Miscellaneous: Today, I discovered that my downstairs neighbor is running a... - FML

Nearly

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57

You deserved it 5

27/09/2021 06:27

Today, I have to get up and go to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57

You deserved it 105

Spicy

Spicy

Nice try, though

By Anonymous - 16/10/2021 20:00

Spicy

Today, I bought a $100 Victoria's Secret gift card for an ex who I still have a thing for, only to find out she started dating someone else a week ago. I just realized I bought lingerie for her to wear for someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41

You deserved it 307

Unfriended

By thethrowawayplace - 15/10/2021 17:00

Spicy

Today, my friend was watching a black guy getting yelled at by the cops on TV. He then decided to yell, "Wow, ni***** really don't know how to behave!" When I didn't react, he yelled it over and over, until I slunk into my room. He knows I'm part black. FML

I agree, your life sucks 719

You deserved it 126

23/01/2013 01:33

Today, I discovered that my downstairs neighbor is running a business out of her apartment. Or I should say, her pimp is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 913

You deserved it 2 530

Good kid

Midlife crisis

Too Much Information

15/07/2009 04:20

Today, I was in the gas station and I saw this creepy lady staring at me and smiling. She just didn't stop. I even gave an awkward wave to let her know that I saw her staring at me. Finally I decided to confront the woman, turns out the overly happy woman was a cardboard cut out FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 433

You deserved it 66 177

03/10/2011 12:37

Today, there was a guy following me, so to avoid him, I crouched down and basically waddled behind a wall to get past him. Sure enough, first thing I see when I get around the corner, while still waddling, was an unhappy midget couple staring right at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 108

You deserved it 5 900

The bird's the word

By anonymous - 26/06/2012 06:05

Today, I slammed my middle finger in a drawer. I screamed and my mom came running into the kitchen. She asked me what was wrong, so without thinking I stuck up my middle finger. She hasn't spoken to me since this morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 984

You deserved it 6 055

22/12/2016 00:11

Today, I am recovering from my second back surgery. I survived four years in the Army with one combat tour without major injury, only to destroy my back the day after discharge by lifting my mother-in-law's suitcase into the trunk of her car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 163

You deserved it 603

Classic FML

By cpmolly - 13/06/2021 18:29

Today, I was waiting in line with my boyfriend behind me. I decided to hold his hand and rub his chest while we waited. Then I heard a female voice behind me that said, "Ma'am, please don't touch me." FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 478

You deserved it 17 378

13/07/2009 22:09

Today, I spend two hours inside a bar talking about how I never worry about my boyfriend cheating on me when he travels for work. Everyone told me I was lucky to have such a great relationship. When we all decided to go out on the patio for a smoke, we saw him making out with someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 833

You deserved it 10 499

11/09/2013 13:29

Today, I was asked to leave a church service for laughing at the kids trying to sing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 069

You deserved it 82 454

27/03/2019 00:00

Today, I've been horribly sick with a stomach virus. Six hours ago, I asked my husband to go to the store and get me a few things that would help ease my misery. He's still in bed and I'm cleaning the house in between bouts of vomiting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 279

You deserved it 323

Boring FML

By Anonymous - 02/05/2020 02:00

Today, my wife of seven years told me she wants a divorce because I'm boring. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 625

You deserved it 314

Overreaction much?

By owngoalscored - 22/09/2018 22:00

Today, I was watching a movie that had a mild sex scene in it. My mother walked in just as that scene was starting and she flipped out. I'm now grounded. She's taken my TV and laptop out of my room and refuses to let me see my boyfriend because she's sure he's the cause of my "disgusting behaviour". FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 635

You deserved it 309

Love is strange

By Anonymous - 17/10/2019 22:00

Today, I learned that, just like in the movies, your ex-boyfriend can eventually wind up being your stepfather. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 028

You deserved it 129

11/12/2016 01:33

Today, my older brother thought it would be hilarious to have over 200 people show up at my house to celebrate my wedding anniversary with my husband. Apparently, this was his "I'm sorry" present for missing my wedding last year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 007

You deserved it 682

11/05/2012 21:41

Today, I was heading to the bathroom when I clearly saw a little boy walking into my bedroom. My wife and I live alone, and I screamed at the top of my lungs, thinking he was a ghost. Turns out my wife collected him from school for a friend, and I just didn't hear them arrive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 657

You deserved it 6 776

Couldn't have been that great

By Anonymous - 16/04/2021 16:59

Spicy

Today, I woke up naked in my best friend's roommate's bed. We had sex and I puked on the bed. My first sex in over a year and I don't remember a thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 370

You deserved it 988

09/02/2019 13:00

Today, I had to sleep at my in-laws' house. My in-laws' bedroom is directly above the one we’re sleeping in. For the last 20 minutes, all I can hear is the bed going, “Thud, thud, thud.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 008

You deserved it 279

12/08/2010 01:54

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I ordered pizza and watched a movie. After dinner we started to make out. I began to take my clothes off when he stopped me. He said that sex is exercise and you can't exercise for 30 minutes after eating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 926

You deserved it 8 389

07/12/2014 04:48

Today, I felt bad about rarely complimenting my mom about her cooking, so during dinner, I raved about her incredible, creamy, macaroni and cheese. It came from a box. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 066

You deserved it 8 199

29/05/2013 04:49

Today, an elderly woman couldn't afford all of her groceries at the checkout so she started to take out a few things. I offered to pay for her groceries; she thanked me and walked out. An onlooker then came up to me and told me that she does it to someone every week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 784

You deserved it 6 209

11/06/2011 13:06

Today, my parents grounded me and took away my phone, iPod and door. That's right, my door. They think that because I was stumbling and couldn't walk straight last night, I must have been out drinking. They know I suffer from chronic vertigo, but don't believe I was having an attack. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 326

You deserved it 3 220

Who's a good boy? Not you.

By Anonymous - 21/02/2017 22:00

Today, while walking my dog in a cemetery, she stole a stuffed animal off a child's grave and began to play with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 608

You deserved it 3 359

18/03/2016 06:23

Today, my mom yelled at me for going through her closet for some warmer clothes. She had a rant about taking her clothes without her permission, all while wearing a pair of my boots and one of my sweaters. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 041

You deserved it 1 443

01/11/2011 14:52

Today, I learned the hard way that you should never use medical tape to secure gauze over a razor cut on your scrotum. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 145

You deserved it 39 781

19/10/2010 06:17

Spicy

Today, I was texting this guy i've liked for a really long time, because of how nice and sentimental he is. We were sending each other things like "You make me smile" and "You're so damn cute" when finally he said "Let's just stop texting and hook up already." So much for sentimental. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 400

You deserved it 42 733

27/07/2009 04:07

Today, I had a job interview, but I arrived kind of late. I was in so much of a hurry that I hit a woman walking by in the face with the door. I offered to drive her to the hospital. Turns out that she was going to be interviewing me. She didn't offer to reschedule. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 941

You deserved it 13 661

12/08/2013 08:17

Today, my dog died. In the same kitchen corner that two of my other dogs have died. I have a "Corner Of Death" in my kitchen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 690

You deserved it 51

02/07/2014 17:01

Spicy

Today, I sent my boyfriend a picture of my boobs. I quickly found out that I'd accidentally sent it to my sister instead. She sent me one back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 707

You deserved it 29 213

13/04/2012 14:15

Today, my husband told me to stop faking being sick, because, "morning sickness doesn't happen after noon." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 337

You deserved it 3 305

30/05/2014 22:33

Today, things got so bad with my mother-in-law that I seriously considered faking my entire family's deaths to escape it all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 620

You deserved it 4 711

05/12/2014 06:17

Today, my dad texted me saying he had "big news." I immediately called, thrilled, because I assumed he meant that he finally found a job and that our money troubles were over. The "big news" was him being excited at seeing an actor from one TV show he likes in another TV show. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 525

You deserved it 2 829

Used car, one careful owner

By Anonymous - 24/04/2021 23:01

Today, after searching online and in the newspaper for an affordable used vehicle, I finally came across one that wasn't a scam or the seller lying about the actual condition of the vehicle. It was legit and and sold about 10 minutes after the seller gave me his info for me to go look at it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 763

You deserved it 70

Tasty

By Anonymous - 22/05/2020 20:00

Today, while picking up my extremely drunk girlfriend from a party, she insisted on attempting to make out with me. She threw up in my mouth mid-kiss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 623

You deserved it 256

16/06/2011 04:19

Today, a man came up to me and punched me in the face. He turned out to be the guy my ex-girlfriend cheated on me with. Apparently, she told him we broke up because I used to beat her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 769

You deserved it 3 693

Nice to know

By LyricalTragedy - 16/12/2016 00:08

Spicy

Today, I saw my father for the first time in two years. He felt compelled to tell me about how he got involved with a BDSM group and got an STD because of it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 977

You deserved it 721

14/10/2018 12:00

Today, my mother-in-law visited. She saw my 5-year-old son rip open a chip bag, causing chips go everywhere. She got up in his face and started screaming at him about how he has an "attitude problem". He doesn't, he's autistic and genuinely has trouble with food packaging. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 223

You deserved it 230

09/10/2009 12:29

Today, I woke up in the hallway. I took a sleeping pill the night before to get a good sleep in for work, but it turns out it was too strong. I got dizzy and passed out on my way to my bed, fell in the hall and chipped my two front teeth, and slept there - straight through work the next day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 095

You deserved it 7 329

21/06/2013 14:28

Today, I again had to quietly sneak in through my bedroom window. I don't live with my parents. I go through my window because my cat thinks everyone who walks in through the door at night is a burglar or something and attacks them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 182

You deserved it 11 294

14/07/2014 23:52

Today, I went into my former workplace. While there, an ex-coworker told me that after I quit, they split my position into two separate jobs. When I worked there, my boss had told me to suck it up whenever I said there was too much work for just one person. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 754

You deserved it 3 837

14/02/2010 05:07

Today, while working security at the mall, someone shat his pants. The shit dripped all over the floor and escalator. I was the one who had to stand near the poop so no one stepped in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 734

You deserved it 2 622

Wuss

By scaredy cat - 09/08/2020 14:02

Today, my boyfriend is completely obsessed with zombie and horror movies. I don’t care what he watches, the only problem is the big wuss has horrible thrashing nightmares. Last night he thrashed so hard, he elbowed me in the face. I have a big swollen purple knot right on my forehead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 402

You deserved it 139

13/11/2013 06:42

Today, I was taking out a customer's groceries when he offered me a $5 tip. I told him I couldn't accept, since it's against store policy, but thanked him anyway. He called me an asshole just as my boss was walking to his car, who then yelled at me for it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 730

You deserved it 3 022

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Wednesday 23 January 2013 11:57

You should see opportunity here. Set up a condom stand in the hallway.

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Wednesday 23 January 2013 11:49

Call the cops on them when they're in "business".

Comments

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Wednesday 23 January 2013 11:49

Call the cops on them when they're in "business".

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Wednesday 23 January 2013 11:53

how would op prove the facts tought? Why not just ask for a cut of the profits in exchange for silence?

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Wednesday 23 January 2013 11:55

Oh, probably because pimps kill those kind of people.

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Wednesday 23 January 2013 11:58

well not necessarily, why go down for murder instead of just sponsoring prostitution or whatever the offence is called wherever op lives

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Wednesday 23 January 2013 12:01

Don't you mean during their "business hours"? ;D okay, bad joke is bad. I'm out.

ManInTheMachine 19

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Wednesday 23 January 2013 14:10

*business minutes ...or minute, it depends. ;)

sens3sfailing 24

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Wednesday 23 January 2013 14:50

whats the rate for 10 seconds? umm, im asking for a friend...I swear...

PinkKawaiiChic 10

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Wednesday 23 January 2013 23:05

No one likes snitches.

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Wednesday 23 January 2013 11:53

Maybe you should head down and investigate, for you know, "research" ;)

TheOnlyKittyKat 15

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Wednesday 23 January 2013 18:00

Ew... She's a hooker. What if she has an STD or something? XP

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Thursday 24 January 2013 9:42

Um wear a condom?? What's the difference between a hooker and a ONS..?

TheOnlyKittyKat 15

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Thursday 24 January 2013 12:37

Yeah, but I feel like your body (man or woman) should be more like a sacred temple, not the drive thru at McDonalds.

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Wednesday 23 January 2013 11:54

Does that mean you get the friends and family discount?

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Wednesday 23 January 2013 12:52

sure hope so!

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Wednesday 23 January 2013 11:54

Report them to your building superintendent, but if it's not directly bothering you then you could just leave it alone.

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Wednesday 23 January 2013 15:15

It's still illegal. And needs to be reported.

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Wednesday 23 January 2013 11:56

Watch out, OP! You might get pimp slapped!

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Wednesday 23 January 2013 11:57

You should see opportunity here. Set up a condom stand in the hallway.

sirpantselot 22

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Wednesday 23 January 2013 12:03

You, sir, will go far in the modern world.

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Wednesday 23 January 2013 12:04

I would set up some cameras and start up a new film company. I'd name it..."$50 for the night"

igetitincum2win 11

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Wednesday 23 January 2013 12:12

your stand would have came in handy last night : )

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Wednesday 23 January 2013 12:56

Maybe offer chlamydia tests with purchase?

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Wednesday 23 January 2013 13:05

16 just made me gag on my coffee. Yuck.

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Wednesday 23 January 2013 14:16

Or pregnancy tests. Those also work. Just have an all in one stand. Condoms, Chlamydia tests, and pregnancy tests, along with whatever else you may want to add. Even T-Shirts!

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Wednesday 23 January 2013 15:02

14- name the company DTF productions. (down to fap)

igetitincum2win 11

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Wednesday 23 January 2013 18:08

#29 promotion of safe sex is what i was thinking.that prolly didn't come across to well.

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Thursday 24 January 2013 6:46

Neither did that 69... ;)

SillyGirl4602 23

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Thursday 24 January 2013 9:05

Probably not prolly.

oj101 33

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Wednesday 23 January 2013 11:58

Well, you know where to turn to if you're ever out of a job, and need some quick cash. But seriously, FYL.

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Wednesday 23 January 2013 16:51

She will not only get a job, but give a job

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Wednesday 23 January 2013 11:59

I literally just went through the same experience about two hours ago, OP. Cops busted her as I was moving into my "new home"

igetitincum2win 11

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Wednesday 23 January 2013 12:05

pimps up hoes down

imepelepticsir 5

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Wednesday 23 January 2013 13:23

Face down ass up. See your logic?

TheOnlyKittyKat 15

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Wednesday 23 January 2013 18:05

Honestly 33, what did you expect from someone whose user name is, "I get it in, cum to win"?

insertnameherr 11

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Wednesday 23 January 2013 22:20

I'm sorry, but I have failed to understand what message you are trying to get across.

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Thursday 24 January 2013 5:19

I read the name with comma over one word, "I get it in Cum, to win."

SirCharles83 13

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Friday 25 January 2013 4:36

I think "imawhore" must have been taken.

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Wednesday 23 January 2013 12:12

Well then get some discounted service ;)