Miscellaneous: Today, I found out that my friends were convinced that I was...

By Anonymous - 03/12/2009 08:23 - United States

Today, I found out that my friends were convinced that I was gay. I have known most of them for 3 plus years, they all thought my girlfriend was a special shopping partner. I found this out while announcing my engagement. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 703

You deserved it 3 196

Miscellaneous

Own it

Great question

Smart

By Notthekeytosuccess - 12/04/2017 00:00

Today, I broke my key unlocking my dorm room. When I pushed the door open in frustration, the door opened with no problem. Turns out it was unlocked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 545

You deserved it 1 676

By Crashburn - 16/01/2012 11:09 - United Kingdom

Today, after having a naked wrestle with my boyfriend, I discovered he'd left a skidmark on my stomach. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 796

You deserved it 15 365

How would that work?

By minnie - 23/10/2019 04:00 - Australia

Today, my fiancée suggested a 'Back To The Future' - themed wedding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 239

You deserved it 380

By jobless - 20/01/2009 16:52 - France

Today, I've been dating a girl for a year and she's only touched my penis twice. Once by accident. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 005

You deserved it 12 938

By MIND BLOWING - 20/10/2012 13:57 - Canada - Toronto

Today, after waking up from a drunken night, I realized the burning sensation I had from the lube during sex was because I used hand sanitizer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 200

You deserved it 39 621

By FlyLikeABird - 16/11/2014 08:35 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I learned how birds feel when they fly into windows. I should be getting the hospital bill for my broken nose in the mail soon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 512

You deserved it 4 277

By carson28 - 17/12/2010 02:23 - United States

Today, I saw a homeless man on the corner, I thought I would be generous and give him some cash. I rolled down my window and waved my hand for him to come over. As he was walking over, he was struck by another car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 144

You deserved it 6 322

By Anonymous - 03/07/2009 23:25 - United States

Today, my boyfriend called me explaining that he is getting married this weekend to a woman he met on Craigslist. Why? Because I won't marry him, and he'll make an extra thousand dollars per month having a wife since he is in the army. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 016

You deserved it 12 094

By mandybar15 - 14/12/2012 23:52 - United States - Norman

Today, my husband and I sat our 10-year-old daughter down for a chat over her recent cursing. When my husband asked where she'd heard the words, she "innocently" replied, "from mommy's other boyfriend." He took her seriously, accused me of cheating, and hasn't been home since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 151

You deserved it 6 653

By McChunky =( - 09/03/2009 08:25 - United States

Today, I was with my family at a buffet getting dessert. As I had my chocolate cake in hand, I grabbed an extra slice of cheesecake for my mom because I knew she would like a slice. Upon returning to my table, a couple walking behind me commented, "See, that's why Americans are so obese." FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 906

You deserved it 9 130

By Anonymous - 07/03/2010 00:32 - United States

Today, I met my boyfriend's mom for the first time. She pulls out a freezer bag full of condoms and says "I have some cooler ones upstairs, if you want his penis to glow in the dark." FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 787

You deserved it 4 570

By 2gewd4u - 15/01/2012 01:24 - United States

Today, I walked in on my sister sitting on the toilet, trying to use "The Force" to pull over the toilet paper roll sitting on the sink. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 163

You deserved it 4 060

By AngryBirdman - 22/04/2011 05:53

Today, my girlfriend told me she is only going out with me because I look like the person she really wants to go out with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 185

You deserved it 3 675

By Anonymous - 01/01/2013 19:34 - United Kingdom - Cheltenham

Today, I discovered that if I turn my shower off for a minute, then back on again, the water comes out scalding hot. I discovered that while the showerhead was pointed directly at my genitals. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 155

You deserved it 9 524

By suze44 - 13/06/2011 14:22 - United States

Today, my father decided to "prepare" me for the real world by telling me that I'm ugly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 752

You deserved it 5 265

By Kendal - 23/08/2011 18:18 - Canada

Today, I was baking cookies. I stared at them for 15 minutes and finally asked my dad, "Why are these taking so long?" He looked up at the oven and replied, "It might help if you turn the oven on." FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 156

You deserved it 49 736

By Economess - 17/09/2009 06:15 - United States

Today, after expressing some of my reservations about the amount of work I have to do to accomplish my thesis on time, my graduate advisor compared my search for knowledge to Tom Hanks' odyssey in the movie "Castaway". FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 888

You deserved it 4 139

By why me - 24/10/2017 01:30

Today, someone broke into my house and stole all of my underwear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 249

You deserved it 274

Hard shoulder

By me. - 11/07/2016 03:00 - United States - Norman

Today, I found out my mom has been telling my entire family I need surgery on my "Labia" instead of my "Labrum". I went from needing shoulder surgery to needing vagina surgery with one group text. Thanks, mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 674

You deserved it 724

By dfkjhregoiuberiug - 09/12/2009 09:20 - United States

Today, I woke up in my best guy friend's bed to the sound of him jerking off. As I laid there motionless with my back to him, he reached around me to grab a tissue. I don't think I can ever speak to him again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 897

You deserved it 4 812

By stupid - 24/11/2014 19:21 - United States - Middleton

Today, I realized that customers at my work ask me "Are you new or just stupid?" just as often as they did when I first started. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 211

You deserved it 8 097

By VroomVroom - 04/03/2009 15:50 - United States

Today, at a red light, an old lady crossing the street fell right infront of my car. I got out of my car to help her. The light turned green and I was still helping the woman to her feet. An officer came by and ticketed me for "impeding the flow of traffic." FML

I agree, your life sucks 77 904

You deserved it 3 487

By carolinagirl - 04/04/2011 16:23 - United States

Today, I found out that my mom and dad got a divorce. They didn't tell me, they just changed their relationship status on Facebook. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 642

You deserved it 3 551

By jaderie - 21/04/2012 09:26 - Australia - Sydney

Today, my mum bought a phone. Since teaching her how to text, I have received 27 messages, repeatedly saying the word "penis". FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 027

You deserved it 4 692

By DevastatedWoman - 11/08/2015 15:30 - Belgium - Kalmthout

Today, my doctor told me I'm pregnant. Since we've been trying for several years, I called my husband to tell him the good news. Not long after, my doctor called to inform me there'd been a clerical mix-up and I'm not actually pregnant after all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 461

You deserved it 2 013

Inked

By Rubach - 13/06/2021 02:01

Today, I came to terms with the fact that my dad will die without knowing I have tattoos on my body. I'm afraid my dad will suffer a deadly heart attack due to the revelation, as he had two heart failures in the past. My dad is still the sort of person who thinks that people with tattoos are criminals. FML

I agree, your life sucks 640

You deserved it 309

By dustlander.com - 16/10/2018 07:30 - United States - Provo

Today, I was wrapping up a 30+ hour commission when a software bug caused my main layer to delete itself. There doesn't appear to be any way I can restore it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 411

You deserved it 322

Nerf bullets

By aproudmom - 16/12/2019 20:00 - United States - Glen Head

Today, after work I came home to find my sons trying to use my tampons as nerf bullets. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 701

You deserved it 280

By Jason - 14/02/2018 15:00

Today, I bought my crush a bouquet of roses plus one fake. The line was going to be, "I'll stop loving you when the last rose dies." I told my best friend and he thought it was such an amazing idea that he stole the fake rose and gave it to her himself. Guess who got the girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 147

You deserved it 622

By Marcella_03 - 05/12/2009 13:22 - United Kingdom

Today, my family and I noticed that our Christmas tree had been stolen from our front garden. Last night, a group of girls from my village posted a status on Facebook stating how drunk they were, and how they had stolen a Christmas tree. I "liked" it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 689

You deserved it 15 948

By SofiMarti - 24/08/2019 00:02 - Argentina - Buenos Aires

Today, my mom was named principal of the school I go to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 691

You deserved it 212

By ima nerd - 25/12/2010 07:31 - United States

Today, I gave my wife a $900 necklace as a special Christmas gift. She gave me a set of Star Wars pajamas. As it turns out, I was more excited to wear my gift than she was to wear hers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 235

You deserved it 5 836

By THANKS - 19/06/2015 08:37 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, it's my birthday. I had asked my parents for a keyboard, and I was really excited to open the massive box they gave me. It was a computer keyboard. I've been playing piano for 11 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 978

You deserved it 4 587

By digressions - 29/12/2011 19:01 - Canada

Today, I tore a muscle in my back. At the hospital, I was prescribed some pain medication. My husband got me settled at home, with everything I needed within reach, and left for work. As I picked up the bottle to take the first pill, I knocked it on the floor. It rolled under the couch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 462

You deserved it 3 923

By disgusted - 29/03/2014 21:31 - United Kingdom

Today, my parents and I attended the funeral of my husband's mother. It was open-casket, and my parents went to take a look. My mum muttered, "With a dress that tacky, no wonder she died", and my dad chuckled. A fight quickly erupted, and the police were called. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 830

You deserved it 5 319

Leg day

By Anonymous - 24/09/2019 02:06

Today, after waiting a year, I asked a coworker who I like to work out at the gym with me. She said yes. I figured this would be the perfect place to show off my body and impress her. In every exercise we did, she lifted more weights than I did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 621

You deserved it 2 160

By Paulshaun1 - 06/10/2016 13:38 - United Kingdom - Luton

Today, my mother told me she thinks it is time for me to move into my own place. I agreed with her and went to look at studios/ flats online. She later came into my room, saw me looking at places and then got pissed off at me, saying that I hate her for wanting to leave her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 183

You deserved it 684

By Nyah Murphy - 05/12/2017 19:00

Today, I fell asleep for 20 minutes during my first final in law school. I took a $70k loan to be here. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 132

You deserved it 4 963

By Vlad - 21/11/2018 13:30

Today, my uncle is on vacation with his friend, who sent us a video of their hotel room. He captured a glimpse of my uncle in the shower. Naked. This can't be unseen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 992

You deserved it 286

By Anonymous - 12/05/2009 17:39 - United States

Today, I took a call. Wrong number. A few seconds later, they called back and I told her that she had the wrong number. She said she just hit redial and didn't understand how she got me again. I tried to explain how redial works. She called me a moron and hung up. Then my phone rang again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 109 830

You deserved it 6 090

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Top comments

vexion 0

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Thursday 3 December 2009 17:47

Fake. No one lives in North Dakota.

capthavoc123 0

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Thursday 3 December 2009 17:35

I voted in your favor on this one, but then I thought about something. In the three years you knew these people, you never once told them that this girl was your girlfriend? Because that's the only way they could still think you were gay. So I guess you kind of half deserve it.

CykoX 0

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Thursday 3 December 2009 16:08

lol better luck next time

Intellectualist 0

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Thursday 3 December 2009 16:09

Probably because you didn't hide those pictures, you know, the ones of you dressed as a woman, having drug fuelled sex with a man? OMGLIEK2ND. *shoots self*

KaySL 24

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Thursday 3 December 2009 16:22

Hey stop stealing all my ideas, Laura :O! But yeah, the fact that your girlfriend looks like a 150-year old man in drag and (I have this on good authority) likes to take you from behind with a strap-on, doesn't really help your case, now, does it, OP? :/

Intellectualist 0

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Thursday 3 December 2009 16:25

shit, that's a strap on? I though s/he was a dude D: Woe is me! Oh... OP, not me ;[

KaySL 24

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Thursday 3 December 2009 16:33

Oy vey iz mir! I'll pay a visit to the... "mall"... later, and get you a big gift :D

Intellectualist 0

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Thursday 3 December 2009 16:40

Oh, I like a BIG gift :)

Brave_Sir_Robin 4

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Thursday 3 December 2009 16:09

Engagement to your girlfriend or your secret man-whore named Fernando?

ScarletMontgomar 0

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Tuesday 16 February 2010 2:22

ROFL!!!

Rayn4u_fml 0

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Thursday 3 December 2009 16:09

What was your girlfriend doing the whole time that she was supposed to negate these rumours?

Intellectualist 0

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Thursday 3 December 2009 16:22

I love you

Starfire22 5

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Thursday 3 December 2009 16:31

They found out about your drunken butt sex marathon with some guy named Enrique huh?

Skull_300 0

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Thursday 3 December 2009 16:43

What the Fuck?

kaleid0scopeEyes 0

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Thursday 3 December 2009 16:44

is your girlfriend fat? usually gay guys and fat chicks go together like peanut butter and jelly. you should cancel the engagement if she is because fat chicks only get fatter and smellier once you marry them.