Today, I found out all about my son's secret online double life....

By Mom - 11/6/2011 17:25 - United States

Today, I found out all about my son's secret online double life. He's been moonlighting for two years as a male prostitute by the name of Peter Parker. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45320

You deserved it

5553

Favorite

Intimacy

Honesty is the best policy

Compassion

Live dumping

By LegallyBored - 16/12/2016 21:00 - Canada - Regina

Today, my roommate went away for the weekend so she could hook up with a guy from Tinder that she's never met. This wouldn't be a problem if we hadn't already made plans for my 18th birthday, which is also today. Here's to a night of Netflix with my dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7841

You deserved it

607

Favorite

By Average - 13/2/2011 07:16 - United States

Today, I was chosen as King for our winter formal. Even after I won, nobody wanted to dance with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34612

You deserved it

3863

Favorite

By Mom - 25/7/2009 21:14 - United States

Today, my son decided to come out of the closet by wearing a shirt that said "Mom, I'm gay" to the family reunion. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45748

You deserved it

26113

Favorite

By hamburglar - 11/8/2016 18:46 - United States - Irving

Today, I ordered two double cheeseburgers from McDonald's and asked for one of them without pickles so they would think I was ordering for two people. Both burgers were for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10468

You deserved it

8373

Favorite

By Anonymous - 11/3/2010 02:48 - United States

Today, after uprooting my life to help my boyfriend, I realized I receive more affection from my landlord's dog than I have from my boyfriend since I've moved here. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23096

You deserved it

4227

Favorite

By Cam - 14/1/2020 05:00 - Sri Lanka - Colombo

Long secret

Today, I realized that my boyfriend is still scared of his ex. It's been 8 months and our relationship is still "secret." Why? Because he's scared that she will find out and tell his family about us. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2507

You deserved it

391

Favorite

By mylifereallyISeffed - 22/7/2009 10:43 - Australia

Today, I came home to find my dad crying. Turns out my parents are getting divorced because my mom had an affair. With a teacher at my school. A female teacher. And the school isn't going to fire her because she's a good teacher. Every day at school I'm going to have to see her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

79211

You deserved it

4021

Favorite

By TheLastSerenade - 23/1/2013 08:33 - Australia - Sydney

Today, I saw a woman breast feeding her child at the local park. That would have been just fine if the child wasn't at least 8 years old. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39632

You deserved it

3960

Favorite

By neednewshoes - 7/12/2017 01:30

Today, like every day, I flushed a public toilet with my foot. Today, unlike every day, my foot missed the handle and landed in the unflushed water. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2378

You deserved it

4833

Favorite

By Bawo - 2/6/2009 01:20 - United States

Today, I was getting it on with my cute guy friend in his candlelit bedroom and we had just started tearing each other's clothes off. I decided to be coy and sexy and flip my hair to the side. As I did so, my long hair caught in the flames of his lit candles and caught half of my head on fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks

60816

You deserved it

33687

Favorite

By Anonymous - 16/6/2014 16:33 - United States - Franklin Park

Today, my laziness reached an all-time high. I had a dream that I was at school and had spilled all the contents of my backpack onto the floor. I then purposely shook myself out of my sleep to avoid cleaning up the mess in my dream. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48623

You deserved it

10944

Favorite

By LonelyInLA - 16/2/2009 21:45 - United States

Today, I was watching TV when the Jim Beam commercial came on with the hot girl saying how she likes her men fat and hairy. My mom walked in and said, "See honey, you still have a chance." FML

I agree, your life sucks

42456

You deserved it

4949

Favorite

By SnowyConcussion - 23/12/2009 14:30 - United States

Today, after spending the past 4 days asking both my husband and my father-in-law to salt our sidewalk, I slipped on the ice. I hit my head on our concrete stairs. While holding ice on my head, my father-in-law pats my head and says "I'll go get some salt." FML

I agree, your life sucks

27797

You deserved it

8991

Favorite

By Anonymous - 13/5/2015 17:20 - Canada - Qu?bec

Today, my girlfriend of 3 years broke up with me by taping a breakup note to my doorstep and ding-dong-ditching me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34814

You deserved it

2752

Favorite

By effingawwesome - 11/4/2009 18:52 - United States

Today, I was surfing and trying to impress some girls on the beach. While I was out in the water, a jellyfish wrapped itself around my torso. I started to yell and freak out, making a huge scene. I grabbed it off of me, only to realize that I was freaking out over a plastic grocery bag. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19558

You deserved it

56442

Favorite

By anonymous - 18/7/2013 13:53 - United States - Woburn

Today, I overheard my ripped, handsome, genetically perfect brother telling my mom how "fat people" make him "nervous". I have only recently accepted my weight, after struggling for years. I now understand why my brother rarely talks to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

53274

You deserved it

6819

Favorite

By soprahb - 19/10/2012 06:41 - United States

Today, my girlfriend's new favorite TV show is Law and Order SVU. Now after every episode she insists on asking me if I'm sure I wasn't molested as a kid. She's still on the first season. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23306

You deserved it

1821

Favorite

By Anonymous - 30/6/2020 14:01

Stalker vibes

Today, a woman who has a history of being horrible came into my work. I had to help her, so I was determined to be so nice that she couldn't possibly complain about me, like she has about several co-workers before. Apparently, I was too nice. Now she loves me and wants me to help her every time she comes in. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1267

You deserved it

302

Favorite

By management - 21/2/2014 02:31 - United States

Today, I was beating the hell out of one of the most useless employees ever. I mean really laying into him, all while telling him for the umpteenth time how to do his job right. Then my husband informed me I was hitting him in my sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39020

You deserved it

7320

Favorite

By Ugh... - 20/7/2010 08:15 - United States

Today, I went to my boyfriend's house. Expecting to get a little action, I was surprised to find that he had fallen asleep while I was showering. I spent my night watching television and browsing the internet while he snored. Loudly. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30134

You deserved it

9900

Favorite

By CaityLovesBo - 5/2/2012 18:49 - United States

Today, my mom went to the store. She said she was feeling generous, and had gotten everyone a little treat. My brothers each got candy and a movie. I got acne medication. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29517

You deserved it

3512

Favorite

By unwilling redneck - 24/5/2013 22:48 - United States

Today, my uncle drove to my house in his tractor, beer in one hand, and a radio strapped to the dash blasting country music at unimaginable volume. Neither of us live on a farm. Half the neighborhood stood angrily glaring at us until we went inside. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42356

You deserved it

4568

Favorite

By bethany - 3/11/2011 17:36 - Australia

Today, my drunk sister came in my room at 2 in the morning, sat on the side of my bed, fell off, knocked over my glass of water, which ruined my new phone, then got angry at me for getting angry with her. She then slammed my door, which made all the photo frames smash to the ground. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41455

You deserved it

3552

Favorite

By WasteOfTime - 1/11/2009 14:36 - United Kingdom

Today, as I stopped at a traffic light, I noticed the man in the car next to me break out in laughter. I pulled over later on to see that someone had drawn a large penis on the side of my van. I then spent all my morning cleaning it off. I went outside later only to see someone had redrawn it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39231

You deserved it

3423

Favorite

By Tuture - 30/4/2016 01:08 - France - Paris

Today, a learner driver was practicing maneuvers in the parking lot at work. This happens a lot, and my colleagues and I usually have fun watching and laughing. It was all fun and games as usual, until the learner crashed into my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13488

You deserved it

2470

Favorite

By furryfriend - 16/9/2014 18:46 - Canada - Calgary

Today, I was home sick and playing with my dog. I suddenly felt the urge to throw up, so I sprinted to the bathroom. My dog thought this was an invitation to chase me and tackle me to the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37984

You deserved it

3938

Favorite

By welptimetoburntheplacedown - 11/8/2014 15:02 - United States - Louisville

Today, I decided to spend a few days at my grandma's house, to help her clean the place up a bit. So far, she's given me a "no masturbating under my roof" talk, used multiple racist slurs, and yelled "QUIET DOWN!" when I so much as sneezed in the next room. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40127

You deserved it

3636

Favorite

By some things never change - 28/11/2012 23:04 - Canada - Maple Ridge

Today, after almost four years of having avoided her due to her hatred of my husband, my mother invited us both to a family dinner. My husband wanted to give her another chance, so we went. Less than an hour after arriving, I caught her hocking a loogie and spitting it into our food. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30366

You deserved it

1955

Favorite

By maddie94 - 27/4/2009 09:14 - Australia

Today, I was in a shopping center when I went to the toilet. I came out, washed my hands and suddenly got a massive itch in my crotch. Without thinking I itched it. I then had to walk around the center with a wet hand print on my crotch. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12342

You deserved it

54359

Favorite

By Anonymous - 26/3/2011 22:26 - United States

Today, my girfriend of two years told me she wasn't actually a lesbian and our relationship was more of a 'learning experience'. FML

I agree, your life sucks

59693

You deserved it

11695

Favorite

By Anonymous - 30/8/2010 23:25 - United States

Today, I finally worked up the courage to play my friends the demo CD that I've spent all summer recording. I didn't tell them it was me. Not even 10 seconds into the first song, my best friend asked me to turn it off because it sucked. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30460

You deserved it

6623

Favorite

By cannotexplain - 4/10/2016 14:43 - Australia

Today my boyfriend and I broke up. It was a mutual decision but I was curious as to what he thought went wrong. "I was just never sure if you brushed your teeth regularly." He cheated on me twice. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12302

You deserved it

1244

Favorite

By Anonymous - 21/10/2012 18:54 - United States - Goldendale

Today, I walked into my room, only to find my 15-year-old brother violating my old teddy bear. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27401

You deserved it

1933

Favorite

By Shamu - 27/2/2011 19:28 - United States

Today, I found out my friends call me 'Shamu the whale' behind my back. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33875

You deserved it

7048

Favorite

By no tea parties here, gran - 11/4/2013 17:16 - United States

Today, my racist, homophobic, generally degenerate grandmother visited. Within 20 minutes, she uttered multiple racial slurs, said Robert Downey Jr. will burn in hell for playing a black man in one of his movies, and yelled that she'd "whip the piss" out of me, after I asked her to leave. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39581

You deserved it

6151

Favorite

By workwork - 5/8/2019 14:00

Today, I got a threatening email from my manager, saying my job is in jeopardy if I call off again. Somehow, my leaving early to drive my mom to the ER is inexcusable, yet it's perfectly fine for the same manager to leave early to take her dogs to the groomers. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1810

You deserved it

139

Favorite

By screwed - 30/7/2009 03:20 - United States

Today, my mom asked me if I was crying because my boyfriend cheated on me with my best friend. That wasn't why I was crying. My mom knows things before I do. FML

I agree, your life sucks

54882

You deserved it

3051

Favorite

By Addicted2FML303 - 6/12/2010 22:50 - United States

Today, I was on the couch, about to make out with the guy I've been dating. As soon as our lips touched, my overprotective dog ran up and bit him. He bled. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29645

You deserved it

5196

Favorite

By disgusting - 31/5/2015 09:13 - United Kingdom - Thetford

Today, I uploaded a photo of myself at the beach on Facebook. The first comment it got was "Wow!! If I was 20 yrs younger, oh boy ;)". Yeah, thanks for that, grandpa. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29531

You deserved it

2864

Favorite

By N/A - 25/9/2012 04:13 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I went to my gynecologist's for a check-up. After the doctor checked me I went to the bathroom. It turns out the walls aren't soundproofed, because I could hear the doctor telling his assistant, "God! How did she ever find a husband?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

29313

You deserved it

2811

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By docscientist | 9

#2663323 - Sunday 12 June 2011 0:29

He should've called himself "Peter Porker."

By Nikki_ASW | 0

#2663296 - Sunday 12 June 2011 0:25

Isn't that spiderman....?

Comments

By tydoherty8 | 0

#2663289 - Sunday 12 June 2011 0:24

hahaha that's hilarious don't worry he's just having a good time fucking with people

iownyou777 | 0

#2663584 - Sunday 12 June 2011 1:23

no spider man saves people not fuck them

omiusx | 2

#2663600 - Sunday 12 June 2011 1:28

Lifeisntfair13 | 0

#2663627 - Sunday 12 June 2011 1:34

lmao

BackHurts | 0

#2664026 - Sunday 12 June 2011 3:15

#41 He saves people from their cold turkey.

miraggg | 1

#2664130 - Sunday 12 June 2011 3:42

pics or it didnt happen

bantosh | 4

#2768201 - Monday 27 June 2011 6:10

I see what you did there.;)

HeartOfLead | 24

#4103967 - Wednesday 29 February 2012 4:18

He's a freakin sun-of-a... Irresponsible mother i guess, that little piece a mofo took my persona!

By Nikki_ASW | 0

#2663296 - Sunday 12 June 2011 0:25

Isn't that spiderman....?

Lil_Red777 | 21

#2663730 - Sunday 12 June 2011 2:04

yeah

sheethapins | 13

#2664421 - Sunday 12 June 2011 5:07

No it's your mom.

Nikki_ASW | 0

#2664831 - Sunday 12 June 2011 7:25

97: Oh okay just making sure.

yummyjam101 | 0

#2665466 - Sunday 12 June 2011 12:12

eat shit..!

imnotcraZ | 0

#2665949 - Sunday 12 June 2011 16:17

I deeply worry that you missed the point of this story

Nikki_ASW | 0

#2666995 - Sunday 12 June 2011 20:40

142: Which person are you talking to?

dre95 | 0

#2670553 - Monday 13 June 2011 9:14

yes...yes it is..

By mematteden | 2

#2663314 - Sunday 12 June 2011 0:26

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

JokinglySerious | 0

#2664212 - Sunday 12 June 2011 4:07

it's not weird at all....

By nadhirah | 4

#2663317 - Sunday 12 June 2011 0:27

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

Talia_91 | 13

#2663325 - Sunday 12 June 2011 0:29

2years is just doing it for fun? I think he is in deep no pun intended

tencalories | 3

#2663740 - Sunday 12 June 2011 2:11

wait whose a prostitute for fun

tweetbaby14 | 17

#2663879 - Sunday 12 June 2011 2:45

yes, it is very fun to go online fucking with peoples minds... it's very not dangerous too. 

cc_the_beast | 6

#2664319 - Sunday 12 June 2011 4:41

Not all pro's are desperate junkies, some do it because they love the money and they love the sex, all power to them.

By docscientist | 9

#2663323 - Sunday 12 June 2011 0:29

He should've called himself "Peter Porker."

zakkyzebra | 11

#2664644 - Sunday 12 June 2011 6:12

"Peter Pork-her"

GrapeKoolAde | 0

#2665060 - Sunday 12 June 2011 8:51

u guys r just fucking hilarious

luvppl | 6

#2665420 - Sunday 12 June 2011 11:36

Peter poke-her :)

cluch3 | 22

#6027601 - Monday 4 August 2014 16:37

But thqt would be spider ham

By icyfire617 | 10

#2663327 - Sunday 12 June 2011 0:30

SPIDERMAN!! how could you...

LaughinStock | 16

#2663820 - Sunday 12 June 2011 2:36

lmao ur pic goes wit that comment..and its cute

icyfire617 | 10

#2664196 - Sunday 12 June 2011 4:04

:) I always try to make my comments go with my picture.

By CaptainPickles72 | 18

#2663329 - Sunday 12 June 2011 0:30

Peter Parker? Clever, except he isn't the one shooting the sticky stuff! ;)

GuessWhatKids | 13

#2664582 - Sunday 12 June 2011 5:49

Dude your picture freaks me the fuck out.

CaptainPickles72 | 18

#2664600 - Sunday 12 June 2011 5:54

Then it has done its job!

Wandering_Ninja | 8

#2665003 - Sunday 12 June 2011 8:33

I love your picture it makes me goggle whenever I see it.

Wandering_Ninja | 8

#2665007 - Sunday 12 June 2011 8:36

*giggle

abcdefg123456_sg | 0

#2670566 - Monday 13 June 2011 9:15

awww poor baby

By eminemchick | 19

#2663333 - Sunday 12 June 2011 0:30

howd you find out? were you in a online relationship with him?xD

KaanTech | 0

#2665574 - Sunday 12 June 2011 13:06

i laughed really hard on this post
look at the bright side op's boy's nickname isnt Justin Beiber or Harry Potter

KaanTech | 0

#2665576 - Sunday 12 June 2011 13:06

i laughed really hard on this post
look at the bright side op's boy's nickname isnt Justin Beiber or Harry Potter

By bewbies | 3

#2663337 - Sunday 12 June 2011 0:30

I think I know your son

stargirl528 | 0

#2663647 - Sunday 12 June 2011 1:38

wtf .

Captain_Zorro | 7

#2663652 - Sunday 12 June 2011 1:42

hahahahaha

SimplyEnvy | 0

#2663770 - Sunday 12 June 2011 2:23

lmao

fluffy_nuggets | 0

#2664074 - Sunday 12 June 2011 3:29

lmfao!! ugg

NAU_future | 7

#2664930 - Sunday 12 June 2011 8:01

what year is the vet in your pic?

By wolve86 | 0

#2663342 - Sunday 12 June 2011 0:30

And I wish you loved reading correctly.