Miscellaneous: Today, I found out that my friends were convinced that I was...

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out that my friends were convinced that I was gay. I have known most of them for 3 plus years, they all thought my girlfriend was a special shopping partner. I found this out while announcing my engagement. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36667

You deserved it

3191

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Miscellaneous

CIA-level batshittery

The runs

Alexa, play "Hey! Student" by The Fall

By P057M4N - 1/10/2020 04:02 - United States - Raleigh

One law for me…

Today, my co-worker called out for the sixth time in 2 weeks with no reason, while my manager was out until noon. It was just the three of us in my department. He’s had 0 repercussions and has been doing this for months. They threatened to fire me for taking 5 minutes in the bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1216

You deserved it

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By Todd - United States

Today, my dad got so drunk that he had an intense argument with the microwave, resulting in him threatening to ground me after I tried to calm him down. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23720

You deserved it

1954

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By drpepperking10 - United States

Today, I was kissing my crush for the first time and her tooth fell out into my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16235

Phew, glad it wasn't me

3240

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By LonelyStranger - United States - Lake Stevens

Alone

Today, I was really excited to go to a party because I need to make more friends. Too bad a snowstorm hit right before I was going to leave, now I'm alone with no power. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2336

You deserved it

203

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By notacatperson - United Kingdom

Today, I was informed that due to my cat being aggressive and attacking the postman several times, my mail would no longer be delivered to my address. I don't own a cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40965

You deserved it

2771

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By BarBacked - United States

Today, I went to the doctor to inquire about the nasty rash on my arms. He concluded that I'm allergic to beer and the rash will go away if I stay away from it. I'm a bartender. FML

I agree, your life sucks

54479

You deserved it

4075

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By miss_peppermint

Today, my dog of 10 years died suddenly. My husband’s response? “At least you don’t have to buy dog food anymore". FML

I agree, your life sucks

2854

You deserved it

201

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By Anonymous - United States - Bessemer

Today, after discovering that our son is already sexually active, I asked my husband to have a talk with him. "Remember, son, it's all about the clit", wasn't what I had in mind. FML

I agree, your life sucks

67348

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I lost my virginity to my amazing boyfriend. As we were getting dressed, I realized I had lost my bra. After intense searching I finally found it and put it on. It wasn't mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32605

You deserved it

4186

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By BrokeandDesperate - United States

Today, a 65 year old toothless gas station attendant asked me out on a date in exchange for free gas, and I said yes. This is what my unemployment has come to. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35383

You deserved it

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By foreveralone - United States - Franklin Park

Today, I went to the doctor, only to find out I can no longer eat chocolate, my favorite food. When I got home, my boyfriend took the chocolate cake I'd been eating from the fridge, sat down in front of me, and ate the whole thing without breaking eye contact. FML

I agree, your life sucks

57098

You deserved it

7122

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By Anonymous

Today, my boss ate a small piece of paper off her desk, thinking it was frosting. I have to work for this woman. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31434

You deserved it

3811

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By psycho ex - Brazil

Today, my girlfriend dumped me for cheating on her. Her "proof" was an image of me making out with a girl. Pretty damning, except she loaded it up in Photoshop, where I saw the image layers she'd used to fake the whole thing. I'm not sure what the hell she was thinking either. FML

I agree, your life sucks

59562

You deserved it

3932

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By ellisp1

Today, my family was going to go out on a boat to celebrate Independence Day. We agreed we'd be at the marina by 11:45 AM. It's currently 1:45 PM and half of the family is still asleep while two are nursing hangovers. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4105

You deserved it

459

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By istillcannotbreathe

Genius.

Today, my roommate found a solution to his awful body odor: bathing in vinegar. Now instead of smelling like a middle school locker room, the house smells like a chemical plant. I'm not sure which is worse. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2841

You deserved it

187

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By mortifiedgrandchild - United States

Today, I came across a picture of my grandpa taking a hit off a bong, while wearing nothing but a Playboy shirt. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29133

You deserved it

4337

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By a man - United States - Houston

Today, my girlfriend and I were at the movies. When the "love scene" came on, she leaned over and made out with the wrong man. FML

I agree, your life sucks

68142

You deserved it

5373

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was taking a shower outside at my fiancé's beach house. I was struggling to take my bikini bottoms off so I started to walk backwards to step out of it. Little did I know that I had pushed the door open. My fiancé, his family, and my family all saw me bend over naked. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38417

You deserved it

8563

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By Anonymous - 6/10/2020 14:02

Overbearing much?

Today, my mom caught me playing Mortal Kombat and had a fit about the violence, saying she read violent video games turn young people like me into mass murderers. I’m 29 years-old with my own flat and she still tries to treat me like a dumb impressionable teenager. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1261

You deserved it

121

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By Tootie - United States

Today, I have to take medicine that gives me painful, violent farts. Tomorrow, I have to either get fired or go work in an office that's dead silent. How silent? Last week I heard my coworker drop a paperclip, three desks away. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41735

You deserved it

3516

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I got home from working late and decided to write a cute email to my girlfriend since I haven't seen her in two weeks. I was about to finish it off when my door swung open, and in a panic, I opened another tab to hide my email. It was porn. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13749

You deserved it

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By JAY22 - United States

Today, this girl and I were chilling in my apartment and things got heated up and we started making out. One thing lead to another and the next thing I knew she was giving me head. I was getting ready to bust when she stopped, looked up into my eyes and said "Do you believe in Jesus?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

223419

You deserved it

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By ilook12 - United States - Paris

Today, we had customer complaints of a child molester hanging around our restaurant. After confrontation by a manager, he wouldn't leave. I had to be walked to my car after my shift by more than one person because I look 12 and they were afraid for me. I'm almost 19. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27861

You deserved it

2154

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By NairyAGoodIdea - United States

Today, I tried to manscape with some Nair. Nothing helps the pain. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25621

You deserved it

10154

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By Anonymous

Today, I was offered a position as a trainer at a great company. My manager was livid when I told her. This is after she told me I was wasting my time trying to become a trainer and if I wanted to become one, I should apply elsewhere. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2774

You deserved it

193

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By Enko - France

Today, my mum was watching a program about sexually transmitted diseases. Later on she starts telling me that I should be careful and use the right protection when having sex. Suddenly she stops and says « Actually I don’t know why I’m telling you this, after all you don’t have a boyfriend! » and walks away. FML

I agree, your life sucks

56417

You deserved it

5221

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By wardsl195 - United States - Seaford

Today, a guy came to install a modem in my apartment. He needed to get to the jack behind my TV stand, so I helped him move it. Once the stand was moved, I saw a used condom that was hidden underneath. My cat must have pulled it out of my garbage weeks ago. There's no way the guy didn't see it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23322

You deserved it

3772

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By YeahWhatOkay - United States

Today, I looked at the facebook of the girl I really liked, and I saw she wrote on her friend's wall "Last night was the biggest mistake of my life." We hooked up last night. FML

I agree, your life sucks

53300

You deserved it

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By shawty_x - United Kingdom

Today, I woke to find my boyfriend of 2 years gone. I saw my little sister's talking bear at the bottom of my bed, it said "squeeze me" so I squeezed it and it said "it's over." It was my boyfriends voice. I was dumped by a talking bear. FML

I agree, your life sucks

87058

You deserved it

4887

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By unknown - United States

Today, I was driving to a blind date my friend set me up on. Feeling pretty excited, I started singing to Katy Perry. I look over to see a man laughing at me, I flipped him the bird and drove off. Little did I know, he was my date. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14610

You deserved it

37563

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By Anonymoose - United States - West Long Branch

Today, I found out I wasn't cool enough to be invited to a college party that happened last night. The one in charge of inviting people was my girlfriend of two years. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25164

You deserved it

2088

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By JazzyandAlice - United States

Today, I went to babysit eight kids under the age of ten, all by myself. After five hours of Hell, the parents finally came back from the ASU game. I got paid $5. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51854

You deserved it

7113

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By cargaljen - United States - Olathe

Today, a nice couple came in to buy a car. I offered to drive it out from the line of cars for them, since it was a tight squeeze. They then watched as I managed to back it straight into another car, causing a large amount of damage to both. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38843

You deserved it

22012

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By ac13 - United States

Today, I called my boyfriend to tell him how excited I was to drive 12 hours to see him and his new house. His girlfriend answered. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43923

You deserved it

3773

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By facebookdeception - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, I found out that the girl on Facebook that helped me out of my sadness after my break-up and who I'd hopelessly fallen in love with was just a prank by my ex-girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40087

You deserved it

4483

Favorite

By TerribleAddiction - United States

Today, I decided to quit smoking. My wife conveniently decided on the same day that she was going to start smoking. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31380

You deserved it

3331

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I went to a baseball game. On the way in, I managed to trip and get stuck in the turnstile. It took five minutes of flailing and twisting around in front of hundreds of people before I managed to pull myself out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23461

You deserved it

4585

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By CassidyQueen - United States - Warrenton

Today, I moved in with my boyfriend because my parents kicked me out. He said that if I ever touch his "fucking apple jacks" he will "chop" my nipples off and feed them to the dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31103

You deserved it

5527

Favorite

By AnonymousAndSad - United States - Waukon

Today, after an entire year spent in physical therapy recovering from three knee surgeries, I finally returned to doing light agility exercises and running on a treadmill. When I told my therapist I had never been so happy and proud, he responded with, "This usually only takes 5 months, pussy." FML

I agree, your life sucks

47653

You deserved it

7816

Favorite

By tony456 - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I were making out while she was laying on me. Her little brother walked in, saw us and yelled, "Mom they're swallowing each other!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

32579

You deserved it

24502

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Top comments

By vexion | 0

#702325 - Thursday 3 December 2009 17:47

Fake. No one lives in North Dakota.

By capthavoc123 | 0

#702300 - Thursday 3 December 2009 17:35

I voted in your favor on this one, but then I thought about something.

In the three years you knew these people, you never once told them that this girl was your girlfriend? Because that's the only way they could still think you were gay.

So I guess you kind of half deserve it.

COMMENTS

By CykoX | 0

#702091 - Thursday 3 December 2009 16:08

lol better luck next time

By Intellectualist | 0

#702094 - Thursday 3 December 2009 16:09

Probably because you didn't hide those pictures, you know, the ones of you dressed as a woman, having drug fuelled sex with a man?
OMGLIEK2ND. *shoots self*

KaySL | 24

#702137 - Thursday 3 December 2009 16:22

Hey stop stealing all my ideas, Laura :O!

But yeah, the fact that your girlfriend looks like a 150-year old man in drag and (I have this on good authority) likes to take you from behind with a strap-on, doesn't really help your case, now, does it, OP? :/

Intellectualist | 0

#702146 - Thursday 3 December 2009 16:25

shit, that's a strap on? I though s/he was a dude D: Woe is me!

Oh... OP, not me ;[

KaySL | 24

#702169 - Thursday 3 December 2009 16:33

Oy vey iz mir! I'll pay a visit to the... "mall"... later, and get you a big gift :D

Intellectualist | 0

#702185 - Thursday 3 December 2009 16:40

Oh, I like a BIG gift :)

By Brave_Sir_Robin | 4

#702095 - Thursday 3 December 2009 16:09

Engagement to your girlfriend or your secret man-whore named Fernando?

ScarletMontgomar | 0

#860198 - Tuesday 16 February 2010 2:22

ROFL!!!

By Rayn4u_fml | 0

#702096 - Thursday 3 December 2009 16:09

What was your girlfriend doing the whole time that she was supposed to negate these rumours?

By Intellectualist | 0

#702138 - Thursday 3 December 2009 16:22

I love you

By Starfire22 | 5

#702165 - Thursday 3 December 2009 16:31

They found out about your drunken butt sex marathon with some guy named Enrique huh?

By Skull_300 | 0

#702192 - Thursday 3 December 2009 16:43

What the Fuck?

By kaleid0scopeEyes | 0

#702195 - Thursday 3 December 2009 16:44

is your girlfriend fat? usually gay guys and fat chicks go together like peanut butter and jelly. you should cancel the engagement if she is because fat chicks only get fatter and smellier once you marry them.