Animals: Today, I stepped in dog shit, barefoot, in my own bathroom. The...

By dirtyfoot - United States

Today, I stepped in dog shit, barefoot, in my own bathroom. The dog had been outside for two hours earlier, and I'd watched him take a dump. Apparently he was saving some for when he got back in the house. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22027

You deserved it

2393

Favorite

Animals

Dementia or hate? You decide

Walk on the wild side

Kick the bum out

By rackman007 - United States

Today, I was wearing my new sunglasses while watching a basketball game. A pretty hot looking girl was sitting a few spots next to me so I stared at her breasts. A few minutes later, I looked up at her face and she was looking at me in disgust. It turns out that my sunglasses were see through. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9250

You deserved it

91774

Favorite

By collegekidproblems - United States

Today, I have put in many job applications and had many interviews for a variety of positions all of which I am highly qualified for. Today, I heard back from all but one that I am overqualified. Welcome to Walmart. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11481

You deserved it

926

Favorite

By doggie_doo_face - United States

Snow day

Today, my dog accidentally crapped on her leash. When I flicked the leash to get the poo off, it went flying. Have you ever had warm poo hit you in the face on a cold day when there's 6 inches of snow on the ground? I have. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27016

You deserved it

9665

Favorite

By chrono64 - United States

Today, I found a pair of glasses in my car. I don't wear glasses, and nobody besides myself has been in my car lately. It appears that someone has been sleeping in my car and forgot their glasses. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28348

You deserved it

3329

Favorite

By Chubsley - United States

Today, I realized that the beef jerky someone had left on the counter and that I'd been sneaking a few pieces of every morning had a cartoon dog holding two strips of beef jerky. I wondered why nobody else was eating it. It was beef jerky for dogs. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9807

You deserved it

50825

Favorite

By NoNotCats =^._.^= - United States - Mesa

Today, I was at the doctor's getting a check up. He asked me if I was allergic to anything, to which I blurted out, "Cats." He gave me a weird look and said, "Don't worry, I won't give you cats." FML

I agree, your life sucks

44447

You deserved it

7129

Favorite

By idk what to do - 4/3/2021 00:30

Single life

Today, I'm 22 year-old woman, and my entire family thinks something is wrong with me because I've never been in a relationship. I'm starting to believe them. FML

I agree, your life sucks

858

You deserved it

122

Favorite

By Puzzlepiece - Australia - Lakemba

Today, I spent the whole day doing a 500 piece puzzle. The last piece didn't fit. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47151

You deserved it

6583

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was walking around in Target with my friends and the guy I've liked for a long time. As we approached the patio section, I sat down on a chair only to hear a big wet watery sound. I got up and realized that I had just sat in some little kid's diarrhea. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47854

You deserved it

7588

Favorite

By Miroslav208 - United States

Today, I had to explain to my boyfriend why it would be highly offensive and inappropriate for him to go as Caylee Anthony for Halloween. I think he's still planning on doing it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27061

You deserved it

4857

Favorite

By Human fly - Canada - Maple Ridge

Today, I put up one of those hanging fly catchers in my room due to the unsettling amount of flies in the house. I remarked how stupid flies were to land on them. Within an hour, I got up and walked straight into it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25067

You deserved it

46386

Favorite

By steakysteak - United States

Today, I got a package in the mail from my girlfriend. I was really excited until I realized that it was just a box full things that I gave to her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30105

You deserved it

2468

Favorite

By Anonymous - Ghana - Accra

Today, I got high for the first time. Apparently I called my vet and told him my goldfish was barking. I found out when he called me back later to make sure we were both okay. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36593

You deserved it

20786

Favorite

By Raela - United States - Fort Lee

Today, I learned that toddlers cannot fully digest raisins. I learned this first-hand when my 15-month-old began pooping them whole. In the bathtub. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23674

You deserved it

7562

Favorite

By maryfaithh - United States

Today, I tried to open a can with a potato peeler. For a minute I forgot what a can opener looked like. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10491

You deserved it

25918

Favorite

By Kahlilah Kilgore

Touching story

Today, I was half asleep when my cat came over to cuddle. I was petting her in the dark when I felt what I thought was a patch of matted fur under her neck, as if she had been injured and bleeding. Alarmed, I felt for that spot again and found myself holding her tail. What I'd felt was in fact my cat's anus. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1240

You deserved it

541

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Elmwood Park

Today, my best friend wanted to see what my new boyfriend looks like. By chance, he'd sent me a Snapchat a few minutes before, so I opened it to show her, only to see that it was a dick pic. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39487

You deserved it

45407

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I walked in on my husband jacking off to a photo of himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42003

You deserved it

4475

Favorite

By souped - United States

Today, I really wanted something to drink. I looked in the fridge, and found some of my grandma's soy milk. I decide to take a swig, and instead of tasting soy, I tasted rotten chicken. Turns out my grandma knew I drink her soy milk and decided to swap it with expired chicken broth. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10656

You deserved it

42432

Favorite

By fmmlll - United States

Road trip

Today, I'm going on an 8-hour drive with my insane family. This usually means screaming arguments, graphic conversations about my dad's pubes, some karaoke, plenty of farting, some stale Pringles, and an obese golden retriever on my lap the entire time. Arizona, here we come. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32395

You deserved it

4065

Favorite

By whereismyring - United States - Los Angeles

Today, my ex-boyfriend announced he was engaged. We broke up last night. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24531

You deserved it

1697

Favorite

By mommydearist - United States

Today, my car broke down in the middle of the street. Lucky for me, two guys helped me push my car to the side of the road. Right when I was about to thank them, they stole my purse. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33665

You deserved it

2880

Favorite

By BaconGirl

Today, it has been my lifelong dream to work with animals. My dream sorta came true. I now work at the slaughterhouse. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13166

You deserved it

1987

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I received a "diamond ring" in Mafia Wars (a facebook app) from my boyfriend of 3 years. Along with the ring came a message. It read, "Will you marry me?" He was serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks

61367

You deserved it

9951

Favorite

By chapstick - United States - San Dimas

Today, my lips were dry and chapped, so I asked if I could use some of my friend's chapstick. She didn't mind, so I quickly put some on. Only later did I notice that my lips were sparkly. Turns out it was glitter balm. Now everyone calls me "princess." FML

I agree, your life sucks

43831

You deserved it

13644

Favorite

By Where is it coming from?! - United States - Brightwood

Today, I returned home after a four day weekend at my parents' house. Upon entering by the front door, a horrid stench assaulted my nose. Hours later I still cannot find the source of the foul odor. I'm starting to wonder if this is how it's always smelled without my knowing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42883

You deserved it

6909

Favorite

By fatty - United States - Gloucester

Today, my parents gave me fat burner pills for my birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36872

You deserved it

5720

Favorite

By frankrizzo - Canada

Today, I had a wet dream. When I woke up, I was touching myself. Unfortunately, I also woke up to find that I had fallen asleep on the couch after eating too much at a family reunion. When I looked around the room, over 10 relatives were giving me nasty looks. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41949

You deserved it

8958

Favorite

By sleepingbeauty - United States - Jackson

Today, I got in a fight with my boyfriend. I sent him a long message pouring my heart out about how hurt I am that he constantly ignores me or responds to almost everything I say in monosyllables. He texted back "ok". FML

I agree, your life sucks

20151

You deserved it

3740

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out that I have testicular cancer for the second time in two years, and they may end up removing my last testicle. Knowing full well I was also born with an extra rib, the doctor at the consultation joked, "Hey, you'll be three quarters of the way to being a woman." FML

I agree, your life sucks

45115

You deserved it

2681

Favorite

By Dockin - India

Today, I slashed my ass open with a shard of glass. How? I was making out with my crush, and threw my glasses on the ground. I forgot about them when we decided to lie down. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16185

You deserved it

37853

Favorite

By Kika - France

Today, the phone rang. I run to get the call, I trip, fall on a metal chair. Tears in my eyes and out of breath I pick up... "Hi, do you have a minute to answer a few questions? It's for a survey." FML

I agree, your life sucks

22954

You deserved it

4520

Favorite

By hopelesscollegestudent - Canada

Today, I asked my college chemistry teacher for some much-needed help. Instead of explaining anything to me, she scoffed that if I don't understand something, I should "just Google it." FML

I agree, your life sucks

23948

You deserved it

2003

Favorite

By Peter

Today, I discovered that my girlfriend has been lying to me about having a long-term illness requiring multiple trips to the doctor's. She isn't ill, she was cheating on me with the local GP. So I’ve literally driven her to the clinic and then sat in the waiting room while she screwed the doctor. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4876

You deserved it

310

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Valencia

It's not what you think!

Today, my boyfriend was dropping me off home and we were still in the car. When I went in to give him a hug, my hand hit his shoulder and I dropped my phone at his feet. Just as I pulled back up with it, my dad was staring at us from outside. He still appears to think I was giving him head. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40461

You deserved it

4165

Favorite

By iSamsung - United States - San Francisco

Today, I decided to make new friends, so I sat with the lonely guy at lunch. Now he keeps following me, with his phone in a camera position. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20665

You deserved it

2474

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Wrong question

Today, my girlfriend and I were having ice cream and I jokingly asked, "What's better? The sex or ice cream?" Apparently, I don't pleasure her like Mint Chocolate Chip Ice Cream does. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21587

You deserved it

48652

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Waxhaw

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend. She said, "Can't, bigamy's illegal." I still don't know if she was joking or not, because she keeps changing the subject whenever I mention it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33879

You deserved it

3055

Favorite

By bitch - United States

Today, my car broke down. I had a two mile, up-hill walk ahead of me. About half way up the hill, a car beeped. Thinking they were poking fun at my misfortune, I began to curse and use obscene gestures, only to find out that it was my neighbor asking if I needed a ride. She drove off. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7762

You deserved it

55374

Favorite

By Anonymous - Canada - Sackville

Today, I was sitting in the coffee shop where my boyfriend and I used to go before he broke up with me about a week ago. I was missing him and wishing he was there, when all of a sudden this 14-year-old kid comes up to me and says, "He's not coming, you may as well go home." FML

I agree, your life sucks

48559

You deserved it

6842

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By jazzyjada10 | 6

#2909426 - Sunday 17 July 2011 1:15

this fml has the award of having the least comments

By xNephilim | 18

#1583926 - Friday 22 October 2010 3:33

To prevent THIS, meaning the dog pooping inside, from happening.

COMMENTS

By your_face | 15

#10119 - Sunday 1 March 2009 17:28

Ha, looks like your dog wanted to be just like you!

Seriously though, that sucks.

blakehilli8 | 0

#495621 - Tuesday 18 August 2009 6:36

Second

averageirishman | 0

#905679 - Tuesday 2 March 2010 0:55

Why the fuck would you watch your dog shit

showrunner | 0

#931272 - Wednesday 10 March 2010 5:07

YDI for watching your dog shit

lxclark | 17

#972410 - Thursday 1 April 2010 4:33

Hahah I thought the same thing.. WHY..?

xNephilim | 18

#1583926 - Friday 22 October 2010 3:33

To prevent THIS, meaning the dog pooping inside, from happening.

By 12mp04 | 0

#80861 - Saturday 4 April 2009 3:01

HAHAHAHA

That's one of the funniest ones I've seen here

Sucks for you though... but on the bright side you made quite a few people laugh :).

yomama97 | 5

#4226881 - Wednesday 28 March 2012 10:31

I've stepped in dog shit barefoot inside at my bestfriends house the first time I stayed there xD

By jaychourox121 | 15

#81263 - Saturday 4 April 2009 6:17

at least he knows where to go in the house. now you just need to work on the exact location. lmao

By igotbigdick | 0

#222204 - Saturday 23 May 2009 5:48

i have a hugh dick

By Mauskau | 35

#536952 - Thursday 3 September 2009 20:55

bless. how come this has 5 comments :/

By slientRequiem | 0

#1273839 - Friday 20 August 2010 4:30

#6 in soviet Russia, comment... oh fuck it

By wazowski77 | 0

#2625017 - Sunday 5 June 2011 19:26

Why were u watching ur dog pinch a loaf

By jazzyjada10 | 6

#2909426 - Sunday 17 July 2011 1:15

this fml has the award of having the least comments

By supsup1 | 1

#3209967 - Wednesday 31 August 2011 6:43

Lol that sucks

By jeremy0690 | 0

#3509967 - Saturday 29 October 2011 21:36

r u sure it was the dog...??