Today, I had to tell my 7 year old-son it's not polite to jack off in public. FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
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Oversharing
Today, my 10-year-old son told me that sometimes he wishes that he could be a girl, so that he could masturbate more easily in public. FML
Today, I had to explain to my 7-year-old son that it's not okay to smell others' "wieners". FML
Next, on The Jerry Springer Show…
Today, I had to explain to my boss that masturbating in public is inappropriate. This isn't the first time this has taken place. FML
Manosphere dumbass
Today, I had to say to my 23-year-old son that it's not a compliment to tell a woman that he wants to jam his cock down her throat. FML
Today, I had to explain to my son why it is not okay to slap old women's butts. He's 16. FML
Today, I heard my daughter scream at my son through the bathroom door, "Are you jacking off in there or something?" and him scream back at her "Shut up you fucking cunt!" My daughter is 7 and my son is 8. FML
Today, I had to profusely apologize to a woman after my six year old son decided to crawl between her legs at the supermarket, then look up her skirt and loudly ask why she didn't have any panties on. FML
Today, I had to explain to my 18-year-old boyfriend why it is not okay to pee in the pool. FML
Today, my 4-year-old son discovered that he really likes masturbating. So much in fact, that he took pictures of it with my phone. FML
Nice family you've got there
Today, a 7-year-old girl came up to me and told me to go fuck myself. I told her to watch her language or else I'd tell her parents. Her mom happened to be nearby and actually heard the conversation; she came up to me and told me to go fuck myself as well. FML
Top comments
Pentium_4 27
7 years old? damn! he's gonna have a beard at 13
bettyc4 26
Kids...they start so young these days
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Comments (248)
mejiiaa 0
Hahahaha danggggg
noshatsherlockk 15
Pedobear approves.
skullcandifiedDJ 5
Isn't he a little too young to be wankin that little thing...
chlorinegreen 27
Kids as young as 1 "play with themselves" even if they don't know what their doing.
blackheart24 10
At least you're teaching him manners? That way you won't get a call from the principal telling you what he showed the class in show and tell haha.
GhostDuck 30
Even when still In the womb, babies can get erections, so I wouldn't be all that shocked that a seven year old is "polishing the family jewels."
blackheart24 10
48- So you're saying that if you were out at the store and you walked by a 7 year old, who happens to be chokin the chicken in the frozen food section, it wouldn't phase you at all? You would just keep walkin as if it was a part of everyday routine? Interesting.
teague95 16
I wouldn't care if it was in the frozen food section, but if it was in the electronics then I'd be worried
Jonkbaby 22
lead by your actions, not by your words
RadPenny 6
Today, an fml thread taught me different phrases for masturbation.
redbluegreen 40
#50, I think what they're trying to say is that masturbation is a natural thing that happens, no matter what age the person is. We don't necessarily want to see it, but it's simply expected that everyone masturbates at one point or another.
SwaggerHaver 3
I hate when parents sugar coat punishments, not polite? Grotesque little monster
mockingjaygirl16 8
what is happening to this generation?
mannen99 3
So true
efemel94 7
Petting the one eyed snake. Churning the butter. Releasing the kraken. Dambusting. Cleaning the pipes.
Gogetajh 3
shut up hoe
Swiftly 0
^Don't forget choking the chicken and spanking the ferret!
smartblondey 5
My two year old plays with himself all the time I try make him stop but it's not that easy
imepelepticsir 5
tell him thats the wrong poosay to be fapping to.
TheRealBruce 12
Not at the table Carlos.
mejiiaa 0
Why did I get so many thumbs down you foigs
Pentium_4 27
7 years old? damn! he's gonna have a beard at 13
simgar98 0
sooo...
androiddestroya 7
and the staying power of a god!
PeypeyTheBeeotch 1
It's actually perfectly normal, not in public obviously, but when kids feel something they like, they're going to do it. They don't know it's sexual or what "sexual" even is.
eatdemcupcakes 4
It's only polite if he had his pinky up
Googoo27 12
My brother (who's 11) imitated this FML when I was at a store with him. Unfortunately my FML about it was rejected. No one cares about the crap in my life (lol). I have 56 perfectly fine rejected FMLs.
mrperson12345 2
Ya that was like me 5th grade and I started shaving o_o
DK1234567 8
Can they even ejaculate at that age
hobojakobo 0
At 192 hell no
AnthonyN 5
They grow up so fast :')
sdeniro 6
Omg! This just made My day! Everyone at work looked at me for bursting out laughing!
blushy 14
7 year olds can wank? yuo learn something new everyday
Hippohighasakite 21
I hope you realize that kids don't think sexually they just thing it feels good, even babies practice a sort of masturbation.
94yhy 8
Other sexual activities are fine though, right?
M0rt 0
Fisting in public is encouraged and completely accepted by society. (that was sarcasm before any of you thumb me to hell)
CaptainPickles72 18
I was so excited that you said fisting was okay in public now, that I didn't read the second half of your comment. To say the least, I was very embarrassed, especially when those mothers at the local park started beating me with their purses and umbrellas for "tainting their kids" or whatever. I hope you're happy with yourself sir!
20th_century_fox 3
that second part of your message (the part about "thumbing") could be taken in several ways ;)
Michael87Jackson_fml 10
Yeah. That's normal. (e.e)
d_unsub 12
I don't know if you are being sarcastic or if you are just retarded :s Somebody really needs to come up with a font for sarcasm
nublets 12
^ obviously sarcasm
SoSickWithIt 14
Dude his profile picture is M.J. do you think what the man has to say will not be sarcasm? :P
jtthegr8 26
Says the guy with the MJ picture...
Michael87Jackson_fml 10
I'm a girl. And michael is very normal. Some idiots can't understand sarcasm. (e.e)
CaptainPickles72 18
Ha! A girl? Yeah, right! Everyone know that there are no girls on the internet! There maybe typing dogs with opposable thumbs, talking monkeys, weird teens or old men who pretend to be girls, and of course men. But never has there been a girl on the internet, give it up, opposable thumbed dog, we know your secret!
anongrl 2
MJ was normal? I hope THAT was sarcasm.
jtthegr8 26
His user name has 2 boy names in it...
FaithDawson 8
Don't worry Michael87Jackson, I get that you're being sarcastic and I like MJ and I'm not being sarcastic.
xCrazyMexican 4
MJ is dead now SHUT THE **** UP god damn
Michael87Jackson_fml 10
Thanks #187. :). To everybody else. Sorry my ****** and boobs made me think I was a girl. My bad.
dreamer9614 3
217^win^
mckibben 7
Pics or your lying...just saying.
SnowWhite32 3
Awkward!!!! :/
cBlackout 13
Almost as awkward as your comment.
KeyboardWarrior 10
Almost as awkward as YOUR comment. Oh, are we not playing this game?
niznor99 6
Almost as awkward as....... Shit. I got nothing. *awkward turtle*
bettyc4 26
Kids...they start so young these days
fthislyfe 22
Bitch please, I started fantasizing about crazy stuff when I was 4!
bettyc4 26
Very mature there...(not really) but its ok I understand your childhood was probably tainted so the comment is forgiven
Xianthos 2
I will get the mud and then you can start fighting!
JurassicHole 5
I think 72 was just being sarcastic/joking around. No reason to go off on her with an assumption. :/ As for the FML, just like everyone else I'm stuck on the being only 7 part. Damn chemicals in fast food these days, turning kids into sex craving maniacs left and right!
Xianthos 2
@91 And what sort of chemicals would be that lets kids grow up faster? Would be interessting to hear your assumptions ...
JurassicHole 5
97- I was just being sarcastic...thanks for assuming I was being serious.
Xianthos 2
Haha .... not .... Wasnt funny. You really should start working on your sarcasm skills. I think they are around "novice".
Sebastian_NG 17
Jesus Christ those chemicals are making people sarcasm impaired as well, I don't care for precocious kids, but a world without sarcasm? It's gonna be a sad world.
smallory42 0
These fights wouldn't have happened if you guys stopped being sarcastic, lolol.
JurassicHole 5
127- Fights? What fights? Just a couple of guys, drinking some cosmopolitans, and enjoying the sunset. Ain't no fights here.
TheDrudgeChild 4
I know a lot of people who started young, before they even know what sex is. Toddlers even constantly play with themselves without knowing what it is. It's just nature.
pavila731 0
When did you start
falon142012 22
you guys should really download the sarcmark…
JurassicHole 5
168- The context that the replies were in, leans heavily on sarcasm. Labeling everything you write with marks or hash tags is just like stating the obvious. If people paid any attention to the context or wording in replies, then we wouldn't need to label everything like a bunch of raving OCD lunatics.
smartblondey 5
My two year old often walks around with her hands down her trousers or skirt I do have to make her stop
ninjuh_wingman 29
Damn. Well at least hes not 18 and doing it in public.
Captain0bv10us 0
By 'doing it' I assume you mean........SEX
teague95 16
52 - He means choking the chicken and by that I mean jacking off and by that I mean masturbating.
MineIsBigger 5
dont forget "burp the worm" "beat the stepchild" "take PALMela out" "consult professor Hans Jerkov" "play tug of war with cyclops" "corral the tadpoles" "audition the finger puppets" "squeeze the snake" "rub the dome" "whale on the whale" "milk the manly udder" and "fap the cap"
SaMmIMonster96 6
Well, I honestly didn't know there were so many ways to say jacking off. See the Internet is educational :)
kinghashem 5
What's wrong with that??? :p
JurassicHole 5
"Punch the Munchkin"
cordelldena 1
True true
I_lost_the_game 25
Wow, "Punch the Munchkin" sounds really painful.
tjohnson19 6
7?!? Dang, wonder where he learned that
yahoowizard 16
Yeahhh...like wtf???
VasilisaUzhasnaj 29
Most likely he learned it on his own. Not everything has be taught, especially when it deals with one's own body, no matter what the age.
M0rt 0
If it happened in Alabama then it was obviously the mom.
yahoowizard 16
I call YDI parents for letting him watch **** and not watching over him, or YDI school full of 7 year olds jacking off
niznor99 6
I call ydi on Yahoo wizard for never enjoying a nice **** segment.
Hippohighasakite 21
Your a ******* moron. Toddlers and babies **********, not because they think sexually but because it feels good to them, quit assuming things dumb ass!
stormer461 13
7 years old? I don't think I even could get boners at that age.
shanemcunt 10
Boys get boners in the womb...
THE_A_TEEN 27
No wonder. You can see Kirsten Dunst's tit's in that scene.
Jonkbaby 22
17 I get them in your moms womb
kut19 6
That was probably the best "your mom" joke I have ever heard. Lol!
chocolemonade 6
Agreed! Kudos for 67!!
MerrikBarbarian 9
Apparently you have never been around a baby boy enough to see the fountain effect of them urinating with an erection while attempting to change a diaper. Children typically start masterbating at a very young age, then stop til puberty as a result of societal shaming.
Choconumm 8
Kids do the darndest things