Love: Today, I found a used condom and wrapper in the bathroom trash...

By Sal - 09/02/2009 18:32 - United States

Today, I found a used condom and wrapper in the bathroom trash can at my girlfriends house. The condom is not a brand I've ever used. She lives alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 85 541

You deserved it 5 239

Love

The smell detective is on the case

Thanks UPSDHLFML

Grammar police alert

By BlueB - 06/07/2013 15:42 - United States

Today, I realized that I am such a Grammar Nazi that when a porn star says something grammatically-incorrect, I lose my boner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 771

You deserved it 20 857

By emeraldarcher74 - 19/11/2016 18:34 - United States - Lake Stevens

Today, my mother made me a delicious meal of gravy, stuffing, mashed and sweet potatoes, and cranberries. Overjoyed, I tried to give her a hug. Instead, I accidentally punched her in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 201

You deserved it 1 319

By Anonymous - 14/11/2010 09:34 - United States

Today, I had a headache when I woke up for school. I had final exams that day, so I took what I thought were 2 advils. They were two sleeping pills. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 562

You deserved it 27 097

By madbirthdaymomma - 16/05/2014 03:15 - United States - Roswell

Today, I was hosting my daughter's thirteenth birthday party. One parent decided to stay at my house, the only parent to do so. The entire night she critiqued every decision I made, from the films to the cake. When it was time to open presents, her kid was the only one without one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 729

You deserved it 4 326

By Anonymous - 09/03/2015 14:24 - Spain - Zaragoza

Today, an old friend of mine landed in Spain, where he's visiting me. After a few minutes talking about where we should meet, we realized the reason he couldn't figure out where it was, was probably due to the fact that he was in Barcelona. I live in Madrid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 710

You deserved it 4 825

By lm - 20/05/2009 20:49 - Ireland

Today, my dad told me about how my mother had a bad dream last night and began to scream "Don't take me, take my children!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 594

You deserved it 3 974

By ihateumicheal - 02/08/2010 15:37 - United States

Today, my boyfriend decided to visit me at work. With another girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 415

You deserved it 4 232

By Anonymous - 31/05/2016 16:11 - United States - Tyrone

Today, my dad asked my brother not to use his shaver so late at night. That wasn't him, and it wasn't his shaver either. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 522

You deserved it 3 267

By Danno - 01/01/2009 18:22 - United States

Today, I was playing GTA4 and went on its fake dating site to email a girl to go on a date with. I've never had much luck with dating in real life, so I figured the game would be more kind to me. After a while I went back to check my email, and the fake girl I'd propositioned told me to get lost. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 839

You deserved it 7 372

By BroadwayBaby1997 - 17/09/2016 15:26 - United States - Mission

Today, I've had more crushes on fictional characters than actual people. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 349

You deserved it 2 557

By Nominome - 07/02/2010 00:31 - France

Today, I was in the check-out line when I noticed the guy behind me kept impatiently sighing. Thinking he was a jerk, I took as long as I could packaging my items. Turns out he left his oxygen tank in the car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 936

You deserved it 44 083

By SkinsCastSelection - 17/01/2011 16:46 - France

Today, I was quietly reading in the subway, when all of a sudden, at a station, the man sitting next to me stood up, slapped me, yelled "Bitch!", and rushed off the train. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 535

You deserved it 3 689

By Jfly25 - 23/01/2018 01:30

Today, while on my way to work, I had a tire blowout. I got the car towed and borrowed my mom’s so that I could still get to work. Her car seized and died on the expressway ramp. It’s not in any tow truck’s jurisdiction. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 003

You deserved it 285

By stuckathome - 11/03/2010 05:30 - United States

Today, I was awoken by a conversation my mom was having with my dog upstairs. She was telling my dog that a ghost lives in our house. She was completely serious. The ghost even has a name and a backstory. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 882

You deserved it 2 709

By booste - 18/10/2009 04:06 - Canada

Today, I was written up because my manager heard me insulting a customer. How did I insult her? I called her grandma. Who did I say this to? My grandma. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 664

You deserved it 2 251

My pleasure

By billjoebob424 - 07/02/2020 01:00 - Canada

Today, I've realised that I give my girlfriend more pleasure with back rubs than with anything sexual. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 202

You deserved it 690

By Anonymous - 23/03/2012 23:51 - United States - Meredith

Today, I tried to impress my girlfriend by vaulting over the side of a stairway rail parkour-style. Now I feel like I almost broke my legs, and judging by her hysterical laughter, she considers me more of a fool than a stud. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 829

You deserved it 32 832

By Anonymous - 18/03/2015 15:02 - Australia - Mangerton

Today, while camping, I was given the sex talk, along with visuals created with marshmallows and a roasting fork. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 448

You deserved it 3 443

By TooSunnyForSkin - 05/06/2013 04:22 - United States - Huntington

Today, I found out my work gave me a vacation for my performance. It's a trip to somewhere in the Caribbean, with the nickname "The Sunniest Place on Earth." I have skin cancer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 837

You deserved it 4 182

Sounds like a scam

By Onlymeiswear - 15/03/2021 05:01

Today, I bought a car. Made a down payment and everything. Have the papers saying it’s mine, only to find out a few hours later it was sold right before I bought it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 892

You deserved it 55

Smart

By Anonymous - 22/08/2014 16:56 - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, my boss chewed me out for correcting several spelling and grammar mistakes in one of his reports. The words "Think you're so damn smart, don't ya?" were uttered. I'm his secretary, and proofreading his shit is part of my job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 555

You deserved it 3 185

By Anonymous - 15/03/2016 03:42 - United States - Ocoee

Today, I was talking to people around school to make new friends. I met an amazing guy and we really hit it off. He was fantastic in every way, but decided to end our conversation with, "We shall meet in the afterlife!" I don't know if I should be scared or not. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 595

You deserved it 1 672

By novapine - 01/10/2013 08:34 - United States - Staffordsville

Today, I was told there was a bench warrant out for my arrest because a notice to appear for jury duty was sent to my old address and I never responded. I haven't lived at my old address for 2 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 418

You deserved it 4 016

By bookworm - 19/11/2014 20:56 - United States - Victoria

Today, my supervisor was watching a video of his son. I heard a voice in the background and asked if it was Elmo. It was his wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 630

You deserved it 5 886

Hot and… greasy

By cortanaisahobot - 19/07/2012 20:29 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I told my boyfriend I wanted to spice up our sex life. He suggested incorporating bacon. He was serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 508

You deserved it 6 188

Fight Club for Dummies

By Jeff - 23/05/2019 22:21

Today, my boyfriend and I were play fighting. He said, "I should stop trying to hurt you," before punching me in the face. I lost a tooth. He found it hilarious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 909

You deserved it 244

By that makes me a sad panda - 19/05/2014 21:44 - Sweden - Ume

Today, my landlord's control issue got out of control when I got a call telling me I have "too much stuff" and have to move out of the apartment. I sold all my furniture when I moved in and all I currently own is a scratch post, a chair and a pair of curtains. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 795

You deserved it 4 088

Fashion accessory

By Anonymous - 13/08/2021 06:01

Today, I got ready for work in the dark, and it was noon before someone told me that I had one of my wife's pantyliners stuck to the back of my pants. I'd just given a presentation to 80 people. FML

I agree, your life sucks 823

You deserved it 150

By DaveAlmighty - 24/04/2012 23:59 - United States

Today, my son told me he needed a haircut. I was thrilled that he actually requested it, since he normally throws a fit over getting them. He described the cut he wants. It's a mullet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 189

You deserved it 3 306

By Anonymous - 03/04/2012 02:07 - United States - Lincolnton

Today, my boyfriend told me that he'd never made a girl orgasm. I didn't think much of it until he decided to go down on me. Every time he got me close to orgasm, he'd stop and ask, "Are you about to come?" or "Does that feel good?" Now I can see why he's never made a girl orgasm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 726

You deserved it 3 873

By Anonymous - 20/08/2019 20:00 - Canada

Today, I was refereeing at a kids' soccer tournament and a deer ran across one of the fields. Some of the parents then claimed that a deer on the field meant a free kick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 557

You deserved it 109

By grabber - 09/08/2009 23:43 - United States

Today, I was riding up an escalator in the mall in uncomfortable high heels. While adjusting my bag I suddenly lost my balance and began flailing wildly. In desperation I hurled forward and ended up grabbing a teenage boy's buttocks and was promptly slapped by his girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 249

You deserved it 10 965

By Anonymous - 28/07/2015 15:18 - United States - Milford

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me over the phone, after having left me to look after her dog while she went on a 2-week vacation with her family. Now I have to choose between paying for a kennel for her damn dog or taking care of it every day until she gets back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 091

You deserved it 2 417

By arse-face - 28/06/2013 23:22 - Ireland - Caher

Today, a group of friends and I went out to a fancy club together. The doorman checked us out and let everyone in. Everyone except me, that is. The doorman's reason: "Her face looks like a baboon's arse." My "friends" all went in anyway, leaving me to walk all the way home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 919

You deserved it 4 851

By Anonymous - 15/11/2016 13:47

Today, my college dormitory accused me of something I didn't do, breaking a law that I never heard of, charged me $200 to fix "what I did wrong", and is forcing me to go to counciling at the school. Not only was I not on campus when it happened, but I was the one who reported the problem. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 889

You deserved it 759

Gifts for the whole family

By don’tletthembite - 04/05/2020 02:00

Today, my trucker husband brought home roses for me, toys for the kids and bedbugs for the whole house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 646

You deserved it 115

By Anonymous - 28/04/2009 09:01 - Singapore

Today, my teacher called me into his office so he that he could pass me some information for my project. Just as he plugged in my thumbdrive, he opened the folder named "School Work". That was the folder name I used to disguise my porn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 148

You deserved it 110 004

By moneycatious - 19/03/2012 23:50 - United States - Seattle

Today, I gave my husband an expensive watch. The first words out of his mouth were, "You didn't use our joint bank account for this, right?" He then asked if I still had the receipt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 293

You deserved it 5 503

By hobo - 17/05/2015 17:47 - Canada - Chilliwack

Today, I woke up to "we're leaving". I'm now homeless because my Dad and his girlfriend got into an argument over toilet paper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 512

You deserved it 2 192

By me - 20/11/2013 15:28 - United States - Bronx

Today, as a part of my autobiography project for school, I needed to have 2 friends and 2 family members each write me a letter. I ended up having to forge 3 letters. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 121

You deserved it 3 826

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Top comments

hernamewaslola 0

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Monday 9 February 2009 22:46

alright first of all, you all need to relax. Maybe he wasn't going through the trash, maybe the stupid skank left it on top. second of all, dude that sucks!

wafflemonger 0

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Tuesday 10 February 2009 1:31

You're right, sex toys don't cum. However, as the post above me pointed out, some sex toys need lube. And even if they don't, they still need to be cleaned thoroughly after each usage. A condom is a good way of keeping toys clean--I even know of a few adult websites that recommend this. Also, it's entirely possible she was using something that was not a sex toy for sexual purposes, and wanted to keep things clean down there. I wouldn't jump to the conclusion that she's cheating just because of the condom. But if you have other reasons to suspect foul play, then definitely try and find out what's going on.

ohdamn_fml 2

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Monday 9 February 2009 20:41

Scrubs reference! Awesome, Factory haha

Haelous 0

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Monday 9 February 2009 21:21

You're paranoid for spying on her trash. She may have cheated on you, but there's more to this.

dmert5 12

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Wednesday 29 October 2014 16:04

What more is there

Kazze 31

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Thursday 25 December 2014 9:09

It could have just been laying on top. It's not like it's easy to miss.

valos 0

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Monday 9 February 2009 21:25

i dont think its wrong to suspect , and if you have to go thru the garbage then so be it .... now you know what a piece of shit she is .....she did you a favor

Hoplaka 0

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Monday 13 September 2010 0:34

Maybe she had an open trashcan in her bathroom. I do. :3

ropeandneck 7

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Wednesday 26 December 2012 21:43

yeah, and maybe she did a favor to someone else.

greenman_fml 0

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Monday 9 February 2009 21:32

take it and next time you see her, throw it at her face. you win

Speech_fml 0

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Monday 9 February 2009 21:53

Ordinarily I'd agree that she's cheating, but what if when you asked, it turned out she let her friend use her place for a quickie with her bf, and that's HIS brand?

GardeningHoes 0

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Tuesday 13 September 2011 19:40

Because usually people don't just into friends to their home for a "quickie", it's just not something that happens.

Alexweber929 14

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Friday 11 January 2013 10:05

Bull shit, its perty common actually, ive used my freands dorm room more than once when I go up to party with him

hernamewaslola 0

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Monday 9 February 2009 22:46

alright first of all, you all need to relax. Maybe he wasn't going through the trash, maybe the stupid skank left it on top. second of all, dude that sucks!