Miscellaneous: Today, I moved into my new apartment. My neighbor is apparently...

By Ghettogirl4life - United States

Today, I moved into my new apartment. My neighbor is apparently crazy and thinks I'm trying to 'steal' her husband. She watches me and is super paranoid. I have a two year lease. FML

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33929

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Miscellaneous

Commando

Furry family

It's not unusual

By Wanderlei Santos - 9/7/2020 14:03

Deep ink

Today, I'm going to get my first tattoo. Too bad it's inside my colon so the surgeon can mark the section to remove. FML

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1486

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By Anonymous - United States - Amsterdam

Today, I ran into my infant daughter's room because I thought I heard her crying, and found she was still sound asleep in her crib. The screams were coming from the mouse our cat was using to paint her bedroom walls. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31900

You deserved it

2475

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By apologetic - United States - Latonia

Today, I got yelled at by a customer while working at a bank call center. He was furious I apologized for a mistake that someone else had made. I again apologized for apologizing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38803

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4937

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By Anonymous - United States - Mount Laurel

Today, I went on a blind date at a restaurant. My date took one look at me and said pityingly, "Stuffed your bra, didn't ya? Seriously, why even bother?" The douche then started trying to lecture me on "false advertising". FML

I agree, your life sucks

47775

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8035

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I told a customer to have a nice day. Little did I know it'd make her have an emotional breakdown and nearly cause me to lose my job. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22548

You deserved it

1378

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By Overworked - United States

Today, I realized how bad my insomnia had got when I tried answering my water bottle when my alarm went off. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39309

You deserved it

3209

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By cantprovenothing - United States - Arlington

Today, I was babysitting a 9-year-old kid, when she got thirsty and asked for a drink. All I could find was some kind of Mexican fruit drink, but I didn't realize until too late that it was actually hard liquor. I had to scrub her mouth out with toothpaste and put her to bed to cover it all up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28510

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48243

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By CA19oo - United States - Buford

Today, I found out what it feels like to get hit in the head with a bat. Not the wooden kind though. The one that bites and claws you when it gets stuck in your hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28648

You deserved it

2059

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By embarassed_chick - United States

Today, I got my first period. My dad bought me a card and had everyone in my family sign it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

57592

You deserved it

4760

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By notsohot - United States

Today, I was walking when I heard a car horn honk. I looked up to see a hot guy giving me a thumbs up. As he got a better look at me, he made a disgusted face and flipped his hand so he was giving me a thumbs down. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38643

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4227

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By KS - United States

Today, at the end of a really long day my boyfriend was rubbing my back. I told him I appreciated how sensitive he was being. His response? "I was just trying to figure out how to unhook your bra." FML

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49159

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By NikkiiFireStarter - United Kingdom

Today, I found out my 10 year old step-brother has an obsession with fire, after he burnt all the belongings in my room, including an £600 guitar. FML

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42006

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2912

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By xen - 20/12/2020 11:02

Catch 22

Today, while in a crowded store, someone tore my mask off my face and ran away. Then before I could run after them, I got stopped and screamed at for not wearing a mask. FML

I agree, your life sucks

814

You deserved it

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By Riicogonz

Today, while borrowing my girlfriend's dad's truck, I had to pay $120 to prevent it from being towed. I was parked right in front of my apartment unloading heavy furniture into my garage for not even 20 minutes while the apartment manager, who called the tow truck, watched us from his balcony. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2533

You deserved it

168

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By kryssa - 9/10/2020 23:01

Spread the news

Today, my boyfriend of six years is in the hospital after having a stroke. While being transferred to another hospital, I came to our home to get his phone to call his family, but instead was treated to text messages and voicemails from his other girlfriends. At least 4 of them so far. FML

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1565

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I cleaned my toilet. I had forgotten it was white. FML

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8209

You deserved it

48993

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By Michael - Australia

Today, while taking pills for a headache, I threw my head back to help get the pills down, and in the process, whacked it against the brick windowsill behind me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26839

You deserved it

15564

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By FoundMyLighter - United States

Today, my jeep wouldn't start so I opened the hood. I slammed my fingers in my jeep's hood. It latched shut. My hood release was inside the cab, and the jeep was in neutral and on an incline. It started to roll... with a ditch about 5 yards away. I had to skin my own fingers to get them out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47563

You deserved it

8737

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By Jaymail - 11/10/2020 10:01 - United States - Chicago

Tourism

Today, I was stuck in backed up traffic because of construction for so long that my phone actually listed where I was stuck in traffic as a place I visited. FML

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1007

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By yollew - United States

Today, I chipped a tooth trying to solve a Rubik's Cube. FML

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11736

You deserved it

30026

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By aphre - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend of over a year and I were discussing how neither of us is the other's usual 'type'. I explained that I usually go for insular asshole types and then asked him what made me different from his usual choices. He said 'Oh, well, I usually go for the attractive ones.' FML

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71705

You deserved it

11848

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By CloroxDoggo - United States

Today, I was meeting up with a friend in a town. He said he was at the restaurant we were going to meet at; I was too. Turns out I was in the wrong town. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9311

You deserved it

1991

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By anon - United States

Today, while babysitting, I made the kids and myself peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. When their parents came home, their dad took out the same container of peanut butter I had used and let their dog lick out of it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24346

You deserved it

1989

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By fledermausi - Hungary - Budapest

Today, I came home to my boyfriend emptying his bowels into my aquarium. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32720

You deserved it

3087

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By what's a rimjob between friends? - United States - Boston

Today, at Walmart, a woman kept screaming at her husband for the most ridiculous reasons. My friend snickered that she must be on her period, prompting her to whirl around, storm over, and slap the hell out of me, thinking I was the one who said it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

55949

You deserved it

4419

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By Worst City in the World

Today, I traveled through a winter storm to NYC. After a miserable interview, I got in my car and drove only 200 feet before being pulled over and ticketed for momentarily picking up my GPS. Today's total: 5 points, $150, no new job, and 6 hours of driving in a Nor'easter. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3442

You deserved it

475

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I threw an elaborate surprise birthday party for my boyfriend of four years. He thought we were going to a quiet dinner but when we arrived, thirty of his friends jumped out and surprised him. Instead of kissing me to thank me, he broke up with me because of how easily I had lied to him. FML

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53593

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4720

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By Anonymous1221

Today, I was told by the guy I've liked for years that he would date me if he was straight. FML

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12048

You deserved it

1432

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By terrible kenny - United States

Today, as I went into my calculus class, the teacher announced that someone had received a negative grade on the test we were getting back. I laughed and said, "Which f*cker managed to get a negative?" Turns out I'm the dumbass. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11127

You deserved it

60498

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By 86145 - United States

Today, my friends were all sharing sweet things their boyfriends had shared with them. After hearing "he says I look pretty without makeup" or "he promises we'll get married one day", I realized that the only compliment he's given me is that my laughter "sounds like a squirrel having a seizure." FML

I agree, your life sucks

33522

You deserved it

5646

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By deee21 - Australia

Today, while resting in bed, I felt a slight tickle on my neck. Thinking it was a cockroach, I panicked and flung it across the bedroom. Turns out it was my brand new necklace, which is now broken into dozens of pieces. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14801

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35597

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By poopy pants - United States - Minneapolis

Today, I was driving home from a friend's house after a night of partying. Suddenly, I had to poop worse than I ever had to in my entire life. The pain was so bad I had to pull over and pretend to be checking my tires while I let out the entire contents of my bowels onto the road. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40144

You deserved it

8691

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By jess - United States

Today, I walked out onto the driveway to find my mom standing on the wet pavement, screaming at the worms that had come out after the rain, saying that they were "on private property" and that they were "trespassing." All of our neighbors had come out of their houses to watch. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31901

You deserved it

2386

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By Anonymous - Australia

Roller coaster ride

Today, I had had sex while sober for the first time in years. It was really awkward, bumpy, and I kept on apologizing for being so terrible. FML

I agree, your life sucks

927

You deserved it

1617

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By MexicanMe - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I had breakfast with his grandmother. She told him how I'm prettier than "that Mexican" he'd brought home for dinner last week. We had dinner with her last week, and I'm that same Mexican. She then went on to how Mexicans are what's wrong with the economy. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31492

You deserved it

3105

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By bananapie69 - 29/5/2020 23:00

Serial killer

Today, during my staff Google Meet conference, I forgot to mute my mic when I joined and I was still listening to a true crime podcast. I started to notice people's confused looks and realized they were all hearing the details of the bodies found. FML

I agree, your life sucks

961

You deserved it

920

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By flyakite29 - United States

Today, my girlfriend came home and announced that she'd just bought a $40 pair of flipflops. She then declared that I wouldn't be getting a birthday gift this year due to budget shortfalls. For hers a month prior, I'd got her a $300 piece of jewelry. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48494

You deserved it

5424

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By Andrew Dutch Beebe

Today, I was told not to show up for work, after I showed up for work. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1532

You deserved it

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By couch girl - Singapore - Singapore

Today, I got harassed and screamed at by a middle-aged man for parking in a spot close to the store, because he wanted the same spot so he didn't have to walk so far with his groceries. He took a photo and vowed to report me to the authorities. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44695

You deserved it

3910

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By officekid

Today, a woman from my office called, asking who was in. Only one other woman was in the office. I couldn't remember her name, so I had to awkwardly guess random names while both women listened, obviously aware of what was going on. FML

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1180

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609

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Top comments

By cuntfacekillah | 5

#2875727 - Tuesday 12 July 2011 18:47

well it's not your fault. I'm sure that woman is just extremely insecure.

By green_eggs_and_h | 0

#2875744 - Tuesday 12 July 2011 18:49

You should pretend to be super paranoid too and watch her all the time.

COMMENTS

By lu95 | 16

#2875712 - Tuesday 12 July 2011 18:46

have funnnnnn! haha

kendallhi | 9

#2875785 - Tuesday 12 July 2011 18:53

well now you have a real reason to steal her man

bubble25_fml | 5

#2875787 - Tuesday 12 July 2011 18:53

op might as well have fun with the guy since she's already paying for the crime

katieebug | 0

#2875801 - Tuesday 12 July 2011 18:54

Maybe if she sees you with a boyfriend she'll be less paranoid? Good luck... and beware, she's probably watching you... o_O

luis420 | 0

#2875811 - Tuesday 12 July 2011 18:55

ILY SHELBY DUCKER 4810 :)

enonymous | 8

#2875939 - Tuesday 12 July 2011 19:05

Ghetto girls get all the men these days

katiekatie412 | 4

#2875956 - Tuesday 12 July 2011 19:06

18 - She'll be even less paranoid if she sees OP with a girlfriend...

mlebethbear | 0

#2876039 - Tuesday 12 July 2011 19:14

that's stinks:( im sorry!

kendallhi | 9

#2876048 - Tuesday 12 July 2011 19:15

this would only happen in Arizona

whyXD | 12

#2876074 - Tuesday 12 July 2011 19:17

I bet OP is really sexy.

garrettsgirl | 0

#2876076 - Tuesday 12 July 2011 19:17

there is one way to make friends....

dgr8ing | 0

#2876298 - Tuesday 12 July 2011 19:54

or Texas.

schaflava | 0

#2876624 - Tuesday 12 July 2011 20:59

ghettogirl eh? I'd be worried you might steal my shit not my husband wait I'm a man

supermankisses | 1

#2876686 - Tuesday 12 July 2011 21:08

Steal and get shot. That's how we do it in Texas. :)

garrettsgirl | 0

#2877373 - Tuesday 12 July 2011 22:58

is that better for you 66?

blanquito | 1

#2878109 - Wednesday 13 July 2011 0:32

I just saw an episode of law and order that started like this

ArentICute | 0

#2879470 - Wednesday 13 July 2011 4:12

Then get a boyfriend, invite her over to supper then BAM- suspicions gone.

zendaddy0 | 0

#2879883 - Wednesday 13 July 2011 5:27

get a boyfriend or convince her your lesbo

zendaddy0 | 0

#2879905 - Wednesday 13 July 2011 5:30

then hit her with a mallet

GrahamAker | 3

#2879931 - Wednesday 13 July 2011 5:34

steal and get stabbed/shot by hidden weapons. That's how we roll in Florida.

Lumenoire | 0

#2880988 - Wednesday 13 July 2011 9:02

50, OP's sexiness makes her sexy parties 200x better.

By stphcampos | 0

#2875714 - Tuesday 12 July 2011 18:46

omg women these days.

CryMoreFMLs | 14

#2875741 - Tuesday 12 July 2011 18:49

"These days"? Seems like a long term problem starting waybackwhen...

By cuntfacekillah | 5

#2875727 - Tuesday 12 July 2011 18:47

well it's not your fault. I'm sure that woman is just extremely insecure.

goshpeople | 4

#2875880 - Tuesday 12 July 2011 19:00

Insecure, very likely, but what if her husband is really attracted to "ghetto girls", and she knows it?

OkayImSorry | 0

#2875906 - Tuesday 12 July 2011 19:02

And apparently she's a ghetto gurl for life so I don't think anythings changing soon.

00SPRANGER00 | 0

#2876396 - Tuesday 12 July 2011 20:10

bitches be crazy.

Awsumuzzie | 12

#2876398 - Tuesday 12 July 2011 20:10

56, do what the first word in your user name is and try and make sense please.

1215116a | 14

#2876518 - Tuesday 12 July 2011 20:38

81, Mercy?

proxxX069069 | 7

#2876639 - Tuesday 12 July 2011 21:01

lol true that trifling ghetto girls these days making there Slutty moves!

Awsumuzzie | 12

#2876657 - Tuesday 12 July 2011 21:04

88, Julie?
91, understood. Thanks for having Mercy on my brain cells.

t765234 | 10

#2878452 - Wednesday 13 July 2011 1:13

You can't "do" mercy, mercy is a noun not a verb, so why don't you HAVE mercy and learn correct grammar.

1215116a | 14

#2879122 - Wednesday 13 July 2011 3:16

130, haha that's why I didn't understand it.
-_-

By joshuaUNWRITTEN | 0

#2875733 - Tuesday 12 July 2011 18:48

Home Sweet Home.

joooeee | 3

#2875872 - Tuesday 12 July 2011 19:00

Dome Sweet Dome

dirtyhobo95 | 0

#2876160 - Tuesday 12 July 2011 19:25

31 - ftw!

richard121212 | 0

#2876540 - Tuesday 12 July 2011 20:42

no, no no no. its not home sweet home

ArentICute | 0

#2879484 - Wednesday 13 July 2011 4:14

Gnome sweet gnome.

By POCHY | 0

#2875736 - Tuesday 12 July 2011 18:48

Have a two year affair !!

Josh67 | 1

#2876473 - Tuesday 12 July 2011 20:26

but imagine what would happen if she got caught by the crazy lady... hmmmm... not a good idea

nwill98 | 3

#2876793 - Tuesday 12 July 2011 21:28

haha it would be rather bad

By green_eggs_and_h | 0

#2875744 - Tuesday 12 July 2011 18:49

You should pretend to be super paranoid too and watch her all the time.

youliketacos | 0

#2876036 - Tuesday 12 July 2011 19:13

Or get some guns and clean them everytime she watches you.

t765234 | 10

#2878473 - Wednesday 13 July 2011 1:15

Or get some guns and shoot at her house every time she looks at you.

green_eggs_and_h | 0

#2878872 - Wednesday 13 July 2011 2:34

131- Great idea. Try and kill your new neighbors, that'll get Op what they want. A nice quiet steel cage with 3 square meals a day...

By ColtsDoug18 | 0

#2875757 - Tuesday 12 July 2011 18:50

.... that sucks. sorry, nothing much to say here

Molord1 | 0

#2875837 - Tuesday 12 July 2011 18:58

you could say 3way!

manzanita2121 | 6

#2876000 - Tuesday 12 July 2011 19:09

9-It sucks like the girl in your pic.

yourshootingstar | 4

#2876666 - Tuesday 12 July 2011 21:05

why comment then.

ColtsDoug18 | 0

#2876825 - Tuesday 12 July 2011 21:40

I was hoping someone would pick up the joke.. thanks 42!

GrahamAker | 3

#2879957 - Wednesday 13 July 2011 5:39

^^ Photo Win. but I can't see all of it on my iPod.

By SuckItTrolls | 7

#2875759 - Tuesday 12 July 2011 18:50

Well she is a woman. What do you expect.

By pleit3 | 0

#2875773 - Tuesday 12 July 2011 18:51

bang her husband haha

By mismonroe | 0

#2875789 - Tuesday 12 July 2011 18:53

Might as well give her a reason to be paranoid.

mrrudy1972 | 3

#2876389 - Tuesday 12 July 2011 20:08

sexy one aren't you

proxxX069069 | 7

#2876678 - Tuesday 12 July 2011 21:06

I would say soo :D

agreeing with her, give her something to be paranoid about !

fionaes | 3

#2877596 - Tuesday 12 July 2011 23:35

Pthats horrible!