Health: Today, I went to the doctor's office because my wife and I were...

By manlyman - United States

Today, I went to the doctor's office because my wife and I were having some fertilization problems. As I removed my pants, the doctor simply looked at my penis and said "mhm." My wife laughed the whole way home. FML

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Health

There's no helping some people

True hero

Compassionate dad, huh?

By brawl y’all - 31/10/2020 09:04 - United States

Some winners…

Today, what started as a family gathering turned into an all-out brawl. I saw my son’s wife punch him, so I hit her. Her mom and sister jumped me. My husband was pulling them off when the other husband thought he was attacking them and jumped in, so my son jumped in as well. We won, at least. FML

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By Having a pretty sister sucks. - United States - College Station

Relatable

Today, my sister had an emotional breakdown because two guys love her and she can't pick just one. Meanwhile I'm single and spend my time laying treats on my floor in a pattern and watching my rabbit run in circles. FML

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By anonymous - Australia

Today, I was stuck in a room with a man who was catching flies. That I could cope with, until he insisted on turning the lights out because it was 'stressing out' his flies. FML

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By youredisgusting - United States - Merced

Today, my roommate yelled at me yet again for using the dishwasher because it's "unsanitary." This is all while a mountain of her dishes were going mouldy in the sink. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I saw that my ex-boyfriend was online and had no plans. I felt extreme happiness knowing he had no life. Then I realized that I was online and had no plans. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I got a free temporary tattoo of a scorpion in a packet of potato chips and decided to wear it on my wrist. Whilst I was in the shower, I got a shock, thinking it was a spider. I then lost balance and slipped, banging my head on the faucet. FML

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By very punny - United States - Odenton

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend with a ring from Kay Jewelers. She saw the box, started giggling, whispered, "'Kay", and then started laughing so hard at her joke she had to excuse herself. FML

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By FATS DOMINO - United States

Today, my sister finally broke down and told me that our dad gambled away of all my college savings, and I would have to pay for school the best way I can. They have known for months, and when I asked why nobody told me, the reply was, "You're a college boy, we thought you would figure it out." FML

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By fml - Japan - Koshigaya

Today, I took my 2-year-old son to the ear doctor, since he'd stopped responding whenever I call him. The doctor told me that his ears are just fine. He's just ignoring me. FML

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By Joe Lizen - United States - New Lenox

Today, my mom called me screaming and cussing because she found pot in my room. I come home and my dad says, "I hid some pot in your room and I'm not letting you go to that concert if you rat me out." My dad is apparently a blackmailing 52-year-old stoner. FML

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By imanidiot - United States

Today, I was sitting in traffic for about an hour. I've heard stories about people doing the dirty in their cars and I never do anything risky so I thought, why not, I'll be here a while, no one can see me: I'll masturbate. Midway through I hear a tap on my driver's window. Its a police officer. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I worked at my job at an amusement park at one of the roller coasters. I have to go around and make sure that every seat belt is around the passenger. I saw my boyfriend in a seat and ran over to say hi. I saw a girl next to him. I had to strap down my cheating boyfriend and the new girl. FML

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By Poopsie

Today, I went to the ER due to intense headaches. My partner was unable to go with me so he called his father to drive me. My father-in-law now knows that every time I orgasm my head feels like it will explode. He also knows that it happened 4 times last week. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, as I was taking the bus home, I sat down next to a man wearing an FML shirt. While snickering I said to him "You totally deserved it." I guess he thought that comment deserved a broken nose. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, the water was shut off, so I had to wash down my anti convulsants, anti depressants and sleep aids with an old, flat, non-alcoholic beer from the night before. I don't think I've ever had a more mentally dysfunctional cocktail. FML

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By disturbed - Ireland

Today, I was hit in the face by the placenta of a cow that had just given birth. FML

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By cherrycokeee - France

Today, my boyfriend of two years said he would finally take me somewhere romantic. I spent my day at a Star Wars convention. FML

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By pukishgirl - India

Today, my boss was skeptical when I told her I had a terrible migraine and needed to go home for the day early. I removed all her doubts by puking over her. FML

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By Depirama - France - Bron

Today, I confessed my love for the girl I like, on the forum she moderates. She responded by banning me. FML

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By Nick Pat

Today, I took my dad out shopping. I managed to pull into a really cramped parking spot and said, "Man, that was a tight squeeze." My dad then looked me in the eyes and said, "So was your mom." FML

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By allergyface - Canada

Today, I was talking to my parents, when all of a sudden my dad starts freaking out and asking my mom how I got this really bad allergy on my face. My mom just laughed, and then I had to explain to him that it was just my acne. The worst part is, he was dead serious the whole time. FML

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By Juancames3

Saboteur!

Today, after spending all night packing for my 5am flight to Brazil, my cat peed all over my open suitcase. FML

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By sucksforme - United States

Today, I parked in front of a grocery store and took the portable GPS system off the mount on the dashboard and put it in my pocket so no one would break into my car and steal it. When I got back, the window was smashed and someone had stolen the plastic mount. FML

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By jamiedevin - United States

Thanks, dude

Today, I was feeling really sick when I was with my boyfriend at the park. When we were walking, I got really dizzy and collapsed. My boyfriend didn't catch me. His mom took me to the hospital. While I was being poked with needles, he was at home playing COD. FML

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By erjazo - United States - Morris

Today, I was watching TV with my husband, and he started getting frisky. When the commercial break started, we started having sex. When he came, there were still two commercials left before the show resumed. FML

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By Mishti

Today, whilst on the toilet at the mall, I took my new designer sandals off as my feet were blistered. Not even a second later, a hand reached out from under the stall, grabbed my sandals and disappeared. I had to walk home a mile barefoot. In the burning heat. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Waco

Today, after putting in 110% at my shitty job for two years straight, my boss told me point-blank I'm too good in my current position for him to ever be able to justify promoting me. FML

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By Anonymous - 18/4/2021 17:00

Communication Breakdown

Today, I just called my now ex-girlfriend to break up with her, due to our insurmountable lack of communication, even though I was in therapy for four months to try and keep the relationship afloat. Before breaking up, she'd blocked me on Facebook, Whatsapp, Twitter and Instagram for no reason. FML

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By illjustlimpthen - United States - Waukesha

Today, despite my pain, my mom still refuses to take me to a foot doctor because, "They all have foot fetishes." FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I woke up to my husband's face. That'd be nice if he hadn't turned his eyelids inside out, waiting to scare me. I was scared alright. So scared that I pissed myself and broke my side table falling out of bed. FML

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By sealy - United States

Today, I was told I sound like a seal barking when I orgasm. FML

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By hailey - United States - Bethesda

Today, "The Phantom of the Opera" soundtrack blasted me awake at 4 am. Not knowing how it got on my iPod, I checked and found I had bought the whole $17.00 album in my sleep. This is the second time this month; the first time I downloaded the soundtrack from "The Wizard of Oz". FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Paranoid much?

Today, I got pushed around by several suspicious mothers in a playground. I just wanted to sit down and rest my feet while I waited for my wife to finish her shopping across the street. FML

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By Nikki - United States

Awkward

Today, I woke up, completely naked, in bed with a guy I met the night before. We were both drunk the night before and I had agreed to go home with him. The reason I woke up was that someone was knocking on his bedroom door. Turns out he lives with his mom and she made us pancakes. FML

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By fabs1171 - Australia - Chatswood

Today, I caught the train into the city. Halfway there some kids hopped on smelling of marijuana and alcohol. Their topic of discussion? How much pubic hair they had. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I woke up to find a tick stuck to my eyelashes. The only way I know of to get it off is with fire. FML

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By mariokarter - United Kingdom

Today, on the train on the way to my mother's house, I was playing Mariokart with my son. He got a 'bomb' item, and yelled quite loudly, "I have a bomb!". Panic ensued. We got thrown off the train at the next stop. FML

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By abc123 - United States - Marysville

Today, I was taking a shower with my boyfriend. While we were washing our hair, he got soap in his eyes and mouth. I was facing him, and since his eyes were closed he didn't realize how close I was. When he spat the soap out, it went straight into my eyes. Neither of us could see. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Cuyahoga Falls

Today, I downloaded a movie for my mom that she really likes, "When Harry Met Sally". When she loaded the file, we soon found out it was actually some kind of obscure porno billed as "When Harry Wet Sally". FML

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By Julie

Today, I had red eyes from crying, and everyone assumed that my mom, who has been seriously ill, had died so they tried comforting me. It was quite embarrassing to have to tell them that it was because I'd just watched the last episode of season 4 of Veronica Mars. FML

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Top comments

By stoptheworld | 0

#84679 - Sunday 5 April 2009 20:06

professional doctor =/

By iDontFail_xD | 0

#84720 - Sunday 5 April 2009 20:14

ROFL. maybe they should like make some kind of viagara commercial with this, and then you come back the next day, and the doctor's like OH DAYUMM =)

COMMENTS

By stoptheworld | 0

#84679 - Sunday 5 April 2009 20:06

professional doctor =/

jdizz16 | 16

#4351243 - Wednesday 25 April 2012 2:12

Lol!!!

By featherhead | 0

#84682 - Sunday 5 April 2009 20:07

mwaha, poor you xd

By musicfanboy33 | 0

#84683 - Sunday 5 April 2009 20:07

get a new doctor?

doctorwhofan567 | 2

#5313524 - Tuesday 8 January 2013 0:52

Wouldn't help with his erectile dysfunction

By musiclife_fml | 0

#84705 - Sunday 5 April 2009 20:12

I'm sorry OP, but this is too funny:P

FYL indeed, and definitely one of my favorites lol

ThinkChink | 0

#1929477 - Wednesday 5 January 2011 1:13

Mhm.

By Yoya_fml | 0

#84707 - Sunday 5 April 2009 20:12

oh god.!
that's really embarrassing...!

go to a new doctor..!

friedpwnadge | 25

#5337288 - Thursday 24 January 2013 2:58

Just so he can be told the same thing?
Any doctor worth his salt is gonna be honest with him.

Sheepiebeepie | 26

#7424868 - Tuesday 14 March 2017 14:04

I read this with like belated urgency at the end of every sentence.

By itsTiffany | 0

#84708 - Sunday 5 April 2009 20:12

Asshole doctor.

By Banthestrandland | 0

#84709 - Sunday 5 April 2009 20:12

Aw, c'mon, people. Who says YDI to a guy with a small dick?

Funny OP though.

muzicmajor11 | 0

#1046714 - Monday 28 June 2010 5:17

I Agee

By PTERONOPHOBIA | 0

#84713 - Sunday 5 April 2009 20:13

I don't get it? He looked at your dick, said "mhm" and you left? What does that even mean

bigd1130 | 3

#2995897 - Friday 29 July 2011 21:04

he couldn't penetrate.

By King_of_Kings | 3

#84718 - Sunday 5 April 2009 20:13

the doc is a quack

By iDontFail_xD | 0

#84720 - Sunday 5 April 2009 20:14

ROFL. maybe they should like make some kind of viagara commercial with this, and then you come back the next day, and the doctor's like OH DAYUMM =)

ilikepie789 | 0

#867810 - Thursday 18 February 2010 4:58

lol that would be awesome