Today, I discovered my wife has been smoking weed for the past 2 years before she has sex with me. She said it was the only way she could force herself to have sex with me. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my wife has quit smoking weed. Now she can stay up all night, whereas before she fell asleep around 9 almost every night, so now I get absolutely no time to myself. FML
Today, I discovered my wife has had more sex in the last two months than I've had in the last year. FML
Today, I found out that my wife has had more sex in the last two months than I have in our last year of marriage. FML
Today, my wife decided that to help her stop smoking, she's also giving up the things that make her crave a cigarette. Sex is one of them. FML
Today, I confronted my wife because I thought the many hours a day she spends at a local coffee shop were so she could smoke. Turns out she's cheating on me. FML
Today, my wife accused me of using her for sex. I'd only just admitted to her two days ago that I've been struggling to get it up to try and perform, after a hospital stay and a month of almost no sexual contact. FML
Today, after secretly smoking for more than two years, I decided to quit. I came home from work to see my wife holding a pack and asking me what was it doing behind the toilet seat. FML
Today, my wife has been super into sex lately, she even let me try some of the stuff she said no to before, and even surprised me with some of the kinky stuff she’s always wanted to try. Sounds great, right? Nope. Turns out she was overcompensating from the guilt of also fucking my coworker. FML
Today, my wife told me she was pregnant. I don't remember having sex since last year. FML
Today, I found out my wife is pregnant. The problem is she convinced me to get a vasectomy two years ago. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
bittersweets 2
on the other hand: how nice of her to think of your needs
calcboi 0
Maybe it's because you're SO big you hurt her, and weed is the only thing that relaxes her enough to make the pain go away. Lolz.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (104)
maryk 0
at least she's trying.
phreek22 0
oh i know the feeling my bf smokes for most of the day . it makes me feel like somethings wrong with me ...
chwder912 3
(_̅_̲̅̅_̅_̲̅м̲̅a̲̅я̲̅l̲̅j̲u̲̅an̲̅a̲̅̅_̅_̅_̅()~~ Stoners live, stoners die, but in the end we all get high. So if in life you dont succeed, **** it all, just smoke some weed!
brianjman14 23
AMEN!
hassenpfeffermmm 0
You must always plan sex if she knows when to smoke it. That does sound boring.
dianaalove 0
Hahaha, dang, that's sad.
bryceizbombin 0
******* win for weed! alrighty then :) and for anyone who disagrees with "plant abuse" because weed isn't a ******* drug, understand I respect people who choose not to smoke why can't you respect people who do?
volleyballchick9_fml 0
wow your wife is a drugy, FINE SOMEONE else
evanedwards85 6
simplesimplicity sounds like a complete bitch, i'd hate to know her
GreenTr33 3
I know everyone is entitled to their opinion but whats with all the hate for weed.. Sure it can be bad for you, but with everything else it is all in moderation. I smoke weed and personally, I love it and in no way show the "signs" that all these people are saying. I'm not empty headed in anyway but infact more charismatic, I smoked during highschool and never failed a class but infact aced my classes. This is my opinion and I know more then half of the people here will thumbs down me or whatever but if you havent tried it don't talk like you know everything about it. Thank you for your time, and in the words of Marley, excuse me while I light my spliff :)
droxursox319 8
How did you not smell it? Weed smells so rank.