Today, I got a text message from my ex from about a year ago, asking if my 4-day-old son was his. I don't know what's sadder - the fact that he thinks a gestation period can last 11 months, or that he's more willing to step up to the plate than the baby's actual father. FML
Collection
Black Friday
70% off something you didn't need, a stampede and a cart that crashes at checkout. Thanks, Black Friday.
Today, my ex called, saying she's 3 months pregnant. She seems to have forgotten that we haven't been in the same room, much less friends, in over a year. My dimwitted wife thinks the baby is mine. FML
Today, my ex showed up at my doorstep, claiming to be pregnant with my baby. Of course, I pointed out we broke up ten months ago and hadn't seen each other again until just now, and she is currently six months along. She actually admitted to my face that she figured I'd be too stupid to put the pieces together. FML
Today, my baby daddy texted me after months of me being alone and pregnant, asking if we could hang out. I'm on bed rest, and almost due. FML
Today, I went to get an ultrasound done. I texted my ex, who's the father, and told him how adorable its little feet are, and asked him why he didn't come. I got a reply with two words: "DNA test". FML
Today, I had to tell my ex that I'm pregnant with his baby. I sent him a casual "Hey :)" text to try to ease into things. He replied, "WHO THE FUCK IS THIS?" and ended up threatening to make my life hell if I don't tell my new boyfriend that the child is his. FML
Today, I got a message from a woman. It was my boyfriend of five years' ex-girlfriend, telling me that she’s pregnant with his baby and that they’ve been together for a year. FML
Today, I'm 9 months pregnant and the father of my child has suddenly decided that the child I've carried for 9 months isn't his, and that it was "too late" to try and fix our relationship. He's the only man who could be the father, he's just finding every excuse to say, "Sorry, but no thank you." FML
Today, I found out that my ex is expecting another kid. Not only is this a man who tried to hook up with me last month, he's also the one who, when I asked him to pay child support for our two, told me that he could just "make some more". Guess he was right. FML
Today, as things were finally heating up with a guy I'm interested in, his ex-girlfriend from two months ago called. Guess who's pregnant and guess who's still in a seven-month dry spell. FML
Today, I found out that I'm a dad. My ex from 8 years ago contacted me through facebook. I'm happy I have a kid, but apparently she only contacted me because she wants me to start paying child support, now her boyfriend who provided for them left. FML
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Top comments
kut19 6
I'd say the deadbeat is sadder.
PennyLane27 32
A man doesn't have to be a biological father to be a daddy!
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Comments (207)
homydclown 1
Your ex is definitely NOT a black guy
wild_n_out 8
**** you, you douche
MissFukMyLuck 0
wow you have all sorts of class don't ya?
YurLyfeSucks 0
Just tell your ex the baby's his. Then at least it'd have a father.
AnnieHyena 1
Actually, it CAN last as long as that. The famous Kung Fu Master Jackie Chan was in his poor mothers womb for 12 months!
MedChew 19
49 More of an exception rather than the rule. In modern Obstetrics, we do not allow postdates more than 42 weeks or at most 43 weeks. There's a risk of placenta degradation and meconium staining of the liquor which can be deadly. We generally induce the child by then. Well at least in my country.
LilDerpSauce 0
Get Trolled.
iluvGB 0
i would get back together with your ex. he's more caring than your new BF.
pink_raindrops 26
Asking if the baby is yours doesn't mean he wants to get back with her. Him wanting to "step up to the plate" means he would want to be there for the child, not that he wants to be with the woman.
TobyFunke 3
I think what's more pathetic is that the OP is a *****, she's told us in 2 years she's seemingly had unprotected sex with 2 douchebags, great selection process you have lady!
antoniocalos15 0
oh wow sounds like someone wants to take care of a baby
dj_tricky 0
No shit.
TobyFunke 3
I know whats sadder, the fact that this chick boned 2 guys in 1 year without proper protection and describes both of them as losers. I think you need to be more selective or at least take the pill and use condoms
justanotherbird 19
First off, where is the guys responsibility in your statement? Second, there are some people who worry about pregnancy regardless of use of protection or not. I know that my boyfriend is always worried about that, despite the fact that we use protection every single time. In fact, if I'm late, I have been know to wonder if something went wrong despite myself. And what about accidents? How do you know that they didn't use protection and it just failed? Condoms break and slip, birth control pills can be messed up by things such as antibiotics, and various different things.
xoBeliebersxo 1
that's what condoms are for ..
superdelis 1
are you getting child support?