Today, I found out that my friends were convinced that I was...

By Anonymous - 3/12/2009 08:23 - United States

Today, I found out that my friends were convinced that I was gay. I have known most of them for 3 plus years, they all thought my girlfriend was a special shopping partner. I found this out while announcing my engagement. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36650

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Miscellaneous

Healthy relationship

Great speech, thanks!

Clocked

By Alyssa - 21/3/2012 01:33 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I paid $50 on a haircut. Halfway through, I realized the hair dresser was drunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29356

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By zephyrgk - 2/9/2013 01:15 - United States - Wilmington

Today, I was grounded by my dad for "popping pills like a gangbanger". I take prescription ADHD medicine and a multi-vitamin. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42646

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - 13/7/2020 17:01

Abuse

Today, I was taking Zoom classes. We live in a one-bedroom apartment, which means I could hear my mom and dad fighting. I didn't notice that my mic wasn't muted. Everyone in my class now thinks that CPS needs to be called to my house. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1610

You deserved it

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By wished i had a cat - 19/10/2018 17:30

Today, I discovered that my dog knows how to lock doors. This wouldn't have been a problem if anyone in my house every carried a key. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2276

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By LadyJane - 13/1/2017 14:21

Today, I was trying to exercise more, so I went for a walk. I was quickly overtaken by a middle-aged lady with cankles, carrying heavy shopping bags in each hand. I'm 19, skinny, and apparently very unfit. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5761

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By failallday - 7/8/2014 09:09 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, one of my customer's pipes were blocked. As I went to unblock it, about a handful of used condoms collided with my face. I don't know if I should be disgusted by this or disgusted by my customer. FML

I agree, your life sucks

52002

You deserved it

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By DroppedTheSoap - 26/4/2019 04:00 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, while trying to sexily wash my man in the shower, I dropped the body wash bottle. The pump grazed my nipple, making it bleed. As if that didn't kill the mood, I now have a Star Wars bandaid on my boob. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1874

You deserved it

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By Emily - 7/6/2020 20:08

What's the point?

Today, whilst doing training as a mental health nurse, our glorified pineapple of a lecturer told us that trying to stop patients wanting to commit suicide isn't a possibility. So, what the hell are we training for? FML

I agree, your life sucks

1320

You deserved it

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By shuffling man - 12/8/2018 01:30

YDI Fosho

Today, my girlfriend told me she wanted to try anal, praise the lord hallelujah. As we were getting into position, she let out a rancid fart she'd been saving for my face. Apparently it was revenge for me seeing Mamma Mia 2 without her while she was at work yesterday. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2285

You deserved it

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By broussimousse - 10/3/2009 20:42 - United Kingdom

Today, I went on a run with this cute guy I know. I was sweating untractively and profusely so I decided to discretly grab a leaf from a tree and wipe my face with it. A bird had done the same with his ass few minutes ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44885

You deserved it

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By Kronic - 2/7/2009 05:08 - United States

Today, I went shopping with my two sons and my wife. We got separated after a while, and I spotted my son in the video game section of the store. I snuck up behind him and playfully slapped him on the back of the head. The kid turned around and it wasn't my son. His mom was none to happy. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14267

You deserved it

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By T3kM4n - 20/9/2016 06:08 - United States - Spokane

Today, I've been recovering for a week from my medically needed circumcision. I'm 30, and they advise you wear essentially a jock strap for the first week to help. It wasn't too bad until I went to take the thing off and it caught a stitch on my manhood. That's the most unique pain ever. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16741

You deserved it

1213

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By claubea11 - 1/1/2014 05:17 - Puerto Rico - Ponce

Today, I decided to light a lantern and watch it fly with my girlfriend after midnight. The neighbor's tree caught fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40657

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - 27/2/2012 12:36 - Australia

Today, I was very cold and tired, so I took a shower to warm up and went to bed. The minute I hopped into bed, it collapsed and broke. I have spent half-an-hour rearranging furniture to get the mattress on to the floor. Now I'm cold again. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25182

You deserved it

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By wrestling probs - 26/5/2015 02:24 - United States

Today, I was wrestling in a tournament. I was in the finals about to win when the kid threw up on me. They thought I'd hit him in the stomach hard enough to make him throw up, so they disqualified me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29659

You deserved it

1986

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By walllflower - 8/2/2015 19:46 - Canada - Saint Catharines

Today, I went paintballing with my siblings. Once we were done, they realised I hadn't been shot at all. They cornered me in the forest and lit me up. I have welts all over my legs. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30915

You deserved it

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By JLD - 11/10/2010 04:34 - United States

Today, I came home from a four day trip. Apparently, my cat thought I was gone for good and is now very unhappy that I'm home. I know this because she has been positioning herself between me and my husband all night, and hisses every time I try to touch him. He thinks it's hilarious. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33985

You deserved it

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By thanks Toby dumbfuck - 13/7/2020 14:02

Good job

Today, my roommate read an article about unplugging appliances to save on electricity. Too bad the fucking moron also unplugged the fridge. We came home to a corpse-like stench and a fridge full of moldy food. We were gone for two weeks while the sludge marinated in the California heat. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2029

You deserved it

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By lordtimbit - 15/3/2015 15:01 - Canada - Calgary

Today, I fell in the shower and knocked myself out. When I came to I turned off the water and called my mom. She seemed more worried about the amount of water I "wasted" than she was about me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34553

You deserved it

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By - 29/2/2020 20:00

May be

Today, while I was at my job as senior care, I was in a client's home vacuuming the carpet and found a very used vibrator that belonged to his wife. It wasn't clean. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1498

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - 16/1/2011 17:38 - United States

Today, I discovered that I've lost thirty pounds since having my second child. However, I still weigh just as much as I did when I was full-term with my first child. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26943

You deserved it

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By Lies - 19/8/2009 02:44 - United States

Today, I saw the girl I had started dating changed her Facebook relationship status to "In a relationship". Naturally, I changed mine too. The next time I logged on, she had commented, "Really?! Who?!" She was serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44628

You deserved it

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By Nick - 13/5/2009 22:20 - United States

Today, I finally beat the song "Through the Fire and Flames" on Guitar Hero 3. I then realized that it was the biggest accomplishment I've ever made in my entire life. FML

I agree, your life sucks

53245

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By holycow - 22/2/2010 09:28 - United States

Today, I was awakened, in the middle of the night, by the sound of crying coming from outside. There's a mile in between houses where I live. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34618

You deserved it

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By Charlie8u347 - 29/12/2010 20:26 - United States

Today, I was told to shovel four inches of snow from my driveway. I had to get the snow shovel from the rafters of my garage, and there were other tools with it. As I was yanking the shovel down, a pickax fell and smashed through the back window of my dad's Buick. FML

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28178

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - 30/9/2012 23:02 - United States - Rocky Point

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend doggy-style. I was getting close when he suddenly blurts out, "Babe, you really need to bleach your asshole." FML

I agree, your life sucks

36740

You deserved it

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By reallydevonte - 1/8/2016 17:30 - United States - Memphis

Today, I went to the eye doctor with my little brother. There were only three chairs and one was occupied by a woman. I sat at the far end, but as soon as I sat down, I heard my little brother yell out loud, "I DON'T WANT TO SIT NEXT TO THE FAT LADY!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

13730

You deserved it

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By Actrent - 25/12/2016 07:00

Today, the first gift I opened was from my uncle. It was $80 in clothes that I'd bought for myself a week earlier. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8116

You deserved it

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By mad dude - 12/1/2011 07:46

Today, I realized I'm pussy whipped by a chick I'm not even dating. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14780

You deserved it

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By nancypants1124 - 13/6/2015 02:06 - United States

Today, I was joking around with my manager about faking an injury to collect Worker's Compensation. Then I actually slipped and sprained my foot, and now my manager thinks I'm lying. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25624

You deserved it

12349

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By cookieman - 6/1/2017 11:52

Today, in a coffee shop, I purchased two doughnuts and cup of coffee, a regular order which I've bought many times before. Today the cost was $1 less and when I inquired why, I was told, "I gave you the senior's discount." Their policy is a senior discount for anyone over 55. I turned 50 last week. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7361

You deserved it

1255

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By boytoy - 2/9/2009 21:23 - Canada

Today, I went to my school to take my yearbook picture. I was wearing a shirt that said ANALOG on the front. When I bent in to take the picture, part of my shirt overlapped itself. Now I'm known as the ANAL kid in the yearbook. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44001

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - 23/8/2012 21:40 - Ireland - Kilkelly

Today, my dad introduced me to my half-sister. He'd only recently found out that he had another daughter by another woman, and had only just met her. She and I have been in the same class in school for the past three years. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28863

You deserved it

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By AyDiosMio42 - 8/9/2009 06:31 - United States

Today, I stepped on the MacBook Air I purchased 4 days ago. The screen snapped in two, and I didn't buy insurance because I promised myself I would be "extra careful." $3500 well spent. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13782

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - 28/11/2011 15:31

Today, I finally met the cute guy I've been seeing around town. Bad news is, I was drunk off my ass, and when he told me his name, I burst out laughing because it's the same as my puppy's. He did not take it well. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11294

You deserved it

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By JakeHolmes - 17/11/2009 06:48 - United States

Today, I was in my hot tub with my brand new phone. I set it down and when I grabbed my towel I knocked it into the water. I quickly snatched it up and dried it off with the towel and suprisingly only one button stopped working. It was the unlock button, a perfectly good phone that I can't use. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8854

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - 8/8/2012 05:59 - United States

Today, I was driving down a dark country road with the windows down. Suddenly, a giant barn owl flew through my side-window and smacked into my head, causing me to drive into a ditch. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30075

You deserved it

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By Yup - 13/6/2010 07:48 - United States

Today, I went to my boyfriend's mom's house for the first time. They had a cook-out so I got to meet his whole entire family. I went into the kitchen to find a huge picture of his ex-girlfriend on his mom's fridge. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40045

You deserved it

3504

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By Ryuga - 11/6/2009 01:43 - United States

Today, I decided to confess my feelings to the girl I've had a crush on since the beginning of high school. We agreed to meet at Starbucks, but she was bringing a friend. I didn't care, because I just wanted to tell her how I felt. When I got there, I saw her making out with another girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks

60672

You deserved it

5117

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By Anonymous - 16/2/2010 05:15 - United States

Today, I had an interview for a college. The college is in Rhode Island. I live on the West coast. When I asked the interviewer if they got to the mainland by boat or by some other form of transportation, he told me Rhode Island is not an island. FML

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6635

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Top comments

By vexion | 0

#702325 - Thursday 3 December 2009 17:47

Fake. No one lives in North Dakota.

By capthavoc123 | 0

#702300 - Thursday 3 December 2009 17:35

I voted in your favor on this one, but then I thought about something.

In the three years you knew these people, you never once told them that this girl was your girlfriend? Because that's the only way they could still think you were gay.

So I guess you kind of half deserve it.

COMMENTS

By CykoX | 0

#702091 - Thursday 3 December 2009 16:08

lol better luck next time

By Intellectualist | 0

#702094 - Thursday 3 December 2009 16:09

Probably because you didn't hide those pictures, you know, the ones of you dressed as a woman, having drug fuelled sex with a man?
OMGLIEK2ND. *shoots self*

KaySL | 24

#702137 - Thursday 3 December 2009 16:22

Hey stop stealing all my ideas, Laura :O!

But yeah, the fact that your girlfriend looks like a 150-year old man in drag and (I have this on good authority) likes to take you from behind with a strap-on, doesn't really help your case, now, does it, OP? :/

Intellectualist | 0

#702146 - Thursday 3 December 2009 16:25

shit, that's a strap on? I though s/he was a dude D: Woe is me!

Oh... OP, not me ;[

KaySL | 24

#702169 - Thursday 3 December 2009 16:33

Oy vey iz mir! I'll pay a visit to the... "mall"... later, and get you a big gift :D

Intellectualist | 0

#702185 - Thursday 3 December 2009 16:40

Oh, I like a BIG gift :)

By Brave_Sir_Robin | 4

#702095 - Thursday 3 December 2009 16:09

Engagement to your girlfriend or your secret man-whore named Fernando?

ScarletMontgomar | 0

#860198 - Tuesday 16 February 2010 2:22

ROFL!!!

By Rayn4u_fml | 0

#702096 - Thursday 3 December 2009 16:09

What was your girlfriend doing the whole time that she was supposed to negate these rumours?

By Intellectualist | 0

#702138 - Thursday 3 December 2009 16:22

I love you

By Starfire22 | 5

#702165 - Thursday 3 December 2009 16:31

They found out about your drunken butt sex marathon with some guy named Enrique huh?

By Skull_300 | 0

#702192 - Thursday 3 December 2009 16:43

What the Fuck?

By kaleid0scopeEyes | 0

#702195 - Thursday 3 December 2009 16:44

is your girlfriend fat? usually gay guys and fat chicks go together like peanut butter and jelly. you should cancel the engagement if she is because fat chicks only get fatter and smellier once you marry them.