Today, I got a text message from my ex from about a year ago, asking if my 4-day-old son was his. I don't know what's sadder - the fact that he thinks a gestation period can last 11 months, or that he's more willing to step up to the plate than the baby's actual father. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, my ex called, saying she's 3 months pregnant. She seems to have forgotten that we haven't been in the same room, much less friends, in over a year. My dimwitted wife thinks the baby is mine. FML
Today, my ex showed up at my doorstep, claiming to be pregnant with my baby. Of course, I pointed out we broke up ten months ago and hadn't seen each other again until just now, and she is currently six months along. She actually admitted to my face that she figured I'd be too stupid to put the pieces together. FML
Today, my baby daddy texted me after months of me being alone and pregnant, asking if we could hang out. I'm on bed rest, and almost due. FML
Today, I went to get an ultrasound done. I texted my ex, who's the father, and told him how adorable its little feet are, and asked him why he didn't come. I got a reply with two words: "DNA test". FML
Today, I had to tell my ex that I'm pregnant with his baby. I sent him a casual "Hey :)" text to try to ease into things. He replied, "WHO THE FUCK IS THIS?" and ended up threatening to make my life hell if I don't tell my new boyfriend that the child is his. FML
Today, I got a message from a woman. It was my boyfriend of five years' ex-girlfriend, telling me that she’s pregnant with his baby and that they’ve been together for a year. FML
Today, I'm 9 months pregnant and the father of my child has suddenly decided that the child I've carried for 9 months isn't his, and that it was "too late" to try and fix our relationship. He's the only man who could be the father, he's just finding every excuse to say, "Sorry, but no thank you." FML
Today, I found out that my ex is expecting another kid. Not only is this a man who tried to hook up with me last month, he's also the one who, when I asked him to pay child support for our two, told me that he could just "make some more". Guess he was right. FML
Today, as things were finally heating up with a guy I'm interested in, his ex-girlfriend from two months ago called. Guess who's pregnant and guess who's still in a seven-month dry spell. FML
Today, I found out that I'm a dad. My ex from 8 years ago contacted me through facebook. I'm happy I have a kid, but apparently she only contacted me because she wants me to start paying child support, now her boyfriend who provided for them left. FML
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Top comments
kut19 6
I'd say the deadbeat is sadder.
PennyLane27 32
A man doesn't have to be a biological father to be a daddy!
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Comments (207)
Dragon_Beast 4
Oh boy.
s10biker 1
maybe you if your going to be having unprotected sex with 2 different guys within a couple months of eachother
killer122 11
the longest pregnancy or record was 375 days dumb bitch
jwpgentry 0
you should double check the math on the possible conception date and the last time you had sex with your ex. gestation is around 10 months long, they say 9 months because most people find out they are pregnant after being pregnant for a month. also, deadbeat dads suck.
bleedingsarcasm 5
what sort of ***** isn't using birth control with one guy then moves to not using birth control with another guy and gets knocked up less then 2 months later? I'd say life sucks for the baby of a *****.
HumansAreBurdens 0
Guys. Why are you arguing about the gestation period, seriously, your talking about rare cases where it lasted longer. But it probobaly didnt. So who cares. And shes not a *****. So what if she had sex twice in one year. If thats the worst youve heard of, look at other fmls. There are some people who have sex twice in a week, in a day, and in an hour. So stop calling her a *****, *****, or whatever. If chose to not use protection she probobaly wanted a baby, and if not, who cares, alot of people do that. So just be happy she had a baby, and look at the actual fml, her ex is more willing to step up. THATS the fml, not her gestation period, or whether or not shes a *****.
zosfrosty 1
YDI for apparently having unprotected sex with do many people this is even an issue...
pink_raindrops 26
It's not like she doesn't know who the father is. Her ex was the one concerned, not her.
iluffmcrandbvb 1
what's the bad thing about him being willing to step up to the plate and be a dad to a kid that's not even his?
Timmeeh 17
Nothing, read it more carefully. The "bad thing" is that the actual father is evidently none too keen on stepping up.
HunterAlpha1 8
a guy who is willing to care for a baby which isn't even his(you've told him it isn't, right?) is definitely a keeper.
justcallmeajay 5
Why is everyone calling her a *****? She had sex with only two people and there are plenty of guys who have had sex with dozens of women, yet no one calls them degrading names do they? Gender roles are so ****** honestly. For all you know, they could have been using protection and had an accident. Don't assume they weren't using anything.
pink_raindrops 26
I call them degrading names. Man-***** rolls off the tongue nicely lol.