Today, I secured a tender for my boss, earning her 1/4 million... - FML

By SoDamnBroke - 28/9/2016 13:13 - South Africa

Today, I secured a tender for my boss, earning her 1/4 million in profits. Today is also meant to be pay-day for us, but my boss is too busy dealing with the tender to pay her employees. So essentially, I made my boss rich while remaining broke and in debt. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12551

You deserved it

933

Tweet

Share

Peaky Bladders

Noise

The Summoner

By scarredforlife - 3/10/2015 01:13 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, after taking my little niece out onto the balcony of her family's new apartment to enjoy the view, we watched as a man jay-walked across the street down below and was run over by a car. My niece is pretty much traumatized for life now. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25222

You deserved it

1617

Tweet

Share

By militiousroflcopter - 1/3/2010 22:04 - United States

Today, I had to catch a shuttle bus. I awoke to the sound of a car horn. I ran out in my boxers and saw a bus take off down the road. I chased it, thinking I had missed my bus. I realized I hadn't only when I saw frightened kids in the back of the bus. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9236

You deserved it

23981

Tweet

Share

By tmi4me - 26/5/2015 03:50 - United States

Today, my boss admitted she's having an affair. She's married to my brother. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32204

You deserved it

2055

Tweet

Share

By MSguy - 27/8/2018 14:30

Today, I found out that the medication that's been free to me and has given me no noticeable side effects will be $1500 a month for my new insurance. This is a medication used to prevent my MS relapses. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2598

You deserved it

120

Tweet

Share

By Ifuckdup - 25/5/2017 00:00

Today, I asked my classmate if she was ready for the final tomorrow and she said it was yesterday. I'm not a bad student - I have 90+ average in the class - but the final was 50% of my grade. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4433

You deserved it

1829

Tweet

Share

By What? - 22/1/2013 19:00 - Australia

Today, I found out my ten year old brother and his best friend have taught our new parrot to say, "Shut up, bitch." We have a bunch of our extended family coming over tomorrow to see what the parrot can say. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31502

You deserved it

4072

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 26/5/2010 15:54 - United States

Today, I found out there is such a thing as eyebrow dandruff, and that I have it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32964

You deserved it

5751

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 2/8/2010 01:59 - United States

Today, I pretended to go for a run to impress someone on AIM. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10170

You deserved it

38893

Tweet

Share

By mrtut - 29/10/2010 12:17 - United Kingdom

Today, as a physics teacher, I was testing a class to see how high a sound frequency they could hear. One girl claimed she could hear the sound even though it was physically impossible. Without thinking, I replied "Only dogs can hear this frequency." Needless to say, she was picked on all day. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32586

You deserved it

13073

Tweet

Share

By baddriver - 31/1/2012 17:17 - United States

Today, I went to the DMV to get my license. I almost ran over my evaluator as he was walking to get in the car. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10964

You deserved it

24457

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 20/7/2020 14:01

Good boy, best boy

Today, I realised that I have a better relationship with my cat than I do with my boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1111

You deserved it

331

Tweet

Share

By scaredshitless - 7/8/2009 04:11 - United States

Today, I was taking a serious shit when the light bulb burned out. I am terrified of the dark and began wailing and crying. My mom had to pick the lock and get me out. I'm a 17 year old guy and captain of the Varsity football team. My little brother recorded it and plans on showing everyone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27239

You deserved it

65133

Tweet

Share

By hdgyfjdzdfg - 16/4/2012 06:53 - United States

Today, my boyfriend told me I smell like his grandma's house. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21972

You deserved it

4884

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 9/8/2013 14:54 - France

Today, I asked out a guy at work that I really like. He just stared at me and said, "Honestly? I'd rather smash my balls with a mallet. No offense." FML

I agree, your life sucks

55567

You deserved it

4914

Tweet

Share

By darknight - 21/7/2019 02:03

Today, I found out that pretending to be a bum begging for money can get you stuck in a jail cell for a few hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks

514

You deserved it

3694

Tweet

Share

By MDWilde - 30/3/2012 18:28 - United States - North Pole

Today, my husband and I found out that our daughter's chronic stomach aches are due to gluten intolerance, so we need to cut all wheat out of our diet. We're bakers. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37245

You deserved it

3060

Tweet

Share

By OCDrunk - 23/11/2011 06:40 - Australia

Today, when drunk, I became OCD about everything and spent 3 hours making sure that the books on my shelves were straight. I thought that being drunk was supposed to be fun. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27922

You deserved it

9866

Tweet

Share

By Tbelle - 25/10/2017 19:00

Today, my brother texted me a picture of his "upcoming disconnect" notice for his utility bill and asked if I could loan him the money to pay it. All I could give him was a picture of my "disconnected" notice. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3424

You deserved it

413

Tweet

Share

By hotheadslav - 21/6/2015 01:59 - United States - Warsaw

Today, I was on a date with a girl and everything was going great. As I took her back to her house and walked her to her door I leaned in for a kiss. She seemed to really enjoy it so I went for another but as I leaned in again, I sneezed uncontrollably shooting her face with saliva and snot. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29768

You deserved it

4455

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 18/11/2012 00:41 - United States - Grand Junction

Today, I had to take my little brother to the pool. He acted like a brat the whole time, and when I told him we were leaving, he ran away, slipped, and hit his face on the tile floor. He told my dad and step-mom I punched him. They believed him, and I'm grounded for two months. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32421

You deserved it

2005

Tweet

Share

By iwillcutyou - 6/12/2018 07:30 - United States - Port Saint Lucie

Today, I work in retail and today this guy shoved me into the shelves for asking if he needed help with anything screaming at me that I need to leave him alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2557

You deserved it

138

Tweet

Share

By Courts - 28/2/2017 21:30 - Australia - Adelaide

Evil

Today, I had a shift as a carer in a high-rise disability home, and working with a lady whom was once a midwife. She had a toy baby, and was rocking it. When I asked her what she was going to do what the baby so she could come to lunch, she casually threw the baby off the balcony and shrugged. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5432

You deserved it

498

Tweet

Share

By sadsadlady - 14/12/2009 20:25 - Canada

Today, I told my husband that while he was away I had had a miscarriage. His response? "If you can't take care of our baby while it is still inside you, how can I trust you to take care of it when it comes out?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

43811

You deserved it

3486

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 3/5/2009 17:46 - United States

Today, my soccer team got our warm up t-shirts that say "You can hit on us, but you can't score." After the game, a guy behind my friend asks, "Hey what does the front of your shirt say?" I replied for her, "You can hit on us." He looked at me and my friend and said, "No thanks." FML

I agree, your life sucks

46056

You deserved it

11404

Tweet

Share

By nofooddrinkorsex - 25/8/2019 22:05 - United States

Today, my wife and I had our brand new king-size mattress set delivered. After the delivery men left, she informed me that I was no longer allowed to eat or drink in bed. Oh yeah, and we're not having sex on it either. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1755

You deserved it

226

Tweet

Share

By froyo - 26/2/2009 17:01 - United States

Today, I knew my girlfriend was having a bad day. I went to bring her frozen yogurt at work because she loves it. When I was in the elevator, I overheard her colleague saying that the reason she was upset was because she had been cheating on her boyfriend with her new intern. FML

I agree, your life sucks

107395

You deserved it

4368

Tweet

Share

By stubble - 13/11/2009 06:26 - Canada

Today, I had to meet my mother. Being a college student, I decided I was too lazy to shave this morning. She noticed the stubble on my face, and started crying because I'm growing up. I'm 23 years old. My dad yelled at me for making my mom cry. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35769

You deserved it

3467

Tweet

Share

By quickfingers100 - 22/5/2011 09:31 - United Kingdom

Today, my Dad married his fiancée, who insists I call her "mom". I'm three years older than her, and went to the same high school. She's taking me shopping next week to buy me something "nice". FML

I agree, your life sucks

80229

You deserved it

4223

Tweet

Share

By Noname - 28/1/2009 11:03 - United States

Today, I gathered the courage to participate in a class discussion. My professor laughed at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29647

You deserved it

2618

Tweet

Share

By bumpyroad - 17/4/2011 14:29 - Australia

Today, my husband and I were diagnosed with herpes. We've been together for five years and were both virgins before. Even the doctor couldn't give any other explanation. FML

I agree, your life sucks

55301

You deserved it

7609

Tweet

Share

By Darcy - 26/10/2011 06:58 - Australia

Today, my boyfriend and I were about to have sex. He passionately laid me down onto the bed, both of us fully naked. Pressing down on my shoulder, he ended up dislocating it. The pain made me pee myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47327

You deserved it

4536

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 18/4/2012 19:18 - United Kingdom - Eynsham

Today, I attempted to wax my "lady area". It hurt more than losing my virginity. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30943

You deserved it

9849

Tweet

Share

By Anon. - 28/3/2009 08:07 - United States

Today, for my girlfriend's birthday, I got her an external hard drive and my grandmother's engagement ring. When she opened both boxes, I took her hand and looked deep in her eyes and told her to pick whichever she wanted. She took the external hard drive, even though she already has one. FML

I agree, your life sucks

72622

You deserved it

14507

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 7/11/2015 13:02 - Canada - Surrey

Thanks

Today, while walking to work with my best friend, he broke down in tears. I asked what was wrong, and he told me his mom passed away last night. All I could think to do was give him a hug and say I was sorry. Then some assclown walking past said "GAAAYYY!" and walked away laughing hysterically. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29346

You deserved it

1666

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 22/11/2010 16:33 - Australia

Today, while babysitting, I brought over some colouring-in sheets as an activity. I said that I should bring some Christmas-themed ones for next time. The little girl then turned to me and said "If there is a next time." I've been put on probation by an 8-year-old. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26320

You deserved it

4056

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 13/12/2009 23:47 - United States

Today, I was accepted to college and received a scholarship equal to almost half the tuition. After sharing this news with my parents, I spent the next 35 minutes getting yelled at about how I wasn't allowed to go there because my boyfriend might go there. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40654

You deserved it

2470

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 7/9/2009 21:20 - United States

Today, I ran into my parents bedroom after I heard my name and what sounded like painful screams. When I opened the door my parents were on top of each other laughing hysterically. They needed me to find the key to the handcuffs. FML

I agree, your life sucks

61013

You deserved it

3420

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 21/4/2013 22:56 - United States

Today, I was told that I don't meet the minimum requirements for a job I applied for. I currently hold the same job, at the same facility, but just wanted a day shift. Apparently I'm not qualified for the job I've had for 2 and a half years. FML

I agree, your life sucks

52224

You deserved it

3663

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 4/12/2010 05:37 - United States

Today, at a concert, my friend grew tired of holding her bag. She asked a man to hold it, saying that he wouldn't steal it "since it was hers". I quietly told her she was too naïve and irresponsible. After the concert, I got home and noticed my wallet was stolen instead, right out of my pocket. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28034

You deserved it

5315

Tweet

Share

By Elmo - 16/2/2009 22:42 - United States

Today, is my brothers 16th birthday. He got keys to the Lexus. I'm 18, have no car, and got pajama pants and chapstick for my birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks

73587

You deserved it

4068

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By catlady4eva | 9

#6696674 - Thursday 29 September 2016 9:51

Don't worry your pay check will come soon! And if it doesn't get a new job if you can. And congratulations for securing that tender

By tigeresscrazy | 12

#6696677 - Thursday 29 September 2016 9:56

I really hope that not only do you get paid but that you get a really big bonus cause you deserve one

COMMENTS

By Darkreign333 | 23

#6696673 - Thursday 29 September 2016 9:50

tell her you won't get her another until she pays up

Reply

mariri9206 | 32

#6696707 - Thursday 29 September 2016 11:24

So, instead, OP would get fired for not doing their job. Yeah, great advice. Two thumbs waaaaay up!

By catlady4eva | 9

#6696674 - Thursday 29 September 2016 9:51

Don't worry your pay check will come soon! And if it doesn't get a new job if you can. And congratulations for securing that tender

By tigeresscrazy | 12

#6696677 - Thursday 29 September 2016 9:56

I really hope that not only do you get paid but that you get a really big bonus cause you deserve one

By RichardPencil | 28

#6696679 - Thursday 29 September 2016 9:59

You gotta be a little patient.

Once the dust settles down, you can make a stink if she stiffs you.

By farmerjoe258 | 19

#6696689 - Thursday 29 September 2016 10:12

Was it BEE

By mariri9206 | 32

#6696708 - Thursday 29 September 2016 11:27

Do you work for Donald Trump? *ba dum tss*

By Vault_Boy | 9

#6696757 - Thursday 29 September 2016 14:32

You don't work for Mylan, do you?

By Dictionaryspeaks | 18

#6696769 - Thursday 29 September 2016 15:14

Sack up brah nobody is going to give you anything even if you earn you have to show your worth and demand the equal Pay.. Or quit. Or else you'll be stuck making the same thing getting used and abused for the rest of your life :3 best of luck

By Colon_Man | 17

#6696803 - Thursday 29 September 2016 17:05

I'm not sure what any of that means, but if it's that ' you picked up a new customer' then, yes, you'll have to wait until things get settled, first.

Good work, by the way!

By RichardPencil | 28

#6696901 - Thursday 29 September 2016 23:28

Yes, but that's a quarter million South African rands. With the exchange rate, that's worth about $1.87 in US dollars.

Reply

KittieTetaz520 | 15

#6697008 - Friday 30 September 2016 7:30

Thats mildly funny. i deem you a point and a half.

Reply

Sunset_Goddess | 0

#7391837 - Wednesday 18 January 2017 22:48

I just did the conversion. It would actually be $18,349.16 in US Dollars.