Today, I found out that my seemingly innocent 80-something neighbor has been stalking every girl in the neighborhood, and considers me his girlfriend. FML
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By
TheDrifter
| 23
Call him grampa and cuddle in his lap. I'll bet he has a present for you.
By
yamatelle
| 19
What you also didn't know is that he's got binoculars, a box of tissues, and vaseline right next to his window. I would invest in some blinds if I were you.
COMMENTS
By
TheDrifter
| 23
Call him grampa and cuddle in his lap. I'll bet he has a present for you.
Reply
DoubleDose
| 0
what's so bad about a poor old senile man dreaming about his pimping days. stop being a stuck up bitch and play along. he doesnt have much time left
Reply
fakeaccountX
| 6
You live next to Hugh Hefner?
Reply
SCREAM4meeee
| 0
Don't you consider him your boyfriend? That sounds like a bad relationship on your part OP.
Reply
MissBunnyWillEat
| 11
Be careful, OP. He might chop your boobs off and superglue your eyes shut.
Reply
enonymous
| 8
Herbert the pervert went straight?!? What is the world coming to?
Reply
AndreKanaan
| 6
#26 you forgot to inform her not to scream if he does try anything... lmao
Reply
cruxx
| 0
Consider him single. Oh and woo 1000th comment for Enon
Reply
Kyzahhh
| 7
OP show him your sex is better than crispy bacon
Reply
seanders
| 10
Let him have his glory lol. He's in his 80s and doesn't have a long time left. If this makes him happy then so be it lol.
Reply
BagleHead
| 6
He's only 80, just bang him make him happy! He doesn't have much time left. Just play along, dont mind that he is stalking you, he is old. Old means you can do whatever you want!
Reply
kgray99
| 3
And he chose you out of every other girl in the neighborhood, so that's good....
Reply
enonymous
| 8
42 - I'd like to thank the academy. GLAAD, My Abs, Anal sex, ruffies, Nutella, high powered binoculars, vaseline, jergens, Keyman, hailphire, and every person on FML an lastly the big G-man in the sky
Reply
DrewsFML
| 8
Yeah sit on his lap and talk about the first thing that pops up.
Reply
bitchslapped22
| 14
YDI
Reply
max_wilder
| 9
Act really slutty, all guys hate that
Reply
Jovecove
| 13
86 - that is if it can pop up.
Reply
ih82bl8
| 2
Marry him and take his money when he dies
Reply
6joe9
| 0
Bang him. He'll probably die.
Die happy !
Die happy !
Reply
lifesuxalways12
| 0
She will give him a heart attack
By
ScarletBloom
| 14
Because you attracted to this kind of people.
Reply
ifknh8usernames
| 7
you seem to have hard time spelling? you sentences no make sense.
Reply
CryMoreFMLs
| 14
She's in Singapore, she might be new to the language...
Reply
ScarletBloom
| 14
What I meant was she attracts this kind of people.
Reply
StormfrontX33_fml
| 24
Why am I reminded of Herbert?
Reply
Blueglasscup
| 18
Doubt it since most of Singapore speaks English. Even if it's in that damn accent...
Reply
whymee55
| 6
60. MMMmmmm...
By
krez
| 20
He's probably a nice guy.
Reply
SteveTheJanitor
| 6
Until he chops her up and puts her in a place where she will never be seen again...yeah, a real nice guy
Reply
SadinSherman
| 16
He is eighty
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ThreeSheetsGone
| 12
18 to 80, blind, bald or crazy!
Reply
ikickgingers
| 15
Biz
Reply
farhil
| 14
nitch?
Reply
ikickgingers
| 15
"this goes out to all the ladies... 18 to 80. ... Blind crippled or crazzzzzyyy". It's from a biz markie song? Eff it nm.
Reply
KiddNYC1O
| 20
22- Like in a janitor closet?
Reply
22cute
| 17
Yeah, I don't think so. Hard as it is to believe unethical creeps get old right along with decent people.
Reply
krez
| 20
Thanks #104, I thought it was pretty obvious...
By
spacemanspiff78
| 7
Has he offered to host a tylenol pm eating contest yet?
By
hotPinklipstick
| 24
Sugar Daddy???
Reply
rayzer_fml
| 0
Lmao!!!
XD
XD
By
olpally
| 32
Uh-oh... Another pedobear on the loose... Run away fast op...
Reply
eradonnes
| 0
pedrobear
Reply
olpally
| 32
Haha 19... Pic and comment=win :D
By
IDrownOreos
| 0
Sounds like Hugh Hefner
Reply
SteveTheJanitor
| 6
What is it with people taking selfies of themselves shirtless...do they actually think they're going to pick someone up on here? They're just embarrassing themselves instead of making themselves look good
Reply
CryMoreFMLs
| 14
People like to make a miserable attempt to look "cool".
Reply
Andr913
| 13
Well, douchebags need love too.
Reply
hail_this_villai
| 0
Meh, the people who do it are desperate for attention and the people mocking it are usually jealous. Lose-lose.
Reply
CryMoreFMLs
| 14
I adore my unshapely body. Im not jealous in the least bit.
Reply
SteveTheJanitor
| 6
He changed his picture now...
Reply
IDrownOreos
| 0
Bitch.. Worry about yourself damn fucking no life
Reply
hannahmorgan06
| 7
what guy doesnt do that? chill out.
By
onedayinamsterda
| 14
dude's 80+, stalked every girl in the neighborhood and thinks Ur the creme de la creme, making u his "gf". it's a fucking compliment right there. take it the right way ;)
By
yamatelle
| 19
What you also didn't know is that he's got binoculars, a box of tissues, and vaseline right next to his window. I would invest in some blinds if I were you.
Reply
ikickgingers
| 15
^^ I see what you did there. :)
Reply
yamatelle
| 19
Oh hey there ikick, how is the van coming along? Children nowadays are smarter, aren't they?! It takes more than just lollipops to lure them in.
Reply
rattusrattus
| 18
The binoculars are for birdwatching, the tissues are because he has a cold, and the vaseline is so he can insert his suppositories.
That's his story and he's sticking to it.
That's his story and he's sticking to it.
Reply
ikickgingers
| 15
Yamatelle - lollipops. Pfft. Sixlets and bacon wrapped snickers are better than roofies!!
Reply
fanceh
| 10
omg. bacon rapped snickers. start mass producing those and you'd be a millionaire within a year.
Reply
ikickgingers
| 15
Fanceh. You sweet little boy. I can show you where I keep the stash., walk with me to my van ;) ;)
Works like a effing charm
Works like a effing charm
Reply
fanceh
| 10
As long as you don't chop my boobs off, heck, I'm down. Lehhh go.
By
Istalkrexgar2000_fml
| 0
haha. maybe he'll break up with you for another neighbor soon.