Today, I got a text message from my ex from about a year ago, asking if my 4-day-old son was his. I don't know what's sadder - the fact that he thinks a gestation period can last 11 months, or that he's more willing to step up to the plate than the baby's actual father. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my ex called, saying she's 3 months pregnant. She seems to have forgotten that we haven't been in the same room, much less friends, in over a year. My dimwitted wife thinks the baby is mine. FML
Today, my ex showed up at my doorstep, claiming to be pregnant with my baby. Of course, I pointed out we broke up ten months ago and hadn't seen each other again until just now, and she is currently six months along. She actually admitted to my face that she figured I'd be too stupid to put the pieces together. FML
Today, my baby daddy texted me after months of me being alone and pregnant, asking if we could hang out. I'm on bed rest, and almost due. FML
Today, I went to get an ultrasound done. I texted my ex, who's the father, and told him how adorable its little feet are, and asked him why he didn't come. I got a reply with two words: "DNA test". FML
Today, I had to tell my ex that I'm pregnant with his baby. I sent him a casual "Hey :)" text to try to ease into things. He replied, "WHO THE FUCK IS THIS?" and ended up threatening to make my life hell if I don't tell my new boyfriend that the child is his. FML
Today, I got a message from a woman. It was my boyfriend of five years' ex-girlfriend, telling me that she’s pregnant with his baby and that they’ve been together for a year. FML
Today, I'm 9 months pregnant and the father of my child has suddenly decided that the child I've carried for 9 months isn't his, and that it was "too late" to try and fix our relationship. He's the only man who could be the father, he's just finding every excuse to say, "Sorry, but no thank you." FML
Today, I found out that my ex is expecting another kid. Not only is this a man who tried to hook up with me last month, he's also the one who, when I asked him to pay child support for our two, told me that he could just "make some more". Guess he was right. FML
Today, as things were finally heating up with a guy I'm interested in, his ex-girlfriend from two months ago called. Guess who's pregnant and guess who's still in a seven-month dry spell. FML
Today, I found out that I'm a dad. My ex from 8 years ago contacted me through facebook. I'm happy I have a kid, but apparently she only contacted me because she wants me to start paying child support, now her boyfriend who provided for them left. FML
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Top comments
kut19 6
I'd say the deadbeat is sadder.
PennyLane27 32
A man doesn't have to be a biological father to be a daddy!
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Comments (207)
jglenn88 0
that's so sad. you should just tell him yes he's your son
pink_raindrops 26
Great advice...I'm guessing you'd be fine with finding out years later that the child you've been raising was never really yours even though the mother insisted it was.
EvilDave 13
You dated both of them, had sex with both of them, and had a kid with one of them. You are the common factor here. YDI.
soad4life 2
gestation is 40 weeks or 10 months. in Canada you can go to 42 weeks or 10.5 months before induction so 11 months isn't that far off. I've raised my son on my own since before birth and it's the best decision I could have made. Congratulations!!
geeksaresexy 18
A pregnancy is totally 10 months! If all months had 28 days..
horneyhic 15
there are 4.3 weeks in every month not 4
brookwick 0
perhaps she is in touch with KatyPerry ?
LizzJizz 16
I shall now assume that The father is probably neither Of them.... XD
nhaylee 0
maybe you should learn how to pick better guys. especially if you're gonna have a kid with them. parents these days are raising our future and they dont even give them a sturdy family life.. FML
pink_raindrops 26
Even if she does raise the child on her own, it doesn't mean he wont have a sturdy home. Growing up without your dad doesn't make the child more likely to fail in life, become a criminal or anything like that.
felixshen 18
maybe you should wear a ******* condom! Im not hyper religious and not against sex before marriage. But do you want your future son/daughter to be a "bastard"? Or worse, break up and have your children grow up without a "real" father/mother. All too often I see stupid shitty divorces, single parents and dumbass 18- parents who cant keep their legs shut or wear protection. seriously, think about it.
pink_raindrops 26
You're not religious, yet you're worried the child will be a "bastard"? The child already is a "bastard" since she's not married..OH NO his life is ruined forever. As long as she doesn't bring horrible people into her childs life he'll grow up fine.
SteelCladAngel 0
my ex actually thought a woman could be pregnant for 13-15 months.....
DuRpY 5
Haha, my first read-thru i thought the text was from a
DuRpY 5
*whoops* ...i thought the text was from a year ago, asking about her 4-day old kid...THAT would have made for a better story.
heyitsrachel98 0
so did it happen today or a year ago..?