Today, I got a text message from my ex from about a year ago, asking if my 4-day-old son was his. I don't know what's sadder - the fact that he thinks a gestation period can last 11 months, or that he's more willing to step up to the plate than the baby's actual father. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my ex called, saying she's 3 months pregnant. She seems to have forgotten that we haven't been in the same room, much less friends, in over a year. My dimwitted wife thinks the baby is mine. FML
Today, my ex showed up at my doorstep, claiming to be pregnant with my baby. Of course, I pointed out we broke up ten months ago and hadn't seen each other again until just now, and she is currently six months along. She actually admitted to my face that she figured I'd be too stupid to put the pieces together. FML
Today, my baby daddy texted me after months of me being alone and pregnant, asking if we could hang out. I'm on bed rest, and almost due. FML
Today, I went to get an ultrasound done. I texted my ex, who's the father, and told him how adorable its little feet are, and asked him why he didn't come. I got a reply with two words: "DNA test". FML
Today, I had to tell my ex that I'm pregnant with his baby. I sent him a casual "Hey :)" text to try to ease into things. He replied, "WHO THE FUCK IS THIS?" and ended up threatening to make my life hell if I don't tell my new boyfriend that the child is his. FML
Today, I got a message from a woman. It was my boyfriend of five years' ex-girlfriend, telling me that she’s pregnant with his baby and that they’ve been together for a year. FML
Today, I'm 9 months pregnant and the father of my child has suddenly decided that the child I've carried for 9 months isn't his, and that it was "too late" to try and fix our relationship. He's the only man who could be the father, he's just finding every excuse to say, "Sorry, but no thank you." FML
Today, I found out that my ex is expecting another kid. Not only is this a man who tried to hook up with me last month, he's also the one who, when I asked him to pay child support for our two, told me that he could just "make some more". Guess he was right. FML
Today, as things were finally heating up with a guy I'm interested in, his ex-girlfriend from two months ago called. Guess who's pregnant and guess who's still in a seven-month dry spell. FML
Today, I found out that I'm a dad. My ex from 8 years ago contacted me through facebook. I'm happy I have a kid, but apparently she only contacted me because she wants me to start paying child support, now her boyfriend who provided for them left. FML
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Top comments
kut19 6
I'd say the deadbeat is sadder.
PennyLane27 32
A man doesn't have to be a biological father to be a daddy!
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Comments (207)
cutestlittlethng 0
you brought this on your self for getting pregnant with someone who doesn't care.
bellabeautiful37 0
I'm so sorry
TurtleBoy2015 2
#33, OP wrote four-DAYS-old, not four-years
missmaryb 0
You really know how to pick 'em.
starsfan_9 7
dead puppies is definitely sadder in my opinion
Mxpxdude189 0
Keep those legs closed
BigStackPoker 0
Jeez.... somebody moves fast. I hope you had time to change the sheets before the new guy came over.
Dragonmouth 4
Pregnancies over 9 months are rare but not impossible.
horneyhic 15
actually most are over 9 months just not that far over
geeksaresexy 18
This is why we measure pregnancy in weeks not months. Months have different numbers of days so if your pregnancy goes through February it will be more 'months'. Most places count the weeks of your pregnancy based on your last period and will induce you at 42 weeks. Also at your first scan (around 12 weeks in the UK) they 'date' your pregnancy based on the size of the foetus. Anything after 38 weeks is considered term and the first 2 weeks you aren't actually pregnant.. So most pregnancies are actually UNDER 9 months..
aleishabunton 0
congrats on the baby but u carry a baby for 40 weeks they let u go to 42 before inducing u so the question is! at least the ex wants to take care of the baby good luck
davek 36
Takes two to tango.