Work: Today, I found out everybody at work thinks I'm a lesbian because... - FML

By Anonymous - 09/10/2010 01:57 - United States

Today, I found out everybody at work thinks I'm a lesbian because they thought my boyfriend was a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 896

You deserved it 5 975

Taking stock

Own it

Great family you've got there

By midwify - 05/01/2015 17:58 - Denmark - Asaa

Today, I gave birth to our first child at home. What was supposed to be a beautiful moment of us peacefully greeting our newborn, ended up with the cops knocking on our door. Apparently me giving birth sounds like a domestic dispute. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 225

You deserved it 7 609

By Anonymous - 14/05/2013 17:03 - United States - Norman

Today, my doorknob broke. While trying to impress my dad and show that I can fix things for girls, I somehow managed to lock myself in my room, with the doorknob on the other side of the door. When my dad finally heard my screams, he let me out. He had to take the whole door off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 128

You deserved it 20 195

By - - 09/11/2010 00:38 - United States

Today, my daughter got engaged. Her fiancé is not only 25 years older than her, but was her teacher in middle school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 978

You deserved it 4 535

By liver - 19/03/2012 00:51 - United States - Santa Cruz

Today, since I'm too broke to get a new one, I had to duct tape my bra. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 812

You deserved it 3 577

By Anonymous - 11/04/2009 16:13 - United States

Today, my Dad called me to tell me that he had finally won the lottery and that I no longer had to worry about trying to find a way to pay for school. I was so excited I started crying. He then told me that he won $5 on a scratch off lotto ticket. He bought a sandwich. Funny dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 362

You deserved it 9 137

By cargaljen - 07/08/2011 05:29 - United States

Today, while watching tv at my mother's house, a tornado warning came across the screen. After being in the dark nasty basement for half an hour, my mom realizes she was watching a recorded show, and that tornado warning was for 2 weeks ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 100

You deserved it 5 035

The struggle is real

By Sally - 26/12/2011 11:48 - Australia

Spicy

Today, my friend told me how depressing it is that she hasn't had sex in two weeks. I haven't had sex in 3 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 555

You deserved it 5 814

By Anonymous - 20/01/2013 05:01 - United States

Today, my boyfriend told me all about how his parents sat him down last night and had a 20 minute talk with him about how I'm the biggest mistake he'll ever make. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 001

You deserved it 3 956

By Anonymous - 28/11/2011 03:00 - United States

Today, I let my boyfriend sleep over at my house for the first time. Upon arriving, he tossed his stuff on the floor and said "I gotta take a piss, where's your shower?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 564

You deserved it 4 143

Halloween has started early

By Anonymous - 22/10/2019 00:01

Today, while walking down the street, I was violently beaten up by a man in a Darth Vader outfit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 519

You deserved it 145

By bradyman - 29/12/2009 15:09 - United States

Today, I went to the dentist after not being there for 3 years. I was told that I had loads of cavities and that I would need to pay $3,000 for a serious mouth surgery. The reason I hadn't been to the dentist in 3 years: I've been married to a dentist for 3 years that said my teeth were "perfect." FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 274

You deserved it 6 108

By Alex - 09/02/2017 21:00 - United States - Richardson

Today, I am home sick with a sinus infection. I had to break up a fight between my two dogs over who got to chew on my snotty tissue. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 487

You deserved it 521

By Anonymous - 16/08/2009 17:14 - United States

Today, my girlfriend named my penis "little baby carrot." FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 038

You deserved it 10 927

RIP in peace

By Jill - 01/11/2021 06:00 - United States - Fredonia

Today, I found out that my favorite aunt passed away. The funeral was last Thursday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 039

You deserved it 70

By andifalls - 24/01/2011 05:11

Spicy

Today, my 70 year old grandma was yelling at me to take a pregnancy test, in the middle of Walmart. I'm 16, still a virgin and haven't had a boyfriend since I was 13. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 402

You deserved it 3 514

By john doe - 07/12/2013 17:29 - United States - Portland

Today, my 6-year-old daughter got mad at me for not buying her yet another expensive doll. I had to pull her away, and she started screaming for help. The next thing I know, another shopper puts me in a chokehold and calls for security, all while my daughter smirks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 886

You deserved it 6 175

By oops123 - 15/04/2009 18:42 - United States

Today, I finally hooked up with a guy I've been hanging out with for 2 months. Afterwards, while we're getting dressed he says "You better be clean. If you're not tell me now so I dont pass it on to my girlfriend." Stunned, all I could say was, "Girlfriend?!" His reply, "Well technically my fiancée." FML

I agree, your life sucks 78 097

You deserved it 14 155

Tis the season

By creimers - 01/07/2020 23:01

Today, my mom forbade me from taking any allergy medicine, because she is afraid that I'll turn into a meth addict. I have horrible allergies and can barely see or stop sneezing without them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 589

You deserved it 107

Kids talk

By SerenityJ - 27/09/2013 20:00 - United States - Mountain View

Today, while sitting in a crowded waiting room at the doctor's office, my 5-year-old daughter pointed at my 6-year-old son's crotch and boomed, "MOM, WHY DOES ANDY HAVE A FINGER DOWN THERE?" to which he yelled, "IT'S CALLED A COCK!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 924

You deserved it 7 117

By Anonymous - 15/02/2015 17:57 - Denmark

Today, my roommate let out a blood-curdling scream in the bathroom. I ran in to see what was going on, only to find her sitting on the toilet, topless. Turned out she'd tried to pierce her own tit using a clothespin and a needle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 340

You deserved it 3 259

By awilson - 11/09/2009 18:26 - United States

Today, I was eating MandMs on a chair when I dropped one and it fell under my crotch. My mom came in to see my hand on my crotch and me muttering, "Where is that little bastard?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 709

You deserved it 16 805

By Anonymous - 12/09/2010 02:31 - United States

Today, I noticed I give myself pep-talks when I'm lonely. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 944

You deserved it 6 006

By Caroline - 24/02/2013 09:34 - Denmark - Copenhagen

Today, I went to the doctor to get a blood test and I started crying when I saw the needle. I planned on becoming a doctor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 079

You deserved it 13 497

By SiegFail - 23/11/2017 05:00

Today, my students are asking friends and family to come to a charity event. That would be all well if they weren't constantly mixing up "Rally Against Genocide" and "Support Genocide Victims" and telling everyone to come to the "Rally to Support Genocide". FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 053

You deserved it 298

Get out

By F.U. QFN - 28/03/2021 00:29

Today, I was given my marching orders because I corrected my supervisor on something he was actually doing wrong. It seems I deserve this for "not learning to obey my immediate superiors." FML

I agree, your life sucks 808

You deserved it 79

By Anonymous - 13/07/2012 06:47 - United States - Spring

Today, my fiancé's grandmother kept trying to introduce him to this "simply absolutely amazing girl," who she thought "would be just the perfect date" for him. At our engagement party. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 590

You deserved it 1 999

By unluckybirthdaykid - 11/09/2017 23:15

Today, my birthday, was going great until my boyfriend received a text from a girl saying he gave her chlamydia. Now I have no boyfriend, but at least I have the chlamydia keeping me company. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 440

You deserved it 391

By geeshock1987 - 15/04/2013 05:58 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I just remembered that I changed my Gmail display name to "Rice Ball" out of privacy-paranoia a while back. I've been using this same email to apply to several professional jobs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 907

You deserved it 39 596

By father-in-nope - 21/07/2015 15:17 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my boyfriend's dad helped me put coolant in my car. When I said I wished I could do something in return, he told me to get an abortion so I wouldn't "ruin" his son's life. When I told my boyfriend, he didn't believe me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 390

You deserved it 2 742

By Dave - 07/04/2011 19:55 - United States

Today, the company I work for decided to "go green" and stopped using the air conditioner to cool down the office. It is currently 81 degrees at my desk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 913

You deserved it 4 865

By Lou - 01/06/2010 15:59 - United Kingdom

Today, I went to the supermarket; it was taking me ages to walk home because of the heavy food bags. Halfway home, I realised I had gone in my car. I had to walk all the way back to get my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 539

You deserved it 58 592

By Tootsy_Roll_Pop - 23/05/2009 16:15 - United States

Today, I spent the whole day seeing how many licks it would take to get to the center of a Tootsie Roll Pop: 763. I'm 24. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 196

You deserved it 23 229

By downlowtooslow - 12/06/2009 04:49 - United States

Today, while eating with my kids at McDonalds, my son put his hand up and wanted me to give him a "high five." I went to give him a five, but he moved his hand at the last second and I ended up slapping him in the face. Now everyone there thinks I'm a child-beater. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 588

You deserved it 6 844

By Anonymous - 16/11/2012 00:36 - United States - Panama City

Today, my mom came home drunk and yelled at me for 20 minutes for not feeding the cat. We don't have a cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 452

You deserved it 1 816

By fuckmeitsgettingworse - 24/02/2014 19:36 - United Kingdom - Derby

Today, my pregnant wife's parents called me at work, saying she'd been crying inconsolably and wouldn't say what was wrong. After pleading with my boss, I rushed home. Turns out there was an "ugly" sofa in a TV ad and she felt it was "picking on ugly sofas". FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 398

You deserved it 4 627

By LifeSucks - 17/11/2018 05:00

Today, I came home to an empty house. I found a note from my wife telling me she was bisexual and found love in a woman. I FaceTimed my sister to tell her about it, and who do I see with her? My wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 996

You deserved it 196

By Ihatemyjob - 24/04/2019 06:00 - United States

Today, my boss told me that he didn’t want to promote me because my, “scores were too good.” He then told me that I would be getting twice as much work to do than my coworkers, without a raise. I work minimum wage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 372

You deserved it 168

By tumbleshay - 21/03/2015 01:32 - United States - Veneta

Today, I broke up with my girlfriend because I felt unappreciated. She found it appropriate to sarcastically say, "Oh no, how will I ever be able to open my jars?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 097

You deserved it 4 854

By aireeahna - 20/05/2016 06:04 - United States - Cedar Rapids

Today, I went on a date with a guy I've been talking to. We ended up at his house around 4 a.m., but as we walked through the front door, his ex girlfriend was sitting on the couch, apparently waiting for him to get home. They still live together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 013

You deserved it 1 068

By Ryan - 20/12/2011 17:57 - United States

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend and I were getting hot and heavy. She had her shirt off, and commented on the small size of her breasts. Trying to make her feel better, I said I dated smaller breasts. She replied by saying she'd dated bigger penises. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 415

You deserved it 58 929

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Top comments

QWERTYCommander 5

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Saturday 9 October 2010 8:44

Justin Bieber's girlfriend?

sweet_candy_ 17

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Saturday 9 October 2010 8:44

I think someone needs a makeover :)

Comments

QWERTYCommander 5

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Saturday 9 October 2010 8:44

Justin Bieber's girlfriend?

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Saturday 9 October 2010 8:45

lol good call

bh0p 0

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Saturday 9 October 2010 8:49

razzle Dee Fffuuuuuuu-you beat me to it #1 >.<

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Saturday 9 October 2010 10:05

#1 That was my very first thought. Beiber can suck it... his music does anyways.

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Saturday 9 October 2010 10:08

#1 That was my very first thought. Beiber can suck it... his music does anyways.

stephanie0613 0

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Saturday 9 October 2010 10:17

Hahahah i am a big Justin Bieber fan, but #1 made me laughh so much.

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Saturday 9 October 2010 10:48

Maybe if your boyfriend didn't have 38-D's....

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Saturday 9 October 2010 12:28

win 38

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Saturday 9 October 2010 15:54

I agree completely has to be Justin bieber

darlinqqbella 0

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Saturday 9 October 2010 16:12

I always go with the jocks. (:

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Saturday 9 October 2010 16:21

Everybody loves lesbians!

sweet_candy_ 17

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Saturday 9 October 2010 8:44

I think someone needs a makeover :)

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Saturday 9 October 2010 9:00

hey

thecrazyasian 3

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Saturday 9 October 2010 8:45

you're just a shemale + FIRST

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Saturday 9 October 2010 8:49

first fail more like ;)

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Saturday 9 October 2010 9:59

thecrazyasian.. you're not Asian, you know why, cause your location is Canada. you fail. :). I'm truly Asian. so don't play play.

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Saturday 9 October 2010 10:21

Thecrazyasain, is a GPA of 4.0 good in Canada?

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Saturday 9 October 2010 8:53

shoulnt be dating boys with girlish looks and long hair should have told everyone it was your boyfriend should have given it to your coworkers for that

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Sunday 10 October 2010 2:12

In other words... leave the Beaver to it's stupid fans.

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Monday 24 December 2012 2:58

Shut up!

wellthen7154 12

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Monday 27 January 2014 13:58

I personally like guys with longer hair. (My hair goes all the way down my back anyway) It doesn't exactly mean they look like a girl, it can even make them look more like a dude, or just older. Guys usually have a heavier more square-like build, but there are cases that guys DO in fact look a little bit like a girl. My guess is OP's boyfriend is pretty small (maybe 5' 8" which is a little short for most guys) and might be a little lanky. He most likely didnt have any facial hair, and his hair might have been a little longer, but even then he'd still resemble a male figure. They probably thought he was a more masculine lesbian OP, just see if he'll bulk up some :)

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Saturday 9 October 2010 9:00

YDI for having a "girl" friend.

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Saturday 9 October 2010 14:54

Exactly

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Saturday 9 October 2010 9:03

I'm not your friend, guy!

singer4life666 0

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Saturday 9 October 2010 9:21

I'm not your guy, buddy!

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Saturday 9 October 2010 9:31

I'm not your buddy, friend!

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Saturday 9 October 2010 11:33

I'm not your friend, pal.

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Saturday 9 October 2010 9:08

Tell him stop wearing makeup and high heels. Also, tell him to try and get his purse to match his outfit! That is annoying!

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Saturday 9 October 2010 10:11

Wouldn't matching his purse be counter-productive?

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Saturday 9 October 2010 10:25

NO! HOW DARE YOU!

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Saturday 9 October 2010 9:10

are you sure he's a guy?

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Saturday 9 October 2010 9:12

YDI for dating Justin Bieber.

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Saturday 9 October 2010 17:31

Already been done, Freeze. Nice try.

frikkinhannah 0

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Saturday 9 October 2010 18:09

Oh my God... I've never seen Freeze do that before... o.o

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Monday 24 December 2012 3:00

I refuse to become one of those stereotype fans that freaks out when some one voices they're opinion... Stop Tempting me!!!!

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Monday 24 December 2012 3:00

I refuse to become one of those stereotype fans that freaks out when some one voices they're opinion... Stop Tempting me!!!!

Send a private message

Saturday 9 October 2010 9:14

now that's funny. if everyone thinks that

Nearly

Today I ripped my lovely £50 coat on barbed wire, what I only worn a hand full of times, ended up having to spend £10 to get it repaired, have to wait till Friday to pick it up, it’s only Tuesday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8

You deserved it 7

Today, a tech came to repair my cracked phone screen. He told me to remove my case and took it to his van in my driveway to fix it. Thirty minutes later, he rings my doorbell and hands me my phone back. He says he fixed the screen but tripped and dropped it walking back to my house, and completely shattered the back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65

You deserved it 4

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I spent all day waiting for an unlikely follow up text from the girl from Tinder I let peg me on the first date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 321

You deserved it 866

Today, I swear I'm off men for good after my latest dud date wanted me to pee on his chest to turn him on, and we were only 20 minutes into the first date. The entire male gender are disgusting pigs, no matter how nice they pretend to be. FML

I agree, your life sucks 784

You deserved it 1 073