olii_fml

YouTubers being YouTubers

Today, I drove my boyfriend to hospital because he felt extremely ill. His buddies had gotten their hands on a Taser, and he had the brilliant idea of being shot as part of a YouTube stunt video. Now I have an empty gas tank and have to clean up a puddle of vomit in my living room. FML

Not a Bio major

Today, my boyfriend said that to be extra careful he's been taking my birth control pills too. FML

Quiet

Today, I was sitting in the hospital waiting area. An old lady was crying, and my five year-old daughter asked her, "Are you okay?" The woman quietly nodded, prompting my daughter to scream at the top of her lungs, "Well shut up then!" FML

Today, I walked in on my new college roommate holding his cock. He said "Hi I'm Jeffrey, and this is Jeffrey junior" while directing attention towards his penis. It's going to be a long semester. FML

Today, I finally found out that the tattoo on my lower back means "slut" in Chinese, instead of "good fortune" as I always thought it did. FML

Today, my girlfriend started to plan our wedding. We've been going out for 3 days. FML

Today, I watched "The Vow" with my girlfriend. When the movie ended, we walked out to the theatre's lobby, and I heard her mutter, "I deserve a guy like him." FML

Today, my bra burst apart in the middle of class. I then had the privilege of asking my male teacher if I could borrow his stapler to put it back together. FML