Today, I woke up with a big and very painful pimple on the inside of my butt cheek. Because of my Crohn's disease decided to flare up at the same time, my 3 trips to the bathroom at work were only tolerable because I didn't have to deal with rude customers yelling at me for situations I have no control over. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, i managed to carve an hour out of my daily working-from-home grind to get some exercise and fresh air, only to spend all of that time stuck in the bathroom trying to take the same shit. I fucking loathe having Crohn's disease. FML
Today, I felt an itch on my butt so I went to the bathroom to scratch it. It was actually a dried layer of skin that broke from years of wear and tear, and now every time I shit I feel immense pain for the next hour. FML
Today, I have horrible diarrhea because of IBS. If I was at home, this wouldn't be that big of an issue, but I'm at work and I don't have access to a bathroom all the time. I also found out I have about 10 minutes to get to the toilet or else I'll probably shit myself. FML
Today, I have a massive pimple right next to my eye. I can't even blink without hurting myself. There's also one on my thigh, so I can't move or sit down without hurting myself. And there's one below my armpit, so I can't move my arms without hurting myself. All I can say is, "Why me?" FML
Today, I awoke to an excruciating pain in my back from sleeping in the same position all night. I can't wipe my own ass. I've already gone to shit twice. FML
Today, I have a bad case of diarrhea. The worst part isn’t even sharting in bed while sleeping naked. It’s the severe asshole pain from having to wipe my ass twenty times in twelve hours. FML
Today, I visited the doctor. I had food poisoning last week, which led to diarrhea. The diarrhea was so bad it caused a hemorrhoid. The hemorrhoid somehow became infected. One bad sandwich, and now I have an infected asshole. FML
Today, I went to the doctor's. I had food poisoning last week, which led to diarrhea. The diarrhea was so bad it caused a hemorrhoid. The hemorrhoid somehow became infected. One bad sandwich, and now I have an infected asshole. FML
Today, I have a hemorrhoid and a cold. Every time I cough or sneeze, it feels like someone is stabbing me in the anus. FML
Today, I was in a rush to get to the toilet, I went in and sat on the seat. Then I felt a stinging pain on my left bum cheek. I jumped up quickly to see a wasp splashing around in the bowl. It stung me, and now have a bum cheek twice its normal size, and pee all over my pants. FML
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Top comments
juggalo2 22
I don't like the phrasing. It would have been funnier if you said: "Today I woke up with a painful pimple on the inside of my butt cheek. My Crohn's Disease is also flaring up meaning frequent intensely painful visits to the bathroom. And even that is a welcome break from the hell of interacting with the asshole customers at my retail job."
Charlie Given 28
if you have Crohn's disease that is probably not a pimple most likely an abscess.
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Comments (2)
juggalo2 22
I don't like the phrasing. It would have been funnier if you said: "Today I woke up with a painful pimple on the inside of my butt cheek. My Crohn's Disease is also flaring up meaning frequent intensely painful visits to the bathroom. And even that is a welcome break from the hell of interacting with the asshole customers at my retail job."
Charlie Given 28
if you have Crohn's disease that is probably not a pimple most likely an abscess.