Today, I got a text message from my ex from about a year ago, asking if my 4-day-old son was his. I don't know what's sadder - the fact that he thinks a gestation period can last 11 months, or that he's more willing to step up to the plate than the baby's actual father. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, my ex called, saying she's 3 months pregnant. She seems to have forgotten that we haven't been in the same room, much less friends, in over a year. My dimwitted wife thinks the baby is mine. FML
Today, my ex showed up at my doorstep, claiming to be pregnant with my baby. Of course, I pointed out we broke up ten months ago and hadn't seen each other again until just now, and she is currently six months along. She actually admitted to my face that she figured I'd be too stupid to put the pieces together. FML
Today, my baby daddy texted me after months of me being alone and pregnant, asking if we could hang out. I'm on bed rest, and almost due. FML
Today, I went to get an ultrasound done. I texted my ex, who's the father, and told him how adorable its little feet are, and asked him why he didn't come. I got a reply with two words: "DNA test". FML
Today, I had to tell my ex that I'm pregnant with his baby. I sent him a casual "Hey :)" text to try to ease into things. He replied, "WHO THE FUCK IS THIS?" and ended up threatening to make my life hell if I don't tell my new boyfriend that the child is his. FML
Today, I got a message from a woman. It was my boyfriend of five years' ex-girlfriend, telling me that she’s pregnant with his baby and that they’ve been together for a year. FML
Today, I'm 9 months pregnant and the father of my child has suddenly decided that the child I've carried for 9 months isn't his, and that it was "too late" to try and fix our relationship. He's the only man who could be the father, he's just finding every excuse to say, "Sorry, but no thank you." FML
Today, I found out that my ex is expecting another kid. Not only is this a man who tried to hook up with me last month, he's also the one who, when I asked him to pay child support for our two, told me that he could just "make some more". Guess he was right. FML
Today, as things were finally heating up with a guy I'm interested in, his ex-girlfriend from two months ago called. Guess who's pregnant and guess who's still in a seven-month dry spell. FML
Today, I found out that I'm a dad. My ex from 8 years ago contacted me through facebook. I'm happy I have a kid, but apparently she only contacted me because she wants me to start paying child support, now her boyfriend who provided for them left. FML
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Top comments
kut19 6
I'd say the deadbeat is sadder.
PennyLane27 32
A man doesn't have to be a biological father to be a daddy!
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Comments (207)
smurfsarwales 9
agreed. obviously every girl who has sex is a ****
PennyLane27 32
To clarify, I'm not suggesting to lie to the ex... Rather "to hell" with the deadbeat. Your child and YOU deserve better than some wishy washy bum.
hilariexcore 0
I think what's worse is that you got pregnant only two months after you two broke up. Maybe that's why the real dad doesn't want to step up. You weren't together long then, all of a sudden, there's a baby in the equation..
Ugi 27
There's nothing in the text to suggest OP and the kid's father were not together for a long time before she broke up with her ex'. Women cheat too.
agentx52 13
Yes there is. The baby is 4 DAYS old. Think about the timing on that.
Ugi 27
I think you may be confused here. Her ex has been off the scene for 11 months, which is 2-months longer than the human gestation period. I agree - but that was not the issue. 19 suggested that the OP had only been with the kid's father for 2 months before getting pregnant but that assumes no overlap. The OP could have been with the kid's father _and_ her "ex" for an extended period so this assumption does not hold because it is founded on the further assumption of monogamy for which we have no basis.
finalyearsofhate 22
actually human gestation is normally 40 weeks. which is about 10 months. I don't get where the whole 9 months thing came from. she got knocked up a month after leaving her ex.
MissFukMyLuck 0
thank you 47 for pointing that out! my ex was confused about that up till my son was born
iamtwiggyme 0
Human Gestation is 40 weeks because doctors start counting from your last period, not the day you conceive. 9 months is technically how long you carry a child. 10 months is the length of the pregnancy. doctors do this to have a more universal way to calculate the baby's growth and the mothers needs.
MedChew 19
47 Do you not realize that most months are 30 or 31 days and not 4 weeks (28days)? 9 multiplied by 30.5 (let's assume an average) = 274.5 274.5/7 = ~39 weeks, pretty close no?
MedChew 19
59 No, we (women rather) do NOT get pregnant with children for 10 months, period. That'd be post-date beyond saving. We calculate from the last menstrual period, which is even before the egg has being released. If anything, we are technically carrying the child less longer than the when we 'start' pregnancy.
bekster88 3
The real dad should have thought about that before he had unprotected sex with the OP. He is responsible for that child, regardless of how long he and the mother dated before the child was conceived.
JBenyon 0
There's 52 weeks in a year so if 40 weeks is 10 months you're saying the other 2 months of the year have 6 weeks each? I don't think so!
melted_cheese 5
Op does seem to be somewhat of a ****. So there definitely is a chance that she knew the real Daddy for a long time before getting pregnant
horneyhic 15
52/12=4.3 40/4.3= 9.3 so ur average pregnancy is 9.3 months
racheljean15 0
The baby could have been premature.
muttely 0
I was born about 3.5 months premature
kmbry1 0
no health lesson needed!!!
pink_raindrops 26
#109 Who say's they had unprotected sex? They could've used several birth control methods, they don't always work.
Se0ul_Fr3sh 0
Ummmm i feel kinda dumb for asking...but what is contraception..? o.0
Se0ul_Fr3sh 0
Ummmm i feel kinda dumb for asking...but what is contraception..? o.0
unlifeoftheparty 10
come back to this site when you're old eough to understand the material it contains because you're clearly not if you don't understand a term that is learned in middle school.
hyhoocchan 0
hello love you
Zmeilerr 22
Hello this is not match.com
HeyImJuli 3
that shows he cares about ur kid and how he/she grows up. sure, he's stupid, but he cares. it's hard to raise a kid when ur single, consider asking him to help u. don't tell him genus the father cuz he will probably find out eventually :/ THAT could make a real FML
HeyImJuli 3
*he is (not genus)
DjeePee 25
He asked that through a text message? Really? And why did he wait four years? Well OP, it seems you've got a lot of bad luck in your life. I'm sorry that the actual father doesn't want to take his responsobility, but on the other hand, you got pregnant two months after you broke up with your ex. That means you were less then two months together with the father, and therefore I can understand why he ran away. It's not the right thing to do, but it's understandable. Contraception is such a nice thing, but yeah, it's too late for that.
icadragoon 11
The baby is 4 days old, not 4 years old.
DjeePee 25
Woops, my bad. The FML makes a lot more sense now. You can ignore my last comment, but I still think that 1) he shouldn't have asked that through a text message, 2) she should have used better contraception.
cocokiss410 0
yea, I thought it said 4 years old at first too
Josiieeee 3
TL;DR.
olii_fml 0
He didn't wait 4 years, he waited 4 DAYS.
niicolle92 1
4 days, not years.
ryno101 3
hey stoopid...
BariumDeep 0
I don't know which is sadder, either, but I do know what's saddest. You ditched a guy who was willing to do the job, for a guy who wasn't.
avclovewsh 8
how do you know he didn't ditch her then?? you can't assume something you don't know ....
BariumDeep 0
Oh, yes I can. This is FML, not a court of law. If I'm wrong, she says, "I'm not a complete moron. Yay!" If I'm right, well, then it truely is an FML. Also, the ex called her. He's still interested. Unlikely if he dumped her.
tiarnatargaryen 23
But they could have broken up for a wealth of reasons! He may have cheated or take drugs or god knows. Not every man who offers to be a father is necessarily a responsible adult.
whiterabbit420 4
it's entirely possible he lost track of the time and thought it was closer to 9-10 months that you broken up than 11-12. Its sad about the baby's actual dad. :-(
brodiegee 0
you know what they say slow fella, slow swimmers... let's hope he never breeds just what the world needs! good luck with that one and maybe buy him a callendar so he can count back