Today, I kissed my iced over window to know what kissing Edward Cullen would be like. My neighbor saw. My first reaction was to come up with a cover story. I licked the window and wiped my sleeve over it to look like I was cleaning it. My neighbor came over later and gave me an early Christmas gift. Windex. FML
Collection
Black Friday
70% off something you didn't need, a stampede and a cart that crashes at checkout. Thanks, Black Friday.
Today, I thought I was waving at my neighbor, who was also waving enthusiastically back. After smiling and gesturing, I realized she was actually cleaning her windows. I was flirting with Windex. FML
Today, I had my first kiss standing in front of my front door. It was really cute, the way you normally think about first kisses. When I got inside, I realized my mom had been watching out of her second story bedroom window, taking pictures. She put them on Facebook captioned, "My baby's first kiss!" FML
Today, I was cleaning the windows at work and a guy walked in so I opened the door for him. After I opened the door, he stood there with his eyes closed and his arms open. I thought he wanted a hug so I hugged him. Apparently he wanted me to spray him with Windex. FML
Today, the window cleaner did his rounds at my house. I sat at my mirror applying makeup and doing my hair. When he came to my window, he yelled rather loudly, "Stop putting on a show for me, you dirty slut!" FML
Today, I was home alone, so for fun I put red lipstick on. A few minutes later, my doorbell rang. I managed to get it off before I got the door. I saw my neighbor, and had a long conversation with him. After which, I came inside and realized I had lipstick all over my teeth. FML
Today, I woke up and looked in the mirror and noticed that my face was covered in glitter. I asked my wife about it and she said she put it on me while I was sleeping so that I would sparkle like Edward from Twilight when I'm in the sunlight. FML
Today, I have my bedroom window covered in tinfoil, since there is an insanely bright streetlight right outside my window and nothing else works to block it so when I brought a girl back to my place and she opened the blinds, she saw the tinfoil and stared in horror. I tried to explain but she just stared and stared. FML
Today, I got my first kiss. He had an allergic reaction to my chapstick, and broke out in hives. FML
Today, I did the "suck your finger" trick in the car to prevent my lipstick from getting on my teeth and halfway locked eyes with a random dude outside. FML
Today, I went out for coffee with a guy I really like. We met up at the local café, and decided to sit at a counter in front of the window. We talked and flirted for a while. Then he kissed me, and while he was kissing me someone banged on the window. It was my parents. They didn't know I'm gay. FML
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Top comments
staymonkey 1
thats pretty pathetic.
rexmaxus 0
some people just need to be punched in the face. you are among them.
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Comments (458)
RigChan 0
Why hasn't someone made an FML account under the name of EdwardCullen to troll these people?
Brey1013 0
"Today, I kissed my iced over window to know what kissing Edward Cullen would be like." YDI you silly little bint. Plus, if your window was not sparkly and a raging homosexual with stalker tendancies, then it was nothing like Edward Cullen.
slyace 9
Damn i was hoping for a "lips getting stuck" story. But seriously? That was your excuse??? X$ YDI
ObadiahtheSlim 2
Darn fangirls.
NrthrnLghts 0
Ugh, this sickens me. Go kiss the business end of a wood chipper, OP.
Rael 0
Ok...if the OP had just posted, "Today, I kissed my iced over window to know what kissing Edward Cullen would be like. FML," then that would be appropriate. Other than that, its just a FAIL. Thei life is ****** by their own doing.
eMo_gurll200 0
He is a fictional VAMPIRE that SPARKLES. HE JUMPS OVER TREES. how much more unreal can it get? dont kiss windows. you look/sound like an idiot. just don't. ok?
MisterComedy 0
This is what Twilight does to you if this is true, you deserved it. if not, then the lols procceed
OhLawd 0
what a fucktard
Bananasrawk 0
Wtf is wrong with you. Firstly, twilight sucks, and the dude who play edward IS UGLY AS ALL HELL so wtf! Maybe your just an obese cow who doesn't have a life like every other twilfag. Congratulations! You offically fail at life. Now go jump off a bridge and end your nonsensual fanism. [yes I know thats not a word.]