Miscellaneous: Today, I found out that my friends were convinced that I was...

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out that my friends were convinced that I was gay. I have known most of them for 3 plus years, they all thought my girlfriend was a special shopping partner. I found this out while announcing my engagement. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36682

You deserved it

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Miscellaneous

This Charming Man

Miss me yet?

Ungrateful

By Anonymous - United States

Today, while working at a pizza place with my girlfriend, I called my boss to tell him we were short on sausage. Under her breath I heard my girlfriend say, "sounds like somebody I know." FML

I agree, your life sucks

38915

You deserved it

4696

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By hadtocleanthemess - Canada

Today, my dog got his head stuck in a container, panicked, and shat himself all over the living room. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34784

You deserved it

4180

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By simonjudy - United Kingdom

Today, my sister and I both got "good luck" cards from our aunt wishing us well on our exams. My sister's said "We know you will do well". Mine said "We will love you no matter what happens". FML

I agree, your life sucks

41043

You deserved it

5063

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By shitface - Australia

Today, I woke up to my 2-year-old daughter hitting me in the face. She had just pooped her nappy and put her hands down her pants to "feel it squish around." FML

I agree, your life sucks

33477

You deserved it

3414

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By ihatelongflights - United States

Today, I was on a flight coming back home. On my right was a fat monk who was snoring very loudly, and on my left there were two old women who were talking about their teenage love lives in detail. The flight was 17 hours long. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37679

You deserved it

3007

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By Alpha - Estonia

Today, while I was meditating in my room, I started to hear strange sounds. I was thrilled and thought I was having some sort of profound experience. It turned out my brother had tuned in to South Park out in the living room. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10500

You deserved it

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By xxccruzxx - United States

Today, at work, my phone kept crashing. Without thinking, I announced that it was having a seizure. Who did I announce this to? My boss. Who also happens to have epilepsy. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9131

You deserved it

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By dasbooot - United States

Today, I finally got my cast taken off my leg after a long month of crutches. I was so excited, until four dead spiders fell out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

87596

You deserved it

4560

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By jessica071509 - United States - Phoenix

Today, my new dog unburied my old dog and chewed on his bones. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50224

You deserved it

3673

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By Flicker - Australia

Today, my football club gave us all jerseys with our last names on them. My last name is 'Flicker'. The letters are all in uppercase. And the 'L' and the 'I' are joined together at the bottom. My jersey reads 'FUCKER'. FML

I agree, your life sucks

127800

You deserved it

12575

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By Anonymous - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I went to my boyfriend's house, whom I have been with for 4 years. I've been in Australia for the last 2 months and before I left, he bought a box of 12 condoms, saying we would use them when I got back. We went to the bedroom and I opened the box. There was one left. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2753

You deserved it

232

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By Anonymous - Canada - Prince George

Today, it's been 2 days since my boyfriend "accidentally" slipped into the wrong hole while continuing to hammer me at full speed. I still can't poop or even walk right. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36515

You deserved it

5013

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By - France

Today, I can hear my parents having sex in the next room. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47510

You deserved it

4345

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By 4evalone - United States

WTF dude?

Today, the man I love, who broke my heart by leaving me a few months ago, showed up to a family event and pulled off the most elaborate, romantic proposal I've ever seen. He was proposing to my cousin. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27251

You deserved it

1641

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, my parrot won't stop repeating my boyfriend's name. The problem is we broke up days ago and my parrot won't shut up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31353

You deserved it

4910

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By Alec - United States

Today, I had a sore throat, and I'd read that drops of Tabasco sauce on your tongue helps. I aimed the bottle at my tongue and the whole cap came off, covering my face and filling my mouth with Tabasco sauce, causing me to blow chunks all over the kitchen floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks

17979

You deserved it

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By FML4evs - United States

Pete Townshend has a lot to answer for

Today, my little brother watched an old video of The Who, who are know for smashing up their guitars and such. He decided it would be cool to try it with mine. That guitar was worth over $3000. FML

I agree, your life sucks

85675

You deserved it

4656

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By 3,500 down - United States - Altus

Today, my train departed over 10 minutes early. It was the last train of the day. I missed my transatlantic flight and along with it the vacation and concert I'd spent over a year saving for. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16461

You deserved it

2689

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By mcpeepants - United States

Today, I found out I've recently developed a bladder control issue. Every time I lift anything more than about fifteen pounds, I pee myself a little. I work in a warehouse. Heavy lifting is my job. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36186

You deserved it

2676

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By Anonymous - Australia - Melbourne

Today, one of my work colleagues was staring at my severe sunburn. She wanted to know if she could "peel" me, when my sunburn becomes "ripe", because she loves the sound. She won't take no for an answer, and I work with her everyday this week. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26419

You deserved it

2009

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By fretting - United States - Fort White

Today, my co-worker, who used to be in a frat with me in college, decided to tell all my coworkers as well as my boss all the stupid things I did in college, starting with the time a girl stole my clothes and I had to walk across campus naked. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12987

You deserved it

1726

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was insulted online by a teenager who said that I was probably a fat loser that still lives with their mother and a couple of cats. They were right. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32183

You deserved it

58258

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By notgoodenough - United States

Today, we were going around the table, telling everyone what we were thankful for. My girlfriend said she was thankful for her vibrator, because I can't please her like it can. My family thought this was funny. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43267

You deserved it

9174

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By Anonymous - India

Today, I left my brand new iPhone on the counter, and went to get its cleaning cloth. My grandmother saw a mosquito, and used my iPhone as a fly swatter. I now have a broken iPhone. Good news though: no more mosquito. FML

I agree, your life sucks

54735

You deserved it

5759

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By annonymous - United States

Today, I was talking on the phone with my crush. After an hour of talking she told me, "If you were half as hot as you sound over the phone, I'd date you immediately." Maybe I should give up on love and start a phone sex line. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36223

You deserved it

2693

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend called me and I told him about the AnimeCon I'm attending, and that I wanted to go as Sailor Mars, he told me he had no idea what that was. After being mad for about ten minutes, I realized that I wanted to break up with him over not knowing what Sailor Moon was. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12987

You deserved it

84352

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By nutsucker - United States

Today, I was babysitting a 7 year old girl and we were eating chocolate covered nuts. She kept on chewing the nuts and wondered where the chocolate was. I told her to taste the chocolate you suck on the nuts. Then her parents came home and the first thing she said was "I learned how to suck nuts!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

57419

You deserved it

10841

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By Forgotten

Today, my girlfriend has memory issues because of a car accident. She broke up with me because I was acting like if things were more serious that she wanted them to be. She forgot she proposed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3122

You deserved it

179

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend told me how he used to collect little things when he was younger. He then decided to tell me about his current big toe nail collection. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30286

You deserved it

3557

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By Owned - United States

Today, my parents came to visit me at the ranch I work at. They're scared to death of horses, but I was explaining how they are almost completely harmless. I was showing them how to work around the horse without getting kicked. As they relaxed, the horse kicked me. I now have a broken leg. FML

I agree, your life sucks

61725

You deserved it

9193

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By Christian - United States

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. We are on a cruise together. She has already found another room to sleep in. FML

I agree, your life sucks

53666

You deserved it

3541

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By Anonymous - United States - Vancouver

Today, I caught my teenage daughter doing her laundry for the first time ever. She had piles of black and white, but then she threw them together in the washing machine. I told her blacks and whites were supposed to be separate, but she just said, "End the segregation, mom." FML

I agree, your life sucks

33789

You deserved it

6110

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By fernie vazquez - United States - San Francisco

Today, I went to meet my girlfriend's parents at her sister's play. The moment I introduced myself, I realized that her father was my probation officer. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36270

You deserved it

20435

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By drummerboy - United States

Today, I practiced my drum playing in the garage instead of my room out of consideration for my neighbors. Guess the consideration wasn't mutual, because one of my neighbors just shot a hole in one of my drums with an air gun. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13108

You deserved it

2052

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By Grindyloo

Today, my turtle, who had a little portion of the garden all to herself, died. My 5-year-old nephew wanted to "be like Mario" by jumping on her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42281

You deserved it

2809

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By WTF - Canada - Calgary

Today, I found out that the girl I've been talking to online and sending certain pictures to is actually my ex's new boyfriend. He ended up telling me he'd just wanted to see how he compared to me down below because my ex refused to go into detail about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

52825

You deserved it

24472

Favorite

By Anonymous - Ukraine - Donetsk

Today, my car went missing. My sister constantly asks to borrow it, so I called her and asked if she had it. She swore blind that she didn't, so I called the cops and reported it stolen. They soon caught her driving the stolen vehicle. She blames me and is now telling everyone I set her up to be arrested. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31189

You deserved it

1914

Favorite

By confsused - Canada - Toronto

Today, I found out that my dad is actually my uncle, and vice-versa. FML

I agree, your life sucks

58841

You deserved it

3365

Favorite

By thanksjerk - Canada

Today, I was talking with my friend-turned boyfriend and cutely told him that I could no longer remember all the things that he used to do that bothered me. He told me he could remember every one of mine and listed them all off for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19947

You deserved it

41333

Favorite

By Toaster - United States

Today, my 8 year old little sister said "f you" to my mom. My mom thought I told her to say that and grounded me for a month. Later, my sister came up to me and said "Gotcha, bitch." FML

I agree, your life sucks

59575

You deserved it

4116

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Top comments

By vexion | 0

#702325 - Thursday 3 December 2009 17:47

Fake. No one lives in North Dakota.

By capthavoc123 | 0

#702300 - Thursday 3 December 2009 17:35

I voted in your favor on this one, but then I thought about something.

In the three years you knew these people, you never once told them that this girl was your girlfriend? Because that's the only way they could still think you were gay.

So I guess you kind of half deserve it.

COMMENTS

By CykoX | 0

#702091 - Thursday 3 December 2009 16:08

lol better luck next time

By Intellectualist | 0

#702094 - Thursday 3 December 2009 16:09

Probably because you didn't hide those pictures, you know, the ones of you dressed as a woman, having drug fuelled sex with a man?
OMGLIEK2ND. *shoots self*

KaySL | 24

#702137 - Thursday 3 December 2009 16:22

Hey stop stealing all my ideas, Laura :O!

But yeah, the fact that your girlfriend looks like a 150-year old man in drag and (I have this on good authority) likes to take you from behind with a strap-on, doesn't really help your case, now, does it, OP? :/

Intellectualist | 0

#702146 - Thursday 3 December 2009 16:25

shit, that's a strap on? I though s/he was a dude D: Woe is me!

Oh... OP, not me ;[

KaySL | 24

#702169 - Thursday 3 December 2009 16:33

Oy vey iz mir! I'll pay a visit to the... "mall"... later, and get you a big gift :D

Intellectualist | 0

#702185 - Thursday 3 December 2009 16:40

Oh, I like a BIG gift :)

By Brave_Sir_Robin | 4

#702095 - Thursday 3 December 2009 16:09

Engagement to your girlfriend or your secret man-whore named Fernando?

ScarletMontgomar | 0

#860198 - Tuesday 16 February 2010 2:22

ROFL!!!

By Rayn4u_fml | 0

#702096 - Thursday 3 December 2009 16:09

What was your girlfriend doing the whole time that she was supposed to negate these rumours?

By Intellectualist | 0

#702138 - Thursday 3 December 2009 16:22

I love you

By Starfire22 | 5

#702165 - Thursday 3 December 2009 16:31

They found out about your drunken butt sex marathon with some guy named Enrique huh?

By Skull_300 | 0

#702192 - Thursday 3 December 2009 16:43

What the Fuck?

By kaleid0scopeEyes | 0

#702195 - Thursday 3 December 2009 16:44

is your girlfriend fat? usually gay guys and fat chicks go together like peanut butter and jelly. you should cancel the engagement if she is because fat chicks only get fatter and smellier once you marry them.