By Coldandshoeless - 08/01/2013 10:40 - United States - Hackettstown

Today, I got home only to discover my dog was missing. After spending ages roaming the freezing streets calling his name, I returned to find him stuck behind the couch with my chewed-up new shoes in his muzzle. FML
I agree, your life sucks 31 241
You deserved it 6 417

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Probably hiding. I know my dog hides under our recliner and hides stuff she knows she shouldn't have taken, like a shoe.

These are the times that try men's soles!

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Probably hiding. I know my dog hides under our recliner and hides stuff she knows she shouldn't have taken, like a shoe.

The most annoying thing about this FML is the overuse of 'only to discover'. My English teacher is probably turning in her grave.

Just trying to get a top comment?

Why would OP have chewed-up shoes anyway?

He shouldn't. Why else would the dog hide the shoes?

Well next time take your shoes with you when you chase your imaginary runaway dog

These are the times that try men's soles!

But you know what they say: "Time heels all wounds."

In times like its best to just bite your tongue.

I think he is a shoe-in for dog of the year.

You guys tied great with those shoe puns. You should all take a bow.(:

They were laced together nicely weren't they?

I can't believe how many puns we shoehorned into this thread. I'll bet tongues are wagging and people are having a fit!

I'm so getting a kick out of it. If I can't find my cat when I get home, I usually shake her treats bag. That almost always brings her running. It will probably work the same for a dog.

48- if my dog for some reason finds something better than the treats, he'll stick to it and ignore the treats.. Even if you throw the treat at him, he'll gobble it up as fast as he can and bolt back to what he was doing...

I always find it amusing when dogs know they're doing something wrong. The fact that he knew to hide from you is hilarious. Don't get too mad at him. It's "nothin' but the dog in him".

This could have easily been a lot worse if OP lived in a Greek neighborhood and named the dog the Greek word for "penis".

That's barking mad...

You're Mozart, not Bach.

God dammit, he's Beethoven. This is why you shouldn't comment at 4am.

#31, there's no Haydn the fact, you obviously can't Handel it.

That's ruff.

This is one of those lame attempts that end up getting thumbed down.

Really 25? I didn't realize that until you told us....

I have a dog that has a "clubhouse" under a bush in the backyard where she hides the stuff she's stolen. Lots of food wrappers! We like to think of them as innocent, dumb beasts, but there are some clever thieves among the dogs who think to try to hide evidence. Moral of the story: Keep your cash, checkbook and credit cards way out of your dog's reach -- you never know when they will learn to use them.

First they need pockets.

You never know when they're gonna go out on the town with some bitches.

Well he's got a new pair if shoes.

If she ever figured it out, I'd expect to come home to a living room packed with raw meat and humping posts. Yeah, I've got a girl dog that humps. Either(ee) she's got gender dysphoria issues or she's just a bitch.

My female dog only humps other girls. I think she's got a bit of a lesbian thing going on.

51- I have two dogs and they seem to have gay tendencies as well...

#51, mine only humps my arm. Luckily, not while I sleep . . . as far as I know.

I have two dogs of the same breed male and female. They are both fixed and they both hump each other. It's more of a dominance thing for dogs than for sexual satisfaction I think.

My female dog only humps males and won't let them touch her. She is a bitch, but a bitch who isn't going to get pregnant.

A wild noor has appeared

Well you should be thankful he wasn't actually lost. As for you, a little warm soup'll do.

and new shoes...

It's always the last place you look.

That saying always confuses me. Of course it's in the last place you look, you don't keep looking once you find it!

26- Good point! For some reason I never thought of that. Man am I embarrassed!