Today, I kissed my iced over window to know what kissing Edward Cullen would be like. My neighbor saw. My first reaction was to come up with a cover story. I licked the window and wiped my sleeve over it to look like I was cleaning it. My neighbor came over later and gave me an early Christmas gift. Windex. FML
Collection
Black Friday
70% off something you didn't need, a stampede and a cart that crashes at checkout. Thanks, Black Friday.
Today, I thought I was waving at my neighbor, who was also waving enthusiastically back. After smiling and gesturing, I realized she was actually cleaning her windows. I was flirting with Windex. FML
Today, I had my first kiss standing in front of my front door. It was really cute, the way you normally think about first kisses. When I got inside, I realized my mom had been watching out of her second story bedroom window, taking pictures. She put them on Facebook captioned, "My baby's first kiss!" FML
Today, I was cleaning the windows at work and a guy walked in so I opened the door for him. After I opened the door, he stood there with his eyes closed and his arms open. I thought he wanted a hug so I hugged him. Apparently he wanted me to spray him with Windex. FML
Today, the window cleaner did his rounds at my house. I sat at my mirror applying makeup and doing my hair. When he came to my window, he yelled rather loudly, "Stop putting on a show for me, you dirty slut!" FML
Today, I was home alone, so for fun I put red lipstick on. A few minutes later, my doorbell rang. I managed to get it off before I got the door. I saw my neighbor, and had a long conversation with him. After which, I came inside and realized I had lipstick all over my teeth. FML
Today, I woke up and looked in the mirror and noticed that my face was covered in glitter. I asked my wife about it and she said she put it on me while I was sleeping so that I would sparkle like Edward from Twilight when I'm in the sunlight. FML
Today, I have my bedroom window covered in tinfoil, since there is an insanely bright streetlight right outside my window and nothing else works to block it so when I brought a girl back to my place and she opened the blinds, she saw the tinfoil and stared in horror. I tried to explain but she just stared and stared. FML
Today, I got my first kiss. He had an allergic reaction to my chapstick, and broke out in hives. FML
Today, I did the "suck your finger" trick in the car to prevent my lipstick from getting on my teeth and halfway locked eyes with a random dude outside. FML
Today, I went out for coffee with a guy I really like. We met up at the local café, and decided to sit at a counter in front of the window. We talked and flirted for a while. Then he kissed me, and while he was kissing me someone banged on the window. It was my parents. They didn't know I'm gay. FML
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Top comments
staymonkey 1
thats pretty pathetic.
rexmaxus 0
some people just need to be punched in the face. you are among them.
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Comments (458)
spazz666 18
Ok wow. I'm a twilight fan too but seriously... GET A REAL BOYFRIEND. Don't go kissing windows because first of all if u were a twilight fan you would understand that that's completely rediculous because of the descriptions in the book. I hate these damn stereotypes. NOT ALL TWILIGHT FANS ARE FREAKS!!! Thank you that's all. =]
pwnage79 0
i respects peoples oppinions. even if it is twilight. BUT YOU PPL TAKE IT TO THE ******* INSANITY OF EXTREME. DELETE THIS FML AND REPOST IT WHEN YOU GET PUT IN A MENTAL INSTITUTION!
CannedSausages 0
How is she supposed to re-post it if she's in a mental institution?
CannedSausages 0
It's funny when a crazy phase highlights the idiots in our population.
chyeaitskim 0
Wow. Seriously. I don't even know what to say to that.
Breeneefml12 0
you are straight up pathetic...Edward Cullen..seriously?? get a life
cherylface 13
Twilight and window make-out sessions aside, what kind of moron would ever clean a window with their tongue? Congratulations, you went out of your way to make your neighbor think you're one kind of an idiot instead of another. I wouldn't give you Windex, I'd let you pick up whatever bacteria you get and leave it at that.
Princess_Star 0
He seemed to have bought your story... so your plan did work. I would agree that it was a bit of a silly thing to do... much like some people kissing posters and cardboard cut outs... but it's nothing that warrents the extreme berating you've recieved. The anti-twilight fangirls/fanboys are always just as ludicrous and psychotic as the actual twilight fangirls/fanboys. May I note that these would not be terms to describe people who merely like or dislike the films/books, simply the terms to describe those that take these two to the extremes.
Chopramen 0
I'm gonna go with troll on this one
xenomorph 0
That was a nice idea--I hope it brought you to a conclusion that dating Edward Cullen would be unenjoyable, to say the least. Oh, and I am glad your neighbor fell for your cover-up. Otherwise you would have been subjected to berating IRL to the similar extent that you got here. To the 236 comments before this one: Twilight may not be good literature, and people can interpret it incorrectly, but that doesn't entitle you to post flame comments.
largo_fml 6
There goes my faith in humanity and the concept of logic. Please Twifag, don't subject the rest of humanity to your stupidity any more.