Miscellaneous: Today, I went to a petting zoo to take pictures. I look down... - FML

By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I went to a petting zoo to take pictures. I look down to see a goat chewing the sleeve of my new sweater, so as I reached down to get it loose, it started eating my hair. People took pictures of me wrestling the goat before they helped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31964

You deserved it

3748

Tweet

Share

Commando

Triage

Insane parents

By planes - United States

Today, on the airplane, the kid behind me kicked my seat hundreds of times, while the big bald guy next to me farted deadly ones repeatedly. I was on a non-stop 14-hour flight. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36885

You deserved it

2572

Tweet

Share

By Ifuckdup

Today, I asked my classmate if she was ready for the final tomorrow and she said it was yesterday. I'm not a bad student - I have 90+ average in the class - but the final was 50% of my grade. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4446

You deserved it

1836

Tweet

Share

By KayleeXLoVe21 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex. The lights kept on going on and off. Why? The lights are activated by "clap on, clap off." It killed the mood. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38780

You deserved it

9674

Tweet

Share

By hatelife - United States

Today, I went to visit my boyfriend at work. That's where I met his pregnant girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

61187

You deserved it

5137

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United Kingdom - London

Today, my mum made me take her poodle on a walk, which she'd dressed in a tiara and a pink dog dress. Being a 19-year-old guy, I was pissed. After I got home, I saw that my mom had filmed me from the window and posted it to Facebook, to everyone's great delight. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51400

You deserved it

6090

Tweet

Share

By Jason - United States - Anchorage

Today, I found out that conducting CPR and saving a man's life means nothing if you break his ribs. He is suing me for $10,000. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6337

You deserved it

400

Tweet

Share

By nomorepups

Today, I adopted my second dog. When I called to tell my mom about it, she sternly told me that I was not allowed to get any more dogs. I'm 28 and own my own house. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11418

You deserved it

1000

Tweet

Share

By Danielle - United States

Today, I was upset after a fight with my husband, so I cried alone in the bedroom. My 4-year-old son then comes in and hugs me. I thought he was trying to comfort me, but he then told me he had to go get his quarter my husband had promised to pay him if he made me shut up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37064

You deserved it

4352

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my parents decided that since summer is almost here, it's a great opportunity to start having nude barbecues. I found this out after walking out into the backyard, hoping to sun myself a little, only to see the living nightmare that is my parents' naked bodies. FML

I agree, your life sucks

53430

You deserved it

4850

Tweet

Share

By BlueBaby123 - United States

Today, my husband and I got a new stainless steel microwave. When we took it out of the package we noticed it was blue and got angry. We were about to return it, but we called in our 12 year old daughter to see what she thought of the microwave. She then took off the blue protective plastic. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10173

You deserved it

88235

Tweet

Share

By fed up

Today, I bought a different car because I was having to constantly repair my old one. On the way home from the dealer, the check engine light came on. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2744

You deserved it

194

Tweet

Share

By Lovenem - United States

Today, my girlfriend said "It's funny how every time we have sex I'm wearing these panties." We've been having sex every day for the last six days. FML

I agree, your life sucks

53172

You deserved it

7076

Tweet

Share

By Elrond Hubbard - United States

Today, I drove my dad to Walmart to do some shopping. His leg is still in a cast after an accident, so I helped him to the last mobility scooter. A guy whose only disability was clearly Fat-Fuck Syndrome then yelled at us, claiming he needed it more and that my dad was a faker. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37932

You deserved it

2591

Tweet

Share

By darkangel7410 - United States - Lafayette

Today, after working for Uber for a few weeks I realized that my driver rating was dropping. After looking into it, one of the 1-star ratings claimed "mechanical problems". The description of the reason, "He drives a Ford." FML

I agree, your life sucks

16405

You deserved it

2567

Tweet

Share

By thehumanshield - United States

Today, my house was raided for drugs. I had to find out my father is a drug dealer. The cops then told me this wasn't their first time here, but it was the first time I was home to see it. They said it was nice to finally meet me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

55028

You deserved it

2786

Tweet

Share

By Ava777 - United States

Today, while leaving school to skip fourth period, I hit someone's car in the parking lot. It was the teacher's whose class I was going to skip. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11725

You deserved it

59450

Tweet

Share

By low_expectations - 18/10/2020 02:08 - United States - New York

Parental guilt

Today, my mother tried guilt-tripping me about coming home for the holidays by explaining that, “according to average life expectancy,” she and my father could be dead in the next 10-25 years. I’m already coming home for the holidays. She knows this. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1002

You deserved it

72

Tweet

Share

By SimpleSimon - United Kingdom

Today, I went to work leaving my girlfriend asleep in my bed. Later she calls me demanding to know how long I've been cheating on her. We don't use condoms but she found several in the bin when she decided to empty it. I had to explain while my colleagues listened that I use them to masturbate. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47142

You deserved it

19632

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Canada - Brampton

Today, I mowed over a bird while mowing the lawn. It wasn't dead, so I had to mow over it a second time to put it out of its misery. Now there are pieces of dead bird all over my lawn and I can't sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29044

You deserved it

19168

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Australia

Today, my parents told me off for reading, as opposed to watching TV like the rest of the family, because it was "anti-social". FML

I agree, your life sucks

37110

You deserved it

2814

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous

Today, my son sprayed our white couch with Febreze. This would have been great, were the "Febreze" not actually black spray paint. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30430

You deserved it

4002

Tweet

Share

By love you too honey boo

Dirty room

Today, I sent a scantily clad pic to my boyfriend, to which he responded "Nice, but please clean your room". FML

I agree, your life sucks

906

You deserved it

2165

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Rahway

Today, I was out shopping with my mom. While we were walking, a guy in a car honked at me. I'm not used to compliments, so I was pretty flattered and flashed him a smile. He looked back at me, confused, then shook his head and pointed at my mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46434

You deserved it

5982

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I waited tables for the first time at my new restaurant job. I asked a group of older men what they would like. One replied, "A slice of that ass". I'm 19 and a guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34881

You deserved it

3236

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my boss fired me for acting "inappropriately" at work. I gave him a hug. He's my dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks

71144

You deserved it

8656

Tweet

Share

By churchgoer - United States

Today, I went to confession. I told the priest that I had an intimate relationship with a woman that I'm not married to. He chuckled and said, "You know, lying is a sin too." I wasn't lying. FML

I agree, your life sucks

69542

You deserved it

9535

Tweet

Share

By StretchNuts - United States

Today, while getting it on with my wife, I started to talk dirty to her. She started laughing. When I asked her if she wanted me to stop, she just kept on laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22320

You deserved it

4779

Tweet

Share

By UncleRory - United States

Today, I was shopping at a supermarket. As I was about to pay for my items, I noticed the cashier was very cute. Trying to be nice, I smiled. She smiled back and said "Hello, how are you?" Instead of saying "I'm good" or "I'm okay", I said "I'm gay". FML

I agree, your life sucks

65182

You deserved it

25461

Tweet

Share

By ApparentDrugAddict - United States

Today, at dinner, I accidentally let it slip that I'd taken a small sip of alcohol a few years ago and hated it. My extremely strict parents are now trying to get me into rehab. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42779

You deserved it

7301

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was supposed to be going on my first date with a guy I really liked. He never showed up. I just found out my dad was outside washing the car when my date showed up. He told him he didn't have a daughter and to never show up on his driveway again. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45788

You deserved it

3180

Tweet

Share

By Seline

Today, I woke up on the top bunk of my bed with the birds chirping. I felt so energized, I gave a big stretch, and my hand hit the ceiling. I accidentally pushed the ceiling board up and lots of tiny spiders fell on me and my bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38478

You deserved it

4295

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Baraboo

Today, my loving fiancé informed me that my new perfume makes me smell like a urinal cake. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31504

You deserved it

5508

Tweet

Share

By jakestorm

Blockages

Today, my girlfriend texted me to pick her up some medicine because she’s "all plugged up." When I arrived with laxatives, she yelled at me. She meant her sinuses. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1561

You deserved it

339

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Saudi Arabia

Today, I got caught masturbating, twice, by the same person. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37202

You deserved it

75470

Tweet

Share

By Eggs - United States - Port Richey

Today, I fell down in the street when a speeding car chucked a hard-boiled egg at my butt. While I waited for the feeling in my legs to return, they came back and threw more. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42004

You deserved it

3129

Tweet

Share

By extants - United States

Today, I found out my broker invested my $6000 in the wrong stock. How did I find out? He called me to let me know the stock crashed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30271

You deserved it

3625

Tweet

Share

By fmyhabit - United States

Today, I accidentally pocket dialed my sister while I was masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23795

You deserved it

57240

Tweet

Share

By PickYourselfUp - United States - Chesapeake

Today, was the day I would turn my life around and start losing weight. I went outside for my first run and said, "I got this!" I confidently stepped forward, the first symbolic steps to my new life. In the anticipation, I forgot my porch had steps. I face-planted on my driveway. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40760

You deserved it

8593

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous

Today, I asked my friend to hand in my homework for me since I have tonsillitis. She thought it would be funny to draw a big heart on it with my teacher's name inside, which she then handed in. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5089

You deserved it

583

Tweet

Share

By Wolf - Trinidad and Tobago

Today, while sitting next to me, my boyfriend sends a text to one of his "friends" saying "I'm thinking of you". FML

I agree, your life sucks

26335

You deserved it

2331

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By repyourcliche | 0

#662431 - Monday 9 November 2009 16:18

WWE here you come.

By n0lovesongs | 0

#662444 - Monday 9 November 2009 16:25

What the hell is up with all these petting zoo fml's lately? It's like there was some kind of fml gathering or something....

COMMENTS

By vitafabula | 0

#662430 - Monday 9 November 2009 16:19

That's actually kind of funny :)
Sorry for your loss...of...your sweater

Reply

okiidokii_fml | 6

#3769452 - Thursday 22 December 2011 3:41

Yeah that is pretty funny.... After all she did wanna take picture.... Haha

Reply

stuffhappens223 | 7

#3789400 - Monday 26 December 2011 11:25

Lol and hair

By repyourcliche | 0

#662431 - Monday 9 November 2009 16:18

WWE here you come.

Reply

Xero3g | 5

#662674 - Monday 9 November 2009 19:20

I would say that the hair is a bit more important. However, props to the goat for not taking shit.

Reply

Unregistered | 0

#662997 - Monday 9 November 2009 22:52

YDI for letting that goat go to second base on the first date WHORE

Reply

Sun_Kissed18 | 25

#663172 - Tuesday 10 November 2009 0:25

Well I must be wearing some weird ass sweaters because my sleeves are always on my arms, not my boobs...

Reply

boredperson | 0

#664922 - Wednesday 11 November 2009 2:05

WIN

Reply

osemness | 0

#1925177 - Tuesday 4 January 2011 2:57

YDI for living in the prairies

Reply

torch433 | 1

#4438555 - Tuesday 15 May 2012 17:57

#1 lol nice

By n0lovesongs | 0

#662444 - Monday 9 November 2009 16:25

What the hell is up with all these petting zoo fml's lately? It's like there was some kind of fml gathering or something....

Reply

salathiel2013 | 0

#662527 - Monday 9 November 2009 17:20

Ya I know. That's at least three. Was there a "coming out" of the petting zoo stories? Lol...

Or maybe one of them reminded the others of theirs?

Reply

IgniteMe28 | 0

#662920 - Monday 9 November 2009 22:09

ik right?

one with a llama spitting at someone followed up with a goat pissing on them or something like that

another one with a rodent pissing on someones head @ a zoo

and then this one....

Reply

Cant_Touch_This_ | 0

#663768 - Tuesday 10 November 2009 8:35

Lolz. Read my mind.

Today I went to petting zoo. FML

Reply

aharcrow | 2

#2416628 - Wednesday 27 April 2011 13:17

I think one story reminds peeps of their own story. so the share in succession.

By Brave_Sir_Robin | 4

#662446 - Monday 9 November 2009 16:26

Did you at least make the goat scream "Uuunncclleee"?

(atomic bombs start to fall)

Fine. If anyone needs me, I'll be in the clocktower...

By Jimboom | 11

#662448 - Monday 9 November 2009 16:27

Ha ha! Goats are funny.
Sorry about your sweater though.

By Stevieebabyy | 0

#662459 - Monday 9 November 2009 16:36

Haha! Fail. I would've taken pictures.

By deven7 | 0

#662465 - Monday 9 November 2009 16:39

Fail.

By colie2772 | 0

#662477 - Monday 9 November 2009 16:44

hahahaha oh god that must have sucked!!

By Mx_Rider | 6

#662480 - Monday 9 November 2009 16:45

awe so sorry.....

nahhhh fail for u

By NativeCowbell | 0

#662510 - Monday 9 November 2009 17:06

I doubt he's telling you the truth. He is more likely tell you this just to be a jackass. Don't beat yourself up.