and to actually focus on REAL people. And to also use some of that windex, 'cause your window probably has a bunch of weird smears on it and that's kind of nasty.
saruhbee1991 0
hahaha!!! that seriously just made my day. stupid 12 year old girls...
BlackButlerFan 20
Ahem! I am a 12 year old girl! You are stereotyping!
The_Nothing 0
YDI for being obsessed with a fictional boy. YDI for not even attempting to get a real boyfriend and being hung up on a fictional dude. YDI for being a Twitard. YDI for not realizing that Twilight is crap and Edward is an abusive stalker. YDI for wanting to be Bella. YDI for thinking kissing a window would be anything like kissing a person. This is not an FML because the only thing wrong with your life is you being an dumb idiot and becoming obsessed with someone who's not real. It's your own fault now GTFO this site OP.
Jman1906 2
Hellz ya! **** her! Stop getting ******* fat and maybe you could get a real boy friend!