Today, I got an "Enlarge your penis" email for the millionth time. I was about to dismiss it when I saw the FW: from my wife. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, I came home to see my husband talking to his penis. FML
Today, my wife sent me a Google Calendar reminder for "sex". FML
Today, while sexting my girlfriend, I accidently sent a picture to her father instead of her. He sent back a link to a penis enlargement company's website. FML
Today, I went to the doctor's office because my wife and I are having some fertility problems. As I removed my pants, the doctor simply looked at my penis and said, "Mhm." My wife laughed the whole way home. FML
Today, my email got hacked and sent all my contacts something for Viagra. My husband thinks I really sent it to him on purpose and now won't even talk to me. FML
Today, I discovered the same erotic pictures my wife emailed to me while I was deployed were emailed to several other guys by her. FML
Today, my coworker asked me for advice for a clever comeback after she got an unsolicited dick pic. I sent her some zingers to roast the creep into oblivion. Afterward she sent me screenshots. I recognized the mole and birthmark immediately. It was my husband. FML
Today, I sent a love message to my wife asking if she was horny. Minutes later, I realized that I sent it to my mother in law. FML
Today, I received an email invitation to a dating web site. It was from my father-in-law. FML
Today, my wife decided to check her email, while I was still inside her. FML
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Top comments
Ilovelife07 0
damnnn thats rough. forward her a breast enlargement offer
DarthFurby 0
Haha ouch. Kind of a bitch way to give you the hint.
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Comments (160)
krisFrAnHeehar 0
haha sorry im wrong with how i read it #16 but your still an asshole
sandrino 0
**** her in the ass & see if she still thinks its too small.
eliz3 0
#16, what are you, 12? #7 made a vaid point that marriage should be based on more than penis size, and it's not the only thing that equals good sex! You're shit knowledge of anything sex related, and lack of ability to form coherent sentences makes me assume no one is likely to sleep with you anyway.
DarMARINEren 0
you must be small..... and #15 no one cares about you
timmyteo 0
Forget the wife, it's the ones from my mom that really hurt. Unoriginal....
ducklamp 0
hey, run with what you brung! tell her to do her kegel exercises!
Tsukasa_fml 0
Could be a hint, could be a joke, most likely just spam pretending to be a forward.
FMLwrestler 0
For the record, women: 1) the average penis size is only 5.7 inches FULLY ERECT. So all of you women expecting every dick to be like some giant 9 inch superthick ****, who don't believe me here, will be unpleasantly surprised by your next boyfriend, if this doesn't surprise you. 2) most men (unlike most women) understand that A- penis enlargement schemes or pills or methods do not work, and the manual methods usually have a high risk of permanently harming or rendering useless one's dick... B- a man cannot control his dick size.. C- because of letter B, a man who has an average or even a small dick, is not automatically an asshole who you should hold it against, and then eventually dump and try to ruin his life somehow... D- that it's unfair how men aren't near as vicious or cruel or vocal to women about them having small breasts, being fat, being ugly, or having unshapely or small butts, as women are to men about having small (hell, or even average) penises. 3) The wife is not only ignorant, but a rude bitch as well. First, the #1 thing in a marriage is communication... so if the wife cannot vocally tell her husband, calmly straightforward and in person, that she is unsatisfied or discontent with the size of his dick, or wishes it were bigger, THAN THERE IS SOMETHING VERY WRONG WITH THE COMMUNICATION IN THEIR RELATIONSHIP AS A WHOLE! Secondly, I agree with waiting until marriage to have sex... but you can't honestly tell me that she has never even SEEN or FELT his dick before they got married! I mean, am I to believe that he was stranded on first base up until they sealed the lock and threw away the key? YEAHH, RIGHT! She must have at least given him a handjob of some sort, or at LEAST felt down there. Thus, she has absolutely no excuse to marry him, suck his money and life dry, and then somehow feel justified in claiming that his dick size was too small... when in reality, she knew how small it was before she married him!!! You might be thinking that her vag got loose over time, and thus she wants his dick bigger. Well, all i can say is this: KEGELS! It's a lot easier for a woman to get tighter, than it is for a man to get bigger. So if she is the one who wants EXTRA pleasure, than it is her who should have to work for it, not the man! The man's already satisfied, what the hell does he care? And forget about care... if shes so lazy she cant do some simple 5 minute exercises daily, fit em in somewhere, then she is too fat and lazy to deserve sex ANYWAY! #63 backs me up on the kegels, btw :) haha =================================== Oh and btw, #16 and #12 are both right... they just worded it differently. And #16 size does matter some in sex, but I also agree that any woman who cares that much that a relationship is made or broken because of it, YES she is pretty damn superficial, and slutty to boot. (Imagine if a guy broke up with his girl because her boobs were too small, or her vag was too loose? Wouldn't that just piss so many girls off to no END? ...my point exactly.) However, it's one thing if she decides that BEFORE THEY GET MARRIED. If she suddenly decides it after for some weird reason, well then she's just an asshole as well. lol =============== can i get an "amen"?! can i get a "hallelujah"!? haha
jengen 0
Give your wife a mushroom bruise. Hahaha.
jimy_fml 0
haha i hope she wasn't serious