By notpayedenoughforthisshit - United States - Boone Today, for the third time this week, I had to clean up after someone who pissed themselves in the beer aisle at the grocery store where I work. FML I agree, your life sucks 40634 You deserved it 3420 71 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United Kingdom Today, I finally worked up the nerve to talk to the girl I like. After awkwardly saying hi, I manage to work up a nice conversation with her. I thought everything was going well, until I got home and realized that she had stolen money out of my wallet. FML I agree, your life sucks 43788 You deserved it 4654 85 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - Australia Today, I'm a youth worker. I drove 7 hours to visit a teenage girl I have been working with, and who recently moved. Due to roadworks, it took me 2 hours longer than expected. When I arrived, she told me to fuck off and closed the door in my face. FML I agree, your life sucks 5079 You deserved it 528 16 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By WasFeelingGood - United States Today, I received the newspaper from my hometown. My ex-husband's wedding announcement and picture were on the front page. His new wife has the same first name as me. All my Facebook friends from high school commented on how much weight I've lost and how good I look in my wedding photo. FML I agree, your life sucks 43553 You deserved it 3531 49 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By jaqen h'garrrhghhgfgjhfuck - France - Toulon Today, I was spinning some yarn around to make my new cat run in circles. After about 10 seconds, he stopped going in circles and went straight ahead, happily running several feet into the wall and knocking himself out. My bowel movements have more brain-power than this thing. FML I agree, your life sucks 39855 You deserved it 9426 109 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Disappointed - United Kingdom - Brighton Today, after 10 months of hard work, it was the opening night of the show I was directing. Everybody loved it, except my mother. She called it the worst thing she'd ever seen. Thanks for the support, mum. FML I agree, your life sucks 39892 You deserved it 3402 76 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By peace out - United States - Mount Pleasant Today, I had to help my little sister do a first-grade project for school. For one part, they have to draw a picture of their role model. She drew a whale, and I asked, "A whale is your role model?" She laughed and said, "No! It's you!" FML I agree, your life sucks 40477 You deserved it 5961 99 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By stonehengeva - United States - Virginia Beach Today, the drive-thru lady at Taco Bell broke my debit card and tried to hide it by wrapping it in a receipt. FML I agree, your life sucks 29713 You deserved it 1742 65 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States - Carrollton Today, my wife and I had a fight, which I thought we resolved. Later, while painting the kitchen, I told her to change into an old shirt she didn't care about. She made a huge show of putting her wedding gown on, veil and all. FML I agree, your life sucks 47128 You deserved it 6519 150 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Quicky5_ - United States - Jasper Today, at work, my coworker's belongings went missing. Infuriated, she accused me of stealing, because I'm black and "stereotypes don't just make themselves." FML I agree, your life sucks 31067 You deserved it 2471 94 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Ally *shrinks into corner* Today, my dad decided to be an awesome person and fold my laundry without telling me. Later, I heard my parents having a conversation about a pair of panties that were "like dental floss" and which sister they belonged to. FML I agree, your life sucks 3632 You deserved it 622 10 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By mother teresa was a cunt - United States - Cleveland Today, I baked some brownies and after my mom ate one, I joked that I put weed in them. Turns out the placebo effect's a bitch, because she quickly started acting high as a kite. One bitch fit later, the brownies are in the trash and I'm grounded until I tell her where I bought the "weed". FML I agree, your life sucks 24386 You deserved it 5367 61 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Calimero Today, I forked over a hefty sum to stay the night in a beautiful, luxurious hotel room, because back home I have a baby that doesn't sleep through the night yet. Never would I have imagined I would be staying directly next to the town nightclub. I'm still awake. FML I agree, your life sucks 1623 You deserved it 1147 14 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By plzstop - United States - West Lafayette Today, I'm a college student. Just like every other goddamn day, my roommate set about twenty alarms a good two hours before she even needs to get up. She just sleeps through the first hour or so of alarms while I wake up. I've been waking up at 6 a.m., even though my first classes are at 9. FML. I agree, your life sucks 14462 You deserved it 1330 114 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Cherie - United States Today, I received a private message on Facebook, from a woman I've never heard of, subject: "Eric X's wife says HI." She goes on to say that she is going to find me, and ruin my life the way I have ruined hers. I've never even heard of Eric X and am happily engaged. FML I agree, your life sucks 34213 You deserved it 2441 66 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Chris - Ireland Today, I jumped into a pile of snow which had built up against a wall. Turns out it wasn't snow but a pile of cement covered by an inch of snow. I now have a 3 inch cut along my leg and a sprained wrist from falling. FML I agree, your life sucks 12622 You deserved it 29019 50 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Noname - United States Today, one of my closest friends and I got into a fight. She ends the conversation with "My grandma just had a stroke. Bye." I didn't believe her so I replied "Thats great. Bye." Turns out her Grandma is in the hospital in critical condition. FML I agree, your life sucks 10604 You deserved it 57351 33 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By JadeC - United States Today, I was fired. For "lack of attention to details", specifically spelling errors. My now ex-boss misspelled the name of his own company on my severance agreement. FML I agree, your life sucks 29622 You deserved it 3313 100 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By . - United States Today, I convinced my father that "Juanito", our relative who needed money for immediate surgery in Mexico was a stranger attempting to scam him. I was $1400 too late. FML I agree, your life sucks 45240 You deserved it 4029 60 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By spaceavery - United States - Gresham Today, I was having amazing sex with my husband. When he blew his load, he also blew something else - a giant glob of snot, directly at my face. FML I agree, your life sucks 16077 You deserved it 1551 33 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By frenchgirlll - United States Today, I was giving my crush a lift home from a mutual friend's house. When he got in the car, my mom asked in French, "Is this the guy you won't stop talking about? You can do so much better!" Of all the things I've told about him to my mom, I forgot to mention he's French as well. FML I agree, your life sucks 61808 You deserved it 12701 112 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By BrillianceSucks - Canada Today, I had to give a 15-minute presentation for a conference. I hadn't had the time to write out a proper speech so I decided to just wing it. My sponsor liked my presentation so much he wants me to turn it into an article. Now if only I could remember what I said. FML I agree, your life sucks 39163 You deserved it 12407 68 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By kids are meh - United States - Ponchatoula Today, I told my cousin it would be okay if he stayed the weekend after a fight with his wife. He didn't tell me he was bringing his 4 kids. They've watched funny cat videos for hours and they laugh like maniacs. FML I agree, your life sucks 12028 You deserved it 1330 32 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Jif_Creamy - United States - Washington Today, at my college, someone snatched my laptop out of my hands, so I chased him. Turns out I'm so overweight and slow that he moonwalked away facing me, while I sprinted my heart out. FML I agree, your life sucks 21772 You deserved it 7111 62 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By anonymous - Sri Lanka Today, I decided to make home made french fries. I figured all I needed was potatoes and salt, right? Wrong! I also needed the fire department and an ambulance. FML I agree, your life sucks 19562 You deserved it 28231 136 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By krabby patty Today, my husband and I mutually discovered that we are both infected with pubic lice. How? I found his and he found mine while we were in the middle of 69-ing each other. So, so gross. FML I agree, your life sucks 5325 You deserved it 1541 23 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Female - Australia - Elsternwick Today, the police arrived at my door, telling me my child had been caught vandalizing. A boy who looked about 15 hugged me and said, "Hey, mum". I'm only 26 years old and had never seen this boy in my life. FML I agree, your life sucks 43733 You deserved it 2802 113 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By deadgrass - United States - Middletown Heavenly Shower Today, I discovered that the stream of water that periodically falls onto the ground outside my apartment window isn't actually water. The guy above me regularly pees out of his window onto his balcony. FML I agree, your life sucks 25608 You deserved it 1936 80 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By treehugger - Singapore - Singapore Today, since I was grounded, I tried to sneak out of my room to attend a party by climbing out the second-storey window and down the tree. I was unharmed, but I probably should have checked to see if my dad was in the garden before climbing down. FML I agree, your life sucks 8028 You deserved it 49212 177 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By imalwaystired - France Today, I opened the cabinet to take a pill for my headache. After taking the pill, I turned around and smashed my head on the open cabinet door. FML I agree, your life sucks 29304 You deserved it 7600 75 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Entheatus - Canada Today, I polished off the delicious iced gingerbread cookies in the pantry. I'd assumed the little flecks on them were speckles of broken icing, but as I went to throw the cookie bag away, a larva crawled out. The hundreds of flecks were moth eggs. I've been eating the cookies for three days. FML I agree, your life sucks 53418 You deserved it 21974 136 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Completely wet Today, I was drinking too much and I have to pee constantly, so I went to bed without my girlfriend. Hours later she woke me up wanting sex, but she realized that I pissed the bed. FML I agree, your life sucks 697 You deserved it 1895 8 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By shakyhands - United States Today, my dad was stupid enough to think that the kitchen sink is a good place to clean a gas tank. Now, the whole house smells of gas fumes and I'm about to pass out. FML I agree, your life sucks 32664 You deserved it 4201 123 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, I dog-sat for my neighbors' pitbull. Weighing in at 100 pounds with a nasty bite; this dog was no lap dog, but I treated it as one - not knowing how deadly this dog could be - beckoning it towards me with my hand. I now have 6 stitches in my hand and arm, and the neighbors didn't pay me. FML I agree, your life sucks 52129 You deserved it 17834 243 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By charlieday - United States Today, my girlfriend asked if she should get birthcontrol, of course I said yes and offered to pay the 55 dollar fee. She got her physical and pills and then dumped me the next day. I basically paid 55 dollars so that she can sleep with other people. FML I agree, your life sucks 30992 You deserved it 4237 47 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By fucking har har, dad - Australia Today, two days after leaving hospital with a broken left leg, I tripped and fell heavily on the floor. My dad quickly asked if I'd broken my other leg. When I reassured him that I hadn't, he disappointedly muttered that it would've been a hilarious story to tell his friends at work. FML I agree, your life sucks 25461 You deserved it 2358 106 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By sal - United States - Rexburg Today, I had to finally accept that my husband is too large for me. Normally, it'd be a bragging point, except my private parts can't handle it. After several infections brought on after vaginal tearing, I'm having to choose between being in perpetual pain, or giving up my sex life. FML I agree, your life sucks 54654 You deserved it 3998 201 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By pchis4ever - United States Today, I was eating at KFC when my roommate unexpectedly showed up. He asked me who I was there with, and I told him I was on a sexy date with his mom. Just then a woman 5 feet away turned around and gave me a disgusted look. Guess whose mom was in town visiting for the weekend? FML I agree, your life sucks 13514 You deserved it 36751 69 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By NotAPrincess - United States - San Francisco Today, while waitressing, I served a family with a little girl who was wearing a Frozen shirt. I told her I'm friends with Elsa and that she taught me to sing. The girl asked me to sing a song, so I did. Not even 5 seconds in, she started bawling. FML I agree, your life sucks 30216 You deserved it 12557 93 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By bad_luck_chuck Today, I got a Samsung Galaxy and opened the box to see a cracked screen. I showed the clerk and she said I must have dropped it. I hadn't moved since she handed me the box. FML I agree, your life sucks 3694 You deserved it 191 11 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By slugitha - United States Today, I was awoken by a slug crawling down my back. FML I agree, your life sucks 19327 You deserved it 1829 52 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By brettrb | 18 #6014991 - Tuesday 22 July 2014 7:59 That's rough, OP. Crack open one of those beers, you deserve it. Send a private message 48 1 Reply
By BlackFames | 16 #6014987 - Tuesday 22 July 2014 7:57 You have bad customers... Send a private message 41 4 Reply
By soccerguy2o1 | 7 #6014985 - Tuesday 22 July 2014 7:57 Must be a enjoyable job Send a private message 8 28 Reply
Reply garrett_8614 | 14 #6014998 - Tuesday 22 July 2014 8:03 I'd be pretty pissed myself Send a private message 25 3 Reply
Reply Almost_Positive | 18 #6015007 - Tuesday 22 July 2014 8:05 There's such a huge about of puns on FML recently for some reason Send a private message 1 23 Reply
Reply xxrogerthatxx | 19 #6015057 - Tuesday 22 July 2014 8:58 an*; since when does blatant sarcasm get a pass on FML? Should've seen the downvotes coming. Send a private message 6 9 Reply
Reply xxrogerthatxx | 19 #6015062 - Tuesday 22 July 2014 9:03 14, amount* Send a private message 1 8 Reply
Reply cakefete2 | 30 #6015064 - Tuesday 22 July 2014 9:04 14, what do you suggest we do to those who use puns? Should they be pun-ished? Send a private message 30 0 Reply
Reply xx000o | 27 #6015202 - Tuesday 22 July 2014 12:33 Do your very best, clean it up with a smile and go to your next task. You will have jobs in the future that will make you wish all you had to do was mop up some piss. Send a private message 9 1 Reply
Reply mete_orito | 34 #6015277 - Tuesday 22 July 2014 15:21 Like dodging 400 lb inmate's turds Send a private message 10 0 Reply
Reply sometimessam | 16 #6015760 - Wednesday 23 July 2014 0:36 #24/#27, anyone who reads this notices the mistakes. Your corrections serve no purpose other than annoying those who read the comments. Send a private message 1 0 Reply
By BlackFames | 16 #6014987 - Tuesday 22 July 2014 7:57 You have bad customers... Send a private message 41 4 Reply
Reply football98_fml | 20 #6015190 - Tuesday 22 July 2014 12:13 What piss off customers Send a private message 1 7 Reply
Reply desoxyn242 | 14 #6015422 - Tuesday 22 July 2014 17:40 More like he has bad coworkers who force him to do grunt work...FYL OP Send a private message 3 0 Reply
By 3mi1y_ | 16 #6014988 - Tuesday 22 July 2014 7:58 I feel your pain with having a shitty job Send a private message 6 17 Reply
Reply tucansamTommyG | 12 #6015067 - Tuesday 22 July 2014 9:06 Actually a pissy job Send a private message 20 5 Reply
By FrancesShiver | 20 #6014989 - Tuesday 22 July 2014 7:58 Who the fuck does that?? Send a private message 25 7 Reply
Reply OhWhoCares | 42 #6015031 - Tuesday 22 July 2014 8:24 Evidently, OP's customers do. Send a private message 24 0 Reply
Reply FrancesShiver | 20 #6015036 - Tuesday 22 July 2014 8:28 Omg, really? Send a private message 1 20 Reply
Reply Almost_Positive | 18 #6015043 - Tuesday 22 July 2014 8:34 @20 tಠ_ಠ @18 (☞゚ヮ゚)☞ Send a private message 15 2 Reply
Reply Arwen_Evenstar | 37 #6015127 - Tuesday 22 July 2014 10:36 People who are already drunk I'd assume. Send a private message 11 1 Reply
Reply Danne696 | 14 #6015808 - Wednesday 23 July 2014 1:42 If they are drunk enough to piss themselves when buying even more beer they should be denied. Send a private message 1 1 Reply
By brettrb | 18 #6014991 - Tuesday 22 July 2014 7:59 That's rough, OP. Crack open one of those beers, you deserve it. Send a private message 48 1 Reply
Reply NYM88 | 26 #6015217 - Tuesday 22 July 2014 12:51 Only if they aren't piss warm! Send a private message 10 1 Reply
By ostfaiz | 18 #6014992 - Tuesday 22 July 2014 7:59 you must be pissed of Op..FYL Send a private message 2 16 Reply
Reply ostfaiz | 18 #6015051 - Tuesday 22 July 2014 8:47 yes OFF, it went off ;) Send a private message 1 8 Reply
Reply dabears1011234 | 27 #6015105 - Tuesday 22 July 2014 9:57 #23 *meant Send a private message 7 3 Reply
By loathingloser | 14 #6014995 - Tuesday 22 July 2014 8:01 I be pretty pissed too Send a private message 14 6 Reply
By tayymeds | 23 #6014996 - Tuesday 22 July 2014 8:02 If anyone asks, someone broke a bottle. Send a private message 19 2 Reply
By GetDuped | 11 #6014999 - Tuesday 22 July 2014 8:03 Looks like you're in a pissy mood. Send a private message 4 13 Reply
By CallMeWindSock | 24 #6015002 - Tuesday 22 July 2014 8:03 Soon, you'll start hearing "clean up on aisle 13" in your nightmares. Send a private message 24 2 Reply
Today, I found out the hard way that my sister has an OnlyFans. Not judging sex workers, I just really wish I’d know she goes by a stage name before I... I agree, your life sucks 262 You deserved it 67 3 Comments
Today, I found out my husband was cheating on me while I was waiting in an ICU waiting room while he was getting brain surgery. FML I agree, your life sucks 484 You deserved it 24 6 Comments