Animals: Today, I had to hunt down and collect a stray dog's feces for...

By missTyfied - 25/08/2012 19:11 - Philippines - Sucat

Today, I had to hunt down and collect a stray dog's feces for my parasitology class. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 133

You deserved it 3 489

Animals

Vulture

Stop talking!

Road hog

By crushed - 14/09/2013 17:04 - United States - Raleigh

Today, I got really excited when I got an email from a guy I've been flirting with in my math class. Turns out he thinks I stole his calculator and wants it back immediately. There goes my chance. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 219

You deserved it 3 554

By fmylifechelsea - 27/04/2009 19:41 - Canada

Today, I was taking my boyfriend to meet my grandparents. They live on the 27th floor. Alone in the elevator we started making out. Turns out that theres a camera in the elevator, connected to every apartment. My grandma asked me how it was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 998

You deserved it 19 493

What a catch

By Anonymous - 15/06/2021 08:00

Today, my boyfriend is so scared of COVID that he takes precautions beyond what health professionals recommend to satisfy his OCD. He told me he wouldn't be getting the vaccine because he "won't be controlled by the government." Not to worry, he will just continue to be the unbearable control freak he transformed into since this all began. FML

I agree, your life sucks 906

You deserved it 163

By jack - 23/04/2012 02:43 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, I found out why my girlfriend comes over for dinner so often. She thinks my dad is a real babe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 917

You deserved it 2 293

By Anonymous - 08/10/2013 16:04 - United States

Today, I have to go on a 7-hour-bus ride sitting beside my ex-boyfriend's mother. We broke up because she told him to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 100

You deserved it 3 206

By BambooLove - 15/07/2010 06:53 - United States

Today, my boyfriend woke up wheezing terribly, aching, and sneezing. He's allergic to cats. I have 2 and they are my babies. He gave me an ultimatum, him or the cats. I haven't figured out how I'm going to tell him that I choose the cats. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 001

You deserved it 65 799

By Anonymous - 07/09/2010 05:00 - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I got in an argument so intense that she left saying that we needed to spend some time apart. The argument was over what was the best PIXAR movie. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 300

You deserved it 25 386

New Power Generation

By Anonymous - 21/11/2021 23:00

Today, my boyfriend and I got into an argument over whether Prince actually appeared in an episode of New Girl. He refused to believe me, saying it was "too weird". I had to find the specific episode to show him. He then said, "Are you sure that's really Prince?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 742

You deserved it 123

By Username - 11/07/2011 17:42 - United States

Today, I had diarrhea at work. While trying to be subtle about the noises, the woman in the stall next to me called me by name and asked if I was having trouble. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 345

You deserved it 3 091

By Noname - 29/01/2009 13:06 - United States

Today, I found an ad for my job at my company on an online job board. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 939

You deserved it 2 164

By Anonymous - 11/10/2013 15:40 - United States - San Francisco

Today, it's the fifth day in a row my workmate has worn the exact same clothing. We share the desk. I'm absolutely positive he hasn't hit the shower since last weekend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 028

You deserved it 3 154

By Anonymous - 13/07/2011 05:02 - United States

Today, my girlfriend, who is very self conscious about her body, finally decided to have sex with me. She told me to wait a few minutes, so I did. I stripped and turned around to find her in a one-piece swimsuit, with a hole cut out of the crotch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 81 553

You deserved it 8 485

Lost in translation

By Anonymous - 06/12/2015 13:07

Today, I had to explain to my Romanian colleague that, no, a cat flap is not a euphemism for a vagina. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 932

You deserved it 1 960

By Anonymous - 29/08/2018 18:30

Today, while trying to help my disabled uncle into his walker, his one testicle popped out of the leg of his short shorts. I asked him to adjust himself and had to hold on to his walker as he did it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 404

You deserved it 213

By Just keep the pins - 25/12/2016 17:50 - Sweden - Floda

Today, it's been 2 months since I broke up with my boyfriend. He's been texting me every time he found a bobby pin at his house that belonged to me, saying we should both see it as a sign of us belonging together. If he keeps this up every time he finds one, the texts will probably never stop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 015

You deserved it 843

By MyDeliveriesCanWait - 24/08/2019 02:07

Today, I received the bubble wrap that I'd ordered. When I opened the box, almost every single bubble had been popped. At the bottom of the box, there was a sticky note that said, "Sorry." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 798

You deserved it 126

By 404: sense not found - 08/06/2014 18:32 - United States - San Francisco

Today, some pig slapped my ass as he passed me in the street, then looked back at me with a dirty grin. His grin turned to horror when he realized that I'm actually a guy, then to anger as he bitched me out for "tricking" him by "looking like a chick". FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 233

You deserved it 7 325

By Tottie - 24/06/2009 14:34 - United States

Today, by request from my new boss, I came into work over an hour early to finish some backed-up filing. This seemed like a great opportunity to earn some extra overtime pay. After spending an hour and half filing, I realized I hadn't clocked in for the day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 388

You deserved it 41 209

How Soon is Now?

By Anonymous - 14/05/2021 12:59 - Colombia - Bogot?

Today, I realized that my boyfriend‘s birthday was two weeks ago, so I immediately sent him a message as if it was today. He didn’t believe my excuses. FML

I agree, your life sucks 169

You deserved it 1 699

Bitch ass move

By Anonymous - 26/06/2020 05:05

Today, my partner and I had bought a short bus to convert to an RV, which is done and we are now ready to move in. That night, after I’m fully out of my place, she informs me she has feelings for my roommate and it’s something she must explore. I'm now homeless and they are traveling around in the conversion. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 225

You deserved it 191

By nicknack22 - 01/02/2009 15:48 - United States

Today, I made my new girlfriend orgasm for the first time. All she said after was "I drooled a little". FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 626

You deserved it 5 894

By Anonymous - 21/02/2014 09:59 - Russian Federation - Lipetsk

Today, I was back home from work drinking coffee when I heard someone open the door with a key. It was my boyfriend, who obviously didn't expect to see me home. We don't live together, and I never gave him a key. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 849

You deserved it 4 097

Bread is serious stuff

By bullsonyourface - 30/09/2019 20:00

Today, it's my 6-year anniversary with my fiance, but due to a lot of different family issues, I had to drive 9 hours with my dad to go visit them. Long story short, there was a giant argument about bread, my dad stormed out and I'm left to deal with this shit storm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 370

You deserved it 141

By Anonymous - 29/06/2009 17:55 - Canada

Today, I put on my "fat jeans" because none of my other jeans fit. Neither do my fat jeans. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 839

You deserved it 46 567

By URGH - 28/06/2009 22:08 - Canada

Today, my friend and I were in her moms car talking about which job was harder: actor or artist. I said, "Art is easy. You just scribble on a piece of paper and call it abstract art." Her mom squinted at me in the rearview mirror and my friend stopped talking. Then she said, "My mom is an artist." FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 025

You deserved it 50 640

Cursed lake

By TabbyCat87 - 18/10/2019 16:00

Today, our boat broke down in the middle of a lake at sunset. We called our friend for help, and his truck and trailer got stuck in mud at the boat ramp. We called the sheriff's office to tow his vehicle out of the mud. The tow strap broke. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 545

You deserved it 129

By UnknownOperation - 04/09/2012 13:51 - United States - Washington

Today, I finally decided to introduce my boyfriend to my parents. Surprisingly, he and my father already knew each other, so I asked him how they met. Now I know where my boyfriend gets all his weed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 663

You deserved it 3 964

By Anonymous - 04/04/2009 23:06 - United States

Today, my biology teacher told me that every Friday we should wear a hideous shirt to count down the last days of freshman year. So when Friday came around we decided to have a contest for most hideous shirt. I won. I forgot to wear a hideous shirt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 107

You deserved it 10 449

Pretend

By Anonymous - 01/09/2013 16:34 - United States - Washington

Today, my girlfriend tried to get me to wear curly wig, so I could pretend to be Harry Styles in bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 619

You deserved it 6 932

By karmavictim - 18/03/2011 11:28

Today, I swerved out of the way to avoid hitting a squirrel, and in the process hit another squirrel. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 047

You deserved it 10 915

By Anonymous - 10/10/2018 16:00 - United States

Today, I helped this guy get into his truck after he'd locked his keys in it, and he said thank you and went on his way. Ten minutes later, a woman came out of the grocery store and freaked out, saying someone stole her truck. I helped a guy steal a truck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 254

You deserved it 731

By "burnuptowndow" - 30/09/2017 01:30

Today, we got a new boss. This would have been great if he knew how to do his job. I've spent the last week training a guy who hits on co-workers and gets paid twice as much as me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 626

You deserved it 211

By bman - 07/04/2012 06:41 - Australia - Sydney

Today, I caught myself staring at my grandmother's cleavage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 918

You deserved it 50 080

By Dan - 09/11/2009 01:08 - United States

Today, I got a call from my ex asking if I could fix her computer. I brought my 7 year old son with me. On the way I told him, how I hated her, but I can't be rude. Once we get there, I say to her "it's nice to see you." My son says "but I thought you said you want her to fall off a bridge?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 773

You deserved it 49 094

By Anonymous - 20/02/2016 14:19 - United States - Abington

Today, my father used my birth certificate as a beer coaster. Accident or not, it pretty much perfectly sums up our relationship. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 114

You deserved it 1 449

By ks.swan13 - 22/12/2010 09:50

Today, I got a call about my dog who went missing a week ago. The guy who called said "We have your dog, but you aren't getting her back." Then he hung up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 587

You deserved it 2 883

Rejection

By xXitslolaXX - 04/06/2009 05:33 - United States

Today, I volunteered for a school play. During rehearsal, I was playing the part of an average housewife. The teacher asked for a volunteer to be my husband. Thirty seconds go by and no one raises their hand. The teacher ended up playing the part because no else wanted to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 996

You deserved it 2 573

By daughter - 05/08/2012 07:49 - United States - Kailua

Today, since I'm still recovering from my surgery and can't drive, my daughter drove me to the doctor. When I was done and walked outside, she was nowhere to be seen. Then I got a text: "Sorry, I forgot I have to be somewhere." The closest bus stop to our house is miles away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 726

You deserved it 2 358

By thegirlwiththedumbassbf - 23/03/2016 22:58 - United States - Camarillo

Today, my boyfriend told me that he had sex with my sister, but it's ok because I'm better in bed. He seriously doesn't understand why I dumped his sorry ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 818

You deserved it 2 186

By eyepatch - 19/02/2017 10:00 - United States - Albany

Today, while I was giving a school presentation about life as an injured, deformed soldier, someone asked if the reason I wear an eyepatch is because I'm a pirate. I wouldn't have minded, had I not been presenting to high-school students. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 774

You deserved it 404

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Top comments

Vegeto30294 19

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Sunday 26 August 2012 2:10

That doesn't sound fun no matter how you try to make it sound.

Welshite 39

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Sunday 26 August 2012 2:15

The things we have to do for an education.

Vegeto30294 19

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Sunday 26 August 2012 2:10

That doesn't sound fun no matter how you try to make it sound.

theslimshadylp 6

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Sunday 26 August 2012 4:45

Is there really a career field for this?

patrickalamo 47

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Sunday 26 August 2012 4:57

Go to the dog pound.

TurnpikeTwister 0

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Sunday 26 August 2012 5:02

42 - I'm guessing OP is in vet med, in which case, yes, unfortunately there is.

RaggleFrock 13

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Sunday 26 August 2012 5:21

You should look for horse shit, they have the fastest springing spores known to man. There is nothing faster than horse shit spores.

Inheritance 10

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Sunday 26 August 2012 6:37

If you start putting it in paper bags and burning it on people's front porch we have an issue.

shadowsorel 15

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Sunday 26 August 2012 23:58

"Ok kids, let's pick up a roundwormed dog's poop!" Yeah, you're right. That doen't sound fun.

enchantiful 2

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Sunday 26 August 2012 2:13

Aw, that stinks!

Futacy 29

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Sunday 26 August 2012 2:26

Oh boy, get ready for the crappy jokes.

enchantiful 2

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Sunday 26 August 2012 2:33

Unfortunately, I couldn't help myself..

nevershoutkendal_fml 10

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Sunday 26 August 2012 3:06

At least number two didn't say it was a shitty situation! Ha, number two...

xXUND3ADcityXx 0

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Sunday 26 August 2012 11:54

Dislike this comment

Lovers_Kick_Ass 4

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Sunday 26 August 2012 2:13

Or you could say you looked all night but didn't find any, that works too. Either way, FYL

teresee 8

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Sunday 26 August 2012 2:14

What a stinky situation. Yes, I just did that.

pokefan813 16

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Sunday 26 August 2012 2:47

Rule #1 in fml: bad puns = instant death.

chickenflem 8

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Sunday 26 August 2012 5:30

Unless of course u are pun number 2. This guys pun was bad anyways. Shitty situation would have been better.

CherryLipBalm 1

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Sunday 26 August 2012 5:33

If you are gonna do it, you need to do it right! Well that is a shitty situation! ^SHITTY^

SoMuchSnailGame 3

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Sunday 26 August 2012 8:29

Cut the crap #4

aznmuffin44 12

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Sunday 26 August 2012 9:23

ahh.. Noor, you always have the right thing to say :)

KiddNYC1O 20

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Sunday 26 August 2012 14:30

You must walk the plank and fall into shark-infested water.

Welshite 39

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Sunday 26 August 2012 2:15

The things we have to do for an education.

guy24 9

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Sunday 26 August 2012 2:15

For science!

Trisha_aus 15

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Sunday 26 August 2012 5:40

Yeah Mr. White! Yeah Science!!

nevershoutkendal_fml 10

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Sunday 26 August 2012 6:20

And for Narniaaaaaaa!

curlyfry33 8

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Sunday 26 August 2012 11:49

I read that in GLaDOS's voice

Hed_Hunter 2

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Sunday 26 August 2012 2:16

And here we go with the shitty jokes...

celine21_fml 0

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Monday 27 August 2012 3:48

Lol I love your profile picture, I saw it on ifunny

saintsrocksocks 10

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Sunday 26 August 2012 2:19

That's just shitty. Jesus what is my problem. If you were wondering, I also thumbs myself down.

saintsrocksocks 10

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Sunday 26 August 2012 2:30

Ugh, thumbed*

doodlecloud 26

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Sunday 26 August 2012 10:41

If you know your comments are so lame that you actually thumb them down yourself then maybe try not commenting in the first place?

saintsrocksocks 10

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Sunday 26 August 2012 18:00

I'm just doing this for your amusement. Down thumbed or not, you were amused.

Life_sucks_13 6

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Sunday 26 August 2012 2:23

That sucks. But in the world of animals it's gotta be done everyday...well minus the tracking it down. But looking for parasite eggs in feces is.

ShyAnn29 14

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Sunday 26 August 2012 6:05

Not just eggs, but also the adult parasites

ap7diamonds 1

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Sunday 26 August 2012 2:26

What a shitty situation.

olpally 32

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Sunday 26 August 2012 4:22

Didn't you see the above comments??? Damn, you people are idiots!! *thumbs down* fuck! As for op, well, good luck with that.

Nearly

Today, it has been 7 years of me submitting FML’s. I don’t know what worse, that I’ve submitted so many of that none have never been featured. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12

You deserved it 8

Today, I spent my 25th birthday crying alone in my room with my baby, because no else seemed to care it was my birthday. My partner and I had a fight the night before and we haven’t spoken or seen each other since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53

You deserved it 16

Spicy

Today, I found out I’m going to be a father, twice over, with two different women. Sisters, in fact. Only one of those sisters is my wife. Should I flee abroad, or walk calmly towards the firing squad straight away? FML

I agree, your life sucks 98

You deserved it 1 927

Today, my boyfriend finally told me after over two years together that the reason we only have sex once a month is because my stomach is, “off-putting”. FML

I agree, your life sucks 845

You deserved it 189

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