Today, I got a call from my daughter's pre-school. Apparently, she is being suspended, for answering; "What do your parents do at home?" She told them, "My parents fuck." FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, my girlfriend was suspended from work after she was caught fucking one of her co-workers. FML
Today, I got a call from my daughter's school saying that she had beat someone up. She's 4. FML
Today, I got a call from my daughter’s school today. She had been telling the teacher, "I have a huge boner." Apparently, some of the kids at school told her it meant 'headache' and she's been saying it all day. FML
Today, my husband and I sat our 10-year-old daughter down for a chat over her recent cursing. When my husband asked where she'd heard the words, she "innocently" replied, "from mommy's other boyfriend." He took her seriously, accused me of cheating, and hasn't been home since. FML
Today, I got called into the school by my daughter's teacher. Apparently my daughter informed her class that over the weekend she spent her time with her daddy watching porn stars while her mummy was at work. It took a long time to convince her they were actually watching a TV show called "Pawn Stars". FML
Today, at my job as a second grade teacher, I was explaining to my students how I'm pregnant and will have to take a break from teaching after I have my baby. One of my students replied with "Ooooooooohhh Ms. Johnson had sex!" FML
Today, I overheard my 5 year old daughter call a girl in her dance class a slut. Shocked, I asked her where she heard that word. Her response: "I heard you and Daddy say it about her Mommy." FML
Today, a 7-year-old girl came up to me and told me to go fuck myself. I told her to watch her language or else I'd tell her parents. Her mom happened to be nearby and actually heard the conversation; she came up to me and told me to go fuck myself as well. FML
Today, I got called into the principal's office of my son's school. Why? He'd called his teacher a "fudge packer". No more weekends with his uncle. FML
Today, as I was taking my three year-old daughter home from daycare, she asked where her daddy was. I tried to tell her that I was her father, but she answered, "No, not you! My other daddy!" I've got some talking to do tonight. FML
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Top comments
null_fml 11
Punishing kids for blatant honesty. Gotta love society.
Hacksaw 4
Kids say the darnedest things.
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Comments (180)
icanfloat12 0
reminds me of Donnie Darko for some reason lol
derschadenfreude 5
"what's a fuckass?"
CrimsonImpact 0
YES!! You win!! :D
frankgrimes 4
whats up with all these essay Comments. you guys Are so LAme.................CAnt balme a kid for expressing their mind.. FInd a new way/place to have sex DUMB parents
Sammara 0
You need to find a new preschool. No preschool should be suspending a kid. Preschoolers aren't old enough to control impulses, and unless the child is posing a threat to other students, they have no business suspending them.
Idontgivedamn 0
YDI, for letting your pre-schooler learn a word like that AND having them know what it means at such a young age. My nieces that I baby sit (kindergarten and 2nd grade) know the word, but they also know not to use it, and they haven't a clue what it means. Also FYL for the school over-reacting about what a little kid says.
Howdyplz 2
Lol, Texas. YDI for even letting your pre-schooler know that word. When I was little, my parents would never say the word "****" around me, would never let me watch any show or movie I could hear it from, and if someone around us or on tv DID let it slip, they'd remind me NEVER to use it. Of course, I didn't even know what it means. I'm not sure your daughter really does either, but still. Bad parenting for the lose.
ChristineAnn58 8
You're ******* ignorant as ****. Get the word Texas out of your vocabulary you dumb **** and stop judging one specific area based on an FML post. Dumb add. You don't know all facts and maybe JUST MAYBE the child didn't fully understand what she was saying or the context she used the word in OR she heard that phrase before along with the word. No one ******* said the child watched her parents have sex nor did anyone say she learned it from then. You may go to hell, but I will stay in Texas. We are less ignorant here.
ChristineAnn58 8
By the way sorry for the AUTOCORRECTS. iPhone. Don't try to judge me off of add instead of "ass" or any they misspelled word I may have made.
facebook123 0
lmfao. she sounds awesome. best fml of all time
FerrariCake 2
Mom and dad probably make amateur **** and have the little kid hold the camera. That's life in America for you: need a license to drive, need a license to cut someone's hair, have to be 21 to buy a beer... but any pair of nimrods are allowed to have a kid and raise it as they see fit.
taradeborde87 3
Isn't it like that anywhere in the world, that anyone can have a child and raise them as they see fit? I find it hard to believe that this only happens in the States. Or in your country do you first have to apply for a reproduction permit and wait for approval? Granted I haven't been everywhere...
perfectwinds 0
I wouldn't worry too much about it. Just let her know that it's a bad word and she shouldn't use it. I doubt she even knows what it means, this is going to be a funny story to tell her first boyfriend. =P It'll embarrass the shit out of her later on. LOL! That's BS that the school suspended her, though. Little kids can't control that stuff and they're worse than parrots! Everything they hear whether it be from a parent, friend, aunt, uncle, cousin, etc. they repeat. I highly doubt she learned this from her parents because she probably doesn't even know what ******* is. The way she said it sounds like she heard it from someone else, intentional or otherwise. It's like in kindergarten cop when the kids talk about their parents, it's usually "my mommy says my dad...". She probably heard this from someone else and repeated it to the class.
thighsofglory 0
Since when is it the school's damn business what the kids' parents do at home?
ChristineAnn58 8
TOTALLY ******* AGREE.
lilmszssy 0
lol . thee truthh?