Today, I came home to see my husband talking to his penis. FML

Planning

Today, my wife sent me a Google Calendar reminder for "sex". FML

Today, while sexting my girlfriend, I accidently sent a picture to her father instead of her. He sent back a link to a penis enlargement company's website. FML

Today, I went to the doctor's office because my wife and I are having some fertility problems. As I removed my pants, the doctor simply looked at my penis and said, "Mhm." My wife laughed the whole way home. FML

Today, my email got hacked and sent all my contacts something for Viagra. My husband thinks I really sent it to him on purpose and now won't even talk to me. FML

Today, I discovered the same erotic pictures my wife emailed to me while I was deployed were emailed to several other guys by her. FML

Familiar

Today, my coworker asked me for advice for a clever comeback after she got an unsolicited dick pic. I sent her some zingers to roast the creep into oblivion. Afterward she sent me screenshots. I recognized the mole and birthmark immediately. It was my husband. FML

Today, I sent a love message to my wife asking if she was horny. Minutes later, I realized that I sent it to my mother in law. FML

Today, I received an email invitation to a dating web site. It was from my father-in-law. FML

Today, my wife decided to check her email, while I was still inside her. FML