Miscellaneous: Today, I was at McDonald's and I was going through the drive-thru....

By NotSoYoung - 17/06/2009 16:35 - Canada

Today, I was at McDonald's and I was going through the drive-thru. As I was driving away, I checked my food and the lady had given me a Night at the Museum Happy Meal toy by mistake. I got so excited that I crashed the car into a pole. I'm 36. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 780

You deserved it 70 540

Miscellaneous

Good kid

Sorry…

I could be happy

Dad of the month

By littl3storm - 11/07/2020 08:08

Today, I found out that my 'dad', the man who couldn't afford to buy me a bed, despite sleeping on the floor for 3+ years, has spent well over $3000 on sex chat lines, as well as cheating us out of child payments. He doesn't understand why I refuse to talk to him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 045

You deserved it 98

By Chris - 12/08/2010 01:55 - United States

Today, I was watching TV when a Toy Story 3 commercial came on. My Mom said, "Oh, I remember when I took you to see Toy Story. Now Andy's all grown up and so are you. The only difference is Andy is going to college and you're not." FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 166

You deserved it 46 021

By Anonymous - 20/01/2012 23:33 - France

Today, while I was out shopping, my pants decided that they just didn't have enough holes in them, and ripped a new one in the crotch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 799

You deserved it 5 437

By Anonymous - 07/02/2015 09:09 - United States - Pueblo

Today, at work, a good song came on and I started dancing to it. I guess security thought my Michael Jackson crotch-grab was funny, because a printout of it is now pinned in our break room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 253

You deserved it 11 876

By Nadaz - 05/04/2012 11:29 - United States - Charlotte

Today, while talking to my girlfriend, the subject of Darth Vader came up. That's when she asked me, "Aren't Darth Vader and Luke Skywalker the same person?" I don't know what's worse, the fact that she asked me that, or the fact that I got upset over her lack of Star Wars knowledge. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 266

You deserved it 13 525

RIP in peace

By katta2009 - 29/08/2010 11:29 - United States

Today, my grandmother died. No one called me to let me know she passed. I found out because people kept writing RIP on her Facebook wall. My siblings and I weren't even mentioned in her obituary with the other grandchildren, but they did remember to mention her dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 537

You deserved it 2 584

Territorial Pissings

By El Camino - 25/11/2010 21:01 - United States

Today, I parked in a different lot because the one I usually park in was full. When I came back later, a bumper sticker was stuck to the windshield that said, "INCONSIDERATE F***, DON'T PARK HERE AGAIN!" To make matters worse, it was stuck on with a special type of glue, so it can't be removed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 314

You deserved it 5 058

By ohai ur hawt, wanna fuzzzZzZZzzZzz - 04/04/2014 23:20 - Mexico - Mexico

Today, I met a really nice girl at a club, and we went back to my place. I was finally going to lose my virginity, but just as she started kissing me, I panicked and ended up fainting. When I came to, I was still clothed, and she was long gone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 410

You deserved it 13 053

Big Baby

By Anonymous - 12/04/2021 00:30

Today, I flushed the toilet while my boyfriend was showering. He responded by throwing a huge fit, saying how if he “gets a cold” from being “forced” to shower in cold water, I’m gonna “have to stay home and take care of him until he’s better.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 008

You deserved it 260

By jwhizzle - 20/10/2011 11:51 - Australia

Today, I found my "lost" bicycle in my best friend's garage. I've been having to catch two buses to get to work for the past few months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 179

You deserved it 3 016

By Anonymous - 24/10/2013 21:26 - Canada - Calgary

Today, I realized I have erectile dysfunction while drunk, and premature ejaculation while sober. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 826

You deserved it 6 269

By Anonymous - 01/11/2014 15:28 - Canada - Sooke

Today, I had to show up at an anti-drugs lecture with full-blown pink eye. It's from an ongoing bacterial infection, but the speaker said he'd heard that excuse a hundred times before, and shamed me in front of everyone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 443

You deserved it 3 012

By badbowel - 31/01/2018 13:00 - United States - Utica

Today, I was sick from both ends at work. My boss wouldn't let me go home, and told me to borrow a pair of spare pants to change into. I suffered another bout of gastroenteritis and shit someone else's pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 768

You deserved it 287

Keys, how do they work?

By Anonymous - 19/10/2020 01:56

Today, I had to call a locksmith because I got locked out of my apartment. It cost a total of $350 to break in and repair the lock. Not even 3 hours later, I dropped my only key in the sewer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 919

You deserved it 758

Could've been the One

By Courtney - 10/10/2021 16:57

Today, I received a message telling me the guy I was seeing just wasn’t feeling the “vibe”. This would be fine, if he hadn’t given me the best sex, and the only sex I’ve enjoyed, in years and years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 111

You deserved it 160

By Skullie - 19/02/2012 05:40 - United States

Today, my boyfriend poked me on Facebook. I got excited because this is as close as he's come to touching me in weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 757

You deserved it 4 940

Classic

By horriblegf - 26/02/2011 12:18 - United States

Today, I realized it feels better when I sneeze than when my boyfriend and I have sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 564

You deserved it 5 917

By Sam - 20/08/2010 05:34 - United States

Today, after twisting my knee playing soccer with my friends, I had to take myself to the hospital. Apparently finishing the game was more important to them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 945

You deserved it 4 636

By mvgirl - 22/10/2009 15:47 - United States

Today, while sitting with my son, an ice cream cone landed on my head from out of no where. I look up to see three children on the balcony above us yelling, "Look we hit the fat lady!" They ran away laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 949

You deserved it 5 567

By nick - 18/10/2009 13:39 - Canada

Today, working my pizza delivery job, I got a $45 parking ticket for parking in a no stopping zone. I argued with the bylaw enforcement officer, but no luck. I was so pissed, I yelled at him: "You have the worst job in the world", to which he replied: " Buddy, you deliver pizza!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 059

You deserved it 54 597

By nobar - 04/06/2019 06:00

Today, I learned how to make my fridge colder. I felt that what it was set on felt a little warmer than normal, so I turned it down. Now everything in my fridge is frozen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 701

You deserved it 1 649

By well okay then - 20/05/2013 16:02 - Canada - Calgary

Today, I was going on a blind date with a girl. She walked up to the table, said "Nah, no thanks" and left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 217

You deserved it 4 657

By Anonymous - 01/11/2012 04:24 - United States - Albuquerque

Today, I worked up the courage to give a guy my number. I wrote it down on a piece of paper, tore it in half and gave it to him. Later, I noticed I'd given him the wrong, blank half. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 511

You deserved it 11 894

Hello?

By Anonymous - 16/01/2021 04:01 - United States - Milwaukee

Today, my friend's phone rang in class and my teacher thought it was me, so now I have detention for a week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 769

You deserved it 81

By Anonymous - 30/04/2016 01:09 - United States - Saint Petersburg

Today, I gave my boss a report I wrote on my own time, full of suggestions on how to increase productivity and profits at our company. He said my ideas made "about as much sense as pistol-whipping a ghost" and that I was impressing no-one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 962

You deserved it 2 441

By vanguardwiley - 24/07/2009 06:40 - United States

Today, I woke up from the worst nightmare I've ever had. After tearfully explaining to my boyfriend, in detail, how bad this dream was, he told me to "put on my big girl panties" and make him breakfast. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 586

You deserved it 13 716

By Chan - 26/09/2011 01:57 - United States

Today, I spilled hot coffee all over this man at work. I tried apologizing and saying it was an accident, but he then complained, which resulted in me being unemployed. The man I spilled coffee on was my uncle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 118

You deserved it 3 124

By Zanovitch - 13/08/2013 20:19 - United States - Grand Rapids

Today, my mom asked me, once again, if my girlfriend of almost a year is just a cover up for being gay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 981

You deserved it 4 256

By Anonymous - 18/06/2013 22:48 - United States - South Salem

Today, my sister came to stay with me in my apartment for the last few weeks of her difficult pregnancy. However she didn't tell me she was bringing her two dogs, her jackass of a husband, my bratty nephew and an inflatable kiddie pool so she could have a natural water birth in my living room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 707

You deserved it 5 825

By Garcia2284 - 13/09/2018 13:00

Today, I asked a customer three times before he saw the doctor if he had any medical insurance and he replied "no" each time. Paying his bill out of pocket, this dude had the nerve to ask, "So why didn't my medical insurance cover this?" He had coverage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 893

You deserved it 140

By Kin - 25/10/2009 20:48 - United States

Today, a girl I've liked for several years gave me her number. Finally, I worked up the courage to call her. It was a suicide help line. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 087

You deserved it 3 848

By screwed - 20/03/2014 21:03 - United States - Amarillo

Today, I had to give a deposition ahead of a trial in which my former boss is accused of fraud. I'm not a smart man, and I smoked a joint before heading out to try to calm my nerves. I got way too high and ended up giggling like an idiot through half the deposition. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 166

You deserved it 69 805

By burned - 04/11/2009 10:12 - United States

Today, my roommate decided to fry some bacon. After finishing, he thought it would be easy to clean up if he just tossed the panful of grease out the second story window. Guess where I was standing at the time? FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 064

You deserved it 2 529

Voice over

By Anonymous - 30/06/2021 00:01 - United States - Pittsburgh

Today, I realized anytime I try to say anything, relatives will talk over me, change the subject, or go off on tangents about ancient family history that I don't want to hear for the 1000th time. Yet if I interrupt them once, I'm the bad one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 856

You deserved it 69

By drunkluv - 12/04/2011 02:58 - Australia

Today, my girlfriend openly admitted to me that she wouldn't have gone out with me if she hadn't been drunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 989

You deserved it 4 163

By Anonymous - 23/03/2016 01:36 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I was driving to work and I got a text from my girlfriend. She said she was breaking up with me. I was a little heartbroken, but I had to get on with my day. I got to work and my boss fired me. Turns out, my boss and girlfriend have been having an affair and she told him to fire me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 605

You deserved it 1 590

By Beva - 17/01/2013 05:03 - Sweden - Falk?ping

Today, due to technical problems, I had to call the company's IT-support as my computer went totally haywire. I explained via phone that I couldn't access anything. The support then tried contacting me by e-mail and got upset with me when I didn't answer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 018

You deserved it 2 389

By Soph - 25/03/2013 21:53 - United Kingdom - Birmingham

Today, during a sex ed lesson, we were given a lecture on pregnancy and abortion from the school nurse. Throughout the session she kept repeating, "Of course, Sophie knows ALL about this." The nurse happens to know that my dad's a gynaecologist. That's not what everyone else in the year thinks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 615

You deserved it 2 860

By 3peeps - 30/12/2011 07:13 - United States

Today, I came to the conclusion that I was right about thinking how much it would hurt to hit your head on a door-frame, stub your toe on a stone table leg, and then trip over your cat, who won't take it well and will probably claw your recently stubbed toe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 365

You deserved it 3 912

By Rodrigeuz26 - 22/01/2010 07:26 - United States

Today, I was sitting in IHOP with my girlfriend of six months when she brought in her son of three years she had neglected to tell me about, and asked 'Does this change things?' FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 195

You deserved it 4 469

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Top comments

dracer 0

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Thursday 18 June 2009 2:37

The little joys are the best?

kmander93 0

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Thursday 18 June 2009 2:37

you're ridiculous, though I would do the same

noName123456 0

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Thursday 18 June 2009 2:36

funny I'm a tard

easylazy 0

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Thursday 18 June 2009 4:32

Don't worry--- it's probably worth more than your car anyway

suaveneanderthal 0

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Thursday 18 June 2009 8:43

so i can't possibly imagine this happening to anyone. wow

flakes_fml 0

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Friday 10 December 2010 2:23

harshallmeim69 9

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Sunday 5 January 2014 0:04

nobody cares if you're first you empty-headed octopus-fucker stop being such a dingbat

dracer 0

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Thursday 18 June 2009 2:37

The little joys are the best?

haney66 0

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Monday 8 February 2010 5:40

no but night at the museum is.

kmander93 0

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Thursday 18 June 2009 2:37

you're ridiculous, though I would do the same

pickles256 0

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Friday 19 June 2009 3:55

i thought i was the only one.

minidinosaurgoes 9

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Tuesday 12 April 2011 21:27

^same

halolord01 2

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Thursday 18 June 2009 2:39

That is really sad, funny but sad. (I would probobly do somthing similar thow :)

gdude756 0

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Thursday 18 June 2009 2:40

All I can say is WOW

musiclover81493 0

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Thursday 18 June 2009 2:41

So a Night at the Museum Happy meal toy cost you how much in car damages? I hope it was worth it, but it's kinda understandable because those things are awesome ;).