Intimacy: Today, I found out all about my son's secret online double life....

By Mom - United States

Today, I found out all about my son's secret online double life. He's been moonlighting for two years as a male prostitute by the name of Peter Parker. FML

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45351

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Intimacy

Detection

Peaky Bladders

Zoom this, bitches!

By wtf_are_people_doing

Stay safe, stay home FFS!

Today, I went to meet my boyfriend for a walk. It's our anniversary, and I hadn't seen him in over a month because of the quarantine, so we agreed to meet, as long as we had the proper safety gear and were careful. On my way to meet him, I drove past a park. In it were twelve half-naked teenagers playing volleyball. FML

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1386

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was in my psychology class taking the hardest test ever. After I spent most of the period trying to fill in the few answers that I knew, I looked up to see everyone with their notebooks on their desks. It was an open-note test. FML

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By Stupid Drunk - United States

Today, I was drunk at a party and confessed my love for my crush and told her how I felt. According to my friends, I made out with another girl not long after my confession. FML

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13031

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By Anonypiss - Canada - Pembroke

Today, I was taking a piss at a urinal when a fly started harassing me. I got so annoyed, I tried to swat it. Didn't go too well. I ended up losing control of my stream, soaking the guy beside me. He busted my face in. FML

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17608

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By Anonymous

Alexa, play "Hey! Student" by The Fall

Today, one of my UNIVERSITY students submitted an incomplete assignment file to the online learning platform. I emailed him, "You will need to send me the correct file via email, as the system does not accept resubmissions." I literally got as a reply, "So, what do I need to do?" Online teaching is hell. FML

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1685

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By zephyrgk - United States - Wilmington

Today, I was grounded by my dad for "popping pills like a gangbanger". I take prescription ADHD medicine and a multi-vitamin. FML

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42666

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By zAstonish - Singapore - Singapore

Today, I woke up in the middle of the night and felt deep breathing on my neck. I screamed, fell off the bed and busted my nose. It was just my cat. FML

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By no one - 2/6/2020 14:00

Crucial information

Today, I was at work at McDonald's, at the front counter when an elderly lady came up to me and whispered, "I just shit everywhere in your restroom," then turned around and walked out the door. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1653

You deserved it

109

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By Idk - United States - Gainesville

Today, I saw a pair of eyes looking at me from my closet. Realizing it must be my cat, I called her. She immediately came out from under my bed. I can't find anything in my closet. FML

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65620

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By justhatelife - United States - Brooklyn

Today, my coworker got angry at a mean customer. She came to the back, where I work, and started punching the wall repeatedly. When I tried to intervene and stop her from breaking her hand she punched me in the stomach and uppercut me. FML

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9227

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By Anonymous - United States - Milwaukee

Today, it's my fifth wedding anniversary. My wife bailed on the romantic dinner that I arranged in favor of running off with her friends. Their big event: an amateur Fight Club event they'd decided to stage in an abandoned parking lot. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46332

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By Anonymous - United States - New York

Today, my boyfriend proposed to me during a funeral. FML

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52038

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4501

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By still learning - Canada

Today, I cut myself while shaving my globes. My girlfriend now refuses to stop teasing me about being "fisted by Edward Scissorhands." FML

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25941

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7907

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By arghh - Australia

Today, I was on a tram and I noticed an older lady having trouble getting down the stairs. I immediately got up to help her, dropping my bag on the seat accidentally. As I went to get back on the tram, the doors closed. FML

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36684

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By life// - Canada - Fort Mcmurray

Today, I was walking my dog when he decided that he was too lazy to continue walking. It ended up with me looking like a crazy dog lady carrying my medium-sized dog home. FML

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30577

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By wowjuststop - United States

Today, I got offered a ride to go home for the weekend. I go to college six hours away from home and haven't seen my family for almost two months. When I called my mom with the good news, she told me not to come. FML

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37884

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By Nyxilia - United Kingdom - Edgware

The best cat

Today, I was woken up by my cat. Did he bite me? Meow to get fed? No, those are too common. He scratched my hole, and it was very exciting. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2286

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By diapermommy - United States

Today, my 5-year-old daughter saw a pad commercial. She asked me what they were, but I didn't think she was old enough to hear it. I just told her that they're like diapers for mommies. Now she won't stop telling people that mommy wears diapers. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16961

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By BagBoy - United States

Today, I was taking out a customer's groceries when he offered me a $5 tip. I told him I couldn't accept, since it's against store policy, but thanked him anyway. He called me an asshole just as my boss was walking to his car, who then yelled at me for it. FML

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43716

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By Anonymous - 16/9/2020 13:32 - India - Vijayawada

Dreams Never End

Today, I finally convinced my mother to allow me pursue my dream job after months of begging. I logged in to the college's website to register for the course and found that the final seat had been filled in today and I need to wait one more year for admission. FML

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1250

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By spacemanspiff78

Just joking, dude!

Today, while standing in line at the supermarket, I reached past my wife to get a pack of gum. She jokingly did the "battered wife flinch" to get a laugh, and smiled at me from behind her hand. The cop staring at us obviously didn't notice the smile and definitely didn't think it was funny. FML

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31111

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By Andrew Dutch Beebe

Today, I was told not to show up for work, after I showed up for work. FML

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1543

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By alejandro38 - United States

Today, I had an interview. I didn't get the job because apparently customers might not understand me, since I "talk too good." I just graduated with an English degree. FML

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39206

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was insulted online by a teenager who said that I was probably a fat loser that still lives with their mother and a couple of cats. They were right. FML

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32183

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By AlwaysTired - United States - San Carlos

Today, I was officially diagnosed with OCD. My mother's reaction? "That's not possible, she's a fucking slob." FML

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By Ihavealisp - United States

Today, I fell down some steps, and my dad laughed at me. He then changed his facebook status to "My kid's an idiot." FML

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34608

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By Wendie - United States

Today, my 5 week old puppy decided to sleep between my head and the headboard of my bed. I sneezed and my puppy got so scared it caused him to pee on me. FML

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By anonymous - United Kingdom - Leicester

Today, whilst walking to a primary school to give pupils a lesson on cleanliness, I tripped and landed on a dog turd. FML

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29664

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By ClumsyTeen - 13/5/2021 23:57 - United States - Staten Island

Light sentence

Today, I tried to sneak in at 2 a.m. after going out, since I'm 16, but I tripped over a pair of slippers and landed flat on my face. My body fell quietly, but I let out a very loud and guttural, "Oof." After about a minute, I lifted my face to see my mom standing over me. I'm now grounded for 3 days. FML

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168

You deserved it

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By Amber - United States

Today, I realized why my bathroom has been smelling so bad. My 10-year-old son has been peeing on the radiator, thinking it's fun to watch it steam and sizzle. FML

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37068

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By JMcKay - Australia

Today, I found out that if a jock calls you a nerd in the street and you retaliate with a witty comeback, be prepared to run. Fast. FML

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30015

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By jailey

Today, my friend decided that we should go clubbing together to "catch up". Her version of catching up is me standing beside her making out with some random dude in the parking lot. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14560

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1273

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By khlonnae - United States - Dayton

Today, while hanging out with my boyfriend, I started getting ready for bed. As I grabbed my face wipes, he said, “Wait, don't take off your makeup because then you'll be ugly.“ FML

I agree, your life sucks

4214

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - United States - San Francisco

Today, after weeks of watching Michael Jackson videos non-stop, my boyfriend learned how to moonwalk. Now he does it literally everywhere. I can't even cross the street without him moonwalking behind me. FML

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20380

You deserved it

2957

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By dude, where's my balls? :( - United States - Anchorage

Today, my mom and I went to Best Buy for some Christmas shopping. She picked up some presents for me and told me not to look at what she was buying. When we got to the register, she didn't have enough money, and I ended up having to buy my own presents. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40371

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3379

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By nickyniknaim93 - United States

Today, I found out that the electric nose hair clippers that I've been using for the past two years are in fact my father's pubic hair trimmers. FML

I agree, your life sucks

64574

You deserved it

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By slappedright - United States

Today, I went with my boyfriend to the OC fair. He was taking a picture of me in front of a giant mechanical butterfly at the insect exhibit. Playfully, he told me to pretend to be a butterfly, so I quickly lifted my arms, just in time to slap a 7 year old girl in the face. FML

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32671

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By Anonymous - 4/1/2021 07:58

Missing the point

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because I checked his phone. The reason I did so was to get his mum’s number so I could arrange to send her his Xmas present in a parcel, as a surprise as I wouldn't be with him. He found out when he asked me how I managed it, and I told him honestly. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1017

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By O_o - United States - Simi Valley

Today, I had to explain to my husband why saving the condom from the first time we had sex is not romantic. FML

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59091

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By Becca - United States

Today, my boyfriend of 6 months asked me to spend the night at his apartment for the first time. I had to poop really bad when I got there, so I used his only bathroom. He went after me, and came out a few seconds later, gagging. Apparently, I clogged his toilet. FML

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Top comments

By docscientist | 9

#2663323 - Sunday 12 June 2011 0:29

He should've called himself "Peter Porker."

By Nikki_ASW | 0

#2663296 - Sunday 12 June 2011 0:25

Isn't that spiderman....?

COMMENTS

By tydoherty8 | 0

#2663289 - Sunday 12 June 2011 0:24

hahaha that's hilarious don't worry he's just having a good time fucking with people

iownyou777 | 0

#2663584 - Sunday 12 June 2011 1:23

no spider man saves people not fuck them

omiusx | 2

#2663600 - Sunday 12 June 2011 1:28

Lifeisntfair13 | 0

#2663627 - Sunday 12 June 2011 1:34

lmao

BackHurts | 0

#2664026 - Sunday 12 June 2011 3:15

#41 He saves people from their cold turkey.

miraggg | 1

#2664130 - Sunday 12 June 2011 3:42

pics or it didnt happen

bantosh | 4

#2768201 - Monday 27 June 2011 6:10

I see what you did there.;)

HeartOfLead | 24

#4103967 - Wednesday 29 February 2012 4:18

He's a freakin sun-of-a... Irresponsible mother i guess, that little piece a mofo took my persona!

By Nikki_ASW | 0

#2663296 - Sunday 12 June 2011 0:25

Isn't that spiderman....?

Lil_Red777 | 21

#2663730 - Sunday 12 June 2011 2:04

yeah

sheethapins | 13

#2664421 - Sunday 12 June 2011 5:07

No it's your mom.

Nikki_ASW | 0

#2664831 - Sunday 12 June 2011 7:25

97: Oh okay just making sure.

yummyjam101 | 0

#2665466 - Sunday 12 June 2011 12:12

eat shit..!

imnotcraZ | 0

#2665949 - Sunday 12 June 2011 16:17

I deeply worry that you missed the point of this story

Nikki_ASW | 0

#2666995 - Sunday 12 June 2011 20:40

142: Which person are you talking to?

dre95 | 0

#2670553 - Monday 13 June 2011 9:14

yes...yes it is..

By mematteden | 2

#2663314 - Sunday 12 June 2011 0:26

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway

JokinglySerious | 0

#2664212 - Sunday 12 June 2011 4:07

it's not weird at all....

By nadhirah | 4

#2663317 - Sunday 12 June 2011 0:27

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway

Talia_91 | 13

#2663325 - Sunday 12 June 2011 0:29

2years is just doing it for fun? I think he is in deep no pun intended

tencalories | 3

#2663740 - Sunday 12 June 2011 2:11

wait whose a prostitute for fun

tweetbaby14 | 17

#2663879 - Sunday 12 June 2011 2:45

yes, it is very fun to go online fucking with peoples minds... it's very not dangerous too. 

cc_the_beast | 6

#2664319 - Sunday 12 June 2011 4:41

Not all pro's are desperate junkies, some do it because they love the money and they love the sex, all power to them.

By docscientist | 9

#2663323 - Sunday 12 June 2011 0:29

He should've called himself "Peter Porker."

zakkyzebra | 11

#2664644 - Sunday 12 June 2011 6:12

"Peter Pork-her"

GrapeKoolAde | 0

#2665060 - Sunday 12 June 2011 8:51

u guys r just fucking hilarious

luvppl | 6

#2665420 - Sunday 12 June 2011 11:36

Peter poke-her :)

cluch3 | 22

#6027601 - Monday 4 August 2014 16:37

But thqt would be spider ham

By icyfire617 | 10

#2663327 - Sunday 12 June 2011 0:30

SPIDERMAN!! how could you...

LaughinStock | 16

#2663820 - Sunday 12 June 2011 2:36

lmao ur pic goes wit that comment..and its cute

icyfire617 | 10

#2664196 - Sunday 12 June 2011 4:04

:) I always try to make my comments go with my picture.

By CaptainPickles72 | 18

#2663329 - Sunday 12 June 2011 0:30

Peter Parker? Clever, except he isn't the one shooting the sticky stuff! ;)

GuessWhatKids | 13

#2664582 - Sunday 12 June 2011 5:49

Dude your picture freaks me the fuck out.

CaptainPickles72 | 18

#2664600 - Sunday 12 June 2011 5:54

Then it has done its job!

Wandering_Ninja | 8

#2665003 - Sunday 12 June 2011 8:33

I love your picture it makes me goggle whenever I see it.

Wandering_Ninja | 8

#2665007 - Sunday 12 June 2011 8:36

*giggle

abcdefg123456_sg | 0

#2670566 - Monday 13 June 2011 9:15

awww poor baby

By eminemchick | 19

#2663333 - Sunday 12 June 2011 0:30

howd you find out? were you in a online relationship with him?xD

KaanTech | 0

#2665574 - Sunday 12 June 2011 13:06

i laughed really hard on this post
look at the bright side op's boy's nickname isnt Justin Beiber or Harry Potter

KaanTech | 0

#2665576 - Sunday 12 June 2011 13:06

i laughed really hard on this post
look at the bright side op's boy's nickname isnt Justin Beiber or Harry Potter

By bewbies | 3

#2663337 - Sunday 12 June 2011 0:30

I think I know your son

stargirl528 | 0

#2663647 - Sunday 12 June 2011 1:38

wtf .

Captain_Zorro | 7

#2663652 - Sunday 12 June 2011 1:42

hahahahaha

SimplyEnvy | 0

#2663770 - Sunday 12 June 2011 2:23

lmao

fluffy_nuggets | 0

#2664074 - Sunday 12 June 2011 3:29

lmfao!! ugg

NAU_future | 7

#2664930 - Sunday 12 June 2011 8:01

what year is the vet in your pic?

By wolve86 | 0

#2663342 - Sunday 12 June 2011 0:30

And I wish you loved reading correctly.