Today, I found out all about my son's secret online double life....

By Mom - United States

Today, I found out all about my son's secret online double life. He's been moonlighting for two years as a male prostitute by the name of Peter Parker. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45333

You deserved it

5557

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Intimacy

Social distancing gone wrong

Roommate from hell

Knock off

By radiating

Today, my hay-fever started. I'm five months pregnant, and every time I cough, sneeze or blow my nose I either fart or wet myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34675

You deserved it

3176

Favorite

By Forever Alone

Hashtag ForeverAlone

Today, I was so happy to hear my phone go "Ding" that I jumped for joy out of my couch. It was actually a character on my TV getting a text. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1600

You deserved it

259

Favorite

By Anonymous - Australia - Brisbane

Today, during my shift as a vet nurse, I picked up a gorgeous cat for cuddles, only to discover it was covered with pee. And now I am too. I still have 4 hours of my shift. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10335

You deserved it

2457

Favorite

By Anonymous - New Zealand

Today, I was hanging out with some disabled people at the day-centre where I work. We had the music blasting and were laughing and dancing around. My boss took me aside and said that it wasn't really appropriate for me to mock the clients by imitating their dancing. That's just how I dance. FML

I agree, your life sucks

66955

You deserved it

5581

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By Yellowsmellow - Canada - Windsor

Today, and for the past two weeks, the people living directly above me have decided to add rearranging their furniture to their daily routines. Not only that but apparently, 6 a.m. is the most optimal time for them. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10266

You deserved it

670

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By helplesslover - United States

Today, my boyfriend called and said he was stopping by to talk. I didn't understand why he would stop by, so I asked if he was going to break up with me, he said no. Half an hour later, he knocked on my door to break up with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40991

You deserved it

5723

Favorite

By Maxime - France

Today, after making love to my girlfriend, I realised that the phone was on the bed and because of the movements, it called my dad by itself. It went to voicemail. My dad will soon have all the details. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41768

You deserved it

9786

Favorite

By Anonymous - Netherlands - Vianen

Today, while at work, I managed to scrape open the inside of my nose with my fingernail, drawing blood in the process. I had to quickly up an explanation for my scream that didn't go: "Well, I was scouting for boogers..." FML

I agree, your life sucks

7469

You deserved it

24616

Favorite

By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I was taking a bath and out of boredom started making sheep noises. I then had a conversation with myself in farm animal noises. When I got out of the bath, I walked to my bedroom in my towel, passing the living room... where my little brother's soccer team burst out laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24884

You deserved it

75174

Favorite

By doomed - New Zealand

Today, the girl I am in love with invited me to stay with her in Europe for 2 weeks, she is even paying for the flights and accommodation. It's because I am such a special friend to her and she wants me to come up to meet her fiancé before she gets married. FML

I agree, your life sucks

67516

You deserved it

6243

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Portland

Today, I came home to my mentally unhinged roommate jacking off to a frozen TV frame of Peggy Hill from King of the Hill. When he saw me, he threw an ash tray at me and told me to get out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24687

You deserved it

2172

Favorite

By LinaLinaYeah - Canada

Today, my mom gave me my boyfriend's boxers that she'd washed after finding them in my camping bag. The boxers had "Big Banana" written all over them, along with pictures of bananas. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11841

You deserved it

28384

Favorite

By snazz23 - United States - Bastrop

Today, I got engaged to the most wonderful man in the world. I excitedly called my mom to tell her the great news, thinking she'd be excited too. Her only response? "Oh." FML

I agree, your life sucks

11981

You deserved it

1100

Favorite

By rachaaaaeul - United States

Today, I was texting my boyfriend about yesterday, where he told me how much he loved me, and he wishes we lived closer. I asked him if he really meant it. Turns out he was drunk, and had no idea what he was talking about. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30966

You deserved it

3948

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I went to the grocery store with my mom's boyfriend. We were in the bread aisle when he picked up a loaf that was in my hand, and said, "No, no, you have to FEEL the bread," and started rubbing it all over his body. He's moving in next week. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33922

You deserved it

3492

Favorite

By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I took out my ear cartilage piercing. With my comb. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32015

You deserved it

10092

Favorite

Today, the last parking space outside my work was tiny but I tried to parallel park there in desperation. A school kid saw the whole attempt and sarcastically clapped me as I gave up and drove away. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5805

You deserved it

1188

Favorite

By faza4327 - Australia

Today, I was on my way home on my bike when a lady in a 4WD cut me off while beeping her horn and calling me a "stupid f**ker who should get a proper education." In her car, she was smoking, and her three children weren't wearing seat belts. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41366

You deserved it

3525

Favorite

By erdot - Romania - Bucuresti

Today, after 7 years of writing my PhD thesis, I found a book containing all the exact findings I've spent arduous hours, nay, years discovering. My tutoring professor somehow forgot to mention I was discovering sealing wax. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1836

You deserved it

588

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my mom and I heard a thump from inside the coat closet. I opened the door, and something fell on me. My mom, who was behind me, screamed, closed the laundry room door, and ran into the garage, leaving me to face the alleged attacker. It was the vacuum. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29190

You deserved it

2848

Favorite

By sleepwalker - United States

Today, I fell asleep in my math class. Turns out I sleep walk. I woke up at the front of the room with chalk in my hand, scribbles on the board behind me, and the whole class laughing at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32521

You deserved it

8349

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Mount Pleasant

Today, I realized I apologize too often as I said I was sorry to my boyfriend as he broke up with me. I apologized for being sad and making him feel bad. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26375

You deserved it

5689

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I received 5 missed calls from a florist stating that they were having problems delivering a bouquet from my ex. I was thrilled at the idea of a reconciliation. Turns out however that he just got mine and his new girlfriend's phone numbers confused. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42171

You deserved it

3695

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, at Walmart, a lady came up to me and informed me that I "look like the kinda skank that'd give it up on the first date". FML

I agree, your life sucks

24430

You deserved it

3142

Favorite

By June - United States

Today, my boyfriend grabbed my love handles. It tickled, so I giggled and squirmed out of his grip. He looked at me quizzically and said, "I'm surprised you still have feeling there with all that fat." FML

I agree, your life sucks

37711

You deserved it

8769

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I accidentally set off an alarm at the school I work for. No one was there, I didn't have the code or password the company needed, my boss wouldn't answer his phone, 3 policemen interrogated me and asked for ID but realized I left home without my wallet. There was nothing I could do. I cried. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34005

You deserved it

5690

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By Speechless

Today, it's been a few days since I saw an ad advertising my job after being told about it by a telemarketer. When I asked my boss about it, she claimed things were fine, it was an old ad, not to worry. Now, I was actually fired for no valid reason. A telemarketer gave me more warning than they did. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12135

You deserved it

813

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Waynesboro

Today, I realized that while I've been the same minuscule height for the past five years, my feet won't stop growing. I'm 5 foot and a size 12. I look like a clown. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31976

You deserved it

6078

Favorite

By shitty shit - United States - Carmel

Today, I was looking at old pictures with my mom and saw one of myself crying in kindergarten. I asked why I was crying. She said that was the day a boy kissed me on the cheek, and I thought I'd gotten pregnant. She then decided to give me the sex talk. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35950

You deserved it

3853

Favorite

By Uncircumcised Penis - Canada - Richmond

Today, I was in line at the pharmacy when the man in front of me asked if I wanted to see a picture of a turd that looked like an uncircumcised penis. Before I had time to answer, he showed me a picture of a turd that looked like an uncircumcised penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30505

You deserved it

2450

Favorite

By missseloit3

Et tu, Brute?

Today I caught my husband cheating on me in our bed with my 19-year-old brother. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9154

You deserved it

532

Favorite

By anon

Today, I finally got the courage to say to my boyfriend that I feel invisible and ignored. To this he said 'You aren't invisible, I mean, look at that nose.' FML

I agree, your life sucks

41402

You deserved it

7660

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were lying in bed together, and I was in a snuggly mood. I rolled over to gaze lovingly into his eyes and whisper sweet nothings to him in the darkness. His response? "Dear God! Did somebody fart in your mouth?!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

28670

You deserved it

36238

Favorite

By savagepixie

Ex-Lax Time

Today, my boyfriend and I were playing around, and he thought it would be funny to steal my ring and "pretend" to swallow it. I tried to get it back, but unfortunately I "surprised" him. He reckons I'll get it back some time tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1671

You deserved it

195

Favorite

By Marie Foster - United States

Today, I was talking to my online therapist about my problems with relationships, mainly that guys only want sex and don't listen to me. After I'd confided in him, and told him how I felt about my issues, he told me he would marry me and have my children. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1820

You deserved it

203

Favorite

By takinabreak - United States

Today, I was taking a shower and I saw a new body wash that said "radiance ribbons." That sounded a little effeminate, but it smelled manly enough and the only alternative was normal soap, so I used it. Just now, I stepped out into the sun and found out what "radiance ribbons" means. I sparkle. FML

I agree, your life sucks

65742

You deserved it

33459

Favorite

By devigsgirl - United States

Today, I found out that the only reason my boyfriend wants to move in with me is so he has better internet connection and won't get kicked off of Xbox live while playing MW2. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31739

You deserved it

5937

Favorite

By allidoiswrkwrkwrknomttrwht - this FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff

Stay at home

Today, I found out my request to have off on Thanksgiving for the first time in 6 years was denied, because I work the evening shift every year on Thanksgiving and that's convenient for everyone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12544

You deserved it

798

Favorite

By sniper foxeh

Today, my younger sister and I were camping when, during the middle of the night, she asked me if I could take her to the toilets as she was scared. I told her to go by herself or go behind the tent. Thirty seconds later, she peed on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1781

You deserved it

4311

Favorite

By wtfdad - United States - Little Silver

Today, my husband and I told my parents I was pregnant with my first child. The only thing my father did was look at my husband and tell him his pull out game was weak. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40112

You deserved it

4160

Favorite

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Top comments

By docscientist | 9

#2663323 - Sunday 12 June 2011 0:29

He should've called himself "Peter Porker."

By Nikki_ASW | 0

#2663296 - Sunday 12 June 2011 0:25

Isn't that spiderman....?

COMMENTS

By tydoherty8 | 0

#2663289 - Sunday 12 June 2011 0:24

hahaha that's hilarious don't worry he's just having a good time fucking with people

iownyou777 | 0

#2663584 - Sunday 12 June 2011 1:23

no spider man saves people not fuck them

omiusx | 2

#2663600 - Sunday 12 June 2011 1:28

Lifeisntfair13 | 0

#2663627 - Sunday 12 June 2011 1:34

lmao

BackHurts | 0

#2664026 - Sunday 12 June 2011 3:15

#41 He saves people from their cold turkey.

miraggg | 1

#2664130 - Sunday 12 June 2011 3:42

pics or it didnt happen

bantosh | 4

#2768201 - Monday 27 June 2011 6:10

I see what you did there.;)

HeartOfLead | 24

#4103967 - Wednesday 29 February 2012 4:18

He's a freakin sun-of-a... Irresponsible mother i guess, that little piece a mofo took my persona!

By Nikki_ASW | 0

#2663296 - Sunday 12 June 2011 0:25

Isn't that spiderman....?

Lil_Red777 | 21

#2663730 - Sunday 12 June 2011 2:04

yeah

sheethapins | 13

#2664421 - Sunday 12 June 2011 5:07

No it's your mom.

Nikki_ASW | 0

#2664831 - Sunday 12 June 2011 7:25

97: Oh okay just making sure.

yummyjam101 | 0

#2665466 - Sunday 12 June 2011 12:12

eat shit..!

imnotcraZ | 0

#2665949 - Sunday 12 June 2011 16:17

I deeply worry that you missed the point of this story

Nikki_ASW | 0

#2666995 - Sunday 12 June 2011 20:40

142: Which person are you talking to?

dre95 | 0

#2670553 - Monday 13 June 2011 9:14

yes...yes it is..

By mematteden | 2

#2663314 - Sunday 12 June 2011 0:26

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

JokinglySerious | 0

#2664212 - Sunday 12 June 2011 4:07

it's not weird at all....

By nadhirah | 4

#2663317 - Sunday 12 June 2011 0:27

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

Talia_91 | 13

#2663325 - Sunday 12 June 2011 0:29

2years is just doing it for fun? I think he is in deep no pun intended

tencalories | 3

#2663740 - Sunday 12 June 2011 2:11

wait whose a prostitute for fun

tweetbaby14 | 17

#2663879 - Sunday 12 June 2011 2:45

yes, it is very fun to go online fucking with peoples minds... it's very not dangerous too. 

cc_the_beast | 6

#2664319 - Sunday 12 June 2011 4:41

Not all pro's are desperate junkies, some do it because they love the money and they love the sex, all power to them.

By docscientist | 9

#2663323 - Sunday 12 June 2011 0:29

He should've called himself "Peter Porker."

zakkyzebra | 11

#2664644 - Sunday 12 June 2011 6:12

"Peter Pork-her"

GrapeKoolAde | 0

#2665060 - Sunday 12 June 2011 8:51

u guys r just fucking hilarious

luvppl | 6

#2665420 - Sunday 12 June 2011 11:36

Peter poke-her :)

cluch3 | 22

#6027601 - Monday 4 August 2014 16:37

But thqt would be spider ham

By icyfire617 | 10

#2663327 - Sunday 12 June 2011 0:30

SPIDERMAN!! how could you...

LaughinStock | 16

#2663820 - Sunday 12 June 2011 2:36

lmao ur pic goes wit that comment..and its cute

icyfire617 | 10

#2664196 - Sunday 12 June 2011 4:04

:) I always try to make my comments go with my picture.

By CaptainPickles72 | 18

#2663329 - Sunday 12 June 2011 0:30

Peter Parker? Clever, except he isn't the one shooting the sticky stuff! ;)

GuessWhatKids | 13

#2664582 - Sunday 12 June 2011 5:49

Dude your picture freaks me the fuck out.

CaptainPickles72 | 18

#2664600 - Sunday 12 June 2011 5:54

Then it has done its job!

Wandering_Ninja | 8

#2665003 - Sunday 12 June 2011 8:33

I love your picture it makes me goggle whenever I see it.

Wandering_Ninja | 8

#2665007 - Sunday 12 June 2011 8:36

*giggle

abcdefg123456_sg | 0

#2670566 - Monday 13 June 2011 9:15

awww poor baby

By eminemchick | 19

#2663333 - Sunday 12 June 2011 0:30

howd you find out? were you in a online relationship with him?xD

KaanTech | 0

#2665574 - Sunday 12 June 2011 13:06

i laughed really hard on this post
look at the bright side op's boy's nickname isnt Justin Beiber or Harry Potter

KaanTech | 0

#2665576 - Sunday 12 June 2011 13:06

i laughed really hard on this post
look at the bright side op's boy's nickname isnt Justin Beiber or Harry Potter

By bewbies | 3

#2663337 - Sunday 12 June 2011 0:30

I think I know your son

stargirl528 | 0

#2663647 - Sunday 12 June 2011 1:38

wtf .

Captain_Zorro | 7

#2663652 - Sunday 12 June 2011 1:42

hahahahaha

SimplyEnvy | 0

#2663770 - Sunday 12 June 2011 2:23

lmao

fluffy_nuggets | 0

#2664074 - Sunday 12 June 2011 3:29

lmfao!! ugg

NAU_future | 7

#2664930 - Sunday 12 June 2011 8:01

what year is the vet in your pic?

By wolve86 | 0

#2663342 - Sunday 12 June 2011 0:30

And I wish you loved reading correctly.