Miscellaneous: Today, I kissed my iced over window to know what kissing Edward...

By obsessed - 27/11/2009 05:12 - United States

Today, I kissed my iced over window to know what kissing Edward Cullen would be like. My neighbor saw. My first reaction was to come up with a cover story. I licked the window and wiped my sleeve over it to look like I was cleaning it. My neighbor came over later and gave me an early Christmas gift. Windex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 247

You deserved it 89 699

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Same thing different taste

Desperate housewives

By Anonymous - 02/10/2025 00:00

Today, I thought I was waving at my neighbor, who was also waving enthusiastically back. After smiling and gesturing, I realized she was actually cleaning her windows. I was flirting with Windex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 248

You deserved it 175

Take it down!

By steven - 28/06/2009 15:53 - Cayman Islands

Today, I had my first kiss standing in front of my front door. It was really cute, the way you normally think about first kisses. When I got inside, I realized my mom had been watching out of her second story bedroom window, taking pictures. She put them on Facebook captioned, "My baby's first kiss!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 101 366

You deserved it 7 312

Give it to me

By Kait - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was cleaning the windows at work and a guy walked in so I opened the door for him. After I opened the door, he stood there with his eyes closed and his arms open. I thought he wanted a hug so I hugged him. Apparently he wanted me to spray him with Windex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 492

You deserved it 3 598

Funny guy

By stillembarrassed - 06/08/2013 17:01 - United Kingdom

Today, the window cleaner did his rounds at my house. I sat at my mirror applying makeup and doing my hair. When he came to my window, he yelled rather loudly, "Stop putting on a show for me, you dirty slut!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 454

You deserved it 6 695

By Awkward Jeff - 26/05/2019 12:30

Today, I was home alone, so for fun I put red lipstick on. A few minutes later, my doorbell rang. I managed to get it off before I got the door. I saw my neighbor, and had a long conversation with him. After which, I came inside and realized I had lipstick all over my teeth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 428

You deserved it 797

By IB6UB9 - 28/11/2009 17:32 - United States

Today, I woke up and looked in the mirror and noticed that my face was covered in glitter. I asked my wife about it and she said she put it on me while I was sleeping so that I would sparkle like Edward from Twilight when I'm in the sunlight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 182

You deserved it 6 978

By Anonymous - 20/03/2011 03:30 - United States

Today, I got my first kiss. He had an allergic reaction to my chapstick, and broke out in hives. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 047

You deserved it 5 103

Tricked

By Puck - 26/09/2024 09:00 - Netherlands - 's-Hertogenbosch

Today, I did the "suck your finger" trick in the car to prevent my lipstick from getting on my teeth and halfway locked eyes with a random dude outside. FML

I agree, your life sucks 155

You deserved it 352

By clementine_k - 22/03/2009 02:38 - United States

Today, I went out for coffee with a guy I really like. We met up at the local café, and decided to sit at a counter in front of the window. We talked and flirted for a while. Then he kissed me, and while he was kissing me someone banged on the window. It was my parents. They didn't know I'm gay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 100 897

You deserved it 35 655

By sasha625 - 22/12/2018 14:00

Today, I was running late for work. My windshield had completely frozen over. I didn’t have anything to dissolve the ice..except some coffee I had made 30 minutes earlier. I decided to dump my coffee on my windshield. Instead of dissolving the ice, the creamer froze on entire windshield. FML

I agree, your life sucks 823

You deserved it 3 772

staymonkey 1

Friday 27 November 2009 12:46

thats pretty pathetic.

rexmaxus 0

Friday 27 November 2009 12:47

some people just need to be punched in the face. you are among them.

Comments

RigChan 0

Monday 30 November 2009 9:32

Why hasn't someone made an FML account under the name of EdwardCullen to troll these people?

Brey1013 0

Monday 30 November 2009 14:19

"Today, I kissed my iced over window to know what kissing Edward Cullen would be like." YDI you silly little bint. Plus, if your window was not sparkly and a raging homosexual with stalker tendancies, then it was nothing like Edward Cullen.

slyace 9

Monday 30 November 2009 16:52

Damn i was hoping for a "lips getting stuck" story. But seriously? That was your excuse??? X$ YDI

ObadiahtheSlim 2

Monday 30 November 2009 18:52

Darn fangirls.

NrthrnLghts 0

Monday 30 November 2009 18:57

Ugh, this sickens me. Go kiss the business end of a wood chipper, OP.

Rael 0

Monday 30 November 2009 23:05

Ok...if the OP had just posted, "Today, I kissed my iced over window to know what kissing Edward Cullen would be like. FML," then that would be appropriate. Other than that, its just a FAIL. Thei life is ****** by their own doing.

eMo_gurll200 0

Tuesday 1 December 2009 1:05

He is a fictional VAMPIRE that SPARKLES. HE JUMPS OVER TREES. how much more unreal can it get? dont kiss windows. you look/sound like an idiot. just don't. ok?

MisterComedy 0

Tuesday 1 December 2009 1:10

This is what Twilight does to you if this is true, you deserved it. if not, then the lols procceed

OhLawd 0

Tuesday 1 December 2009 7:18

what a fucktard

Bananasrawk 0

Wednesday 2 December 2009 3:05

Wtf is wrong with you. Firstly, twilight sucks, and the dude who play edward IS UGLY AS ALL HELL so wtf! Maybe your just an obese cow who doesn't have a life like every other twilfag. Congratulations! You offically fail at life. Now go jump off a bridge and end your nonsensual fanism. [yes I know thats not a word.]