Today, I moved into my new apartment. My neighbor is apparently...

By Ghettogirl4life - 12/7/2011 13:34 - United States

Today, I moved into my new apartment. My neighbor is apparently crazy and thinks I'm trying to 'steal' her husband. She watches me and is super paranoid. I have a two year lease. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33918

You deserved it

3150

Favorite

Miscellaneous

Trip Advisor says no

Boozehound alert

Bad news

By Anonymous - 12/6/2015 05:35 - Australia - Rydalmere

Today, I was studying for a big test I have next Tuesday in my room. I heard a creak in my ceiling but assumed it was nothing as my house is old. Thirty seconds later something fell from my air vent directly onto my head. It was a giant cockroach. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28463

You deserved it

2123

Favorite

By davidthegreat - 5/7/2011 08:27 - Japan

Today, I had to come to terms with the fact that I'm getting older because my pubic hair is turning white. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38740

You deserved it

5873

Favorite

By Anonymous - 26/8/2020 14:01 - United States

Invasion

Today, I went to clean my roof when something buzzed by my head and a sting hit my neck. It turns out there's a small nest of, like, five hornets just chilling outside of my window. I found a dead one on the desk in my bedroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1125

You deserved it

Favorite

By Anonymous - 27/5/2009 01:09 - United States

Today, at exactly midnight, I get a text from my boyfriend saying we were done. I had just seen him 4 hours ago when we were out celebrating my birthday, and asked why he didnt just tell me then. He replies 'I couldn't break up with you on your birthday but i wanted it to be over ASAP' FML

I agree, your life sucks

56614

You deserved it

3506

Favorite

By Bento - 5/10/2009 05:27 - United States

Today, I had to write a huge lab for my physics class. It's worth my entire quarter grade and I use a program on a CD for graphing. My mom thought it was a computer game and hid the CD. She can't find it. The lab's due tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43122

You deserved it

3827

Favorite

By Konstantine - 5/10/2009 13:55 - New Zealand

Today, I saw photos of my boyfriend at his 25th birthday party. The one he told me was cancelled. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47401

You deserved it

3525

Favorite

By Anonymous - 21/5/2011 21:29 - Denmark

Today, I woke up, rolled over, and kissed the boy who was peacefully sleeping next to me, cheerfully saying, "Good morning, baby!" That boy is my dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16369

You deserved it

34742

Favorite

By single and not mingling - 4/6/2010 17:36 - Canada

Today, my coworker told me she knew about my secret boyfriend because she has a "sixth sense" about these things. I'm too embarrassed to tell her I'm desperately single and the last date I went on was three years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32320

You deserved it

4005

Favorite

By ChimerV - 15/11/2014 18:20 - France - Champenoux

Today, a customer limped over to me in one of the dishwasher aisles and asked if we sold dishwashers. I said yes and pointed at all the dishwashers. He looked around for a couple of seconds, belched, then said "Oh... right!" and walked off. No commission for me, then. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28386

You deserved it

4119

Favorite

By I have wood - 16/9/2013 21:11 - United States - Stephenville

Today, my room mate told all of our mutual friends that he had walked in on me doing woodwork in my room. They all thought he meant he had caught me rubbing one out. I'm actually building a guitar. FML

I agree, your life sucks

52193

You deserved it

3649

Favorite

By invasive species - 7/11/2016 15:08

Today, my step-mom tried to ground me. I met her just yesterday, when she moved in. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12588

You deserved it

728

Favorite

By Metallurge - 13/3/2015 03:02 - United Kingdom - Belfast

Today, I was so hungry when I finished work that I grabbed some chips to eat on the bus home. The guy who sat next to me spat in them as he left to get off. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33013

You deserved it

3014

Favorite

By Ben - 21/8/2009 21:28 - United States

Today, my 6 year old daughter somehow learned about sex. She also had the open house at her school where she meets her new teachers. When the teacher asked where she came from, she said, "My daddy's happy sacks." FML

I agree, your life sucks

42107

You deserved it

4670

Favorite

By Anonymous - 28/11/2010 06:16 - United States

Today, while making a move in a board game that helped my boyfriend win, he got all excited and said "I love you, babe." I smiled until I realized this was the first time he told me that other than when he wants a blow-job. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31691

You deserved it

6269

Favorite

By GlennGuagmire - 23/10/2016 06:23 - Saudi Arabia - Ras Tanura

Today, my wife and I were born on the same day, married on our birthday date. Today is our birthday and anniversary, and today we are getting divorced. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12874

You deserved it

1590

Favorite

By musik_ist_liebe - 21/3/2009 04:06 - United States

Today, my 13 year old sister had to explain the bases to me. Turns out, I have skipped first and second base and gone straight to third, without even realizing it. What makes it worse is that she told my mother, and now my whole family thinks I'm a slut. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18927

You deserved it

63668

Favorite

By piliseep - 3/10/2017 04:30

Today, I had to sit outside with nothing but a large bottle of wine to keep me company and no way to block out the sounds of my cousins loudly having sex with my two roommates upstairs. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3968

You deserved it

353

Favorite

By Anonymous - 22/8/2009 19:39 - Canada

Today, I found out that the crumbs on the couch that look like the oreos you just ate, can actually turn out to be very crunchy, and have legs. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11977

You deserved it

46003

Favorite

By Worky Workerton - 22/9/2016 17:14 - United States - Oakland

Today, I was fired without warning from my job because I was not consulting my boss about things like washing dishes and throwing away garbage. Basically, I was fired for being too good at my job. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11675

You deserved it

839

Favorite

By SK8WITME - 12/2/2016 18:22 - India

Today, a short guy asked me how the world looked "up there", as I'm really tall. I decided to lift him up so he could see for himself. I failed both times I tried, to the great amusement of everyone watching. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19054

You deserved it

6715

Favorite

By TooPoorForPrivateUni - 9/10/2016 16:18 - United Kingdom - Mitcham

Today, I got into my dream university. I also got turned down for the scholarship and the loan that would enable me to actually go. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13597

You deserved it

1150

Favorite

By dumbucksally - 31/8/2018 06:00

Today, my 30-year-old boyfriend of 4 years OD'd on his mental health medication, resulting in a trip to the hospital. He said the experience was eye-opening and he wants to be 100% honest with me. He then said he wants to have sex with his biological mother, who he finally met last year. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3636

You deserved it

215

Favorite

By Anonymous - 13/5/2013 22:05 - United States - Kapolei

Today, I woke up to my friend stroking my face with the bottom of his foot and whispering, "Shh, you're okay." FML

I agree, your life sucks

43609

You deserved it

4382

Favorite

By wished i had a cat - 19/10/2018 17:30

Today, I discovered that my dog knows how to lock doors. This wouldn't have been a problem if anyone in my house every carried a key. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2277

You deserved it

587

Favorite

By sarabellekitty - 21/10/2019 04:00

Relaxed

Today, I was having really great sex with my boyfriend. I was on top and he seemed like he was really enjoying it. Then, I realized he'd fallen asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1763

You deserved it

305

Favorite

By rubberduck1 - 16/11/2012 05:04 - United States - Mattoon

Today, I told my boss I could handle running the floor buffer. Thirty seconds in, I lost control and became pinned to the wall by its force. In my state of shock and embarrassment, I didn't realize the only thing keeping me trapped was my grip on the accelerator. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8255

You deserved it

23886

Favorite

By RKD - 23/10/2019 16:00 - United States - Panama City

Dodged a bullet, TBH

Today, my girlfriend, whom I thought I would marry, broke up with me. She broke up with me because I don't believe the government controls the weather. Um, what? FML

I agree, your life sucks

1724

You deserved it

211

Favorite

By NotANaturist - 1/1/2010 14:13 - United Kingdom

Today, I came home from a new years party wearing a shower curtain and nothing else. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8773

You deserved it

41790

Favorite

By Marie - 11/6/2020 17:12

Reverse psychology

Today, while trying to get my picky daughter to eat her dinner, I pretended to take some of her food and give it to her brother, thinking that would get her to eat it. Instead, she thanked me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

989

You deserved it

621

Favorite

By minissaussette - 8/4/2016 23:39 - France - Cergy

Today, my 4-year-old brother has a very strict 8:30 PM bedtime. Since I would have to walk past his door to get to the rest of the house, I'm not allowed to leave my room past that time, lest I tempt him to get up too. I can't even go to the bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22440

You deserved it

1646

Favorite

By norestforthewicked - 14/2/2017 15:00 - United States

Today, my girlfriend's deaf and senile cat listens to my verbal instructions better than my completely healthy middle school students listen to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5404

You deserved it

581

Favorite

By SebastianMiko - 9/11/2012 07:18 - Canada - Calgary

Today, on my job as a police officer, I received a typical domestic disturbance call. Not so typical was the address. Guess my wife's affair went terribly wrong while I was on shift. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47896

You deserved it

2289

Favorite

By "Luke Payne" - 30/12/2019 14:00

Today, I was walking to the bus stop when I realised that I hadn't got my headphones in and was blasting Eminem whilst walking past a bunch of 5 year olds. He said the 'N' word at the same time. I guess I'm not going to that bus stop any more. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1051

You deserved it

2320

Favorite

By kinky - 5/8/2010 00:24 - United States

Today, I had to explain to my doctor and parents that I dislocated my shoulder while masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33524

You deserved it

37835

Favorite

By thishasbeenaverytellingnight - 8/10/2017 16:00

Today, I was working in bed when my boyfriend stumbled in, drunk as hell. He got on top of me saying he wanted sex. After a moment, he paused and said, “Sorry, I thought you were Stephen.” I’m a girl. Stephen is my father. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5328

You deserved it

320

Favorite

By jess - 24/12/2018 04:00

Today, I decided to go home and apologise to my husband for accusing him of having an affair. I came home to find him having sex with my mother. FML.

I agree, your life sucks

4898

You deserved it

297

Favorite

By Anonymous - 14/11/2010 09:42 - United States

Today, I tried on the new dress I bought for myself. I, for once, thought I looked pretty all right. I asked my dog, "How do I look?" and she threw up on my pillow. My brother can't stop laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33734

You deserved it

5122

Favorite

By ALLALA - 4/4/2009 23:34 - Canada

Today, my husband and I were watching TV. An info-mercial came on for a diamond cross necklace that had the lord's prayer engraved inside of it. As the commercial ended I said, "who in their right mind would actually buy that?" Turns out, my husband would, for our anniversary. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49817

You deserved it

24180

Favorite

By Anonymous - 24/4/2020 20:00

And today on Maury…

Today, I was driving my best friend home when he admitted to being gay. I was glad he could trust me with a secret like this. Until he admitted to having sex with my boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2393

You deserved it

175

Favorite

By kay_jay1819 - 19/11/2010 05:04 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I had great sex and afterward decided to take a shower together. He left the room to get some towels, so I went to the bathroom and wait. I walked out of his room wearing nothing but a thong and ran into his mom who had come home from work early. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16886

You deserved it

33229

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By cuntfacekillah | 5

#2875727 - Tuesday 12 July 2011 18:47

well it's not your fault. I'm sure that woman is just extremely insecure.

By green_eggs_and_h | 0

#2875744 - Tuesday 12 July 2011 18:49

You should pretend to be super paranoid too and watch her all the time.

COMMENTS

By lu95 | 16

#2875712 - Tuesday 12 July 2011 18:46

have funnnnnn! haha

kendallhi | 9

#2875785 - Tuesday 12 July 2011 18:53

well now you have a real reason to steal her man

bubble25_fml | 5

#2875787 - Tuesday 12 July 2011 18:53

op might as well have fun with the guy since she's already paying for the crime

katieebug | 0

#2875801 - Tuesday 12 July 2011 18:54

Maybe if she sees you with a boyfriend she'll be less paranoid? Good luck... and beware, she's probably watching you... o_O

luis420 | 0

#2875811 - Tuesday 12 July 2011 18:55

ILY SHELBY DUCKER 4810 :)

enonymous | 8

#2875939 - Tuesday 12 July 2011 19:05

Ghetto girls get all the men these days

katiekatie412 | 4

#2875956 - Tuesday 12 July 2011 19:06

18 - She'll be even less paranoid if she sees OP with a girlfriend...

mlebethbear | 0

#2876039 - Tuesday 12 July 2011 19:14

that's stinks:( im sorry!

kendallhi | 9

#2876048 - Tuesday 12 July 2011 19:15

this would only happen in Arizona

whyXD | 12

#2876074 - Tuesday 12 July 2011 19:17

I bet OP is really sexy.

garrettsgirl | 0

#2876076 - Tuesday 12 July 2011 19:17

there is one way to make friends....

dgr8ing | 0

#2876298 - Tuesday 12 July 2011 19:54

or Texas.

schaflava | 0

#2876624 - Tuesday 12 July 2011 20:59

ghettogirl eh? I'd be worried you might steal my shit not my husband wait I'm a man

supermankisses | 1

#2876686 - Tuesday 12 July 2011 21:08

Steal and get shot. That's how we do it in Texas. :)

garrettsgirl | 0

#2877373 - Tuesday 12 July 2011 22:58

is that better for you 66?

blanquito | 1

#2878109 - Wednesday 13 July 2011 0:32

I just saw an episode of law and order that started like this

ArentICute | 0

#2879470 - Wednesday 13 July 2011 4:12

Then get a boyfriend, invite her over to supper then BAM- suspicions gone.

zendaddy0 | 0

#2879883 - Wednesday 13 July 2011 5:27

get a boyfriend or convince her your lesbo

zendaddy0 | 0

#2879905 - Wednesday 13 July 2011 5:30

then hit her with a mallet

GrahamAker | 3

#2879931 - Wednesday 13 July 2011 5:34

steal and get stabbed/shot by hidden weapons. That's how we roll in Florida.

Lumenoire | 0

#2880988 - Wednesday 13 July 2011 9:02

50, OP's sexiness makes her sexy parties 200x better.

By stphcampos | 0

#2875714 - Tuesday 12 July 2011 18:46

omg women these days.

CryMoreFMLs | 14

#2875741 - Tuesday 12 July 2011 18:49

"These days"? Seems like a long term problem starting waybackwhen...

By cuntfacekillah | 5

#2875727 - Tuesday 12 July 2011 18:47

well it's not your fault. I'm sure that woman is just extremely insecure.

goshpeople | 4

#2875880 - Tuesday 12 July 2011 19:00

Insecure, very likely, but what if her husband is really attracted to "ghetto girls", and she knows it?

OkayImSorry | 0

#2875906 - Tuesday 12 July 2011 19:02

And apparently she's a ghetto gurl for life so I don't think anythings changing soon.

00SPRANGER00 | 0

#2876396 - Tuesday 12 July 2011 20:10

bitches be crazy.

Awsumuzzie | 12

#2876398 - Tuesday 12 July 2011 20:10

56, do what the first word in your user name is and try and make sense please.

1215116a | 14

#2876518 - Tuesday 12 July 2011 20:38

81, Mercy?

proxxX069069 | 7

#2876639 - Tuesday 12 July 2011 21:01

lol true that trifling ghetto girls these days making there Slutty moves!

Awsumuzzie | 12

#2876657 - Tuesday 12 July 2011 21:04

88, Julie?
91, understood. Thanks for having Mercy on my brain cells.

t765234 | 10

#2878452 - Wednesday 13 July 2011 1:13

You can't "do" mercy, mercy is a noun not a verb, so why don't you HAVE mercy and learn correct grammar.

1215116a | 14

#2879122 - Wednesday 13 July 2011 3:16

130, haha that's why I didn't understand it.
-_-

By joshuaUNWRITTEN | 0

#2875733 - Tuesday 12 July 2011 18:48

Home Sweet Home.

joooeee | 3

#2875872 - Tuesday 12 July 2011 19:00

Dome Sweet Dome

dirtyhobo95 | 0

#2876160 - Tuesday 12 July 2011 19:25

31 - ftw!

richard121212 | 0

#2876540 - Tuesday 12 July 2011 20:42

no, no no no. its not home sweet home

ArentICute | 0

#2879484 - Wednesday 13 July 2011 4:14

Gnome sweet gnome.

By POCHY | 0

#2875736 - Tuesday 12 July 2011 18:48

Have a two year affair !!

Josh67 | 1

#2876473 - Tuesday 12 July 2011 20:26

but imagine what would happen if she got caught by the crazy lady... hmmmm... not a good idea

nwill98 | 3

#2876793 - Tuesday 12 July 2011 21:28

haha it would be rather bad

By green_eggs_and_h | 0

#2875744 - Tuesday 12 July 2011 18:49

You should pretend to be super paranoid too and watch her all the time.

youliketacos | 0

#2876036 - Tuesday 12 July 2011 19:13

Or get some guns and clean them everytime she watches you.

t765234 | 10

#2878473 - Wednesday 13 July 2011 1:15

Or get some guns and shoot at her house every time she looks at you.

green_eggs_and_h | 0

#2878872 - Wednesday 13 July 2011 2:34

131- Great idea. Try and kill your new neighbors, that'll get Op what they want. A nice quiet steel cage with 3 square meals a day...

By ColtsDoug18 | 0

#2875757 - Tuesday 12 July 2011 18:50

.... that sucks. sorry, nothing much to say here

Molord1 | 0

#2875837 - Tuesday 12 July 2011 18:58

you could say 3way!

manzanita2121 | 6

#2876000 - Tuesday 12 July 2011 19:09

9-It sucks like the girl in your pic.

yourshootingstar | 4

#2876666 - Tuesday 12 July 2011 21:05

why comment then.

ColtsDoug18 | 0

#2876825 - Tuesday 12 July 2011 21:40

I was hoping someone would pick up the joke.. thanks 42!

GrahamAker | 3

#2879957 - Wednesday 13 July 2011 5:39

^^ Photo Win. but I can't see all of it on my iPod.

By SuckItTrolls | 7

#2875759 - Tuesday 12 July 2011 18:50

Well she is a woman. What do you expect.

By pleit3 | 0

#2875773 - Tuesday 12 July 2011 18:51

bang her husband haha

By mismonroe | 0

#2875789 - Tuesday 12 July 2011 18:53

Might as well give her a reason to be paranoid.

mrrudy1972 | 3

#2876389 - Tuesday 12 July 2011 20:08

sexy one aren't you

proxxX069069 | 7

#2876678 - Tuesday 12 July 2011 21:06

I would say soo :D

agreeing with her, give her something to be paranoid about !

fionaes | 3

#2877596 - Tuesday 12 July 2011 23:35

Pthats horrible!