Today, I discovered my wife has been smoking weed for the past 2 years before she has sex with me. She said it was the only way she could force herself to have sex with me. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my wife has quit smoking weed. Now she can stay up all night, whereas before she fell asleep around 9 almost every night, so now I get absolutely no time to myself. FML
Today, I discovered my wife has had more sex in the last two months than I've had in the last year. FML
Today, I found out that my wife has had more sex in the last two months than I have in our last year of marriage. FML
Today, my wife decided that to help her stop smoking, she's also giving up the things that make her crave a cigarette. Sex is one of them. FML
Today, I confronted my wife because I thought the many hours a day she spends at a local coffee shop were so she could smoke. Turns out she's cheating on me. FML
Today, my wife accused me of using her for sex. I'd only just admitted to her two days ago that I've been struggling to get it up to try and perform, after a hospital stay and a month of almost no sexual contact. FML
Today, after secretly smoking for more than two years, I decided to quit. I came home from work to see my wife holding a pack and asking me what was it doing behind the toilet seat. FML
Today, my wife has been super into sex lately, she even let me try some of the stuff she said no to before, and even surprised me with some of the kinky stuff she’s always wanted to try. Sounds great, right? Nope. Turns out she was overcompensating from the guilt of also fucking my coworker. FML
Today, my wife told me she was pregnant. I don't remember having sex since last year. FML
Today, I found out my wife is pregnant. The problem is she convinced me to get a vasectomy two years ago. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
bittersweets 2
on the other hand: how nice of her to think of your needs
calcboi 0
Maybe it's because you're SO big you hurt her, and weed is the only thing that relaxes her enough to make the pain go away. Lolz.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (104)
NickAlert 1
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
now that sucks. You should try it ;D edit; yay for first :P
Cheatx 0
you should go smoke with her too and maybe you'll last longer and she'll finally enjoy it?
nam3 0
YDI for having a small dick
kosscom 0
Hey be a ******* man! Buy her a huge vibrating ***** and make her happy! It's obvious shes either blown out, or your dick is the size of George Bush's brain!
Casualt1234 0
this fml is a grammar disaster
rallets 23
why
Yee12 0
YDI for being Asian.
phreshboi 1
couldn't you smell it? just wondering
michael419 0
amen!
StonerkidDGK420 0
Your wife sounds pretty dope to me... You should try some
crudeandrudeguy 29
@10- I was going to vote you down out of spite, then saw your pic and changed my mind. Yup, I'm that shallow!!!!
blalien 0
Rat her out to the police. Then enjoy your...conjugal visits.
kappaaa 12
haha good idea.
evanedwards85 6
**** you
lovely997 0
ew, dump her
msw52 0
not so simple when its a wife...
wooow_sucks_for_ 0
dump her? they are married. not that easy.
bittersweets 2
on the other hand: how nice of her to think of your needs
selenes 0
agreed. i mean, who cares? you're still getting laid.
maplebaby 0
yeah, be happy your wife at least tries to enjoy being with you, rather than forcing you to be part of a sexless marriage...is that what you want?
matildaaa 0
oh dear.
esquared77 0
I bet that's what he want's, to be part of loveless marriage...
crudeandrudeguy 29
#4 has an excellent point!!! She could be like my wife and let your virginity grow back...
The666Ghost 17
That ******* sucks!!
donutboy 0
Eww
NonImmigrant 0
YDI for being ugly
PaulieeBooMN 0
I agree, ugly people shouldn't be
talksarahh 0
so are you...
blechblech 0
wow.
calcboi 0
Maybe it's because you're SO big you hurt her, and weed is the only thing that relaxes her enough to make the pain go away. Lolz.
exit_arsenic 0
lmfao brilliant. ;) i may use that someday
xLovey 3
Hmm, I actually do have that problem, I think I need to start smoking weed! XD
Qwermy 16
maybe she's got a small ******. some guys aren't that big, but sex will still hurt their girlfriends/wives
igraine 0
Sounds just like "Annie Hall." Only less funny in real life!
sportmaster525 0
agreed
cherlana32 0
Sex is so much better when you smoke first.
_chrissy_ 0
I'd have to agree.