Money: Today, I secured a tender for my boss, earning her 1/4 million...

By SoDamnBroke - 28/09/2016 13:13 - South Africa

Today, I secured a tender for my boss, earning her 1/4 million in profits. Today is also meant to be pay-day for us, but my boss is too busy dealing with the tender to pay her employees. So essentially, I made my boss rich while remaining broke and in debt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 602

You deserved it 942

Money

Mother of the year

Emergency room time

Real housewives

By sosadstudent - 20/04/2011 20:52 - Netherlands

Today, I realized I can tell which one of my 6 roommates has taken a dump, just based on the smell emanating from the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 654

You deserved it 4 349

By unemployed - 21/05/2009 19:16 - United States

Today, my boss came storming towards me, screaming just how tired she is with my constant bullshit. Already pissed off, I retorted that she's a bitch and should go lose some pounds. Turns out she was talking to her husband on her bluetooth headset. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 744

You deserved it 77 632

Proud

By Anonymous - 16/07/2016 12:31

Today, I found a "White Power" bumper sticker on the back of my car. I don't know what idiot thought it'd be funny to put it there, but now my neighbors think I'm a proud racist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 620

You deserved it 1 010

By Jaime - 31/03/2014 22:05 - United States - New York

Today, I went on a first date with a guy I met online. Not only was he boring, he twice excused himself to go to the bathroom and both times he came back smelling of weed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 279

You deserved it 6 799

By Anonymous - 29/12/2010 11:25 - United States

Today, my boyfriend told me he loved me for the very first time in three years. Apparently, all it took was anal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 582

You deserved it 13 234

By Fmyhair - 27/04/2009 18:39 - Norway

Today, I colored my hair. It was supposed to turn out blonde, but it became more a mix of red and brown and blonde patches. When I tried coloring everything back, a green tint was added. My hair is at the moment red, brown, blonde and green. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 170

You deserved it 38 238

By Anonymous - 22/10/2013 21:02 - United States

Today, I got a call from an angry parent telling me that I'm teaching her son and the other children in the class "wrong philosophies". This was all because I explained to the class that Michigan is divided into two parts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 317

You deserved it 2 759

By Anonymous - 27/06/2019 14:30

Today, I was so disgusted by my own body, I took a shower in the dark so I wouldn't have to look at myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 769

You deserved it 535

Pleased to meet you

By Anonymous - 18/10/2020 11:02 - United States

Today, I was eating at a restaurant when a man came up to me and said, "You're pathetic for having lunch with someone that much older than you." My dad immediately got up and punched the man in the face. My fiancé's parents had to walk in the door right as it happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 339

You deserved it 97

By SqueakingRetard - 17/01/2014 23:28 - Canada - Barrie

Today, I was walking home from work, when I slipped and fell on a patch of ice. I clambered back to my feet, made it three feet, then slipped and fell again. A guy who'd witnessed the whole thing stuck his head out of his car window and yelled "Dumbasssssss!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 205

You deserved it 6 179

By A2 - 28/06/2009 06:12 - United States

Today, I was at the movies with my mom and dad, and the preview to my "My Sisters Keeper" came on. The trailer started out with "Most babies are accidents..." Right as that line was finished my mom elbowed me and laughed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 916

You deserved it 4 959

By ravestradamus - 12/10/2009 12:34 - Australia

Today, I was enjoying some "alone time" with the detachable shower head when someone flushed the toilet, causing the cold water to run out and badly scald my genitals. It hurts to walk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 137

You deserved it 22 677

By Anonymous - 17/09/2011 08:17 - South Africa

Today, my girlfriend gave me a speech on me "not being manly enough". I started crying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 305

You deserved it 51 844

By just outdone - 31/12/2015 04:45 - United States - Turtle Lake

Today, I've been staying with my parents while I have time off from school. They got drunk and started an entire family fight because my dad made pizza and my mom is lactose intolerant. She insists my dad did it on purpose because "he's an asshole and knows I can't eat cheese." FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 661

You deserved it 1 371

By So so close to clean - 08/02/2017 10:00 - United States - Warren

Today, with words of encouragement from my mom, I vacuumed my room. After finishing and admiring my job well done, I went to put the vacuum away. It caught on the plug for my electric razor which was dangling below the dresser and yanked that and everything else that was on top of it off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 318

You deserved it 1 234

By terry - 02/11/2009 01:22 - United States

Today, I was DJing for a church event where I was stationed in the middle and everyone was sitting behind me. I walked over to get something to drink and eat and come back with glaring looks. My screensaver had came on with pictures of my naked girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 203

You deserved it 52 616

By Sanchez - 07/01/2010 17:22 - United States

Today, the doctor told me that I have Vasovagal Syncope: I pass out every time I get aroused. Bye bye sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 429

You deserved it 2 788

By soconfused - 03/03/2015 10:15 - United Kingdom - Belfast

Today, I have been at my new job for almost a month and still have no idea what I'm doing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 282

You deserved it 11 483

Pull!

By Anonymous - 08/10/2020 11:01

Today, my tie-rod snapped, forcing me into a parked car. The wheel literally flew off my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 982

You deserved it 76

By fml - 03/09/2013 06:31 - Canada - Vancouver

Today, my dad told me I was folding my laundry all wrong. I said with a smirk, "A little clothes-minded, are we?" He slapped me. Hard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 433

You deserved it 12 076

By Jen - 09/11/2010 03:36 - Australia

Today, I arrived home to find I'd been broken in to. The culprit? An obese homeless man, who I found face down, unconscious, and surrounded by muesli bar wrappers in my pantry. He broke in, ate everything in sight, soiled himself, and passed out. The worst part? The cops don't even believe me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 733

You deserved it 2 734

By sunboy52 - 05/05/2009 07:43 - United States

Today, I met my girlfriend's parents for the first time. We got on the discussion of animals, and I showed them a picture of my cat on my phone. Being a touchscreen, when her father grabbed it, it changed picture. To a picture of my girlfriend, fully nude. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 847

You deserved it 90 902

By iamamermaid - 20/01/2015 06:14 - United States - Hemet

Today, I decided to use an at-home waxing kit for the first time to get rid of the hair on my upper lip. After experiencing the trauma of waxing, I fell asleep. A few hours later, I woke up to see that I now have acne everywhere I had waxed. I have an acne mustache. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 974

You deserved it 4 767

She plays tricks on me

By Anonymous - 02/12/2019 18:00

Today, I had dinner at my girlfriend's house with her parents. Everything was going great, until after dinner when her dad pulled me aside and told me he'd heard us having sex. I was out of town all weekend for a baseball tournament. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 457

You deserved it 183

By sales ham - 06/03/2013 05:44 - United States

Today, I was reciting lines for a play that I'm in. It was going great, until I realized that I was actually reciting my scripted sales pitch from my telemarketing job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 222

You deserved it 7 926

The truth will out

By Anonymous - 29/03/2021 02:00

Today, I accidentally overheard my thesis supervisor mutter, "fucking idiot" coming out of a Zoom meeting with him. It was only me and him in the Zoom meeting, and he said it 4 seconds after saying goodbye. I just quit Zoom without saying anything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 056

You deserved it 118

By psychopumpkin - 13/05/2013 14:16 - United Kingdom - Boston

Today, I'm so strapped for cash that I smuggled toilet paper out of my mother's house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 122

You deserved it 7 291

By prian - 08/03/2010 12:08 - Canada

Today, while playing poker, I lost a stack of money to somebody with the screen name "Poopface." FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 522

You deserved it 36 227

Nightmare

By yeah - 25/10/2019 14:00 - United States

Today, my boyfriend dumped me. In Walmart. Over the loudspeaker. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 824

You deserved it 172

By kte - 30/12/2009 10:36 - United States

Today, I found out that my parents bought a stripper pole, my mom even hired a stripper to teach her some "moves." I'm scared to go in their room now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 184

You deserved it 2 602

By suze44 - 13/06/2011 14:22 - United States

Today, my father decided to "prepare" me for the real world by telling me that I'm ugly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 752

You deserved it 5 265

Truth bomb

By Anonymous - 31/10/2021 14:59 - United States - Greenville

Today, I'm realizing that it never gets better, we just get used to life being terrible. There's no point where it all gets better, just tolerable if we're lucky. FML

I agree, your life sucks 910

You deserved it 193

By Deadbed - 04/05/2019 16:00

Today, I had sex with my wife. After we finished and were cuddling, she said, "This is the part I like." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 771

You deserved it 596

What's that?

By breebree-0 - 04/03/2012 19:36 - United States

Today, I sneezed while at the office. I felt snot shoot out, but I couldn't see anything on the tissue. I ignored it and went on with my day. When I went to the bathroom hours later, I noticed a huge wad of snot had dried onto the front of my shirt. No one told me about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 063

You deserved it 4 376

By katie876 - 14/01/2012 13:34 - United States

Today, I had a band concert and my mum got kicked out. She screamed "BORING!" in the middle of it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 094

You deserved it 3 440

By Ali - 17/04/2019 02:00

Today, after drinking a half gallon of liquid laxative in preparation for a colonoscopy, I puked the half gallon of laxative. Out my nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 147

You deserved it 205

By are you kidding me - 20/10/2014 04:53 - United States - Wichita

Today, I showed up to work and my boss was nowhere to be found. A phone call later, I find out he's in Dubai. Oh, and since I'm his personal assistant, I should be able to take care of matters until he gets back. I've only been his assistant for a week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 884

You deserved it 2 682

By Mina - 08/05/2019 14:00

Today, my son came home from school with a catastrophic report card. When I asked him for explanations, he replied, "I'm hesitating between family environment and heredity." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 654

You deserved it 303

Can't win

By Anonymous - 04/08/2021 02:00 - Australia

Today, I got yelled at for staying in my room too long; got yelled at for going out of my room; got yelled at for staying at a friend's place. FML

I agree, your life sucks 821

You deserved it 68

By notapedobear - 13/01/2011 08:21

Today, I was in a shopping centre when a little girl was running up and down the aisles. She started to fall over so I put my hand out to catch her. Her mother then ran up to me and screamed about me 'touching her child' so loud that everyone could hear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 194

You deserved it 3 269

Add a comment - Reply to : #

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

catlady4eva 9

Send a private message

Thursday 29 September 2016 9:51

Don't worry your pay check will come soon! And if it doesn't get a new job if you can. And congratulations for securing that tender

mariri9206 32

Thursday 29 September 2016 11:24

So, instead, OP would get fired for not doing their job. Yeah, great advice. Two thumbs waaaaay up!

Darkreign333 23

Send a private message

Thursday 29 September 2016 9:50

tell her you won't get her another until she pays up

mariri9206 32

Thursday 29 September 2016 11:24

So, instead, OP would get fired for not doing their job. Yeah, great advice. Two thumbs waaaaay up!

catlady4eva 9

Send a private message

Thursday 29 September 2016 9:51

Don't worry your pay check will come soon! And if it doesn't get a new job if you can. And congratulations for securing that tender

tigeresscrazy 12

Send a private message

Thursday 29 September 2016 9:56

I really hope that not only do you get paid but that you get a really big bonus cause you deserve one

RichardPencil 30

Send a private message

Thursday 29 September 2016 9:59

You gotta be a little patient. Once the dust settles down, you can make a stink if she stiffs you.

farmerjoe258 19

Send a private message

Thursday 29 September 2016 10:12

Was it BEE

mariri9206 32

Thursday 29 September 2016 11:27

Do you work for Donald Trump? *ba dum tss*

Vault_Boy 9

Send a private message

Thursday 29 September 2016 14:32

You don't work for Mylan, do you?

Dictionaryspeaks 18

Send a private message

Thursday 29 September 2016 15:14

Sack up brah nobody is going to give you anything even if you earn you have to show your worth and demand the equal Pay.. Or quit. Or else you'll be stuck making the same thing getting used and abused for the rest of your life :3 best of luck

Colon_Man 17

Send a private message

Thursday 29 September 2016 17:05

I'm not sure what any of that means, but if it's that ' you picked up a new customer' then, yes, you'll have to wait until things get settled, first. Good work, by the way!