Dogs, Poopoo peepee, Food, Awkward and Smells: Oh shit

Oh shit

By das_shizzle - 30/09/2020 23:02 - United States - Montesano

Today, as I was getting ready to go to class, I accidentally stepped in dog poop. I was in a hurry, so I scraped it off as best as I could. When I go to class, I noticed it smelled. The girl behind me noticed and said, "Mmmmm, smells like food in here." FML

I agree, your life sucks 951

You deserved it 94

Dogs Poopoo peepee Food Awkward Smells

Vulture

Yada yada yada

Shot from both sides

By nico - 01/07/2011 04:15 - United States

Today, I broke my collarbone in a rugby tournament. I was forced to sit through five more hours of games because the coach wouldn't take me to the hospital until the tournament was over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 757

You deserved it 3 606

By BlueyedKat - 11/04/2016 17:40 - United States - Huntsville

Today, I gave a presentation to a class of 70+ people. No one bothered to tell me my fly was unzipped. No wonder they were all smiling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 214

You deserved it 2 581

By Doomy - 07/01/2010 14:43 - United States

Today, I was going to the bathroom. As I was about to wipe, I noticed that the toilet paper had butterflies printed on it. Never before had I felt bad for wiping my ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 259

You deserved it 29 818

By LH0026 - 06/08/2011 09:28 - United States

Today, I learned from the noise outside my window that construction workers start their days at 5 AM. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 579

You deserved it 3 100

Tradlife blues

By Anemity_is_my_name - 17/05/2021 00:01 - United States

Today, I wish I could go back to living alone in a van, sleeping, eating, and showering in the truck stop that's near my job. I've tried to be a model husband and father for over a decade, and am left depressed, and exhausted. I love them all just enough to not actually abandon them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 946

You deserved it 205

By YouAREthefather - 18/03/2010 16:48 - United States

Today, I ran into my ex-boyfriend at the store, holding hands with his very pregnant girlfriend. They were buying baby supplies. We had a very nasty and painful breakup not even three months ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 294

You deserved it 3 831

By Retarded - 05/09/2013 06:57 - United States - Tallahassee

Today, I was asked to dumb myself down so the people I was training could comprehend what I was saying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 709

You deserved it 6 974

By chipmunk - 29/10/2009 05:20 - United States

Today, my boyfriend of seven years dumped me because he said my cheeks getting way too fat for his taste and he didn't want to be with a chipmunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 626

You deserved it 7 644

By Scapegoat - 17/11/2018 13:30

Today, I found out that while I was at college, my brother downloaded three terabytes of porn on my laptop and blamed it on me. My parents believed him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 328

You deserved it 278

By Anonymous - 18/04/2017 17:00 - United States - San Diego

Today, the cashier at the local grocery store in my area said that I don't look a day over 40. I'm 28. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 045

You deserved it 381

By notgood - 04/01/2021 16:01 - Canada - Saskatoon

Today, I accidentally took an Ex Lax instead of an Immodium. It's gonna be a fun night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 623

You deserved it 278

What did I do?

By Ryan McArdle - 25/01/2021 10:58

Today, I tried to log into Instagram for the first time in 2 days. They deactivated my account for violating their guidelines. I haven't posted a picture or made a comment in months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 696

You deserved it 92

By Shotacon - 07/04/2016 03:06 - United States - Woodbury

Today, while using the leg press at the gym, some guy thought he could use more weight than me since I look really young. He hurt himself. He then blamed me and tried to get me kicked out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 052

You deserved it 1 278

By FML - 04/09/2015 16:27 - United States - Maricopa

Today, I took my boyfriend to a family dinner. It went well, until my dad got drunk and started telling everyone about how "midgets" are assholes and are ruining America. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 629

You deserved it 1 713

Misunderstood

By lildale92 - 03/06/2021 10:01 - United States - Elmhurst

Today, I was trying to explain to my mother-in-law how I hated the way my father-in-law talks to me, the tone he uses. She thought I was attacking him and got mad at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 742

You deserved it 222

By gingerninja - 02/11/2010 17:43 - United Kingdom

Today, our class was focusing on discrimination, and our teacher asked us if anyone had ever felt discriminated against. I put my hand up to share a story, and my teacher immediately said "It's because you're ginger, isn't it?" That's not what I was going to say. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 392

You deserved it 7 628

Management 101

By Anonymous - 22/07/2021 04:01 - South Africa

Today, I got a call from the bank, telling me my mom's company is going broke. She's been on holiday for a month, and I had been appointed to manage it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 853

You deserved it 161

By Anonymous - 20/05/2016 16:05 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, my dad told me to knock it off with my "stupid gangster walk", saying it made me look like an idiot. I didn't have the balls to admit I'd sharted my pants and was awkwardly waddling to the bathroom to clean myself up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 717

You deserved it 2 211

By Ryan - 20/12/2011 17:57 - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I were getting hot and heavy. She had her shirt off, and commented on the small size of her breasts. Trying to make her feel better, I said I dated smaller breasts. She replied by saying she'd dated bigger penises. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 409

You deserved it 58 912

Most likely

By lukey101 - 11/02/2021 14:01 - Australia

Today, I had my half-year performance review. My boss arrived 15 minutes late, paid basically no attention to my presentation, and left 30 minutes early. I guess I’ll go fuck myself then. FML

I agree, your life sucks 877

You deserved it 70

By Noname - 24/02/2009 22:57 - United States

Today, I asked a very cute fireman for his number "just in case I needed him to come to my rescue"... He told me "Yeah sure!" and scribbled it down. After he walked away I read his note: "911". FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 270

You deserved it 50 190

By NoseInPain - 20/08/2009 14:17 - United States

Today, my little sister thought it'd be cool to pierce my nose while I was asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 396

You deserved it 3 968

By NotJessePinkmanFFS - 10/09/2012 06:06 - United States - Norwalk

Today, my 43-year-old brother's obsession with Breaking Bad reached a new level of stupidity when he nearly got us beaten up by a bunch of meth-heads down by our local park. He went up to them with his shaved head and stupid hat, and tried to act all Walter White with them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 670

You deserved it 2 261

By Wealthyparrot - 10/05/2013 08:24 - United States

Today, a client refused to pay after I mowed her lawn. Her reasoning? I had entered her basement "without permission." I require on-site equipment be provided, and she kept her mower in her basement. I only knew it was in the basement because she'd showed me, and told me where the key was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 546

You deserved it 3 506

By Sisterly Love - 02/01/2015 05:37 - United States - Saline

Today, my sister compared me handling the news of recently being told that I have a devastating and very possibly fatal autoimmune disease, to that of a teenager being melodramatic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 026

You deserved it 2 816

Slow down

By Anonymous - 04/11/2020 17:01 - Canada

Today, after months of ultrasounds and blood tests, I found out that the pain I've been feeling in my ovaries is actually just sore muscles from flicking my bean every night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 573

You deserved it 966

By sifa - 10/04/2009 07:06 - Malaysia

Today, I went for a lunch interview for my dream job. The interview was great and at the end, I tried to seal the deal by complimenting my future boss. I said, "You're really hardworking. Do you always work on a Saturday?" He looked at me, smiled and then wrote something down. Today's Friday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 811

You deserved it 59 775

To catch a predator

By not to blame - 07/09/2021 02:01

Today, my boyfriend’s family, whom I’ve known since I was in elementary school, now completely hate and blame me for "ruining their precious baby boy’s life." I'd called the police and reported him after finding out he cheated on me with not one, but several high school girls. We’re in our 30s. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 974

You deserved it 178

By gloria77 - 23/01/2012 23:26 - United States

Today, I took my kids to visit their grandma. At one point while playing, my youngest said "shit", so I admonished her. My mom snorted and told me to "stop being such a little bitch", because it will make my kids into "lame prisses like their mother". FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 297

You deserved it 7 458

By im_radd - 21/01/2010 07:31 - United States

Today, while in the waiting room at the chiropractor's office, I thought I'd be sexy and flash my boyfriend. Forgetting that my iPhone was in the front pocket of my hoodie, I lifted it quickly and hit myself in the mouth. Now I have a fat bloody lip and a boyfriend who can't stop laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 728

You deserved it 46 908

By omgwhyme - 08/01/2012 14:36 - United States

Today, my boyfriend asked me for a blow job. After I said "no" over ten times, he decided to get up and slap me across the face with his penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 236

You deserved it 49 254

By Anonymous - 23/05/2010 23:00 - Canada

Today, was parent appreciation day at my daughter's KG class. On the stage, each child was asked to define each parent in one word. When it was my daughter's turn, she looked at me hard, thinking. Finally, in the end she said, "My daddy is very fat." Everybody stared. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 024

You deserved it 7 805

By arirx12 - 25/02/2010 22:29 - United States

Today, after five months of not working, I have a check waiting for me at the office. Too bad the office is in another city. My gas tank is empty, and I have no money to put gas in my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 122

You deserved it 3 638

By Hana - 23/03/2012 07:39 - Canada - York

Today, I went to the movies with my boyfriend, and ended up sitting next to this girl who wouldn't stop sneezing. Grossed out, I asked my boyfriend if we could switch seats. After doing so, the girl immediately stopped sneezing and started flirting with him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 033

You deserved it 5 963

By tessisue - 04/01/2016 11:18 - Germany

Today, I visited the hospital with my boyfriend to have an injury checked. When the doctor removed the band-aid, my boyfriend started screaming and passed out. I had to get him out of the room using a wheelchair. The "injury" is a cut in his finger. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 802

You deserved it 2 207

By Flopera - 12/05/2018 05:00

Today, I treated my out of town family to a surprise opera experience as a belated Christmas present. When we arrived, there were people already in our seats. Upon checking the tickets, I realized that I had purchased them for the following Friday instead of today. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 058

You deserved it 2 014

By Anonymous - 25/09/2016 12:11 - United States - Richmond

Today, a girl introduced herself to me with the line, "Hi, I'm Anna. I have a boyfriend." FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 915

You deserved it 1 189

By ilikeirishducks - 19/06/2009 13:51 - Italy

Today, I had a bath in the bathroom we are currently renovating. There's a big hole in the middle of the floor. When I got out of the bath, I swung one leg across the gap to get a towel from the rack. I drew back my leg and looked down to see my brother's hot friend staring up at me in horror. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 739

You deserved it 21 058

By failure - 15/10/2014 01:06 - United States - Loomis

Today, my boyfriend told me that he'd feel like a failure if he went to community college. I'm planning to go to community college next year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 300

You deserved it 4 970

I'm normal, I swear

By Anonymous - 17/06/2021 18:01

Today, I was doing weird voice impressions for my friend right before the doorbell rang and I had the front window open. The postman looked at me strangely, handed me my parcel and didn't say a word. FML

I agree, your life sucks 585

You deserved it 200

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Top comments

RichardPencil 30

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Thursday 1 October 2020 8:14

I know a lot of people eat shitty food, but I didn't think it was so literal to some.

noporn4u 9

Send a private message

Thursday 1 October 2020 22:48

Technically, it WAS food in a prior state.

Comments

RichardPencil 30

Send a private message

Thursday 1 October 2020 8:14

I know a lot of people eat shitty food, but I didn't think it was so literal to some.

noporn4u 9

Send a private message

Thursday 1 October 2020 22:48

Technically, it WAS food in a prior state.

bigredmonkeybutt 25

Send a private message

Friday 2 October 2020 0:51

Somebody’s baking brownies.

Nearly

Today, I live in Turkey and the dollar has risen to 13 lira. Just turks understand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27

You deserved it 4

Today, I realized the cute girl with a nice ass, long hair and a great personality I've been talking to is actually a very gay dude. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20

You deserved it 58

Spicy

Today, I was diagnosed with a meat allergy. You can imagine the jokes my boyfriend has been thinking up since we found out I can’t "handle his meat" in my mouth anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 467

You deserved it 59

Today, a guy drove an hour and a half to get to where I live, only to literally last less than 30 seconds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 588

You deserved it 124