Miscellaneous: Today, I moved into my new apartment. My neighbor is apparently...

By Ghettogirl4life - 12/07/2011 13:34 - United States

Today, I moved into my new apartment. My neighbor is apparently crazy and thinks I'm trying to 'steal' her husband. She watches me and is super paranoid. I have a two year lease. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 963

You deserved it 3 157

Miscellaneous

Good kid

Sorry…

GERD Gang!

By guest - 19/06/2014 01:14 - United States - Agoura Hills

Today, I became the town racist for saying "black" instead of "African-American". I'm black. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 675

You deserved it 5 545

Nice to see you too

By mcfatty - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - India - Bangalore

Today, despite having a bunch of work and school related things to do, I made time to go visit family I hadn't seen in a while. The main topic of discussion was how fat I've gotten. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 098

You deserved it 1 629

Freak out

By Brooke - 09/08/2009 15:23 - United States

Today, my skin was turning black, and I believed I was reacting to a spider bite. I spent 4 hours waiting in an emergency room in the middle of the night, paid a $100 copay, and missed a night with my boyfriend just to have a doctor wipe dye from my brand new black jeans off with alcohol. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 906

You deserved it 56 984

By Anonymous - 09/11/2012 20:53 - New Zealand - Tauranga

Today, we found out that the beloved "Uncle Jimmy" from my early childhood was really the man my mother was cheating on my dad with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 142

You deserved it 1 666

By chanclepants - 27/01/2010 13:35 - France

Today, I was letting my boyfriend of 4 years tie me up and do stuff to me. After finishing on my face, he then left. My parents had to untie me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 338

You deserved it 14 033

Protein source

By Anonymous - 13/08/2021 17:01 - United States - Chicago

Today, a gnat hit my forehead, fell into the space between my glasses and my face, and bounced off my eye while trying desperately to escape. When I tried to get my glasses off, it fell into my mask instead, and I accidentally inhaled it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 820

You deserved it 110

By Anonymous - 16/03/2013 06:19 - United States

Today, I was getting intimate with my boyfriend, when my upstairs neighbor decided to take the longest piss known to man. He moaned the entire time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 561

You deserved it 4 817

By minibuch1505 - 21/09/2012 11:31 - France - Halluin

Today, as I was waiting for my girlfriend in the street, I saw a woman who looked a lot like her. I ran towards her, my arms in the air ready to give her a hug, only to realise it wasn't her. I then had to pass the woman, my arms in the air, still running. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 697

You deserved it 6 683

By hiccups - 03/11/2012 15:52 - United States - New York

Today, I had my first orgasm. I also came to the realization that whenever I orgasm I get an uncontrollable case of hiccups for at least half an hour afterwards. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 836

You deserved it 3 633

By saywhat - 09/04/2013 11:05 - United States - Yakima

Today, I refused to go down on my boyfriend of 9 months. He then shoved me off the couch and, half crying, yelled that I was the third girl this week to turn him down. After sobbing for a bit, he looked me in the eyes and said, "I need you to do this so I can prove my manhood." FML

I agree, your life sucks 76 174

You deserved it 12 226

By Sally - 13/07/2010 09:22 - United States

Today, my parents were ecstatic about sending me to an amazingly fun camp. I didn't know until I got there that it was a fat camp. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 880

You deserved it 13 270

By FootInMyMouth - 13/02/2016 22:56 - United States - Miami

Today, a customer brought his cat in to be euthanized. I told him to "have a nice day" as he was leaving. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 524

You deserved it 4 385

By Anonymous - 14/04/2009 17:17 - United States

Today, I took my driving test. Completing the test, we returned and parked at the testing facility. As my tester was complimenting me, I leaned down to wind my window up, catching my long hair in the window. Frantically thrashing, I put the car in drive and floored it into a concrete wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 246

You deserved it 59 895

By chicagobulls102 - 10/09/2011 18:19 - United States

Today, the really cute guy who asked for my number last night texted me. He wanted to know if he could get my friend's number, because he'd been too shy to ask her directly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 687

You deserved it 2 783

By Ricky - 16/05/2009 21:19 - Canada

Today, in order to look nice for a date, I tried the new blue mouthwash that turns plaque blue so you know where to brush. I couldn't get all the blue. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 283

You deserved it 47 734

It's toast

By Crying - 16/04/2017 02:00

Today, I no longer have a toaster. My younger sister put it in the bath because apparently it looked dirty. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 710

You deserved it 355

By Imrickar - 30/04/2011 05:06 - United States

Today, I had to explain to my girlfriend why being with a girl while being with me is cheating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 106

You deserved it 7 798

Tasty

By Anonymous - 17/08/2021 06:01

Today, we all know the expression “Salt in your wounds” and it sounds rather unpleasant, right? Well, I just managed to breathe in while biting into an egg, so trust me, salt in your lungs isn’t great, either. FML

I agree, your life sucks 639

You deserved it 152

By woundedexwife - 16/01/2010 01:22 - United States

Today, I realized why my husband had been seemingly wanting to improve our relationship by sending little texts throughout the day for the last couple of months, asking what I was doing. It was so he could find out when would be the best time to have his girlfriend over and cheat on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 864

You deserved it 2 820

By lucky - 31/03/2009 00:39 - United States

Today, I asked my boyfriend of almost ten months who his top five women to have it off with would be. I was third. My mom was second. FML

I agree, your life sucks 105 986

You deserved it 17 858

Gas giant

By StinkBomber - 10/08/2021 23:01 - United States - San Jose

Today, while dropping my daughter off at soccer practice I was talking about my gym routine. Her friend said, "Your dad's going to be the new god of thunder." My daughter was like, "He already is, but for different reasons." Everyone got the joke. FML

I agree, your life sucks 747

You deserved it 170

By fuzzy1895 - 11/09/2010 05:31 - United States

Today, I found out why I had been waking up feeling like crap for the past week. I found tufts of cat fur in my pillow case, and I am allergic to cats. My little brother thought I would get so sick, and he could have my XBox. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 303

You deserved it 2 576

By Anonymous - 12/10/2013 06:19 - United States - Avon

Today, my bitchy co-worker decided that being given a compliment on her shoes is sexual harassment, and worthy of reporting me to our boss over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 255

You deserved it 3 537

By kareed3 - 19/07/2009 16:43 - United States

Today, I got a letter in the mail about my periodic health assessment for active duty Soldiers. I came back positive for two curable STD's that are extremely common on Fort Polk. I haven't had sex with anyone but my wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 79 324

You deserved it 4 060

By poorclubgoer - 14/11/2009 10:11 - United States

Today, I decided to go to a club with my friends. I was flattered when an attractive guy started dancing with me. Later, I went to grab my money to pay for my dinner and realized while dancing, the very sneaky man pulled my forty dollars out of my pocket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 624

You deserved it 5 901

Pansexuality awaits you

By Anonymoys - 22/02/2021 17:01

Today, I realized that the guy that I've liked for the past 7 months is actually a girl. I've told all my friends about how much I like him, but no one bothered to tell me that he's actually a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 561

You deserved it 658

By Anonymous - 08/08/2009 07:02 - United States

Today, I was working in the box office. A group came in for tickets but wanted to pay individually. One paid $40 for a $25 ticket. Laughing, I reached for the calculator while saying, "I went to public school, so I can't do math." They didn't laugh. They were all teachers in public schools. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 011

You deserved it 55 144

By KillingMeSlowly - 11/10/2015 03:37

Today, I realized that my two year old likes to help with the groceries. And by help I mean hide a bag of chicken. It's been two weeks since I went grocery shopping and I still can't find it, but it smells like something died in my house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 547

You deserved it 2 654

By easily amused - 12/10/2013 05:40 - United States

Today, I discovered my 10 month old is terrified of my laugh. Every time I start to laugh, she screams in terror. It's getting depressing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 951

You deserved it 4 448

By poopiter - 27/07/2013 18:31 - United States - Grand Junction

Today, I finished off the last of the BBQ chips in the house. When my 6-year-old sister found out about it, she started screaming, then pulled down her pants and peed on the kitchen floor. My parents, after witnessing the whole thing, bitched me out for upsetting her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 884

You deserved it 4 745

By Hmmwtf - 10/12/2009 10:38 - Australia

Today, I didn't get promoted, but the guy who showed up to work drunk a few weeks ago did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 968

You deserved it 3 043

By rioght onnn - 20/05/2011 19:38 - Canada

Today, while working at a restaurant, an elderly lady stuck my tip in my back pocket as I was walking away. I wish I knew this before I'd thrown her to the floor for touching my hiney. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 876

You deserved it 43 652

Christmas pictures

By Anonymous - 20/12/2019 20:00

Today, I walked in on my mom taking nude pictures of herself in the kitchen, wearing just a Santa hat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 776

You deserved it 293

By really?? - 02/06/2014 07:33 - United States - Dinuba

Today, my boyfriend's mother hung a picture of him and his ex-girlfriend up. We've been together for 3 years now. Guess she really does hate me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 704

You deserved it 4 113

By anniecook - 27/11/2009 00:26 - United States

Today, I saw an old man who needed help crossing the street. I went over to him and helped him across the street. When he thanked me, I said, "No problem, sir." They responded by hitting me in the happy sacks and screaming that they were a woman. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 910

You deserved it 7 207

By dannyfanny - 28/08/2009 20:59 - United States

Today, I slipped walking down the stairs. My mom thought I sprained my right ankle. In her haste to get me to the doctor, she grabbed me and accidentally tripped me. I broke my left ankle. The right one was fine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 707

You deserved it 2 595

By joe - 31/01/2009 23:14 - United States

Today, my girlfriend snuck up behind me to cover my eyes and play "guess who." The second her hands touched my face, I grabbed her, twisted her wrists, and kneed her to the floor out of instinct. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 669

You deserved it 26 714

By DesDri - 20/06/2009 07:37 - Canada

Today, I drove a drunk Venezuelan exchange student home after a prom party. Notable events: her puking on the way to the vehicle, her yelling in Spanish at the top of her lungs in the car, her puking out the window in the moving vehicle, and her crying because she felt bad for making me drive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 433

You deserved it 4 921

By Anonymous - 28/03/2009 20:18 - United States

Today, I was getting sick of listening to the guy in the next room over getting nasty with some girl, so I called my girlfriend to see if she wanted to go get some food. Then I heard her phone ring. Through the wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 522 839

You deserved it 36 792

By Anonymous - 31/12/2010 08:12 - United States

Today, after telling my parents just exactly what I thought of them and that I was moving out, the person I was supposed to move in with called to say they'd decided they would rather live alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 846

You deserved it 33 654

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Top comments

cuntfacekillah 5

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Tuesday 12 July 2011 18:47

well it's not your fault. I'm sure that woman is just extremely insecure.

green_eggs_and_h 0

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Tuesday 12 July 2011 18:49

You should pretend to be super paranoid too and watch her all the time.

lu95 16

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Tuesday 12 July 2011 18:46

have funnnnnn! haha

kendallhi 9

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Tuesday 12 July 2011 18:53

well now you have a real reason to steal her man

bubble25_fml 5

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Tuesday 12 July 2011 18:53

op might as well have fun with the guy since she's already paying for the crime

katieebug 0

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Tuesday 12 July 2011 18:54

Maybe if she sees you with a boyfriend she'll be less paranoid? Good luck... and beware, she's probably watching you... o_O

luis420 0

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Tuesday 12 July 2011 18:55

ILY SHELBY DUCKER 4810 :)

enonymous 8

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Tuesday 12 July 2011 19:05

Ghetto girls get all the men these days

katiekatie412 4

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Tuesday 12 July 2011 19:06

18 - She'll be even less paranoid if she sees OP with a girlfriend...

mlebethbear 0

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Tuesday 12 July 2011 19:14

that's stinks:( im sorry!

kendallhi 9

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Tuesday 12 July 2011 19:15

this would only happen in Arizona

whyXD 12

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Tuesday 12 July 2011 19:17

I bet OP is really sexy.

garrettsgirl 0

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Tuesday 12 July 2011 19:17

there is one way to make friends....

dgr8ing 0

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Tuesday 12 July 2011 19:54

or Texas.

schaflava 0

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Tuesday 12 July 2011 20:59

ghettogirl eh? I'd be worried you might steal my shit not my husband wait I'm a man

supermankisses 1

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Tuesday 12 July 2011 21:08

Steal and get shot. That's how we do it in Texas. :)

garrettsgirl 0

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Tuesday 12 July 2011 22:58

is that better for you 66?

blanquito 1

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Wednesday 13 July 2011 0:32

I just saw an episode of law and order that started like this

ArentICute 0

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Wednesday 13 July 2011 4:12

Then get a boyfriend, invite her over to supper then BAM- suspicions gone.

zendaddy0 0

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Wednesday 13 July 2011 5:27

get a boyfriend or convince her your lesbo

zendaddy0 0

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Wednesday 13 July 2011 5:30

then hit her with a mallet

GrahamAker 3

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Wednesday 13 July 2011 5:34

steal and get stabbed/shot by hidden weapons. That's how we roll in Florida.

Lumenoire 0

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Wednesday 13 July 2011 9:02

50, OP's sexiness makes her sexy parties 200x better.

stphcampos 0

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Tuesday 12 July 2011 18:46

omg women these days.

CryMoreFMLs 14

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Tuesday 12 July 2011 18:49

"These days"? Seems like a long term problem starting waybackwhen...

cuntfacekillah 5

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Tuesday 12 July 2011 18:47

well it's not your fault. I'm sure that woman is just extremely insecure.

goshpeople 4

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Tuesday 12 July 2011 19:00

Insecure, very likely, but what if her husband is really attracted to "ghetto girls", and she knows it?

OkayImSorry 0

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Tuesday 12 July 2011 19:02

And apparently she's a ghetto gurl for life so I don't think anythings changing soon.

00SPRANGER00 0

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Tuesday 12 July 2011 20:10

bitches be crazy.

Awsumuzzie 12

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Tuesday 12 July 2011 20:10

56, do what the first word in your user name is and try and make sense please.

1215116a 14

Tuesday 12 July 2011 20:38

81, Mercy?

proxxX069069 7

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Tuesday 12 July 2011 21:01

lol true that trifling ghetto girls these days making there Slutty moves!

Awsumuzzie 12

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Tuesday 12 July 2011 21:04

88, Julie? 91, understood. Thanks for having Mercy on my brain cells.

t765234 10

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Wednesday 13 July 2011 1:13

You can't "do" mercy, mercy is a noun not a verb, so why don't you HAVE mercy and learn correct grammar.

1215116a 14

Wednesday 13 July 2011 3:16

130, haha that's why I didn't understand it. -_-

joshuaUNWRITTEN 0

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Tuesday 12 July 2011 18:48

Home Sweet Home.

joooeee 3

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Tuesday 12 July 2011 19:00

Dome Sweet Dome

dirtyhobo95 0

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Tuesday 12 July 2011 19:25

31 - ftw!

richard121212 0

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Tuesday 12 July 2011 20:42

no, no no no. its not home sweet home

ArentICute 0

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Wednesday 13 July 2011 4:14

Gnome sweet gnome.

POCHY 0

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Tuesday 12 July 2011 18:48

Have a two year affair !!

Josh67 1

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Tuesday 12 July 2011 20:26

but imagine what would happen if she got caught by the crazy lady... hmmmm... not a good idea

nwill98 3

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Tuesday 12 July 2011 21:28

haha it would be rather bad

green_eggs_and_h 0

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Tuesday 12 July 2011 18:49

You should pretend to be super paranoid too and watch her all the time.

youliketacos 0

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Tuesday 12 July 2011 19:13

Or get some guns and clean them everytime she watches you.

t765234 10

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Wednesday 13 July 2011 1:15

Or get some guns and shoot at her house every time she looks at you.

green_eggs_and_h 0

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Wednesday 13 July 2011 2:34

131- Great idea. Try and kill your new neighbors, that'll get Op what they want. A nice quiet steel cage with 3 square meals a day...

ColtsDoug18 0

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Tuesday 12 July 2011 18:50

.... that sucks. sorry, nothing much to say here

Molord1 0

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Tuesday 12 July 2011 18:58

you could say 3way!

manzanita2121 6

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Tuesday 12 July 2011 19:09

9-It sucks like the girl in your pic.

yourshootingstar 4

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Tuesday 12 July 2011 21:05

why comment then.

ColtsDoug18 0

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Tuesday 12 July 2011 21:40

I was hoping someone would pick up the joke.. thanks 42!

GrahamAker 3

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Wednesday 13 July 2011 5:39

^^ Photo Win. but I can't see all of it on my iPod.

SuckItTrolls 7

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Tuesday 12 July 2011 18:50

Well she is a woman. What do you expect.

pleit3 0

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Tuesday 12 July 2011 18:51

bang her husband haha

mismonroe 0

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Tuesday 12 July 2011 18:53

Might as well give her a reason to be paranoid.

mrrudy1972 3

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Tuesday 12 July 2011 20:08

sexy one aren't you

proxxX069069 7

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Tuesday 12 July 2011 21:06

I would say soo :D agreeing with her, give her something to be paranoid about !

fionaes 3

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Tuesday 12 July 2011 23:35

Pthats horrible!

Nearly

Today, it has been 7 years of me submitting FML’s. I don’t know what worse, that I’ve submitted so many of that none have never been featured. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5

You deserved it 2

Today, I spent my 25th birthday crying alone in my room with my baby, because no else seemed to care it was my birthday. My partner and I had a fight the night before and we haven’t spoken or seen each other since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46

You deserved it 12

Spicy

Today, I found out I’m going to be a father, twice over, with two different women. Sisters, in fact. Only one of those sisters is my wife. Should I flee abroad, or walk calmly towards the firing squad straight away? FML

I agree, your life sucks 43

You deserved it 989

Today, my boyfriend finally told me after over two years together that the reason we only have sex once a month is because my stomach is, “off-putting”. FML

I agree, your life sucks 794

You deserved it 177

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